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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Last Man Off Earth Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: December 12th, 2020, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Last Man Off Earth by Noah Fischel - Series, Sci Fi, Fantasy, Animation - Mitchell is an ego-centric mechanic on his own after the rest of the human race up and leaves the planet. Unknown to him, Humanity is doing just fine, living in a science fiction utopia. Mitchell, on the other hand, sees himself as the main character in a gritty, space-horror. What is it like when you're the Last Man Off Earth? - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice


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DustinBowcot
Posted: December 18th, 2020, 3:17pm Report to Moderator
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EXT. ANTARCTIC TUNDRA - OUTSIDE: DAY (TIME: NIGHT)

The cold wind blows the falling snow around Antarctic dunes.
The light outside looks like it's plain light out in noon,
even though it is night. Such is living at the southern ice
cap.



Your first action block not only ends in an orphan but it is also overwritten. Film is a visual medium. You don't need to tell us it's cold when it is set in the antarctic and snow is falling. It's a given.

Wind blows falling snow over Antarctic dunes.

Also, why tell us what something looks like, when we can see what it looks like?

I think the best way to get this message across without telling us in the script and it being impossible to visualise, would be to write it in a SUPER under your header. So in your header, have DAY, then use a SUPER to indicate it is 2100 hours or whatever.
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