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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Buckets of Blood Moderators: bert
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  Author    Buckets of Blood  (currently 10091 views)
Death Monkey
Posted: May 30th, 2007, 4:18pm Report to Moderator
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I just made it through "The Dead and the Deader" and "Twitch".

Let's do The Dead and the Deader first.

Wow, that was yucky. Real nasty stuff inside. Very exploitationist.

I don't know what I actually thought about the story. It wasn't really there, just a few loosely connected scenes of harlan being a twisted psycho. And then Elizabeth and Marcel being all lovey dovey.

This one succeeds in the gross-out violence department that's for sure. I don't know if it was intended by I did get a few laughs at the entire Over-the-top feel to it all. Especially during the voodoo rituals with everybody having sex in animal intestines and blood. I was waiting for some guy to come over and take a dump on one of the couples at one point. Just so we got around the entire spectrum of "Eew".

The Sheriff did come off as a very anti-climatic character. Like the black guy in the Shining.

All in all, I honestly don't know if I liked it or not. I squirmed, I'll say that much.

Oh and there were quite a few typos and stuff in this one. Also every case of "too" was spelled "to". They added up when Marcel and Liz were saying "I love you too" all the time.


Twitch

This one had pretty good characters and was way more dialogue heavy than the two others I read. It did feel very familiar, re-treading "Ring" territory with the creepy dead girl coming back to make people suffer, but it was pretty enjoyable for the most part.

I liked Emily and you gave the family a nice backstory, but one question I was left with was: Why now? How come the ghost waited so long until it came after them? Maybe I missed something?

Not much to say other than it kept me entertained, even if it did feel rather unoriginal. Creepy ending.

Maybe I'll have more comments tomorrow but it's getting late and my brain doesn't work well after midnight...


"The Flux capacitor. It's what makes time travel possible."

The Mute (short)
The Pool (short)
Tall Tales (short)
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Zombie Sean
Posted: May 30th, 2007, 7:50pm Report to Moderator
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Well, it's been a week since this was put up, and going by the rules and stuffs of the OWC (the way Jordan sort of intended it to be), I think it's time to show myself on which script I wrote. So far, for those who have guessed Twitch as mine, they are correct.

Greg:

Thanks for reading. As for building a pool in December...Well, it takes a while to build a pool. As soon as one is finished (which takes about three to for months or so) it will soon be ready to be used in no time. For Haley's death, I wanted it to be slow, so people could have the time to cringe or whatever as it slowly sliced through her mouth (if this were shown on screen). Thanks for reading it again, and I sort of focused on character development. The other times, I was just thinking of really great, gory death scenes. Did you know I had about 4 alternate deaths for Ray, including this one that made the final cut? Haha.

TAnthony:

Haha you got me. Eh, nobody's perfect with dialogue, and I can see what you mean at some points where it could be a bit forced. As for my action lines, I try my best to keep them at 3-4 lines minimum, but there are some times where there's a lot of needed descriptions where they would look kind of weird if spaced apart.

Golem "Bot": (Hehe)

Thanks for reading. I'm glad you liked it also, and, hey, drama doesn't hurt, right? You want to feel for the characters, right? But I'm glad I kept up with the other three scripts with the gore and guts.

Heretic:

Sorry about the spelling and term mix ups. About Emily, Riley, and Haley not hearing about their dad doing stuff like that...Well, I don't think their mom would want to tell them that and have them scarred for the rest of their life knowing that their dad was a deranged psycho freak. And the unoriginality...Heh, well, what's left to write these days? We've seen Ninjas VS. Vamipires (Dracula 3000, I think, or maybe Underworld), Voodoo zombies (there are some low-budget ones that have never been seen in theaters, but I've seen them), and, well, I've seen a buncha rapist killers, but cannibalistic ones? Pia's got a new idea for that...Thanks for reading.

Death Monkey:

Hehe there goes another unoriginality comment Sorry! Um, for the reason why Jessica didn't come back until like 10 years later, was...well, I'm not really sure. I think, maybe, she could have been searching for the family, or maybe she was just writing down plans that took years to come up with, and she had to get them picture-perfect Hehe and I'm glad it kept you entertained.

Thanks again for the reads everyone. I'm surprised no one has said anything about the woodchipper death. I thought that was a good one, because in whatever movies involve a death with woodchippers, you don't really see anything, either because it happens off screen or you see the aftermath of the death.

Sean
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tomson
Posted: May 31st, 2007, 12:10am Report to Moderator
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I'm late to the post today and I apologize! Thanks for reading everyone.

Heretic,

I appreciate you reading and I'm happy you like it better than my western. Mind you, I did rewrite that one and I did take everyone's comments in consideration. Especially yours and Alan's.

Anyways, thanks for reading this one. I will definitely read scripts in return. I just have a huge back log. I haven't been able to read or write as much lately because I'm in the middle of filming my first short.   Won't tell you which one because it's not posted here.   I will definitely read in return though.
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James McClung
Posted: May 31st, 2007, 12:43am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zombie Sean
We've seen Ninjas VS. Vamipires (Dracula 3000, I think, or maybe Underworld)


Ouch! Where did I go wrong? A little melodramatic, sure, but jeez, I wasn't expecting to be compared to... that.

Okay, that's obviously a dramatization. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. I'm seriously a little shocked by the comparison though. Oh well.

I've been holding back on replying to comments for a while since the names were supposed to be secret but obviously, the cat's out of the bag at this point. Thanks to everyone who read Pleasure Pain. A couple of you guys nailed the tone. This was definitely meant to be cheesy as hell. No matter how painfully so it may have seemed at times, it was definitely intentional. Jordan said he wanted an exploitation script so I wrote a hybrid of three: sexploitation, vampires, and ninjas (the kind where the voices don't match up with the actors' lips). The dialogue was meant to sound semi-scripted but I think I may have lost it a few times and went a little too modern. I also agree that there was a little too much talk in the start and a little too much action in the end. I wasn't aiming for balance but I thought the shortness of the script would make it a little easier to swallow. I also tried to cut down on the descriptions in the rewrite. I wanted this to be an action script as well as horror but I think I definitely went a little overboard.

Anyway, thanks again for the reads. I'll get started on returning the favors once I've got the time. I'll try to make sure I get you all.


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Zombie Sean
Posted: May 31st, 2007, 1:38am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from James McClung


Ouch! Where did I go wrong? A little melodramatic, sure, but jeez, I wasn't expecting to be compared to... that.

Okay, that's obviously a dramatization. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. I'm seriously a little shocked by the comparison though. Oh well.


Haha okay maybe I'm overreacting, but I'm just trying to make a point. I enjoyed your script, though, James. You can't have too much action!

Sean
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Nixon
Posted: June 1st, 2007, 6:42pm Report to Moderator
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Twitch

Although this one had some familiar elements, it shouldn’t be defined as unoriginal. Each victim met his or her untimely end in a gruesome and original manner. Kudos for that.

Towards the end, it seemed like the story lacked any direction but then the whole dead father/pedophile angle was reveal and brought everything together in a shocking way. Well done.  

My biggest issue with this short was the descriptions. They were clunky, awkward and just didn’t flow.

Other than that, good stuff.

Dark Side of Men


This one was disappointing. First, let me say that the descriptions and dialogue were awesome, but this piece was just way too predictable. Nothing really shocked me. Maybe this one suffers from being the last short in an anthology of extremely disturbing tales.

A German guy having his Frankfurter cut off just didn’t shock me after reading about a fetus being kicked out of a woman’s uterus and a small girl being raped and mutilated.

And you let the couple go! I was really hoping that the German guy was waiting in the back seat.

Oh well.




Though earth and man are gone, I thought the cube would last forever.
I WAS WRONG.
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tomson
Posted: June 1st, 2007, 8:14pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for reading Nixon!

I seem to have a hard time pleasing you, but that's fine of course. Everyone has their own taste. I guess I wanted this one to feel like it could actually happen. When it comes to gore, well what can I say other than Jordan is a hard act to follow.  

Thanks for reading though and let me know if I can read anything in return.
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Zombie Sean
Posted: June 1st, 2007, 9:35pm Report to Moderator
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Hey nixon, thanks for the read. I always seem to have a problem with my descriptions, but those are the least of my worries (I think and hope ). I'm glad to see that you don't think my story is all unoriginal, but then again, I have to agree with everyone, it's something we've seen before.

Sean
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Nixon
Posted: June 1st, 2007, 9:54pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Zombie Sean
it's something we've seen before.


This might be true, everyone has seen everything. Pure originality is impossible, since everything has already been done.


Quoted from tomson

I seem to have a hard time pleasing you


Really? Savage Frontier is one of my favorite shorts on the site. Anyway, great job again guys (and girl). This sort of collaboration between members should be more common.  


Though earth and man are gone, I thought the cube would last forever.
I WAS WRONG.
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The boy who could fly
Posted: June 2nd, 2007, 2:03am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from tomson

When it comes to gore, well what can I say other than Jordan is a hard act to follow.  


Ya, I seem to go overboard with the gore....HEHE, but that the way I am.  I also wanted to have one of the shorts between ours since we both have shlong eating, they shouldn't be back to back...HAHAHAHAH.

Anyways thanks for the reads everyone


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chism
Posted: June 2nd, 2007, 9:28pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, just finished Twitch, which is Sean's if I'm not mistaken.

Sean,

Ewwww. This script was gross. I cringed at the beginning when that guy's neck snapped, the way you described it made it so..... disgusting. Same thing with Haley's death. Never again shall I stick my head out of the car window. You've given me a new phobia.  

Anyway, I read this last night and I've read another two script in between, so the details of this one are fading fast. That's not a commentary on your writing, I just have a shocking memory so I'll just say this was a really good one, there was great drama and character development, which I didn't see coming and I was almost as disturbed as I was during Jordan's script. It was the rape scene that got me, how awful that was.

You've told a pretty good yarn here. The disturbing scenes and bloody violence wasn't quite on the level of Dead and the Deader, but please don't take that as insult because no one does that kind of shit better than Mr. Wiebe. If there is a Buckets of Blood sequel, make sure you're involved. I'll give it a read and give you a much, much better review, I swear.  

James, Pia: your shorts are next on my list, guys.

Matt.
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yorkshireladdy
Posted: June 3rd, 2007, 2:54am Report to Moderator
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OMg- this title really says it all, doesn't it?!  I liked the creativity of Pleasure Pain, but it did have some of the cheesier dialog.  I didn't really like The Dead and the Deader at first but I think that one was the most graphic to me.  Especially the dialog and all the fetus stuff.  Twitch was okay, tho not my fave- the pace seemed to slow.  THe Dark Side of Man is probably the best, the dialog being the most realistic and whatnot.  The images are also easy to picture in the mind's eye, and, at least to me, those action paragraphs are inspiring in their to-the-point intensity. Good job you guys, creepy stuff!!
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JD_OK
Posted: June 3rd, 2007, 4:33pm Report to Moderator
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Newton's Cradle will make you a believer.

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I'll start off saying, I hardly EVER read shorts, or post in this section. Only when asked, cuz I really dont get into shorts or feel how to give good feedback on them.

DARK SIDE OF MAN

pg 14 reminds me of 8mm, nick cage movie. Making snuff films
pg 16, you mean while his eyes are focused on ally
pg 17, I dont think he should bother getting pants on, would seem unrealistic to stop and put pants on, whenhis g/f is inches away from death. And I'm kinda of wondering how jerry doesnt see all of what bobby is doing.

Descriptions were well done. Action flowed like it should.

Over all, I'm really impressed with the short. It was well written for most part and characters were good, along with dialog. Your very  talented at ur shorts, I really wish u work up the nads to do a feature!

I liked the setup with the glass bottle, planted it well. I First thought why did u indicate this, hoping it would lead to something later (which it did). I didnt find it "overly " predictable, but so what? Good guys get away and bad guy dies. Good ending for me.

I agree with one reviewer sayin u over did the real in dialog, could be shorten for more impact there.

Story flowed well, and kept my interested. Very sick/inventive, which was good. I think script would do well on those horror contest/film.

PLEASURE AND PAIN

James I figured u wrote this by the time I was finished, just becuz of ur past yakuza stuff and ur descriptions in 'Black Martket'.

I did have plenty to say about it, but I see you intended this to be non serious, so all I can say is, not bad!


Newton's Cradle - action/fantasy, 10th draft 109pgs pdf

IN QUEUE - Comedy - Coming soon!



Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
JD_OK  -  June 3rd, 2007, 6:41pm
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chism
Posted: June 4th, 2007, 7:34am Report to Moderator
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OK, The Dark Side of Man, which is Pia's.

Pia, let me start by saying that your avatar is the greatest on the site. Clarice rocks the house and you're automatically my new bestest buddy for having it. Now moving on.

This was one helluva short. It's dark, twisted, sadistic, brutal, sexually perverted and really, really entertaining. It was a very quick read, just breezed right through it. Descriptions were short, snappy and to the point. In fact the entire script was, there really isn't anything in there that shouldn't be. A few lines here and there could be taken out (I defintely agree with JD about the whole pants thing) but other than that, you got one great little piece here.

An impressive bunch so far. James, your's is the last one I have to read and I will have it read and reviewed ASAP. Thanks.


Matt.
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Zombie Sean
Posted: June 4th, 2007, 11:53am Report to Moderator
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Matt:

I'm glad you liked it. And it's true, I don't think anyone can beat Jordan when it comes to gore and disturbing scenes.

yorkshireladdy:

Haha I'm sorry mine was your least favorite. It moved slow due to character development/drama and family issues with the characters. Thanks for reading.

Sean
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