SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 6:26am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Sneak Preview Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
Googlebot and 18 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Sneak Preview  (currently 2963 views)
Don
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 1:07pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Sneak Preview by James McClung - Short, Horror - Henry is a regular heckler at the local movie theater. But tonight, someone else gets to laugh at his expense. 21 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Zombie Sean
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 1:44pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Colorado
Posts
1547
Posts Per Day
0.23
I tried opening this up, and when it did, it came out in a different font, or different language as far as I know. I'm unable to read it, but it may be my computer.

Sean
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 22
greg
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 3:17pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Oh Hi

Location
San Diego, California
Posts
1680
Posts Per Day
0.24
Wow.  Well this is a very solid little short you got going here.  Very entertaining from beginning to end.  Sick, but amusing.  At the end though, I still had a few questions.

SPOILERS

Movie Dude is just kind of introduced as this guy on the street then takes Henry to his little house of horrors, but I kept wondering who this guy really was.  Did he hang out at movie theaters purposely looking for those standout assholes that ruin the movie going experience?  That's initially what I thought when finishing it up because at the end you had the parents who brought the 2 year old in.

Also, obviously this isn't the first time Movie Dude has done something like this, it would be unrealistic in my opinion if it was.  Wouldn't Henry tell the authorities or something?  Obviously Movie Dude is hanging out at movie theaters so he may not be that hard to spot.

In a way I guess I wished that there could have been more explanation for Movie Dude.  He truly is a fascinating character between the picking out movie punks, chopping off their fingers and then serving them with a container of popcorn.

But when all is said and done, I found this very entertaining and very relatable, since every time I go to the movies I encounter a 2 year old, or a heckler, or someone who talks nonstop, or someone who has their phone going off every 2 seconds, or, for some odd reason, where I live, people love getting out of their seats during the movie.  Every time I go to this theater you have at least 8 different people who get up for different reasons during the movie and walk around.  It bugs the hell out of me.

But yeah, anyway, very solid piece.  Nice job!  Oh yeah, I've had your "House of God" on my to-do list for quite some time.  I will get to it eventually, you have my word.


Be excellent to each other
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 22
bert
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 6:04pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61
Well, it's pretty easy to see where this story is coming from in terms of unresolved frustrations.  But what kind of theaters do you go to that have ushers?

And was this in bold?  It looked kind of strange on my computer.

(SPOILERS)

*  The scene with the old man kind of confused the issue a bit.  I thought Henry was supposed to be an unlikable character -- or at least his behavior was unlikeable -- and then we have the old man talking about "way to go."  I think perhaps the scene with the old man could have been lost -- but at any rate, the old man would have called him "sonny" -- not "sunny" -- which he does a couple of times.
*  "Movie Dude"?  Sure...I guess that works...
*  I was getting a distinct "SimplyNoir" feel during the scene in the "movie room".  Was that by design?  And while I didn't quite get the part with the apple, the bit with the popcorn is fantastic.  Easily the highlight of the piece.  Nice work there.

This is a good, solid piece, James.  I liked it.  My only regret here was that cell phones -- my single biggest peeve -- never came into play.  I would have liked to have seen some particularly cruel torture devised for that particular class of bufoons.

Eh.  Maybe in the sequel.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 22
greg
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 6:13pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Oh Hi

Location
San Diego, California
Posts
1680
Posts Per Day
0.24

Quoted from bert
Well, it's pretty easy to see where this story is coming from in terms of unresolved frustrations.  But what kind of theaters do you go to that have ushers?


It depends on the theater.  Some don't have ushers, others do.  The one I usually go to has ushers that periodically come in during the film and stand off to the side.


Be excellent to each other
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 22
James McClung
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 6:39pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Washington, D.C.
Posts
3293
Posts Per Day
0.49
Thanks for the reads, guys.

Greg...

I'll try to expand on Movie Dude's role in the rewrite. Most of the stuff you mentioned is stuff I usually think about before writing but my approach to writing this was much looser than usual so I let it slide. My main goal in this was to have fun and write something of a dark comedy in addition to the horror. Nevertheless, the stuff you've mentioned is important and I'll be sure to include it in the rewrite.

Bert...

Yeah, the script's in bold. Normal font doesn't show up well on my version of PDF.

Henry is supposed to be an unlikeable character but I figured the people who work at the movie theater and probably a few people in the audience (e.g. Old Man) would be fed up with watching bad movies all the time and might take enjoyment in Henry tearing them to pieces.

And as much as I enjoyed SimplyNoir, the movie room was not taken from it. I just found it an appropriate setting due to Henry's day job. The apple bit was basically Movie Dude humoring Henry until he finally starts thinking straight and realizes this isn't a joke.

Thanks again for the reads.



Revision History (1 edits)
James McClung  -  March 26th, 2006, 6:52pm
Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 22
rymatt
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 7:05pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
15
Posts Per Day
0.00
One of the better shorts I read. Some of the dialouge is a little unrealistic in my opinion. Otherwise I won't repeat what other posters said. I am going to read the Abattoir, but I just have a lot of other stuff to read before.

P.S. You did what I wanted to do with hecklers and people that brought kids into movies for a long time.

Revision History (1 edits)
rymatt  -  March 26th, 2006, 7:21pm
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 22
bert
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 7:24pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61

Quoted from James McClung
And as much as I enjoyed SimplyNoir, the movie room was not taken from it.


Yeah....well, it's not like George and I invented that scenario either haha....I was just hoping I had spotted a reference.  And if you tell me there are theaters somewhere that still have ushers I will believe you.

And having thought on it a while, I think "Movie Dude" is a great name for an evil, serial-killer type -- or whatever the heck he is supposed to be.  The newspaper could have headlines reading "Movie Dude Strikes Again!!"

Anyways, it sounds pretty funny to me.  Good job with this one, James.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 22
George Willson
Posted: March 26th, 2006, 7:42pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

Location
Broken Arrow
Posts
3591
Posts Per Day
0.51
The world needs more Movie Dudes...

I got a kick out of this. I was reading for the enjoyment of it, so the only typos that glared were kernels not cornels and sonny not sunny. It's sick and twisted, but it was good for what it was. I love the ending when he brings in the parents. Cracked me up.

Got a kick out of the Wizard of Oz reference near the end as well.

Good job James. I've wanted to be Movie Dude sometimes, especially with people complaining about the ratings and such.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 8 - 22
chad
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



James,

I must say you've a great knack for writing good and original scripts, man. I really liked this one, but I wouldn't want to meet the Movie Dude...LOL!!! Because even I laugh at times during the parts of gore in films.

I saw two typos. They might not have been but I'll pass them by you to see.

1. The old man is talking to the film buff and calls him "Sunny", wouldn't you mean to say "Sonny?"

2. Keeping Hollywood on their "Tows?" Don't you mean "Toes?"

All in all, very original and well-written. Have you ever considered filming some of your shorts for festivals?

Chad
Logged
e-mail Reply: 9 - 22
chad
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 5:42pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



James,

Just an idea, but if you'd like a name for MOVIE DUDE how about CRYPTIC CRITIC or THE SILENCER?

Chad
Logged
e-mail Reply: 10 - 22
Martin
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 6:28pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Frankfurt, Germany
Posts
607
Posts Per Day
0.09
James,

I read this earlier today and it was a fun read. The bold text was a tad annoying though.

It's a good little story. I think you could've played up the heckling at the beginning. Make Henry more deserving of his fate. The tension was pretty good and Movie Dude was suitably creepy. I enjoyed the gore, especially the bit with the popcorn.

I didn't really get the ending though. Do people really take 2 year olds to the theater in the states? It doesn't happen in England that I know of. Are 2 year olds really that disturbed by violent movies or are they too young to understand? I'd have thought between the ages of 5 and 8 you'd be more disturbed by a violent movie.

That aside, it's an entertaining script. Nice work.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 22
James McClung
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 6:57pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Washington, D.C.
Posts
3293
Posts Per Day
0.49

Quoted from Martin
I didn't really get the ending though. Do people really take 2 year olds to the theater in the states? It doesn't happen in England that I know of. Are 2 year olds really that disturbed by violent movies or are they too young to understand?


People do take two year olds to R rated movies and more often than not, they start to cry. Children have ruined many a movie for me. Granted some were bad movies but they were movies just the same.

Thanks for the read.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 22
thegardenstate89
Posted: March 27th, 2006, 8:34pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



First off I would like to say they need shorts with movie dudes played at the beginning of films at theaters to remind people to shut up or to turn there cell phones off.

Funny little script. Very gruesome, but i'm not bothered by it.

I did however feel Henry could've done more at the movie. How about "It's affirmative action. The black dude's getting killed" Something that will personally offend an audience member, to show how arrogant he is. After all as crazy as Movie Dude itd be nice to root for him.

I think maybe a 5 or 6 year old would be effected by the images of an R rated film. movie dude had that couple tied up there because they were exposing their daughter to inapropriate material. However a 2 year old would not be as effected by them a somebody whose 5 or 6.

Other than that everythings golden.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 13 - 22
Breanne Mattson
Posted: March 30th, 2006, 10:44pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1347
Posts Per Day
0.20
Hey James,

I have mixed feelings about this one. There are some things I like and some things I’m not certain what to make of. It’s technically well done so credit there. As far as that; only a few proofs that have already been mentioned.

*SPOILERS*

Story wise:

You’ve got a great idea with the heckler theme. I wish people like that could be beaten with pugil sticks all the way out the door. Now that would be worth the price of admission -- haha.

For me, the biggest problem was Henry. Most anyone can definitely relate to the experience of people like him but most people don’t really sympathize with people like him. In other words, he starts off as someone I wouldn’t care about and there was nothing really that prompted me to care about him. The most concern I could muster for his character was sympathy due to his being tortured. Of course, I wouldn’t want to see anyone get tortured so what does it say when the only way someone can generate concern is to be treated inhumanely? I wouldn’t have been bothered by Henry if there had been another character who could generate the genuine care that Henry failed to.

I feel that Henry needs another dimension; something to show he’s human. He’s very indifferent and that caused him to fail to gain my sympathy on an emotional level.

It’s a good script for a few reasons; it’s well written; it has a good plot; it has a lot of good ideas. Ultimately, however, Henry was just too indifferent to move me in any real way.

Even under torture, he spent what sympathy there was to be had. I felt that he didn’t always respond to his treatment realistically. I think the average person may react with more horror than Henry at the loss of his digits.

Overall, my feelings are more positive than negative. And I also tried to view it from the context of a short, knowing how difficult it can be to incite genuine care from a reader/viewer in such a short period of time. I’ve watched a lot of shorts and by comparison, this stands up pretty good. But if you can manage to conjure some kind of sympathy for Henry by creating a more human appeal to him, it would really help take away from the feeling that it’s just about a jerk getting tortured. Nothing particularly wrong with that. And I did enjoy it. It just seems that it could be a bit more filled out, I guess.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 14 - 22
I_M
Posted: March 30th, 2006, 11:25pm Report to Moderator
New


Think again.

Location
California
Posts
131
Posts Per Day
0.02
This was a fun script to read. It was entertaining and gruesome; and if this gets made into a movie and people see it; they'll be scared.

Great script.

J.P.S.


Fear Friday: some students will die to survive a twisted killer. Coming soon.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 15 - 22
Breanne Mattson
Posted: March 31st, 2006, 12:42am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1347
Posts Per Day
0.20
Hey James,

I was looking over my comments and I hope they don’t sound too negative. Because, as a fun read, it did succeed. Everyone else seems to have found it a little more solid than I did but I did enjoy it nonetheless.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 16 - 22
James McClung
Posted: March 31st, 2006, 1:44pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Washington, D.C.
Posts
3293
Posts Per Day
0.49
Thanks for the reads, guys.

Breanne...

I don't think your comments sound negative and even if they were, it wouldn't bother me because you back up everything you say. Besides, I'd rather have someone be honest in reviewing my script than tell me it's great when it's not.

In regards to what you've said about Henry's character, under other circumstances I would likely agree with you but here, I don't. Henry's character isn't supposed to be likeable at all. I gave him a philosophy for what he does but other than that, I didn't intend for people to identify, let alone simpathize, with him. He's not supposed to be a character the audience cares for but rather one the audience wants to see, not so much tortured, but learn his lesson. Of course, I wouldn't want anyone to be tortured for this in real life but this is a script. I can do whatever I want to characters without any real life consequence. That's kind of the fun of the genre, you know?

Thanks again for the read.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 17 - 22
shelbyoops
Posted: April 14th, 2006, 12:59pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Holy fuck. Lets all agree never to piss of James . I liked this. It was funny it that freaky Newgrounds.com kinda way. Did you ever meet a guy who did this? Good read. Congrats!

P.S. It reminded me of Saw but it didnt feel like you ripped it off. You hit it right on the mark!
Logged
e-mail Reply: 18 - 22
Abe from LA
Posted: April 14th, 2006, 10:45pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Downey, California
Posts
556
Posts Per Day
0.08
Gave this a quick read, so I hope I'm being accurate in the areas I'm discussing.

SPOILERS:

First, very interesting.  I like the tone and the feel of the story.  I thought Movie Dude was very intriguing.
I didn't care much for Henry, though.  I thought he played out flat, a jerk.  Maybe if he changed by the story's end, I might have felt more for him.  He should either be deftly afraid of going back to a theater, especially ALONE.  But if when he does return to the theater, he's there to warn other hecklers, or maybe he's determined to catch the Movie Dude and exact his own revenge.

Somebody mentioned Henry should do more heckling early on.  Maybe he should really go over the top.  And I think the old man should come up to him and cuss him out, rather than praise him.  This would inject more tension, too.   You have an opportunity for an interesting exchange of movie etiquette.

As I read the story, a chilling thought went through my pea brain.  I could see Henry (maybe he should sit up in the balcony, front row where he can hug the railing) heckling and having a good time.  When you mentioned the  ominous figure sitting way back, unter the projectionist, I thought it was the killer the scream film that is showing.  I thought that the creepy film killer had stepped out of the movie and was watching Henry belittle his movie.

Maybe the film breaks and there is a short delay.  When the movie returns the killer isn't in the last scene anymore.  that's because he's behind Henry.

What if all of the torture administered by Movie Dude reflected what Henry was heckling?  Like if Henry said, "Chop off her thumb, and cut off her ear for the hell of it."  then Henry gets the same treatment later.  This could be really weird if we hear Henry yell, "And poke out his eyes."  Because we would then know whta's coming.

I didn't like the last heckler, who was kicked out and then beat up outside of the theater.  Nor the parents who were getting tortued over their brat kid.

To me it would have been a more chilling ending if Movie Dude called Herny later, and we can hear the other heckler begging for his life.  this lays a foundation for Henry being the impetus for the Movie Dude's actions.  Maybe it's up to Henry to take action.  If he doesn't, he'll goinsane from every phone call he gets from Movie Dude.

The one thing you've really succeeded on for me is hitting a nerve.  Now I'm thinking all kinds of weird, creepy thoughts.  You know, "what was that noise in the other room?" kind of creepiness.  Movie Dude gets my vote.
I'm not going to say a bad word this weekend at the movies.
I'm eating Junior Mints and staying clear of the popcorn.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 19 - 22
Takeshi
Posted: October 7th, 2006, 12:23am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Hey Jimmy.

I found this one entertaining. It was fairly straight forward but it kept me interested through out and I didn't think it lagged at any stage.

I liked the way Henry deconstructed the movie whilst watching it, his ability to do that gave him a little more cred than some jackass who just talks but says nothing. Also, having a story about a guy who doesn't shut up in the movies is a great set up for drama and it's the type of everyday drama  people can relate to.

Whilst I actually thought Henry was a likeable character, I'm glad he got sorted out because I'd hate him in real life.

In, fact I once started throwing jaffas (hard candy) at the heads of some people who wouldn't stop heckling during a movie.

But I digress.

I also liked the fact that the cinema employees liked Henry and took his side in the conflicts with the other patrons, as they would've viewed him as someone who livened up an otherwise mundane job.

I see some people have already mentioned typos, so I won't repeat the ones that have  been mentioned. However, there was one on page 12, when Movie Dude said 'If hope it doesn't come to that"

Anyway this was an enjoyable read.

Are you planning to rewrite this or make a short film out of it?      

Revision History (1 edits)
rymatt  -  October 7th, 2006, 3:31am
Logged
e-mail Reply: 20 - 22
wildgrace
Posted: October 7th, 2006, 1:06pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
18
Posts Per Day
0.00
Good story and pace, the story and characters keep their tone throughout.  Well done for a short.  Just a few thoughts and suggestions.

What if the Usher was a friend of Henry's?  Would explain why he doesn't also shoot Henry out, as it appears Henry is a regular.  Or maybe Henry slips the Usher five bucks?  Because really Henry should have been kicked out to for being loud.

I'd show the Old Man laughing while Henry is heckling in the moment when the Old Man talks to Henry after the show is better set-up.

I don't know that I buy Henry just going with Movie Dude.  Does Movie Dude have to sell Henry a ticket?  Can Movie Dude just say he's a filmmaker and wants Henry's opinion on his film, seeing as Henry is a connoisseur and all?

Random thought:  What if Movie Dude is the director of Hack and Slash Three?

Random thought:  What if Movie Dude buys a ticket directly before for after Henry, so we see him right from the first scene?  This would introduce the antag to us even if we didn't know it at the time.

Random thought:  What if Henry was kicked out of film school so now he hecklers movies (he started out life wanting to make them)?

Henry is a little to coherent when Movie Dude slices off his finger, I'd like to see his dialog be a bit more choppy and rough.

What if Henry vomits when Movie Dude force feeds him the popcorn with the finger bits?

Interesting ending.


Scripts
PumpkinCrow Revised Sept 29/06, horror/comedy, 92 pgs

Red Lipstick Revised October 12/06, drama, 7 pgs
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 21 - 22
The boy who could fly
Posted: June 18th, 2009, 9:56pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
British Columbia, Canada
Posts
1387
Posts Per Day
0.21
Hey James, I never even heard of this one, must have been one of your first scripts you posted here.  I thought it was a pretty cool story, I think we all know what it's like to be in a theater and have to listen to some douche yakin' at the screen, so it was a lot of fun to see him get his up-comings.  The part with the apple in the mouth reminded me of a fish called wanda for some reason....LOL.  I thought the story flowed pretty well, I think the only part that didn't work for me was the one year later with Henry back at the cinema, I guess you put that in there cuz you wanted to show that Henry had changed, but I don't think that you really needed it, but the part with the parents was gold.  I freakin hate it when people bring their little bundles of noise with them to the cinema, I'm glad they get whats coming as well.  All in all this was a pretty decent short, I actually think this would be a fun script for a film student to do.  Good work.


Logged
Private Message Windows Live Messenger Reply: 22 - 22
 Pages: 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006