Dr. Cole: The Pornstar Psychiatrist by Eddie Brown - Series, Comedy - An in-studio psychiatrist that caters to the needs of adult film stars struggles to keep his professional life and his personal life separate. 35 pages - pdf, format

Some starting points --
The logline and general premise intrigued me, but....

Page 1 -

- "A MAN walks out of a restaurant" - You then switch the character to GUY #1 - It should be MAN #1
- "A girl charges him" - ROXY should be introduced and described now. Not in the next scene.
- After your scene heading, you write -- "Across from him sits Roxy Styles" -- Across from who? You haven't introduced anyone yet.
- What exactly are Godless occupations? Wouldn't the majority of jobs fit that description.

Page 2-3

- I didn't find this exchange of dialog to be credible.
- "Cole is confused" - So am I. I had no idea what that bit of dialog was supposed to mean.

Only got to page 4. Sorry, but if you are going for comedy, I'm afraid this just isn't my thing.

On the title page, put the episode title (in this case, Pilot) on a separate line in quotes.

There seems to be an error in the scene where Cole is introduced. I think you meant to start the scene with the paragraph that begins "A psychiatrist, COLE HARPER..."

Also, get rid of the numbers on the scenes.

The slug for the scene at the high school should be EXT. HIGH SCHOOL - DAY. If Cole's car is a necessary description, but it in the action paragraph, not the slug.

Either take out Jay's line about asking where Callie's new place is, or have Cole tell us instead of showing us. The way it is right now feels strange.

This really doesn't feel like a comedy, it doesn't even seem like there are attempts to be funny in here. The other big problem is that it doesn't seem like Cole cares about Jonas. He tells Charlotte to get away from his kid, but he doesn't do anything to handle the fact that a naked woman just entered a room where his son is.

I read up to page 12. I may be interested in reading further if you fix the issues, specifically the comedy and Cole/Jonas issues.