The James Bond tagline: "James Bond will return."

The Kevin Smith movie tagline: "Jay and Silent Bob will return."

The Filmmaker tagline: "Mr. Manero, the two guys and the envelope will return."

Thanks for your comments!

Okay, yeah...

Thanks

The biggest problem I had with The Filmmaker was that it dragged in a big big way.  JP spends two pages talking to Caroline when she's not even a part of the story.  Then Walter and the other guy talk for a page and a half.  Then there's four pages of Tiffany.  That's seven and a half pages--half of your script--spent on meaningless chatter.

You have to ask yourself this:  would it make a difference two the story if these people were not in the script.  IMHO, the answer is 'no.'  Maybe Tiffany has some impact, but not that much.  The conversation between her and J.P. had nothing to do with anything.  Europe has nothing to do with the story.  Change this conversation to something important.  Something that moves the story somewhere.  And Walter and the other guy?  Remove them completely!  Their roles in the story couldn't be any less relevent if they were talking about Tupperware.

I don't see where you're going with this series.  After chapter/episode two, the reader should have more of a clue with the story.  Someone, earlier, mentioned Swordfish.  I think of Get Shorty when I read this.  Maybe you can call the series, 'The Thugs of Hollywood.'

I also had a big problem with the set up to chapter two.  A receptionist does not sit in the lobby of an office building.  The lobbyist (more commonly known as 'the peoople in the lobby') do this.  You walk up to them and say, "I'd like to see Mister Smith.  I'm Mister Jones."  They in turn, call Mister Smith's assistant who says either to send him up or not.  If you don't have an appointment, chances are you are not going up there.  This keeps the idiots away.  This would be especially true if Mister Smith makes movies; otherwise every next-Tarantino would be hanging out in his office all day and he's never get any real business done.  This also keeps psychos away from you.

Your font size seemed small to me.  That will actually upset professional readers if they think your cramming a 150 page script into a 110 page script.

What software package, if any, are you using?


Phil

open office. that's it.

thanks for your review.