I wanted to send in more, but... I've opted to go it with a short story from my "WHAT A LONG STRANGE TRIP IT's BEEN 2" screenplay.

It's entitled "MIDNIGHT SNACK" it's 22 pages and a very interesting take on the Vampire genre. It's not at all filled with gore and violence, but rather comdey and suspence.

A true What if mind bender in this one. The inspiration of this work comes from a great friend of mine who helped me with the concept. I took it into a slightly different approach than ours together, but it's stil a class act.

Again, it's not loaded with mulitple murders and other gruesome misfortunes. This is a different kind of Vampire tale.

I think my dialouge and suspence in story, not to mention the vauge comedy spots really sell this one.

Also note that this is intended for a 5 part movie. This is the closing story in the movie. So the effect of need and longing for more, might be there for lack of the other stories. Add to this, the version sent is the 1st draft and not my final draft where I added a lot of supplemental corner stones from the other stories.

In the end... I want you all to read it and tell me what you think of it. It's a different kind of story and it's a bit strange, but it's also well written and the dialouge is very clever.

Please check it out when it's posted and give me some feedback.

Balt.

Midnight Snack by Cary Krepps - Short, Horror - A vampire tale with a twist. No killing, and no violence... until the brutal shocking end. More of a what if story -- What if a vampire and a serial killer crossed paths? What if the vampire was infact the serial killer?  This is the fith and final story on my "WHAT A LONG STRANGE TRIP IT's BEEN 2" screenplay. I give much credit to my good friend J.D. who help me take a not so good concept and turn it into one hell of a fresh concept. If you are looking for violence and brutal killings, don't read it. If you are in for a new take on the vampire genre and some funny comedy spots, mixed with a level of suspence and telling... then you'll love "MIDNIGHT SNACK" 22 pages and the HUB story is taken off the beginning and end for more understaning reading. - html format.

Script Removed by Request of the Author

YES! Finally! Thanks a million DON... I'm sorry for being so... so... well... so impatient for the last couple of weeks.

Anyway... To all, please read this little tale. It's short. It's kinda new. It's a little different.

Leave any feedback you'd like... good or bad.

Ordinarily I would offer a critique via PM so it is more frank and one on one. Given the fact that you don't want me to PM you and don't read my PM's. I am not sure what to do.

I could offer my comments up publicly, but considering earlier ill will I wonder if my comments would be met with petty anger and misunderstanding. This would be useless for both of us.

Let me know if you would like to hear my comments and how you would like them delivered.

Then why would you even post here? Get goin... Don't waste time or space. leave... get gone. Where is don with the flurry and the mod?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Anyway, no PAULA anything coming from you would not be something i'm interested in hearing. Thank you anyway though.

However, this is a very early draft... my 1st draft actually. I wrote this well over 3 years ago to be exact.

It's changed a bit, but not much. The grammar errors are cleaned up. The spelling is spot on and the twist at the end is ajarring.

Anyway... I welcome anyone else who wants to read this. I'd like to hear from GOOSE and R.E. on it as they were the only two who actually read and understood WALSTIB.

I can't wait for some more of my work posted. WALSTIB and COFFIN CANYON are both being nominated for WALTERS, but... I don't think I'll walk away a winner against guys & GALS like R.E. and GOOSE and ANDY.

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One last note... PAULA... you know what don said, right? Why even come into one of my topics? I stay away from yours and you stay away from mine. We'll be fine.

I see no reason to edit or remove Paula's comments.

Don

Balt,

    Um, not really what I'm into, but it was okay. The only problem I mainly had was that for being a short script it was very slow paced. Your dialogue was interesting, sometimes edgy. You say it's more of a drama/comedy/horror type script, truthfully I didn't find anything dramatic in the script and I only read two scenes that I would call humorous; the scene with Eva in the club with Kevin, Ray, and Tony and the scene when the drunken guy passes out in front of Eva. It was just a little hard to believe a vampire chick trying to be funny, that blew the realism of the story for me.

    I have a question though, why is she so damn picky on who she's going to eat?

SPOILER - SPOILER - SPOILER - SPOILER - SPOILER - SPOILER - SPOILER

The ending, it was VERY predictable that something wasn't right with that man. You say that you had a different ending originally, what was it?

It's shorter now.
The ending is much more hidden.
The ending is also different in the fact that EVA is actually both and not just one. "I don't want to spoil it for anyone."

The stranger is just that... oh and what is talked about in the papers too.

it's hard to convey here, but it works when you read the final draft. This draft is over 3 years old and is my un-tampered with 1st draft.

The grammar and spelling is a bit off in this draft. It's fixed in the final drafts.

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as for your questions of her being so picky... she needed blood that was pure... she needed blood that was whole. Blood that wasn't gonna turn toxic in her system and well... turn her like she was looking.

The stranger was actually there to throw you off in this draft. The real killer in the papers was actually EVA and she made mention of this early on. The wife was killed last year, the stranger actually gets his revenge by a not so conventional way.

Also, the comedy spots were very rough here in this draft, cause it was so long ago. I think it wasn't so much funny or comedy it was just witty moments.

My favorite is the scene where she talks to the man about his blood type and rare blood diseases he might have.

Also... the scene with the drunk guy and the stranger in the stall was pretty funny if you look at it in a different light.

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I warned everyone it was a bit slow paced. What kind of action can you really put into it when it's not about killing? It's about her and her quest before midnight. I wanted everone to know that it wasn't all out gore, violence and action... it is infact slow and kinda drawn out, but that is why it works for me.

I'm glad you read it and loved hearing your feedback... I'm also glad that you noted that it wasn't what your into, but you still posted anyway. You showed me no biased and gave me your truth. Thank you very much.

I hope my insight helped you understand a bit more about the story and what I was going for.

BALT.

Also... remember this is ment for WALSTIB 2... it's the last story in a movie of 5 with a hub story. It actually does kind of loose it's steam when viewed by itself.

Don't look at this as a stand alone... look at it as it is 1 part of 5 other stories that work together to convey a bigger picture.

That is what makes WALSTIB 1,2 & 3 so new... all 15 stories and their 3 hubs all work together to make the final movie have merit. They are all just pieces of a puzzle.

When you view them all together... your eyes will open up better. It's a very incredible concpet. Nothing has ever been done like it before and I don't think anything will be done like it afterwards.

WALSTIB is a heavy concept with a shocking look at reality and a certin "I never thought of that behind it"

While you might say "said" story is predictable... the big picture here in lies... is far far far from predictable.

It's all about pace and what wins the race.

Quoted from baltis, posted July 19th, 2004, 1:14am at here Anyway... I welcome anyone else who wants to read this. I'd like to hear from GOOSE and R.E. on it as they were the only two who actually read and understood WALSTIB.

What about me, Cary? I read WALSTIB and gave rather clear and thorough criticism, I think. Sure, I had some problems with it, but that doesn't mean I didn't understand it. You seem to think that if someone doesn't like your work then they just don't "get" it.

Quoted Text I can't wait for some more of my work posted. WALSTIB and COFFIN CANYON are both being nominated for WALTERS, but... I don't think I'll walk away a winner against guys & GALS like R.E. and GOOSE and ANDY.

I would like to read more of work, but it's all gone. I didn't get a chance to read Coffin Canyon before you took it off.

I don't know much about the Walters, I was away from the board when it was organized, but shouldn't a nominated screenplay be available to read on the SimplyScripts site in order for it to be eligible to win? That would make sense to me.

Oh, I forgot....

I haven't read Midnight Snack yet, should I bother? You haven't agreed with my opinions in the past, does that mean that they are also of no value to you? I'll glady read it and write a review if you want.

Yes for sure... REED you are most welcome... I actually loved your crit on WALSTIB... even though I think you were a bit to hard on it... I believed it was honest and it actually made me go back and change a few things in the final draft of it.

So please, feel free to post away your thoughts on MIDNIGHT SNACK... good or bad.

Also, Yeah, I took down WALSTIB and COFFIN CANYON and was going to put them up again in different versions, but when don went on vaccation they sort of got lost between him and bodage and me not wanting to post them again.

I am going to post the newer versions with all the spelling, grammar and story changes soon.

I just wanted this one to have a chance to be on it's own... I do think that MIDNIGHT SNACK has merit of being a story all off to it's self, but at the same time even loses some of it's appeal in the process.

It's a doubles sided sword really...

Anyway... I really like MIDNIGHT SNACK and like it's non horror approach. It's a little new for me actually.

Anyway again... please reed feel free to blast away... I love your honest nature...

Hey baltis.

I will start off by saying that I don't really know how to review in a professional way, so I'm sorry if none of this is very helpful. I just say what comes to me lol.

I just read Midnight Snack and I quite liked it. I like how you describe things, providing lots of detail without rambling on for half a page. Very concise. I was able to picture everything clearly in my head which made it more enjoyable to read. There are the odd grammatical errors etc, but they are few and far between and don't detract from the script. I know this isn't a final draft anyway so there's no point in going on about that.
I liked the comedy. I thought the bit where Ray and Kevin use the same excuses twice was funny, and it's good how you include hidden meanings in some of the lines, that WE understand, but others don't for example:

HANDSOME MAN
I'm willing to bet you have more than a few skeletons in your closet.
         
EVA
(smiles)
You'd be surprised.

Nice use of dramatic irony there  . There is some stuff that I'm not quite sure about though.

***MAJOR SPOILERS***

Having read your replies to other people's posts, you're saying that one of Eva's many victims was The Grim Man's wife and he wants revenge? If so, I like this twist. Although it IS obvious that there is something odd about him and his family, we don't know exactly WHAT is wrong with him, and I thought it was cool when you find out he's a werewolf, because all the hints (the scene with him and his children and the moon behind the clouds) suddenly fall into place. However, I only know because of one of your posts. It doesn't come across in your script. Maybe in the final scene you could open on the family picture we've already scene, show them eating, and then show a newspaper clipping about the cannibal killer that is SPECIFIC to THAT victim (the wife). I think it would be clearer then that he killed and ate Eva because she did the same to his wife.

I also don't understand how OLDEST BOY's line "Just... Just to be safe... You know what happened last year." relates to them being short of food. Had he said "I know you're worried, because of what happened last time..." or something like that, I would've thought "OH! Because the wife went into the city searching for food and Eva killed her", but as the line stands, I don't see how it relates and I'm pretty sure it's SUPPOSED to relate because it seems like such a prominent line. Can you explain it to me?

I get that Eva needed pure blood to become "whole". If she doesn't get it, she will start to wither away, and this was shown by her skin cracking, and her fangs coming out uncontrollably (because only when she's WHOLE will she be able to fully control her abilities? That’s how I saw it). However, I didn't understand the reflection thing. It suggested to me that if she didn't get the blood, she was going to turn back into a human. Is this right? If so, I don't like it, because it seems significant yet it isn't at all explained. If this ISN'T the case, what's with the reflections coming into view?

Eva and The Grim Man only bumped into each other by chance. This means the man wasn't hunting her, but saw her and realised who she was, so took the opportunity to avenge his wife's death. Therefore, I think the moment where she introduces herself needs a little something extra. I would imagine that as a creature of the night himself, it takes him no time at all to make the link that a vampire could be this cannibal killer that's been in the papers and killed his wife. However, I just think that SOMETHING needs to happen where he knows for sure that she's a vampire, so that he can make that link. Maybe he could catch a glimpse of her fangs or something?

I know these things may be clearer in the 5 story version, but as a stand alone I was left slightly confused, and since you've put it on the site by itself, I think it should make sense to the reader WITHOUT the rest.

***END OF SPOILERS***

Despite being confused about a couple of things, I really liked it. I did find it to be clever and I love the twist ending (just make it clearer). The little hints are subtle throughout so nothing definite is given away before the moment you CHOOSE to reveal all. It's obvious that you've paid a lot of attention to these details and it's paid off. I can't wait for you to answer my questions, as I'm sure that when I understand things better, I'll like it even more!

Ian

Alright IAN... just poping in to finish off my last reviews before I take some time away from the boards... I'm glad you're giving it your time and opening your mind to all it's faults and other such hidden meanings. It shows you actually payed close attention thru out what you've read thus far.

So on with the on... I'll answer the questions you seek.

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The wife being killed by EVA is a diveresion really, nothing more. The final draft of the screenplay plays out much different than anything here... well, not really, but sort of.


The GRIM MAN a.k.a. "the stranger" his wife actually starved to death in the woods, thus they ran out of food... thus, the boy implies that if they don't get one more for the winter it won't be good. Also, he says remember what happened last year, in a ironic way of saying mom died cause of it... even though I never came out and said... yeah she died.
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Eva's reflection in the mirror is a slow process really. It's more like she was loosing her blood line to her own self and lust for blood.

She began to vamp out, wither and sort of flake into her real form, only uncontrollably. Her reflection in the mirror is actually a reflection of her inner ugly coming out. She is sort of reminded of how much she needs this blood in doing it this way. I know it's a bit "un-vampire like" however, it was also a new take on it.

See, we start out with her having no reflection "if you remember" and then we slowly move on as she keeps striking out and coming up with nothing... sort of taunting her with grim reality in the process.

Had I not shown herself in the mirror, she would not know just how severe the situation would have been. Atleast I think so anyway... even though she already knew the rules of the game as she's been cursed with it for sometime. She still has her weakness and vunerablity to the matter too.
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The man wasn't hunting for her persay... merily awaiting his next victim. He could tell what she was and what her game was... he's a werewolf... he can sense many things that most can't.

This version has him as the killer and her as the stalker. The final draft takes a turn here and kind of twist it to where... "who is who" Was the man the real killer or was she the real killer...

I hint at it in this version, but it's fully realized in the final draft.
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In the end, the hub story to WALSTIB 2 is much more diverse and varried than the one in WALSTIB... it ties each character into 1 point and time... it's funnier, it's more sprawled out and makes you look at all the references in WALSTIB 1 all over again.

There are so many instances in WALSTIB 2 that make you say wow... I remember in WALSTIB where that was in it or... a part where they use a reference to characters from the 1st WALSTIB.

For instance...

In the opening of the movie... are main character sits in a new chinese diner -- he flips thru the paper and the front page reads

-- Search for the missing 8 PLACID PINES residents still on --

This is a direct pull and tie to GRUFF, which is the 1st story of WALSTIB 1... it also makes the opening of WALSTIB 2 mean something.

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Anyway, in the end... MIDNIGHT SNACK is a neat little tale and was actually my 1st stab at a vampire movie. It's not fantastic, but when put with the other 4 stories... it seems to come together with the inovative hub all the more.

In closing... You're a fantastic reader, you are able to pick up and take into account many hidden meanings and tie ins... cover ups and ploys. You know my way of writting and it's clever to see how you un-covered all my secerets.

You saw the moon being covered up
You saw the paper clippings for more than they were
You never really jumped to a conclusion
You knew that it could have went either way in the end

I'm glad you gave it your time and I hope the above helps you understand WALSTIB 1 & 2 better, not to mention this story aswell.  

I set out to write a story that "COULD" go either way... was she the killer? was he the killer? We know she's a vampire... is he simply a man who eats human flesh... or something more?

I think... I pulled this off.

A quick review.

I think you can set the mood very well and EVA persona is quickly established. The writing is clear.

The plot moves slow and in the end, it seemed a bit pointless, you've established such a good character only to give credit to the guy who's been avoiding screentime. Very anti-climatic.

Also, the twist at the end, I personally could see it coming. Maybe it's because of the recent Underworld movie, but i was more suprised when she removed the hood that he was a normal man, then him changing into a werewolf.

I like some comedy scenes, specially with Ray and such. Best part of the short in my opinion. I felt her quest was kind of useless. She could have gone with any guy (she could have had the three frats) I dont see why she would pick someone who hasn't even revealed his face yet, over 3 possible targets.

In conclusion, it has some good moments, but I think the story can be fleshed out alot better. Just my 2 cents.