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Stomping Grounds: Iced Vanilla Latte by Austin Bennett - Series, Drama - Stomping Grounds focuses on our star, the nameless Barista, and his interactions with the patrons from his coffee shop and the wine bar. 5 pages - pdf format
Stomping Grounds: Champs by Austin Bennett - Series, Drama - Second episode introduces the wine bar, and a group of friends meet a new friend over a bottle of champagne. 8 pages - pdf format
Drive by comments while I have my early morning caffeine fix. Brain cells still asleep, don't take me too seriously.
What is everyone's fascination with coffee shop scenes on this site? I swear I've read like 6 or 7 in the past few months.
You know, out of all the title suggestions I've read, I kinda like 'stomping grounds.'
Haha...luv the Iced vanilla latte reference.
This one little thing, kinda caught my eye.
Quoted Text
His name tag reads GORGE, but that's not his name.
I was wondering why you just didn't tell us? Inquiring minds wanna know.
Tough to judge a series after 5 pages - I’d have to read a few more episodes in order to provide more constructive feedback, but I do like the idea and tone. Dialogue, too. Ok, most notably here, I’m hooked enough to read on, to see where you're headed with it.
Gorge aside, um, I'm wondering if this will be one continuous story, with recurring characters , or will each episode be stand alone? _ghostie girl.
Alright. Gonna go ahead and admit that I'm definitely not the target audience. At first glance I could have sworn this was a comedy. Still, I told you I'd read it, so I am.
Heads up. I really suck at "reviews", so I'm just gonna ramble off my thoughts. Hopefully, some of this helps you. If not, feel free to dismiss my opinion entirely. I'm just another idiot on the internet.
Notes as I read.
PG 1
"EXT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Beautiful spring day as JACK (32, handsome, with a wedding ring) sits at an open window seat chewing on a sandwich."
It's not immediately clear that Jack is supposed to be sitting INSIDE the Coffee Shop. As written, I initially thought Jack was sitting outside next to a window.
PG 2
"BARISTA Hey! I haven't seen you since that Pride party with the sling in the kitchen! How you've been?"
How you've been? should be... How've you been?
PG 3
"EXT. LUXURY HOME - DAY
Three levels. Glass. Wood. Sporting a spectacular view."
I love this description. So simple, yet so effective.
PG 4
"Jack pushes Trey against the counter and they kiss. Trey melts under Jack's touch.
JACK (cont'd) Do you wanna get fucked?"
Wow. That escalated quickly! Yeah, I'm definitely not the target audience. Lmao.
And done. For the most part, the writing is very good. A very quick and efficient read. The dialog was good for the most part, though some of it didn't really ring as true. But then again, I've got no clue how two horny gay dudes talk when they are alone. Lol
Here's my biggest issue... In the logline, you claim that the Barista is the star. This is misleading. The Barista is barely in the script and has no real impact on the story at all. Unless I'm missing something, which is entirely possible. Maybe episode 2 will clear this up?
Over, an interesting little script. I'm curious to hear what others think.
Happy to have you back on the boards, Austin. Looking forward to reading more from you.
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Stomping Grounds
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