Dead Ends (sitcom pilot) by  Robert Spence - Series, Comedy, Sitcom - This focuses on struggling actor Todd, and the situations him and his circle get into as they manoeuvre the creative space. 26 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thank you for publishing your script on this website for us all to read. I absolutely love the title of the episode (or the possible series) and I think there is so much potential. There was some really clever dialogue such as "well hopefully your acting is still as bad as your come backs" or in response to being late "for your wedding?"

I would have loved some more description regarding the space. What does the, bedroom, kitchen, hallway etc look like?

I am uncertain if this was done on purpose or not so please do excuse me, but some of the dialogue could be elevated with some tiny tweaks. The phrase "this is a Prada" in fashion terms is incorrect, you would say "this is Prada" however this may have been added for comedic affect.

The dialogue - I also need somewhere with office space where I can start working on my play, and I’m sick of living with disgusting boys - could sound more natural when changed to - I need somewhere with office space so I can work on my play. I’m sick of living with boys.

Sometimes you describe what is about to happen rather than letting us read the dialogue to find out ourselves. It staggers the flow slightly

All in all I think there is so much possibility and I think the concept is absolutely fabulous!

Hi Rob Jon

Thank you for checking out my script. You're not the first person who has commented about the weakness in the description, so this is definitely something I will work on for the next draft. Regarding your comments on certain parts of the dialogue needing work, I'll revisit these to make them sound more natural.

Also thank you for the kind words about the potential of the script.

Rob