yorkshireladdy,

Thanks for reading. I'm glad you liked it. You might be biased though....you know Gators and stuff...
I'll try to read yours in the next few days.

JD, thanks to you too. I appreciate the praise. Makes me feel good...
About the pants. I guess since all the comments regarding the pants have been made by guys, I will take your word for it and change that in the rewrite. I guess my own thinking was that he would feel vulnerable without pants and therefore hesitant  to go into a fight.

Anyway, thanks and I will make some changes.

Matt,

Yeah, Clarice is awesome, but I happen to like Jodie Foster regardless...

I'm glad you like this one and I'll add you to the "pants" list. I will change that.

I'd be glad to read something in return. Just point me in the right direction.

Thanks everyone!

Pia

It was with much, much trepidation that I opened up 'Buckets of Blood'.  I enjoyed 'Mother's Milk' so I thought I'd give 'The Dark Side of Man' a look.

First off, I'd say technically you're a very proficient writer Pia.  If I had to quibble though I think you need to hold back on the adjectives just a bit.  I think there are only so many ways to describe how someone's intestines spill out onto the floor (I just know some gorehound is going to call me on this and say it was their favorite part) really though, screenwriting is first and foremost about telling a story, not titilating the reader.

With that out of the way...

For about 9/10th's of the way through I was all but prepared to write this off as just another torture-scene exploitation tale.  You won me over with the ending however.  It revealed to me that this had a morale and a point to make.  That scene with the college students and their indifferent attitude to what they were watching was quite chilling - that to me was your story.  Everything else was just build-up.

I understand that this is supposed to be an exploitation flick and that you're supposed to push the boundaries.  With that in mind, I think you did well in creating a story that is both gory and engaging on a psychological level.

So, I guess I can say it got to me.  Therefore, you did your job as a writer.  

Hey mgj,

Thanks for reading. This was a surprise.

First off, I had to look up the word trepidation.   I'm glad you still went ahead and read it. If I remember correctly you mentioned long time ago when I read the False Road something about you not liking horror or at least not the violent and gory kind, so I appreciate that you still read it. I guess with a title like Buckets of Blood people can pretty much figure out what these shorts are going to be like. Some of us do like this sort of thing though.

I'm glad you liked the ending. The first draft was different and just ended with them escaping, but I like the ending that is there now. As technology advances the lines between real and fake is becoming harder and harder to distinguish.

Our appetite for gore, violence and deviant behaviour seem to be ever increasing. I read a couple of months ago about a man who was chatting with a group of other people in England, this place had video too. This man apparantly was depressed and wanted to commit suicide. Guess what? The other people he was chatting with egged him on and he hung himself live in front of them. It wasn't until it was over that people realized this wasn't fake. This was real and a man had just taken his own life in front of everyone. I'm just wondering where we are heading is all.

About my descriptions, I know what you are saying and I'm always trying to improve and over the last year and a half I have.

I do read a lot of scripts and as a reader I myself prefer when the writer adds a little extra to the writing. Sure, we all want a script to read fast, but IMHO there is also such thing as too terse. Now if I could only master the understanding and use of words like Bert for example, then I could do a little more trimming and still make sense. If that makes sense...

Anyway, thanks for reading. I appreciate it.

Pia

Now I am a massive gore hound, and I do mean massive...there is nothing I like more in a horror movie then it to be full of nice bloody gore, but even I thought that there were some parts that were just too nasty, such as the forced removal of the fetus via a stomp on the stomach.

Quoted from Gaara Now I am a massive gore hound, and I do mean massive...there is nothing I like more in a horror movie then it to be full of nice bloody gore, but even I thought that there were some parts that were just too nasty, such as the forced removal of the fetus via a stomp on the stomach.

I just want to clarify that that was in Jordan's piece not mine.  

Quoted from tomson Now if I could only master the understanding and use of words like Bert for example...

I did not know that the use and understanding of "Bert" was difficult to master.

But, of course, nothing draws me out like an appeal to my endless vanity.  I do hope to get around to the rest of these stories, but I have to check out Pia’s first.

Yes, folks -- I am that shallow -- and I make no apologies for it.

So, I am not sure what to make of this, Pia.  It’s tense and taut and somehow manages to feel fresh in a slimy little subgenre where the well has pretty much been bled dry.  Pun intended.  And, as advertised, it does, in fact, have buckets of blood.  Literal buckets.  From another, I would praise such as far ahead of the curve around here.

But even you have to admit that you aren’t really breaking any new ground here.  This feels more like an exercise -- this is you putting yourself through familiar paces as opposed to actually stretching yourself.

I like it better when you surprise us, you know?

But enough dwelling on that.  At face value this is a nasty little story, nicely composed and paced, with a title that is perhaps a bit too cliché.  It gets right to the point, and does not overstay its welcome.  Some of the best dialogue I’ve seen from you is found here, Pia.  

And I was right with you until Bobby took the time to pull on some jeans.  Honesty -- my comments do not start until this point.  Things were flowing great.  But this getting dressed thing is a detail you need to lose, for sure.  And then you even have Bobby speak, actually warning the guy that he is free.  Again, lose that detail.

And instead of gently lowering Ally down, Bobby should be frazzled and screw up with the levers -- plopping her down right into the middle of the carnage.  Splat.  She can still get free.  It’s just better.  And it is silly to have Ally say, “Let’s leave.”  Well, duh.

And give Jerry something better to say when Bobby returns for the keys.  Don’t have him beg.  Give him a pitiful weapon and some spiteful words.  Like Kahn’s final goodbye to Kirk.  Something like that.

Where the story really works is how you take it one step further than we expect, into the dorm room.  But what if Craig and Ryan knew this young couple?  In fact, what if Bobby was their roommate, and he were to walk in, bloody and battered right after they had finished watching?  Now there is a nice fade out.

And finally, I have to say that I found the Dieter story the most compelling of all.  Is there room for a few, quick flashbacks in this story?  That might be fun.  Anyway, I have no idea why you constantly belittle your own work.  It’s a bad habit and you really need to stop.  

Quoted from bert But what if Craig and Ryan knew this young couple?  In fact, what if Bobby was their roommate, and he were to walk in, bloody and battered right after they had finished watching?  Now there is a nice fade out.

Viewed out of context, simply on its own I'd agree with you Bert but I think she has it right the way it is.  I like the ambiguity.  These kids could be anyone, possibly your friends or neighbors.  It's sort of a commentary on society, like it's forcing us to look in the mirror.  To have it come full circle like you suggest, for these people to know each other, I think diminishes the inherent creepiness of it.  

-Mike

Quoted from bert I did not know that the use and understanding of "Bert" was difficult to master.

Ha ha, well that's why I'm frequently misunderstood and frequently misunderstand things. Just the simple way to put words.

Quoted from bert So, I am not sure what to make of this, Pia.  It’s tense and taut and somehow manages to feel fresh in a slimy little subgenre where the well has pretty much been bled dry.  Pun intended.  And, as advertised, it does, in fact, have buckets of blood.  Literal buckets.  From another, I would praise such as far ahead of the curve around here.

Okay, I'm not sure what to make of your comment bert. I read your comment several times, but I'm still not sure. It doesn't sound too good, which is fine by me. I soak up any suggestions. If I understand them...

Quoted from bert I like it better when you surprise us, you know?

I do know. and I think I even know the answer to that. I think my problem of being me and just let things go and turn it's own way, no matter how crazy or bizarre, is that I now know a lot of different people. When I first put Be My Valentine up here, I didn't know anyone, so I didn't care what people might think. I just let things happen. Now I know writers of all ages and gender and filmmakers and so on. I am aware that I am censuring myself in order to please/not offend everyone. I'm not sure what to do about it. Maybe I should take up a psydonym and just let things go onto the paper uncencored. I don't know, just a thought...

Quoted from bert with a title that is perhaps a bit too cliché.

I actually like the title a lot.

Quoted from bert Some of the best dialogue I’ve seen from you is found here

Thanks, I guess I just tried to make it seem normal...  

Quoted from bert And I was right with you until Bobby took the time to pull on some jeans.  Honesty -- my comments do not start until this point.  Things were flowing great.  But this getting dressed thing is a detail you need to lose, for sure.

Okay Okay. I've heard enough of that comment now to take everyones word for it. I guess to me, it just seemed that he would feel vulnerable going into a fight without pants, but I'll take you guy's word for it that it would not happen this way. I'm happy you all would rescue the damsel in distress before putting pants on!

Quoted from bert And instead of gently lowering Ally down, Bobby should be frazzled and screw up with the levers -- plopping her down right into the middle of the carnage.  Splat.  She can still get free.  It’s just better.  And it is silly to have Ally say, “Let’s leave.”  Well, duh.

I hear you and excellent suggestion btw.

Quoted from bert And give Jerry something better to say when Bobby returns for the keys.  Don’t have him beg.  Give him a pitiful weapon and some spiteful words.  Like Kahn’s final goodbye to Kirk.  Something like that.

I like that!

Quoted from bert Where the story really works is how you take it one step further than we expect, into the dorm room.  But what if Craig and Ryan knew this young couple?  In fact, what if Bobby was their roommate, and he were to walk in, bloody and battered right after they had finished watching?

I like your thinking, but I'm with mgj here.

Quoted from bert And finally, I have to say that I found the Dieter story the most compelling of all.  Is there room for a few, quick flashbacks in this story?

LOVE IT! Yeas I will add that in the rewrite.

Quoted from bert I have no idea why you constantly belittle your own work.  It’s a bad habit and you really need to stop.

I don't think I can...... I hate most of it...  

Bert,

thanks for reading....

I second a flashback that BERT suggested, on the dieter, )im drunk cant spell...hahahhahaaahahahahahahah, but i cant spell when sober either bahahahahaahahahah

Quoted from chism Pia, let me start by saying that your avatar is the greatest on the site. Clarice rocks the house and you're automatically my new bestest buddy for having it.

Clarice?  And all this time, I thought it was Scully....

I read Dark Side of Man.  It's your basic slasher story a la Grind House or Hostel.  Hunter versus hunted.  More emphasis on gore than characterization and story.  There's nothing really new in it.

The opening sequence was nice and description.  You set up the pacing nicely and described it well, visually, but you didn't include any audio.  Include things like the snow breaking under Bobby's weight.  His forced raspy breath.  The wind.

Ice, btw, makes CRACKING noises when it cracks.  Where did the gurgling idea come from?
Bobby hesitating to grab Jerry's hand was good.  It set things up for who Jerry is, if Bobby's contemplating not taking his hand.

I thought there was too much detail given to the torture scene, starting from page 13.  Instead of showing Jerry doing every single thing, cut to Bobby, doing something.... anything.  Then cut back to Jerry further along in what he's doing.  The same can be said when Bobby starts his plan to break loose.  During this, cut to Jerry.

"An idea hits him?"  Unless you literally show a lightbulb going off over Bobby's head, take this description out.

Why would Bobby warn Jerry (on page 18 ) that he's loose?  Why not just stab him from behind?  If you don't want him to face Jerry, then have Jerry hear him coming and turn around, or something.

As I said earlier, it's your basic slasher story.  And just because gore is the star of the show, it doesn't mean you can't do more with the characters.



Phil

Quoted from dogglebe Clarice?  And all this time, I thought it was Scully....

I have no idea who Scully is, but I doubt it's someone that can take her place.

Quoted from dogglebe It's your basic slasher story a la Grind House or Hostel.  Hunter versus hunted.  More emphasis on gore than characterization and story.  There's nothing really new in it.

In a way I should be happy about that since Jordan told us the mission was to make it Grind House style. I had to ask what that was    , but I tried to do meet that assignment. I agree though that it still has to be strong on characters and story. I can probably work on the characters some, but when it comes to the story, I guess it's going to take a little thinking.

If anyone has any ideas on how to make it more original or unique, I'm all ears.

Quoted from dogglebe The opening sequence was nice and description.  You set up the pacing nicely and described it well, visually, but you didn't include any audio.  Include things like the snow breaking under Bobby's weight.  His forced raspy breath.  The wind.

I agree. It's a tricky thing I'm trying to learn, balancing description to paint a full picture, but at the same time be as brief as possible.

Quoted from dogglebe Ice, btw, makes CRACKING noises when it cracks.  Where did the gurgling idea come from?

Personal experience actually. I fell through the ice at age fifteen. The sounds are VERY creepy. It creaks and moans and there's a gurgling bubbling sound as the water moves underneath the ice. It cracks when it breaks though.

Quoted from dogglebe Bobby hesitating to grab Jerry's hand was good.  It set things up for who Jerry is, if Bobby's contemplating not taking his hand.

I'm glad that worked. That's how I intended it.

Quoted from dogglebe I thought there was too much detail given to the torture scene, starting from page 13.  Instead of showing Jerry doing every single thing, cut to Bobby, doing something.... anything.  Then cut back to Jerry further along in what he's doing.  The same can be said when Bobby starts his plan to break loose.  During this, cut to Jerry.

Good ideas. I was trying to please those who like gore and those less crazy about it at the same time. I think I've discovered that it's better to just the write stories to my on liking than trying to please everyone. That's just makes everything too generic and bland.

Quoted from dogglebe As I said earlier, it's your basic slasher story.  And just because gore is the star of the show, it doesn't mean you can't do more with the characters.

I hear you. I will use your ideas and comments in the rewrite.

Thanks for reading.

Pia  

Quoted from tomson I have no idea who Scully is, but I doubt it's someone that can take her place.

Agent Scully?  The X-Files?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dana_Scully

Phil

First off, James, let me apologise for the late review. I thought I had already posted it, and it turns out I didn't so sorry for the delay. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have a shocking memory But on the plus side, the script gets bumped, which is always good.

Moving on. I liked your script as well. While it wasn't my favourite of the bunch, I thought you did a good job in crafting an authentically scary period piece. Vampires are awesome, and you've created a good ole yarn using them. We don't get vampire movies like we used to and while I'm not saying this is a return to the classic vampire horrors the likes of Interview and Dusk Till Dawn, it's a step in the right direction.

Your formatting and pacing were excellent, making for a very quick, very easy read. It's bloody, gory, fantastic and it fits in well with the other three tales in the script. Also gotta give a shoutout to the ambiguous ending there. I like those kinds of things. You really managed to pull of the whole vampire/ninja concept nicely, so well done. Again, sorry for the late review.


Matt.

Thanks for the review, Matt. Believe it or not, I don't much care for vampire movies, especially today. Nowadays, they're portrayed too much like people and have completely lost whatever made them seem scary in the first place. The older vampire movies are more to my liking but still not really my style. With Pleasure Pain, I wanted to take vampires in a completely new direction rather than do something throwback although I'll admit these vampires probably aren't very scary here either. That's partly due to the guidelines of the project. Still, I like them better as bloodsucking freaks than with overly-humanistic characterstics. Anyway, glad you liked it.

Hey Pia,

It's been awhile since I've checked out something of yours, so I'm glad you jumped in the lottery with this one.  I hope to get through all of them at some point.

The description of Bobby falling through the ice seemed a little odd.  He' sinking, almost as if he's in quicksand.  Generally, when someone falls through ice, they fall.  He could still be up to his chest with water, but it should be an instant thing.

As I'm reading through this, I'm getting the pleasant surprise that the really spooky shit isn't so much in the description, it's in the dialogue.  I found myself to be far more repulsed by that.

The bladder thing...Ever watch Dirty Jobs?

Bobby's rushing to free himself and he stops to put on a pair of jeans?

"You fucking kid!"  Sorry Pia, but that's a bad line.

An interesting little scene at the end, but how does the clip get posted to the internet?

This was pretty screwed up I'd say, but well written.  Like I said above, I found the dialogue to be more disturbing than the description, but the descriptions were good as well.

One other thing...in the opening scene you have Bobby running and wearing nothing but a shirt.  Is he just cruising along with his dong hanging out?  The actors/actress in this would certainly earn their money.

Anyway, nice work, you twisted lady you.