this one made me laugh, especially the first page or so, there are some great lines there, the one with the corpse, um ewwww, but funny.  I liked it.

This one...hmm...  I can't really say I liked it.  At first I just thought I didn't really get it, but then after reading what temp posted above, I realize that I do get it, I just dont like it.

But hey, thats just me.

Okay, this one started off like soft core porn. That’s the part I liked -- haha.

When the guy with the rifle first burst into the room, I thought he’d caught his wife cheating with another man - but no - turns out he was just arbitrarily thrown into the story just to meet the requirements for the challenge.

I actually liked this one until I found out that it had no real payoff. Then I was like -- Oh.

Hm, ok. The banter is bizarre. I can see how it would be amusing. The guy walking in on all this and what's really going on does make it a bit funnier. The tie in to the exercise is a little on the thin side since it's more of a side comment than the theme. It's an ok little short.

Quoted from bert Hey, Temp -- some people recognize the pen name in your e-mail address.

Yeah, but you've got to have been around the block a time or two to get it.

I liked this one a lot.  It was just a silly script.  I could almost see this as a running gag in other scripts.

If anything, I would add a little more dialogue between the three.  Maybe make Ned seem a little more needy for a friend.  Other than that, I really enjoyed it.


Phil

I actually enjoyed the way you wrote this. Although I had trouble at first relating the dialogue to the gunshots in the background, you described things very nicely.

I found the exchange between the couple very humorous. But like other comments I felt there was something missing. Even for the small amount of ground you cover in this script, Ned could have been developed a little better.

Nice script. It was really confusing, but highly amusing and entertaining. It was random and I love random stuff.

Dude, you must have a camera in my bedroom. Lol. But seriously, I enjoyed that, you obviously know how to write good smut....er...I mean sex scenes. The dialogue was great and the scene/story sizzled along at a nice pace. I was left wondering who Ned was shooting it out with, but that's okay. Nice work. 7/10    

Topher you little tinker

Great ideas in this script and funny with it..

You should develop this further into a 10 pager or something..

Well done anyways..


Kevan

Quoted from tomson I think the funniest part of all, is the fact that you had trouble submitting the script without all the pages attached.

Topher,

I'm now going to tell you the funniest thing of all about your script.

The "temporary member" comments at the beginning of all this made me wonder.
Bert made some comment about him recognizing the pen-name so of course I immediately checked that out. To my surprise it led to "webmaster" or admin (something like that) and I was thinking, no that can't be!

I read your script and I was thinking, WTH, Don wrote this?!

That's why I made the comment that the funniest thing of all was that he had trouble uploading all the pages.

I sent some note to Don Admin. and his reply was, well...confusion I think. For awhile I seriously thought I might become an extinct member!

Your script was not one of the better ones, but to me the fact that I thought Don wrote it makes up for that.

Sorry to both of you,