SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 4:48am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Twisted Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 8 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Twisted  (currently 1377 views)
Don
Posted: May 23rd, 2005, 8:40am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Twisted by Moses - Short, Horror - Inspired by true events - fdr, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Martin
Posted: June 17th, 2005, 3:05am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Frankfurt, Germany
Posts
607
Posts Per Day
0.09
Can't read this because it's in final draft format. I suggest uploading it in rtf format
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
NW3
Posted: June 17th, 2005, 12:01pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
121
Posts Per Day
0.02
I can't imagine what part of this was inspired by true events. It might be a better idea to have a summary that tells something about the script? This is a short and it is horror but there isn't all that much to TWISTED.

The suspense is done well enough to begin with (when sound 'detonates' across the top of the motor home). That's a nice touch with the door handle slowly turning before Jack guns the engine. It doesn't need all the 'What the hell is going on' straight after, just Kevin's deadpan: 'That was no deer' to get a laugh and ease tension.

I didn't really get what was going on. Is the idea that they ran over the woman, who came back from the dead to serve them all right? Or was it a zombie out there by the road? Ravenous hell-beast? I guess we'll never know.

It could use a few scenes in the ordinary world of gas stations and mini marts to establish the guys as personalities. Where are they going and why should it matter? If they are just three 'dudes' doing what dudes do then they can die and who cares? The script read like a bit of gory fun but you have Final Draft so scriptwriting must be serious to you. At least proof it carefully. Check the urge for triple exclamation, 'WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT!!!' may not be as powerful as a half-whispered 'What is it?'

The description of the roadside figure, with hands 'raised in back of her like a diver on a starting block' is excellent - weird, grotesque and suitably startling. It's a little lame to have Jack call her over so that she stumbles more or less to the sound of his voice and lets herself in the door. If I can take the liberty, it might be better if Jack shows some humanity by putting his own safety at risk. First we get a sight of the strange shape in the headlights up ahead.


                     JACK
           Guys, I think you should see this.


The others come up front and are transfixed. They urge him to drive on, but he can't do it. In the distance a pinprick of light, a car approaching fast. She's in the middle of the road, oblivious. It draws nearer, burning up the center of the road. Jack calls from the window, she doesn't seem to hear. He shuts off the engine, calls again. The lights get bigger, they hear now the roar of the engine, it isn't going to slow down, it doesn't seem to have seen them. Jack yells louder, she's right there kneeling in the road. As the others shout hysterically, Chris jams on the horn, but the car isn't slowing. Jack leaps out and whips the woman aside as the car hurtles past, buffeting them as it rips through the dust into the darkness of the road far behind. Now just the three of them in the desert with a whole other problem. The woman in this version isn't a bloody mess but she won't speak and spells disaster just the same.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006