I really enjoyed your script. I found it griping the whole way through.  The final twist did remind me of 'Saw'. congratulations, a few minor changes and you have a feature.

There were typos here and there... But other than that it was a great script.

Just a question...

SPOILERS!!!

In the end when he finds the atomic bomb. I am kind of clueless? Can you explain. I'm sorry. I just got a little lost.

Greg,

Good to see your turning this one into a full length feature.  Good luck with it.

Brian,

Thanks for the read.  Yes, the ending.  

SPOILER

Xavier makes it to the old mill and discovers the atomic bomb in the cellar.  Since a big chunk of the flashback takes place in 1940, this is an early prototype of the atom bomb.  Xavier picks up the papers which read "MANHATTAN PROJECT" which was the development of the bomb along with the photos of Oppenheimer and Einstein.  So what I wanted to do was have this steel mill be a top secret location for this bomb and throughout the story there's lines like "something this earth has never seen" etc. etc.

Then he finds the papers with the Nazi affiliations and the transfer sheet, meaning he was planning on selling the bomb to the Nazis, and as the steelworkers did throughout the story, they wanted to keep this secret, so the groundskeeper(who ends up being Otto) locks Xavier in so the secret will remain safe.  Man, that was alot.  Hope it's clearer now.

So, one line: Mill holding atom bomb, keeping it secret, betraying country and selling it to Nazis.

Jonathan,

Thanks.  In the feature-length I'm planning on revealing the bomb 75% through and make the punchline something else.  Maybe toward the end Sidney goes a little crazy and gets into talks with the Nazis, or mayb something else, I don't know.  The extra length will allow for more development and stuff.  Anyway, thanks!

Wow. Now it is very clear. Is this true?

Wow... It is kind of disturbing thinking about it. I hope this was your goal cause it sure makes me think.

Well yeah, I wanted to get that kind of reaction, but I think it can be better given through a feature-length.

And no, this is purely fiction.  While America was developing the atom bomb, Germany was doing the same, and I believe I read in a book that they tried stealing uranium from England or something.  

Anyway, thanks for your interest!

I agree with most of what's already been said so I will only mention the two things where I differ.

1. Brainwashed or not I just cannot see Emily falling for Sidney. From a woman's point of view he just ain't a charmer. A murdering bastard with bad teeth. Yuck! And she gets  pregnant by him too. Sorry, I just can't see it.

2. I actually think his name being Jewish fits right in. Sounds more plausable to have a Sidney Jacobson working together with Einstein and Oppenheimer than a John Smith, and since we already know he's a murdering bastard with bad teeth, I'm not at all surprised that he would sell a nuke to the Germans for the right price.

Good work,
Hope my comments where helpful.

Hey Doc, I read your short and I finally finished it.  I enjoyed it very much.  I really can't say too much that has to be improved.  Since your doing a feature length version that will most likely give me more background on Xavier.  That's the only thing I really missed out on during the short.

Nonetheless a very good read.

Keep up the good work and I can't wait for you feature length version.