Fate by Matt C - Short, Drama, Teenage - Daniel is fourteen. He is young, bright and has a good looking future. Then something goes wrong. As Daniel comes to grip with his new revelations, he bears his soul on the line, all into a portable camera. - html* format.

Something I have noticed with these short scripts, that is they feel too short! 

What you have here is very quick and to the point. Certainly  could be easily filmed. Maybe it would've been interesting to see what the father says, but on the other hand, it's also interesting to leave it unanswered.

I don't know, if you can film it is what I say.

Okay, don't get me wrong.  I love short.  I love good stories that can be told in a short span of time.

Prepare for harsh reality, my friend.  Nothing personal.  But this is just a pointless half a minute of gratuitous pornography.  And if you do plan to shoot this, I'm sure there are segments you yourself will enjoy.  But maybe your best bet would be to charge $19.95 to watch it on pay per view.  However you risk people complaining unless you extend your sex scenes, so maybe consider that.

I mean, why do I give a...ahem...damn about Daniel?  You just have a kid sitting there - nowhere do you mention his name - so even if I were to watch this, I wouldn't know it anyway.  Secondly I don't feel anything for the kid because you don't really bother to explore the character other than to intertwine a series of images that don't connect very well together, so why would I really care that he's gay and he's having a real personal problem with it?

The emotion is not there my friend, as much as you try to make there be.

Why do you make him so stereotypically gay?  14, crying his eyes out, and after he makes one statement that could possibly make him halfway intriguing.  But then he does a 180 and he's bawling, which makes him seem silly because you don't define the emotion he's going through ahead of time.  (You start out on a good note, which is to pose a hypothetical question to the audience.  "You know the feeling you get..." that's a good opener.) 

Why point out the obvious?  "He's a homophobe"?  With movies, the idea is to show, not tell.  That's an extraneous line I don't think you need.

All in all, like I said, consider extending the sex scenes and selling this to Showtime. 

Well I'm inclined to agree with Lesley.  Sad to say, Matt, your script included little but some random sex scenes and what..like, twenty seconds worth of dialogue?

As fotonut says, it's quick and to the point.  At least, it's quick to the sex.  Which is, apparently, the point.  It's funny if you think about it.

-Chris

Now after reading what everyone's said here, is this script a joke?  I mean seriously... Mat C reply

maybe?  hey stordanerril

Hi there. Matt C here. I wrote "Fate". A lot of people are probably asking why I took the time to write this absolute crap. Well, even I hate Fate. It's too short and nothing more than simple pornography. If you asked me why I wrote it in the first place, there is no real reason. I was bored and out of ideas for Shakira and I decided to write something that maybe someone in the world could actually relate to because there are quite a few fourteen year old gay people out there whos fathers are homophobes, maybe. I wrote the sequel to it as an experiment to see if I can write something emotional for Shakira.

I realized after posting it that I can't force emotion onto people, they have to find it for themselves. Keep the replies coming and hopefully, one of these days, I'll actually write something good.

Adios Muchachos

Yeah... interesting way of reaching out to the people, chism.  I'd like to ask you, can you yourself relate to what you wrote?  otherwise what's your connection to 14 year old gay boys?  a personal interest?

not a personal attack.  just a question. 

but you know, it sucks even you hate your own work.  and unfortunately, it shows.

I thought the Fate was pretty good. If you edited the sex scene out, and added more character development, I think it could be a good thing.

What you were saying about gay teens with homophobe fathers, I think it's true. I have a friend who's 13 who's gay. He hasn't told his father, cause his father isn't real big on homosexuality.

Anyways, I was wondering if I could have your permission to edit this script and make an indie film out of part 1 and 2 mixed.