Cloak & Dagger : The Series by Mark Kees Miller - Series, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A science fiction based on the titled characters from Marvel Comics. 38 pages - pdf, format

Ok, is anyone else getting a bright yellow highlight on every line in this work?

Quoted from TonyDionisio Ok, is anyone else getting a bright yellow highlight on every line in this work?

Yes.

Yep, from me too, up until page 4, and oh dear, some very weird formatting going on - double spaced lines of dialogue and weird wrylies <  >.

And Mark, re your logline - that'd be 'as guinea pigs'. Doesn't bode well for getting into your actual story.

Ya, but read his words. It's either mad jibberish or hilariously brilliant. Who knows.

The story is definitely there and I did enjoy reading the whole thing but some tightening of the action lines would suitable for example, you keep telling us about the characters and their backstories in the action line so we have all the information but if this was on TV the audiences don't have the script so they don't have all the information and it ends up being confusing to them.

Another thing to note is that the script has some serious formatting errors. I would fix them as quickly as possible.

The dialogue also could use some work while in some pages the dialogue sounds natural most of the time it felt forced and something a real person wouldn't say. When writing dialogue make sure to read it out loud (this is what I do to make my dialogue sound natural).

Some pages are overwritten. So just keep it simple enough that we understand the setting and what's going on.

I'm assuming English is not your first language some parts of the screenplay seem to indicate something like that. So don't rely so much on a spell checker they are usually okay but tend to miss something in the phrasing or the spelling itself sometimes.

Personally, I think is an okay first effort it's definitely a lot better than mine when I first started.