Cheers for the read mcornetto and tonka, glad you both found it funny.  It is an old joke but I'm pleased with the postitive feedback by everyone thats read it so far.  I wasn't sure it would work but I'm glad I gave it a chance.

Hey alffy,

This was very good, short and to the point. I hadn't heard this joke before so I was kinda wondering where you were going with it. Worked beautiful I think. Liked the end a lot.

Cheers
Rob

Thanks for the read sniper

I've just read your 'second draft script' and left you my thoughts.

Wow. Colin deserved it. He made the lion angry in the first place with his stupid camera rewinding.

Great script for a great joke. I hadn't heard that one before, so the punchline came as a surprise.

Keep writing.

Well, I obviously can't say much due to the length of the script, but I will say that it did it's job by making me laugh at the end.

Good job.

Thanks for the reviews guys.

Ha ha ha!

Pretty good man.

Conflict from the very first page. Which then escalates to a satysfying conclusion.

There ain't much story in here, feels more like a joke in script form. But I was laughing at the end, so it worked.

Thanks Mr. Z

Yeah it is a joke really but I like it and thought it could work as a short.  I've another joke which I think might work but I've been holding it back, but I may decide to do it sometime soon.

Anyway thanks again for the read mate.

Very good. I liked it a lot.

You could maybe make a bigger deal of Andy getting ready to run. So he could pack everything away, take his jacket off, stretch a bit. All the while Colin doesn't notice, right until he turns around and asks what he is doing, then the last line.

ALSO, I think it would be better that Colin doesn't know the lion is too close because he is seeing it through a camera. He would ask Andy what he is doing, then go back looking through the camera, and the lion would be much closer.

Hope those make sense...

Cheers for the read Tommy, and the comments. At the moment this ones best left alone but never say never right.

Hey Alffy,

Funny script.  The ending really made it.  I though it was going nowhere and then bam.  Made me laugh.  Good job.

All the best.


Javier

Thanks Javier, glad you found the ending amusing. Dunno if you've checked previous posts but this is a joke I heard many moons ago and thought it would work as a short script.  Cheers for checking it out mate.

Thought this short was written very well, loved the detail in the action. I'm sure I have heard that joke somewhere before, but here you get great visuals rather than a quick joke with a punch line. Good Job.

I really liked this except the FADE OUT. I know that's the best two words in a script, but it weakens the punchline.

A SMASH CUT TO BLACK would be better, in my opinion.

Wow this is an old one to be dragged back up.  Thanks for the read though Brandon and ABSteel.  This was a joke I'd heard and thought it would be a good little writing exercise, way back when.