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Pro Kopf -Michel D's script "Despair is..." Filmed (currently 5299 views) |
Don |
Posted: January 11th, 2007, 11:06pm |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16438 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
Despair is as simple as a Phone call by Michel J. Duthin - Short, Drama - One great moment of solitude or "Happiness is as simple as a phone call" antithesis. 5 pages - pdf, format ++++++++ Don's edit. Michel's Despair is as Simple as a Phone Call has been filmed as Pro Kopf. The trailer is awesome. At the end, go full screen and you can see lower left corner Michel's name. Pro Kopf - Trailer (english subtitles) from Sascha Zimmermann on Vimeo. The film has been shown in five festivals thus far and is also in the official selection of the Bronx Film Festival - USA in December. |
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------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Revision History (3 edits; 1 reasons shown) |
Don - January 22nd, 2015, 6:35pm | updatedclarificed title | | |
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Zombie Sean |
Posted: January 11th, 2007, 11:23pm |
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Old Timer
LocationColorado Posts1547 Posts Per Day 0.23 |
Haha I've read Happiness Is As Simple As A Phone Call before and I was kind of expecting a funny ending, and once I read this, I did!
This was good, but something bothers me to think that everyone who has a maid expects them to be hispanic, or at least that's a maid's stereotype. Is Anita Hispanic? It sounds Hispanic. Oh great, listen to me...I'm starting to be stereotypical myself...
POSSIBLE SPOILERS
All in all, this was a good short, you'd think Anita would hesitate a bit before shooting the couple, but if she was poor, then I could understand. She's just a woman who needs a lot of money.
Once again, I loved the ending.
Sean |
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Alex J. Cooper |
Posted: January 11th, 2007, 11:30pm |
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LocationAustralia Posts316 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
Haha, what a great short. I saw what was coming, but still. The "tiny fridge" bit stopped the flow for me. This was executed very well, good job Michel! |
| Shorts: I Named Him Thor Footloose, Cut Loose Tainted Milk Marshmallows Confucius & The Quest For Nessie Wondrous Presentation |
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chism |
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 12:04am |
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Posts1053 Posts Per Day 0.16 |
Yeah I got a good laugh out of this short.
I didn't read the Happiness script, but this one was pretty good so I might have to check the other one out.
Cheers, Chismeister. |
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mcornetto |
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 3:10am |
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Very good Michel.
I thought this was quite amusing. And your use of the language was excellent. Keep up the good work. |
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Takeshi |
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 3:35am |
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Nice one, Michel; I didn't see that coming at all. Lol.
Just a couple of typos; Page 1 read: He open the fridge, instead of opens the fridge.
Page 2: “She in the bedroom etc”. Should be “She’s in the bedroom etc”
Page 3: Max says “Yeap” instead of “Yep”
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michel |
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 7:27am |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Hi everyone! Thanks you all for your feedback. It's true I took some pleasure to write this. I'm glad you all liked it. Regarding the typos Chris, I'm mad at me. I read ten times and always these ones. Grrrr... Anita? Hispanic? No, she's Swedish (lol) Michel |
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Zombie Sean |
Posted: January 12th, 2007, 12:47pm |
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Old Timer
LocationColorado Posts1547 Posts Per Day 0.23 |
Quoted Text Anita? Hispanic? No, she's Swedish (lol) |
Oh...haha... I guess I was the one being stereotypical...Anyways, great script and, uh, keep up the good work! Sean |
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spencerforhire |
Posted: January 14th, 2007, 11:16am |
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New Write NOW! Perfect LATER!
LocationSnohomish, WA Posts206 Posts Per Day 0.03 |
Good story. It had the best ending possible. On the flip side, this story could have been told in a much tighter (less page count) manner. And the dialogue was not believeable. A Spanish maid would not say the things she said. Having said that, Spanish maids are very loyal and would not pick up a gun and kill anyone, especially over the phone. You need to work on giving her a better reason. In your desciptons you tend to overwrite. Show us who the character is and what he or she does without dressing them. That is the directors job.
Spencer |
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alffy |
Posted: January 14th, 2007, 11:21am |
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Old Timer
LocationThe bleak North East, England Posts2187 Posts Per Day 0.33 |
Hey Michel,
I laughed at the ending of this, but like others saw it coming as I neared the conclusion. Still good stuff though.
I also read your 'Happiness...' script, is there something going on with you and mobile phones? Have you had a bad experience with them yourself? lol
Anywho good stuff mate |
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dogglebe |
Posted: March 7th, 2007, 6:41am |
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This is another old-joke-turned-to-screenplay script. The second or third one I've read in recent weeks. It makes a better joke than short, IMHO.
Phil |
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michel |
Posted: June 29th, 2011, 5:10am |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Just signed the contract for an upcoming shooting in Germany (!!!) It'll be my fifth short to be produced. Michel |
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wonkavite |
Posted: June 29th, 2011, 11:58am |
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Fun (and short) bit!
Okay, I'm leaving aside the fact that it stretches believability beyond the breaking point (that the maid would agree so quickly, or that Max would turn homicidal so easily, either.)
But...that's okay. A fun read. And enjoyable for what it is.
Cheers,
-WV |
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crookedowl |
Posted: June 29th, 2011, 2:58pm |
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I agree with Spencer. It needs work, but it's still a good scirpt. I loved the ending. |
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michel |
Posted: November 29th, 2012, 12:59pm |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
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Don |
Posted: December 5th, 2012, 11:36am |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16438 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
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| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Revision History (1 edits) |
Don - December 7th, 2012, 11:31am | typo - wink, nod. | | |
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Breanne Mattson |
Posted: December 5th, 2012, 12:13pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1347 Posts Per Day 0.20 |
Congratulations Michel!!!! |
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michel |
Posted: December 5th, 2012, 1:11pm |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Thanks Breanne..... |
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marriot |
Posted: December 5th, 2012, 4:48pm |
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LocationUK Posts93 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
Just read the script. Oh teh LULZ! Actually made me laugh out loud. awesome job. |
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Jeremiah Johnson |
Posted: December 6th, 2012, 12:10am |
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Posts317 Posts Per Day 0.07 |
Congrats on getting this filmed!!!! I read the script, and it made me literally laugh out loud - not just type LOL, but really laugh... you get the picture. Here's to your continued success!! |
| My Scripts: SHORTS Bed Bugs I Got The Shaft No Clowning Around Fool's Gold Five Days for Redemption
TELEVISION Father, Forgive Me Sheriff of Nowhere |
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michel |
Posted: December 10th, 2012, 5:53pm |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
Watched the whole film last night. Great direction.... Worth to watch..... |
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Pale Yellow |
Posted: December 11th, 2012, 8:59am |
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January Project Group
Posts2083 Posts Per Day 1.38 |
L0ve the ending Congrats |
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Tyler |
Posted: December 11th, 2012, 1:34pm |
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LocationUK Posts30 Posts Per Day 0.01 |
Very good script, there's few that can actually make me smile. As said before, I would expect some more hesitation from the maid, but who knows the story behind her except for you? Former assassin maid who got confused between jobs, maybe? |
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michel |
Posted: March 12th, 2013, 5:39am |
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Old Timer
LocationFrance Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.18 |
I've just been told that PRO KOPF has been accepted into this years Short Film Corner at Cannes Film Festival. Very excited and so so proud of the movie. Last year it was Silent Dark Eyes. Michel |
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irish eyes |
Posted: March 12th, 2013, 6:33am |
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January Project Group There`s too much blood in my alcohol
LocationUpstate New York Posts1865 Posts Per Day 0.36 |
Congrats Michel That's incredible Mark |
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Electric Dreamer |
Posted: March 12th, 2013, 10:50am |
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Old Timer Taking a long vacation from the holidays.
LocationLos Angeles Posts2740 Posts Per Day 0.55 |
I've just been told that PRO KOPF has been accepted into this years Short Film Corner at Cannes Film Festival. Very excited and so so proud of the movie. Last year it was Silent Dark Eyes. Michel |
Wow, two years in a row! You must be very proud. Congrats, E.D. |
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tommyd |
Posted: January 22nd, 2015, 6:56am |
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LocationMiddle England Posts20 Posts Per Day 0.00 |
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RichardR |
Posted: January 22nd, 2015, 9:46am |
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Posts889 Posts Per Day 0.26 |
Michael,
Some comments can lead to despair. Take all good ones to heart, deep six the rest.
Nice job. Good surprise ending. I'm not sold on the maid's quick acceptance of the offer. And I think the man might hae started lower, working up to the eventual amount. Then, there's the bit about the location of the gun. How can the man know the man about to be killed keeps a gun in the same place. In fact, how does the man know the layout of the apartment? Now, those problems are easily solved, but the audience will spot them immediately and not give the film the attention it deserves.
With a bit of rewriting, you can persuade the maid in a more believeable fashion and get past the obvious logic problems.
Good job.
Best Richard |
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Don |
Posted: January 22nd, 2015, 11:51am |
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AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16438 Posts Per Day 1.94 |
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| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
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Iancou |
Posted: January 22nd, 2015, 6:02pm |
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LocationSoutheastern United States Posts159 Posts Per Day 0.04 |
Michel,
I have to say that I prefer the beginning as it was filmed. I believe it better sets up the rest of the story and doesn't give away too much too soon because it leads you to believe the film is going in a completely different direction. However, the ending is classic. The only question is why would he be "livid" instead of shocked or surprised? I enjoyed it immensely.
Ian |
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Athenian |
Posted: January 23rd, 2015, 1:05am |
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January Project Group
Posts203 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
Congratulations, Michel! The film is flawless - I'm sure you are happy with the result. |
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MarkRenshaw |
Posted: January 27th, 2015, 6:50am |
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January Project Group
LocationUK Posts2335 Posts Per Day 0.58 |
Congratulations, I see from the thread it's been a few years but still - you must be chuffed about this. |
| For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK |
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