"When the guy in the army uniform shows up at the door, you wrote that Cyndi was smiling. "

Pia, I tried to show that Cindy smiles happy because she thought who was behind the door was George also she knowing that your ex husband whould be with the nuts...Maybe it doesn't work as I wanted...

"The letter she was reading was from her husband in the institution who thought he was still at war, and still sending her mail."

Tha's right Cindy, it was Cindy's husband letter, not George's.

"The 7 year old boy's dialogue read a bit too old for me, like that of a young man instead of a child."

Yes, Mike, thinking better, just a 7 years old genius speak like that...13 or 15
would do that.


"the ending was happy because the child's alive."

Yeah, Dan, I agree with you in that sad context the eding was so happy!

Never read anything by the charismatic enigma known as Helio. You’re a legend on these boards and I don’t think we’ve ever said more than two words to each other. How is that?

Anyway, I have one opening comment to get out of the way. What's with using the names George and Cindy? Two members of this site (Was that a happy accident or deliberate?)

The dialogue between George and Cindy in the flashback was good but feels a little too immature for a 25 year old. A fine line I guess between what you want and what we think it should be.

You need to clarify a few things in a rewrite if you ever do one.

First the ex husband and George almost blend into one character (I honestly thought he was the killer until well… spoiler, you know)

For a nine page short, it works very well but… It leaves you longing for more explanation. I do not think it is a good thing if you have more questions than answers at the end.

I enjoyed the short.

Wesley, Wesley, my dear, thanks a lot for your reading. Seriously it is a fucking pleasure. Righ now is very later where I'm, so tomorrow I'll try to answer some of these questions.

"I do not think it is a good thing if you have more questions than answers at the end."

Maybe you are right about it, but think: When it happens or who wrote is wrong or who read is! Hehe! Kiding!

Quoted from Helio "When the guy in the army uniform shows up at the door, you wrote that Cyndi was smiling. " Pia, I tried to show that Cindy smiles happy because she thought who was behind the door was George also she knowing that your ex husband whould be with the nuts...Maybe it doesn't work as I wanted...

I know what you meant Helio, because I'm familiar with your scripts. I only mentioned it because to someone who isn't, it reads as if she opens the door, sees him and smiles and then gets upset.

Pia  

Hi Wesley! I am here! I was very happy with your comments.

"Anyway, I have one opening comment to get out of the way. What's with using the names George and Cindy? Two members of this site (Was that a happy accident or deliberate?)"

Well, I like so much these names and coincidently they came to me  when I was writing.

"The dialogue between George and Cindy in the flashback was good but feels a little too immature for a 25 year old. A fine line I guess between what you want and what we think it should be."

Well sometimes I think when we are passionatly for someone we used to be fool, talk like idiot, and act like a retard (sorry using this word!), so I think no more right put in George's and Cindy's mouth teen words. I know any content of a story has a little of the writer himself, so maybe the dialogues seem to be mine to someone. Do you understand?

"First the ex husband and George almost blend into one character (I honestly thought he was the killer until well… spoiler, you know)

Yeah, I think the purpose of any writer or storyteller is not to confound the listener or the reader, but pull them to another way, like to show a bad guy as a good guy, but you will discover that just near the end and so on. Of course that maybe I didn't it well, I need to think more about to be sure myself, you know? I like to do it all time, some I do well some do not.

Oh, by the way thanks so much for your kind words and praises, but I have to say that lengend is ZORRO, Captain James Cook, The Black Beard not this simple writer fella!

cheers

Helio

SPOILERS AHOY!

I, too, was a little confused with the eighteen month pregnancy.  Only after reading this thread did it all make sense.  I think that should be cleared up a little.

You should expand the scene when her husband shows up and go over his story there, rather than the final scene with the voice over (that's kinda cheating there).  The scene where he shows up can be very suspenseful if it's expanded.  You rushed it.


Phil

Hey, Mr Clarke! Thanks for your reading.

Yeah maybe you are right about to expand more that scene...Let me see do you say after he is shooting by George or as he talk with Cindy, with flashes with him arriving from the front and showing his mental crisis and finaly she leting him in the mental hospital etc?

PS I saved your short script Not Even Death and this weekend I'll read it, even if that genre is not my favory one, but its writer is one the most respectable in this SS so I have to read it!

Quoted from Helio Yeah maybe you are right about to expand more that scene...Let me see do you say after he is shooting by George or as he talk with Cindy, with flashes with him arriving from the front and showing his mental crisis and finaly she leting him in the mental hospital etc?

I'm not sure what you're saying here, Helio.  I was suggesting that you should have Cindy's husband talk to her (you should give him a name, too).  Have him explain that he's just back from the war and is looking forward to resuming his life with her.  And then show her reaction to all this.

Quoted from Helio PS I saved your short script Not Even Death and this weekend I'll read it, even if that genre is not my favory one, but its writer is one the most respectable in this SS so I have to read it!

I appreciate the kind words, Helio.  Like you, I don't like the whole zombie genre.  This story is a little different.  I hope you enjoy it.


Phil

"I'm not sure what you're saying here, Helio.  I was suggesting that you should have Cindy's husband talk to her (you should give him a name, too).  Have him explain that he's just back from the war and is looking forward to resuming his life with her.  And then show her reaction to all this."

Well, Phil I will think about that possibility, but I'm not sure it will work, I'm afraid it would be boring and didn't catch the reader attention anymore...I will think about it carefully. Thanks a lot, man!

Hey Helio,

I can always count on you for something strange, that’s for sure. I enjoy your creativity.

Sometimes I think you try too hard to create twists. Sometimes, it seems like you think up a twist and just go with it. That’s fine but sometimes I feel like your characters suffer because of it. It’s like you’re so preoccupied with “the twist” that you don’t let your characters really come to life on their own.

The best scene in the whole script in my opinion is the scene where Cindy goes to the store and the lady outside refuses to speak to her and the people inside whisper and gossip about her. This is very true to life and genuine and reminded me of the scene in “I Walk the Line” where June Carter runs into a fan of her parents who makes the snippy remark about being surprised her good Christian parents still speak to her. Women really are often expected to meet impossible expectations and ostracized for things that men are not. Good scene.

PLOT HOLE:

I don’t know where the idea of an eighteen month pregnancy came from. I didn’t see that at all. I see a pregnancy that’s way too short.

When Cindy tells George she’s pregnant, the year is supered as 1945. Then, later, in a scene where Cindy is preparing a bottle to feed the already born baby, a calendar hanging on the wall says: SUNDAY OF MAY 13th 1945.

It would, of course, be impossible. The longest the pregnancy could have been would be four and a half months.

Overall, I always enjoy your imagination and I always feel in competent hands for going on a psychedelic ride but I would like to see you write something with as much intricacy given to the characters personalities as with the end twist.

There are a lot of people out there who think a twist in a story is this albeit mind blowing thing that comes at the end of a story. In reality, every story has twists and turns all throughout, just some more subtle than others. The twists and beats that occur throughout the story are as important as the one at the end. I don’t know, sometimes it seems like you put much more into the end twist than any of the middle ones.

I do love your work though. It’s always fascinating and interesting.

Brea

P.S. I recently watched the film “O Lucky Man.” It’s a British film from director Lindsay Anderson and stars Malcolm McDowell. It’s a fantastic and surreal film about a coffee salesman who runs into one insane situation after another. It seems odd and very “stream-of-consciousness” and seems to make little sense on the surface but in reality is a brilliant allegory on capitalism and being in the right place at the right (or wrong) time. I can see you writing such a film, Helio style. Have you ever considered using your wild imagination symbolically to make a social statement? Because I think you could really achieve brilliance in this regard.

WOW! I don't find words to show my gratitude in hearing these very kind words, really. I'll print this review to show my daugthers, my friends and THE WORLD! It showed to me that I have to continue learning more, be more humble and simple.

Thanks a lot Breanne Holifield and a kiss in your heart!

Thought I'd check this out while I have the time. My time's been rather restricted lately so I've been unable to contribute to the site as much as I'd prefer. Anyway, I figured another Helio J Cordeiro script would be the way to go. Most of the time, I really enjoy your work.

Anyway, I thought this was a solid read. I was surprised that this was actually a pretty straightforward dramatic piece, which most of your scripts aren't. I thought it was an interesting and refreshing change. The script moves along very well. It raised a lot of questions in my head, which I was afraid you wouldn't answer but, for the most part, you did. I would, however, like to know who the man in the army uniform is. That seems to be the only loose end here. I liked how you tied things up at the end with the narrator being George's son. It reminded me somewhat of Life Is Beautiful, which I thought was very good.

Nothing much to pick at here. I enjoyed it a lot. Another good script, Helio. Nice job.

Hey James, I wouldn't be in silence, so I have to say: thanks a lot for your reading!

Hey fellas, I'm very happy to say you all that A Certain Sunday Morning was optioned to a guy from New York named Richard Griffiths.

Hey Don, thanks, man!

OH GOD, I forgot to say thank to George Willson that help me a lot with this script. Thanks George!