Nice sig by the way!

Thank you!

PS - Next weeks weather looks set to be in around 17 degrees average in London, so bring layers in case you get hot. After then the weather should hopefully stay good!

Have fun  

Don't mind me.  Just reading at work haha.

I remembered "R.I.P." alright.  I was thinking features, but I guess this will have to do.  Sure would like to have a glimpse of "Devil's Peak", though.  I don't know how much feedback you are craving on this anymore, but I came away with a few things.

(some spoilers here)

You mispelled Tourette's syndrome.  Maybe you already know that by now, and in fact, I am not even sure that how I have spelled it is right.

You seemed mostly concerned with dialogue, and you did it well here.  For example, the exchange:  "I'm scared" "Of what?" "Are you a religious man?"

Answering a question with a question -- going for subtext rather than on-the-nose dialogue.  You do that pretty well throughout, with your characters responding to each other in ways that are not -- well, I guess "linear" is as good a word as anything.  They almost respond to themselves as opposed to the other character.  So yeah, you did a good job with what you set out to do.

My only real beef is that the Woman (OK, two beefs:  Give her a name!) seemed more confused than anything.  The reasons behind what she planned to do were never really answered to my satisfaction.  She has a monologue about this, well-written, but not quite compelling enough for her drastic plans.  One suggestion might be to remove the "kids" angle -- if she were childless, we might buy into her sorrow a little more -- and it would certainly make her more sympathetic.  I found it frightening that she could be so cavalier about leaving them behind, frankly.

So, this is a satisfying short that goes down pretty easy.  Nice and quick.  Ends well.

You mentioned that maybe this was going to be filmed.  Did that ever happen?  And am I the only one who sees Jason Alexander as Ralph?

Bert,
Thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked it. As I've mentioned before - I feel I've come a long way since I wrote this (this was my first script) and I have learned a lot.

I read it now and find it a 'little' preachy, but that's okay. Totally understand about the kids angle - never thought about that before. if I ever decide to re-write it, then maybe that will be changed.

And yes - you're spot on. I molded Ralph around Jason Alexander - well caught. Which makes me happy, that means that I was able show what I intended.

As for filming - I've had 6 different requests to film it, but I had already decided on PawPrint Productions to film it. They haven't started yet (though they had someone lined up for the woman).

Bert - I couldn't find a link to Someplace Nice and Dark. Is it still on here?

Stew,

Link to Someplace Nice and Dark - http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b=short,m=1120591666


Don

Perfecto!

Thanks Don. I tried searching on it using the search function. I was able to find Bert's Salvage, but not this one.

Weird.

Quoted from MacDuff ...which makes me happy, that means that I was able show what I intended.

Wow...that was your intent?

That should make you feel excellent, man!

(And thanx for the assist, Don  )