Five Minutes by David Bussell - Short, Drama - {no summary} 1 page - doc, format

The only thing I can attribute to this is that it's either a commercial against smoking or promoting smoking.  I really don't know.  1 page...that's gotta be a record low.

That's really all I have to say...or can say for that matter.

I figured, one page...I'll bite. It feels like a piece of something. Like you could play this as a teaser and then flashback to the beginning and explain how we got to this point.

It does demonstrate that you are a good writer, but it leaves me wanting more.

I get the idea that this script is about how smokers are responsible for the end of the world.  I found it silly.


Phil

I think people are looking this wrong.  I think the writer is not implying that smoking killed everyone.  Its almost like the Rapture has taken place (for those that know what I'm refering to).  Everyone's dissappeared and then the lighting of a cigerette caused the end of the world?

Okay, maybe I DON'T know what the author was trying to say here.  Of course, its hard to decipher a script's meaning when it is only 1 page long and contains 2 lines of dialogue.

Or is it the condemned man's last cigarette?

Michel

Hello all, thanks for your comments.

I understand the script is very curt (it was written that way to abide by the rules of a competition) but I'm surprised at the ways in which people have misinterpreted it.  

For the record, it isn' t pro or anti anything, and religion doesn't come into it.

Michel came closest with his comment.

Although it's not made explicit, at the beginning of the story the man has just finished watching the Five Minute warning (hence the title) on the TV. In his last moments he decides he wants a cigarette. That's about the strength of it. It's really that simple, or at least I thought so.

Perhaps I could make it clearer by having some pedestrians running amok, but I liked the piece as a two hander.

Regards,

David

Ha.  Yeah, the best one-page script I've ever read.

But I wouldn't have enjoyed this nearly as much without your explanation -- both about its meaning and the fact that you were actually confined to a single page while writing it.

My favorite part is peeling off the smoker's patch.  That small detail -- that ties to the ruined cigarettes we first see in the trash bin -- makes the whole piece for me.

Who would have thought you could foreshadow in a single-page script?

Very, very good. That's all I can say really. Like Bert, I wouldn't have enjoyed as much without the explanation. I would be lying if I said I 'got' it but it was written nicely and for one page it really is great.

Nice one. Keep writing.

This script is a very short one indeed, but if you got the message. It can be very powerful. Good job, just make it longer next time you post something.

That was interesting. I'd also be lying if I said I understood it. I had trouble understanding your writing style for some reason, also. It's not bad, though. Intriguing.

I think this is a very worthy entry for what I assume is a one-minute film competition.  Good atmosphere, nice pacing.  Good work.

Thank you for your kind words.

Perhaps the difficulty people are having with my writing style is that I'm English. I put this up on another forum (mainly American) and one reader managed to confuse the Vagrant with a Vicar. It makes for a very different story I think, and maybe adds to the sense that the story is a religious parable of some kind. Certainly no-one I've had read it in this country has mentioned theology at any point, but there again maybe that's because we're such a godless bunch over here.

Regards,

David

The meander is deep. The choice of imagery--the pram on the zebra crossing, a dog for the blind with a leash in the gutter, etc.--is all unique, unifying, yet doesn't cross the line into the farcical. And yes, the smoker's patch is a winner. I can see this.

Thank you, Philip, glad you liked it.

wow all that on one page...im so proud of you.

Likewise, thank you, Joe.

All the best,

David

David, I'm sorry I didn't get it...This one could be called: Apocalyptical Tobacco!