The Wolowitz Excitation by Tim Scharf - Series, Comedy, Spec - Leslie Winkle returns after a long absence accompanied by a small boy whose resemblance to a member of the gang stirs up trouble.  47 pages - pdf, format

My first stab at this writing thing.  Don't be gentle, but please be constructive.  I'd appreciate any feedback you can offer.  Thanks.

Tim-

Read the first 3 pages. Agree with DS on the formatting, though TV, unlike the big screen, is much more liberal in the proper format options, so I don't think yours is totally off the grid. Just needs some cleanup.

More of an issue for me was the dialogue. Totally on the nose, and just not how people naturally converse. Read it out loud, or better yet, get others to participate.

Good luck.

Thanks for looking guys.  I'm not quite sure what you mean about the format.  I basically copied, as best I could, what I found here:

http://www.zen134237.zen.co.uk/Big_Bang_Theory/

I will look into those programs though.  How do they compare to Final Draft and is that worth the investment?

Any chance you could be more specific about the problems you had with the dialogue Bogey?  Perhaps an example of what you found to be too on the nose and how I might change it?

Thanks again.

Tim-

Here's an example of what I meant, first the dialogue as you wrote it, followed by that scene how I'd write it. There's never any right or wrong way, just different styles (I took out that condom reference - made me gag). Dialogue takes a lot of practice, especially comedy. You'll be amazed how different your writing will look a month from now.
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YOUR SCENE:

WOLOWITZ
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What’s wrong with your with your car anyway?

KOOTHRAPPALI
I had to have it thoroughly cleaned. My little princess got ahold of something that made her sick on the way home from our walk to the beach.

WOLOWITZ
That’s going to take a whole week? What was it?

KOOTHRAPPALI
It was a nasty mess dude. I think it was a condom.

WOLOWITZ
Ugh, sorry I asked.

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MY SUGGESTED:

WOLOWITZ
What's the deal with your car?

KOOTHRAPPALI
At one of those detailing places for like a week. Don’t ask.

WOLOWITZ
What? Your dog shit in it or something.

KOOTHRAPPALI
No, that would be an improvement. My angelic little daughter.  Projectile vomiting. Ever see The Exorcist? That was spitting compared to this.

Wolowitz cringes.
     

I'm not sure there is anything wrong with your formatting after reading the Big Bang shite. I'm not a fan of TV, especially US sitcoms, or any sitcom that has canned laughter made after 1989. Also not sure there is anything wrong with the dialogue. Seems to me, that's how sitcoms work.

What I do find wrong with this is that you are taking another writer's characters and writing your own script based around them. It's OK to do that for fun, like a fan script. But generally, as writers, we should seek to create our own stuff.

You could try sending it to the creators... they may be so impressed they offer you a job, who knows. Good luck.

Quoted from DustinBowcot You could try sending it to the creators... they may be so impressed they offer you a job, who knows. Good luck.

He's not wrong. And you should. This does happen on occasion. I'd read your script, but I'm not a fan of Big Bang either.

R

Bogey:  It seems that your problems with the dialogue are more personal than technical?  But it did make me think about it, which I appreciate.  I realized that some of it was unnecessary and I started trimming.

If the condom bit made you gag, then mission partially accomplished.  It was supposed to be a bit disgusting and draw a reaction.  It was also supposed to get a chuckle, but that's not everyone's brand of humor.  Either way thanks for taking the time.

Dustin:  I find it to be a challenge to write another creator's characters.  It's more difficult than starting from scratch because you have pre-established constraints.  You can't just do whatever you want because the characters have a well established history and personality to which you must conform.  I just thought I had a good idea, so I tried writing to see if I could bring it to life.

Rendevous:  I'd love to get this to the shows producers if I could find a way.  It's not really about that though.  I just want to write to exercise my muscles and get better as I go.

DS741:  Formatting is highly confusing.  Especially when you are not writing wholly original material.

Anyway, thanks for all the comments.  If anyone else who knows the show could take a look and comment, it would much appreciated.

Quoted from Tman Dustin:  I find it to be a challenge to write another creator's characters.  It's more difficult than starting from scratch because you have pre-established constraints.  You can't just do whatever you want because the characters have a well established history and personality to which you must conform.  I just thought I had a good idea, so I tried writing to see if I could bring it to life.

I find it a lot easier with the characters already done for me. I used to do fan stuff as a kid.