Buckets of Blood by Sean Elwood, James McClung, Pia, Jordan Wiebe - Short, Horror - Four tales of horror all in one gruesome package.  Ninjas, vampires, the living dead, a vengeful spirit, and a cannibalistic sexual predator.  Four times the thrills, four times the terror, get ready for Buckets of blood. 119 pages - pdf, format

*SPOILERS*

I just finished Dark Side of Man and oh my god! This was twisted. I only have two complaints, so let's get those out of the way.

1. Once Bobboy gets free he takes his time to put his pants on before he saved Ally. This struck me as a bit odd and unrealistic.

2. The ending with the two college guys felt thrown together. Their dialog wasn't very believable. You should have stayed with Bobby and Ally.

Now that the bad's out of the way, lets get to the good. I loved Jerry's story about Deiter and his sick fetish with reverse cannabilism. That was creepy and original. I also thought the way Bobby escaped was cool. I'm glad Bobby and Ally got away in the end, it made me feel good. Overall, I'd say this was a great script! Nice job!

9 out of 10

Okay, well, just so you guys know (and because Pia deleted her post due to technical deals between the four writers), Jordan wanted the authors of the scripts to be secret. It's like the OWC, except we give you the author names, and you have to guess who wrote what.

I hope you guys enjoy all four scripts and I want to thank Don for getting these up.

Sean

Thanks for taking the authors name out of my review, Bert. I wouldn't have put that persons name in there had I known I wasn't supposed to.

Pleasure Pain

First I will give my own little "cute review"

This was a really fun read involving two of the best things out there...Ninja's and Vampires.  To me it was a decent mix of a generic Ninja movie and From Dusk til Dawn, which can only be a good thing in my eyes.

Now for a proper review

Like I said it is a fun little story with quite an intriguing (if quite cliched) premise.

The formatting was pretty much spot on, although there was one part where a bit of dialogue was formatted as action, Page 7 I think it was on.

The action itself was well written. Some people might say that it was over written. Personally prefer it this way because it helps me to visualise what is going on much easier.

Dialogue was suitably corny. I'm sorry if the dialogue was supposed to be serious but it came across as corny to me.  Don't get me wrong that is not a bad thing...in fact in this case it was a great thing because it really pulled me into the story.

Quoted Text A whiff of my bouquet?

You can't tell me that wasn't supposed to be as corny as it sounds.

As for the ending

*******SPOILER ALERT******SPOILER ALERT**********

I admit I sort of saw it coming.  Actually I thought either the Emperor would honor his promise and let them leave...or he would be working with the Vampires.  I'm glad you went with the latter because it made for a great end to a great short.

So where does this leave the brothers? Will they be able to overcome the guards and escape or will this be the end of them?

I for one would love to see this idea expanded into a series (or mini-series) showing the brothers getting into life and death struggles with other supernatural forces, such as a demon, werewolves...Tengu's even http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tengu.

I just finished Pleasure Pain as well.

A pretty good and fast read. there were two scenes in particular I thought were just brilliant. First the opener; the "Goregasm"-scene as I've coined it. My jaw dropped. It was so cool. So manga. So wonderfully cartoonish in its violence. the second one was the sheathed dagger in the one vampire's...uhm...vertical smile. It's was just so corny and tongue-in cheek. I couldn't help but smile for the next page or two.

The action was very good, even if a bit repetitive at times. But a lot a creativity went into the dispatching of the vamps.

I did feel the script had trouble focusing its humor. Sometimes it was in the grindhouse over-the-top gore humor in using clichés and cornball dialogue, but when the ninjas were travelling to the brothel it was almost the three stooges screwball comedy. That was a bit confusing for the the tone of the script, I thought.

I can't say when I get around to reading the last three. But I will at some point.

I was actually wondering what was going to happen to the names when I saw the final copy and none of them showed up. I have to say I dig the secrecy. I'd be interested to see what people's guesses are.

Also, just thought I'd mention to these guys that the revised scripts read much better this time around. Top notch. This was the way they were meant to be IMO.

Anyway, as the title suggests, there's no shortage of blood and guts here. I really think each script pushes the envelope to the breaking point. Hope everyone enjoys them.

Hello,

I was originally going to just read one and save the others for later, but I couldn't put this down because I wanted to see what you guys would crank out next.  So, I guess I'll say a few words on each piece and then sum up my thoughts afterward.

Note: There were about six instances throughout the script where the dialogue was spaced beyond belief.  This happened once with me when I put my Word document script through Final Draft and it had some spacing errors that needed to be fixed.

PLEASURE PAIN

This was more of the action/adventure piece of the bunch.  Honestly, I had problems getting through this script amidst all of the action.  After finishing the script, however, I think this was a good piece to start out with.  

As I said, when everyone was fighting one another, I just got aggravated because I just got lost in it all.  When the distilling room was introduced, I was thinking "awesome!"  Very well described and gruesome and all of that tastey stuff, but it was more for scenery.  I think it would have been cool to see someone get the crap beaten out of them as the dead hanging bodies did.  

Clever ending to reveal the agreement between the Emperor and the vampires, though I think it would have been better to keep the Emperor as a human, or at least an immortal human.  Changing into the vampire just kind of blah'd me.  

Overall, though, there was cool scenery and lots of style!  Liked the brotherhood you established with our main guys you made this a very stylish piece.  It wasn't the action mayhem that bugged me, don't get me wrong, but rather the way some of it was written where it seemed to drag and that's what I got lost in.  Probaby Matter over Mind here...or something.

Oh yeah, Saki, not sake!  Be careful when you drink that stuff, too.  It's frickin' potent!


THE DEAD AND THE DEADER

This was my favorite one because it was so ruthless and made me cringe at a couple parts, like when Harlan cut the prostitute between her legs, and especially where he stomped on Elizabeth's stomach to get the fetus out.  I was like whooooa!!!  The grindhouse theme is really exemplified well here because there are no stops, there is no room to breath, and the violence in this one is unheard of and freakin' hardcore.

The problem I had, though, was Harlan.  I wanted to like him as the bad guy, but there was no reason to appreciate why he was such an ass.  From the get-go he's slicing people up and ripping fetuses out and raping little girls, but there's no character  rounding or anything.  With Elizabeth, we know why she wants to run away with Marcel.  Harlan, though, is evil seemingly just because.  Don't get me wrong, I liked him for what he was, but I think he could be deeper, which would make the hate for him even greater.

Sheriff Johnson was pointless.  Complete wimp, doesn't do much.  I think it would have been better to just have him and Harlan duel it out when we first see them and end his life right there.  Would have also given some background to Harlan.  And what was up with the bayou scene?  Orgies and animal sacrifices, but I didn't see where that tied in.  Was it some kind of spiritual thing tying into Marcel and his mother and the fetus coming back?

Overall, I liked this one alot.  The imagery was haunting, the story was relentless, and it even had a happy ending given the circumstances.


TWITCH

This piece had the best character development IMO.  It had the most complex story of the four an there was more involved in it.  Emily has a clear motive to be a bitch, and you can easily see her relationships with family members and other people.  Does she hate Ray because he was so quick to move in on their mom after their dad was out of the picture?  At first when Emily said "he was a bastard as an uncle!" I thought INCEST DUDE!!! But then I saw the way you described it and saw the implination that it was her father's brother.  

Building a pool in December?  Kind of odd, but given how desperate Heather and Ray are to be affectionate to Emily, I can buy it.

Some of the murder scenes were great, such as Michael killing Jessica(it's fun to review grindhouse scripts, because I'm describing murders as "great") and Riley's killing in the beginning.  Haley's death, for example, just eh'd me.  I liked the build-up to it, but I think the actual death could have been a little more swift.  Just stick that glass through that sucker!

"You have the blood of the man who killed me.  Those with the blood of him their souls I'll take" was a fantastic, chilling line to close out with.  This is revenge at its harshest; she takes out the entire family of the guy years after the fact.  Not bad at all.

Overall it was really a half-half read for me.  Half of it had blood and guts, the other half was a drama.  At times it was calm, then abruptly went into killing.  As I said before, though, great development and a chilling tale.


THE DARK SIDE OF MAN

This one is the dark side of internet videos.  Interesting concept.  You have Jerry come off as a Dahmer-type creep, and what's so bizarre about it is that he has a family!  That got me into his character because it's not like he's some loser out on the street.  He's got a wife and kids and he's doing these weird things and whatnot.  Lots of body parts here haha.  Should of had Jerry take a nice bite out of that Liver!  Tastey!  

Bobby's hopping over to the furnace in a chair...wouldn't Jerry hear this?  I know he's drunk, but...

The line "you fucking kid!" had me cracking up.  I guess I pictured Jerry holding all of his organs coming out of this huge wound and he's yelling at Bobby haha.  It's just funny, I like it!  

The ending to this one was great, too.  Great way to end the whole grindhouse, actually.  118 pages of blood and guts and then you got two guys saying the Jerry video looked cool because it seemed real.  Awesome.

Overall this story read fast.  A steady buildup all the way to the messy climax.  


So, each story definitely had some out-of-sight gore, sex, violence, language, taking-names-and-kicking-ass elements.  Since I knew there would be alot of that stuff, this thing read fast.  Each story was distinctly different from the others and it was quite entertaining.

As I said before, some characters in different places I think should have been more developed, of course I don't know if that's the point to the whole grindhouse theme.  I never saw the film because I think Tarantino is a dork.

If I had to pick who wrote what, I'd guess:
Pleasure Pain - Sean
The Dead and the Deader - Jordan
Twitch - James
The Dark Side of Man - Pia

I think Sean and James could be changed...not sure.

So, I enjoyed this read.  It was delicious!  Good job, gang!

Pleasure Pain

Your strong point is definitely the action lines. Easily, some of the best I’ve ever read. It doesn’t read like, “Jack slashes the vampire…” You go into great detail which is refreshing to many readers, because that alone is something a lot of writers don’t bother to do. Excellent, excellent, excellent job on that. Good way to kick off the story, reminds me of the beginning of Basic Instinct. And the whores are just disgusting. I mean they really are some nasty ass creatures.

Your dialogue and story I think are tied for the weakest part of your writing. I can’t talk too much, because I suck at dialogue, but the dialogue in the story sometimes came off so cheesy I was wincing. An example on Page 24, Ichiro: “Silence! We are not done for! Not as long as we have each other!...” That passage of dialogue is one of the corniest I’ve read in a while.

I quickly realized that this story wasn’t exactly going to be the most serious of ones and not your typical horror. This story is very original, but I think you should take the story to a tad bit more serious route. On page 6 it felt kind of lame when the brothers were getting the feel of the weapons again and then they, “freeze in defensive stances.” Felt like something from a video game. I understand that was the style, but it didn’t work for me. I used to play Mortal Kombat a few years back whenever I was at my cousin’s house, and I’m pretty sure you paid some kind of homage on page 23, “Get over here.” I can’t remember which fighter dude that was.

Pleasure Pain was fun, but it got a little tiresome. From page 14 to 29, it was a long fight sequence, that I felt over stayed it’s welcome. But, still good work.

This one’s got to belong to James McClung. Descriptive style, and I think I recognize some of the Japanese names in Black Market.

Dead and Deader

I was so shocked once I finished reading this. I mean wow. Wow. This short was actually a little scary. I’m not joking when I say this -- the character Harlan could possibly be one of the scariest characters I’ve ever read, or watched on television, or seen at the movies. This guy is at the top of my bad guy list in all of fiction. Forget Darth Vader, or Hannibal Lecter. Harlan is the scariest villain of them all.

The only complaint I really have is Sheriff Johnson. Was he needed in the script? His little bit with Harlan in the bar was a good scene, but to me it seemed like he was just thrown in there to have another kill. The scene with him and his daughter was unneeded and came at the wrong time I think. And I didn’t understand why Marcel killed him. He says, “I warned you.” Or something, but with the death of Sheriff Johnson, Marcel looks like a bad guy, and I think it’d be in your best interest for him to look good.

I don’t read too many shorts at all, but this is the best one I’ve ever read. It is damn near perfect, it’s hard for me to find much to complain about at all. Harlan is as sick as it gets and he really makes the story.

Gruesome, bloody, nasty, truly horrific, and just kind of wrong. This has got to be the work of theboywhocouldfly.

Twitch

This was decent, a little trite, but still a good ghost story. The only real problem I had with this is that it didn’t bring much of anything new to the table when it comes to ghost stories. We see a lot of the same things in other movies.

The story was okay, but you really need to work on your action lines and your dialogue. The dialogue really came off as stale sometimes and a tad bit forced. The characters would talk on and on and there are a lot of incidents where it could easily be condensed. Your characters were all pretty good, but I think they were held back a little by the parts with bad dialogue.

To make your action lines more effective, you need to cut them up at the right parts. Space them apart to make the action easier to read and make it feel like it’s going by really fast. Especially with Ray’s death scene. That could have read a lot better.

Why doesn’t Riley immediately get out of the theatre when he sees the creature in the beginning? Instead of going to pick up the broom and dustpan and checking under seats for a little girl he should have busted out of there.

Gotta be Sean’s.

The Dark Side of Man

This was really great. I love how it starts off. This was a great idea and I think you pulled it off pretty good.

Jerry was a seriously creepy bad guy, but I think he should be a little scarier. Something’s holding him back. I’m not sure what it is, but he’s missing something. Maybe he’s too stereotypical for a pervert.

You might know this, or the story may have been inspired by it, but this very same thing happened in real life. The way Jerry describes killing Dieter was damn near exact to a story a friend told me.

Another thing that stuck out as kind of odd is that Bobby puts his pants on before helping Ally out. I think that should be changed. Maybe you were trying to show what kind of a guy Bobby is, but I’m not sure.

And you ended this one perfectly. I just have one question, who put the video on the internet? Did Jerry actually survive?

I think this is Pia’s. Never read anything by her, but I think I know the others.

Buckets of Blood was a fun read and I enjoyed how each story was completely different from the others and spanned countries and time periods. All four were VERY imaginative so good job to all involved.

Good Luck!

EDIT: I forgot to ask, what was the theme? "It sucks to get raped?" I couldn't really find one.

Thanks for the reads everyone.  This was a lot of fun to write, and it turned out pretty good, everyone wrote a different type of story which is good.

There was no theme really, just to see how dark and twisted one could go, and i think they are all pretty gruesome, some more than others.

thanks again.

*SPOILERS*

Dead and Deader is brutally effective. Harlan is one of the most evil characters imaginable! The scene where Harlan cuts the prostitute made me cring! My only complaint with this great script is that you killed off the sheriff! Why did he die? He didn't do anything wrong? I normally not into the whole voodoo thing, but I don't think this script would have been good without it. Great job!

9 out of 10

Since it seems I've already been pinned to have written Dark Side of Man I have put a link to a .pdf file of that script in my sig. Somehow the format got a little different in the transfer. Not Jordan's fault, but mine.

Also want to thank those of you who have read the scripts so far and I'll get busy reading in return.

As far as the sicko stuff with Dieter and Jerry goes, you are correct. It is pretty close to something that happened in real life in Germany and it pretty much sums up what I tried to do here. Jordan said we were supposed to write some really sick stuff and I was okay with that obviously, but I also wanted it to be something that people would think could actually happen or is perhaps happening right now as I type. To me, the only really scary monsters are humans and the inhumanity towards each other we are capable of. It was also me wondering where the hell we are heading as a society.

Anyways, thanks for reading.

I just finished reading Pleasure Pain, so here are my thoughts...

The beginning was a little slow, what with all the walking and chatting and some of the dialogue here between the brothers could have been better.

Once they reached the brothel though it picked up.  Saburo and the prostitute scene was great, the way you describe her removing the dagger was excellent.

You describe the action really well and it kept my interest with ease.

'She breaths in raspy wheezes' - I love this line.

This is very blood thirsty - just the way I like it lol.  The deaths of the vampires are great.

When Jiro says 'I see you can take a lot of wood....'  Dynamite line if intended as a pun on her being a prositute.

The ending was a nice little twist that I didn't pick up on.

I really enjoyed this.  I think the dailogue between the brothers was the only thing I had problems with, I feel at times it could have been better.  The action was very well described and the deaths of the vampires was varied.  The beginning was a little slow as I already mentioned but I know this is where the story unfolds.

If the brothers were so good at stealth and killing how did they get captured in the first place?  I liked the way you describe them as been theie own worst enemies though.

This was good and so i'll continue with the other shorts that make up this compilation.

Hi Pia

These are the stories I love. Would really love to write some stories like these. Tried some super shorts but no luck. Maybe they are just to dark. I even had my wife call the cops on me one time because of a story I wrote. Wow!

I liked your story. And you know what I am going to say...

Your descriptions are too long. Then I thought about it... and after reading loads of shooting scripts, your script reads just like one of those. Then I thought, you know what, Pia strikes me as a capable writer and capable director. Your director is seeping into your writing and I think that is a good thing. Even with the long descriptions you paint some great emotional imagery.

Here is line I really liked, "his teeth sound like maracas." That was a great image for me. So, even with lengthy descriptions, I think those descriptions work.

One other thing. When you lift Ally up by the four foot bar and handcuffs, I think she would be wrything in pain. Even telling her to stop would not cause her to stop. The pain would take over and drive her uncontrolled action. Go ahead and let her scream out in God aweful pain and charge her up with the electricity. You could even make a joke about heating up the meat for great meal.

While reading I thought of Hostel and Saw. Great job Pia. I really did enjoy it.

Spencer

It my fault for the format screw up .  I cut and pasted these together from different formats so it may have gotten a little wonky. I'm working on gettin it right though.  Sorry about the glitch.

Anyways thanks for the read peoples.

Just finished Pleasure Pain.

An extremely entertaining piece. Sex and violence are always a winning combination, that and I’ve always been a sucker for ninja on vampire carnage. But with that said, there were a few issues that bothered me.

Your descriptions were engaging and effective, but then there was so many of them. There were a few times were I got lost. If you guys ever release a Buckets of Blood Redux, try to streamline your descriptions.    

The dialogue seemed accurate for that time period, although there were a few instances were the brothers seemed to lose their “Asian-ness”. Out of nowhere, they suddenly sounded like a bunch of modern white guys. This occurred during their walk through the checkpoints.

Other than the above-mentioned issues, this was an awesome story. The emperor angle never occurred to me until the end. Good stuff.

Not sure when I’ll get to the rest. Maybe tonight.

Hey Alffy, Nixon and Spencer,

Thanks for reading! I'll try to read Twitch to myself, it's the only one I haven't read yet.

Spencer,
Your wife called the cops?!! Funny, funny. I understand completely. I don't like to put my real last name on my scripts because the last thing I want is my family and friends finding some of my more "colorful" scripts. What would they think? They wouldn't call the cops, but maybe a hospital.

My descriptions are still too long? My style has changed completely since I posted my first script here 15 months ago. A lot of that is thanks to everyone's comments here. I'm a lot leaner in descriptions than I used to be, but still have a long way to go. Especially chosing better words to make them more powerful.

I have also started to break up action lines into individual shots rather than just going by the four line max rule. It makes it easier to read too I think and even in the visualization.

Regarding Ally being hoisted up, you are probably right. And maybe she should get zapped too. I will definitely rewrite this once I've got some more comments as I'm sure the others will too whith the comments they get.

Thanks again for reading.

Pia

Finished The Dead and The Deader last night and it actually left me speechless.

This one reminded me of the old splatter films, just completely packed with scenes of visceral and explicit gore. This one is really difficult to review, since it shouldn’t be judged like other shorts. You have something special here, but some people might not see that.

Once you get past the violence, there just isn’t really anything there. But maybe that was the point. If you were trying to create something that was trangressive, something that was simply meant to outrage people, then you succeeded. And that’s what makes this so entertaining.

Good stuff. More people should be reading "Buckets".

As I said earlier, this is one of the coolest ideas for a script that I've seen!(I hope you guys don't mind if I do something like this as well). However, like GrindHouse, it's not getting the attention it deserves!If you like horror, read these scripts! They are amazing!!! I still have 2 more to read, but the 2 I already read absolutly floored me!

Just finished Twitch and Pleasure Pain! Let me just say that as a whole, Buckets of Blood one of my favorite scripts on this site!

Twitch
I didn't think I was going to like this one, but I was wrong. It's not the best of the four, but it was still a damn good read. My biggest problem with this one was that it read more like a drama than a horror. It just didn't push the envolope like the others. That does mmean this wasn't gory! It's definetly fits in with the other 3 in terms of blood and gore! A well told ghost story!

7 out of 10

Pleasure Pain

This reminded me of some of Quentin Tarintinos work. It was over the top, fun, and action packed! This was more of an action script in my opinion. I did like the ending! My only complaint is that sometimes I got lost in the descriptions, but maybe that's just me.

8 out of 10

Buckets of Blood

Despite it's flaws, I had a blast reading this script and I definetly plan to read it again. You guys should definetly do a Buckets of Blood 2!

9.5 out of 10

My thoughts on 'The dead and the deader'

Nice opening, very blood thirsty and grusome.  The thought of sawing someones hands off makes my wrists tingle!!!

Harlan really is a nasty bastard.

Introducing Elizabeth and Marcel as lovers quickly throws a spanner into Harlan's story.

Not sure on the porn scene though?  Sorry sacrifice scene lol.

Harlan seems to have a strong hold over his daughter yet he still doesn't know who the father is after what 8 months?  He seems like the knid of father who would beat it out of her.

The Fetus scene is a real stand out.  Really disgusting.

One thing that bothers me is that Elizabeth would be in absolute agony if Harlan had just stomped all over her stomach and caused her unborn child out.

I can't see this sitting well with the animal lovers lol.

It seemed a little strange that the ghosts killed the sheriff.  After all he did nothing to them.

This really is disgusting - but I like it.  It reminded me of one of the segments from Creepshow, well I think it was Creepshow?

I enjoyed this, the story was ok but I struggled with setting of 1867.  The New Orleans setting felt right but I thought it seemed lije it was set much later.  maybe just me o that one though.  The dialogue was good throughout but Harlan's character bothered me.  I think because we are meant to hate too much, ruthless killer and even murdering his own daughter!

Overall though this was a good short and fit perfectly in the Bucket of Blood, probably because there was alot of blood!!!

Thanks for the reads everyone

I think I been pretty much outta which one is mine

I wanted to write the most horrific, evil, disgusting human being imaginable, up there with the likes of Hitler.  I also really wanted to do a zombie story, this is my first one, it is a little different than others, my zombie's talk, I thought that would be kinda c0ol.  

Thanks again

i'm not sure i'd call this a zombie script. It was more of a ghost story.

Quoted from The boy who could fly I wanted to write the most horrific, evil, disgusting human being imaginable, up there with the likes of Hitler.

Well I think you succeded there mate!

Quoted from Zack i'm not sure i'd call this a zombie script. It was more of a ghost story.

I consider it a zombie story, people rising from the grave and all, but it was a different take on it.  I also wanted the villain to be human, hopefully it worked.

Oh it definetly worked! In my opinion The Dead and thhe Deader and Dark Side of Men are tied for the best of the four scripts. All were good, though.

Pleasure Pain

-I'm having a little trouble with the dialogue off the top.  "Come off it" seems a little out of place and out of time, for example.  Also, "I fear the Emperor would have it so" is something that only someone like an Emperor or nobleman would say.  Another example, "So on and so forth".  Lots of the dialogue fits the place and time really well.  Some really doesn't at all.
-Gosh the Emperor spends a lot of time talking at the start here.  All exposition, too...
-"Enjoy life with the nomads, boys"...okay, he can't call them boys.
-Little formatting problem on page 7, Saburo's dialogue has turned into action.  Actually, Jiro's too, further down the page.
-Missing a "you" in Jiro's line at the bottom of the page. (if...had to spend)
-I'm glad a wound vomits projectile blood.  Just what I was hoping for!  Ha ha ha.
-Ohhh god so much action...it never stops.  This is getting a little long.
-"Get over here!"  HA HA HA!  Wondrous.

Okay so this was violent and bloody as hell, and that I like.  Plenty of creative ass-kicking and gore, along with some nice disgusting ideas.

But it's too much.  This story is just an endless action scene.  The dialogue is almost infallibly on the nose and there's way too much of it in the first half.  This comes as two parts and I think it needs a little up and down.  The story's left no room for any sort of conversation, really, once they get inside the brothel.  So really, despite the wonderful gore, I didn't like this too much.

It could even work if there were just some quiet moments in the brothel.  Maybe the vampires try to seduce them first, and we could see how each of them reacts differently to this.  Something like that.  Now this just kinda seems like setup setup setup payoff payoff payoff...but I don't think that format works here.  Even Dusk Till Dawn has dialogue scenes between the asskicking.

Oh and I forgot to mention the Emperor.  The ending was awesome.  Kudos on that one.

The Dead and the Deader

Well this was nice and disgusting.  Definitely cringe-worthy.  Unique and gruesome bloodletting is always refreshing, and personally, I like that you didn't try to round Harlan out or give him a good side...I think it works better if he's just the worst person in the world.

I don't actually have much to say about this one, I thought it was quite good.  I do have to say though, and I say this as a fan of gratuitous bad taste, that I still thought it was too much.  The scene with the prostitute, while gloriously nasty, is pointless.  It doesn't move the story ahead at all...it serves the exact same purpose as the opening scene.  I understand that this is at heart a splatter film, but I would argue that even the most gratuitous splatter films (and I promise you, I've seen them) keep the carnage somewhat relevant to the story.  I guess you could say that the prostitute is what brings Sheriff Johnson in, WHICH...

...is my other complaint.  What's with this guy?  He's an absolute puss who just gets killed in the end and contributes nothing.  I say lose him.

All in all, a fun read and a great hark back to the mean-spirited bloodletting of 70s splatterfests.  I just, even despite the gratuitous nature of the whole script, would've liked to see a little more emphasis on story.

Twitch

-"Her face is desecrated" is sort of an odd description...
-"You really loved him, didn't you?"  ...well he was her brother...
-"We feel that you might have some emotional problems or whatever"  Heh heh moms don't say "or whatever", especially not if they're talking about emotional problems.  Reading on I see that her mom's a little off, but still...also, telling her not to mention Riley?  Yeesh!
-"Green light"...I really like that for some reason.  Good stuff.
-Page 75, "gouged" not "gauged".
-Hee hee great, GREAT death for Haley.
-Page 85, "Her face is barely unnoticeable", should be "recognizable".  Also, they later found him as the "convict"...this needs to be "perpetrator" or something along those lines, because if they found him dead then he wasn't convicted.
-...their dad is responsible for the rape and murder of a little girl and they've never heard about it?  Impossible.
-Ahh, Emily being raped just like the girl, by her own dad no less.  Excellent!  

Great ending.  Nice and awful.  This really came through at the end with a great deal of vicious gore.

However, let's go through the ghost movie cliche list, shall we?  Little girl who appears everywhere, turns out to have been horribly wronged; little girl moments like a giggle or catching a glimpse of a dress; big end-of-the-second-act flashback that explains everything; person with back to camera who spins around to reveal something terrifying; surprise ending in mental hospital; moments like blood leaking out of things or something written on the ceiling in blood.

The story and characters have absolutely nothing we haven't all seen before.  What's left, and I can see you took great care with this, are the brutal and gory deaths.  And you know what?  They're really good, even the fantasy moments like the woman pulling her own head open and vomiting her guts.  Great stuff, excessively brutal.

I don't really care for this short, frankly, because it just doesn't seem to have a point or much originality outside the deaths.  Still, that's more than a lot of ghost movies can say, isn't it.  Well written but unoriginal...could be a lot worse.  Good job.

The Dark Side of Man

-Absolutely flawlessly awesome first scene.
-Just a little thought on page 110/111 here...the first time Bobby screams out a "don't touch her" line is long after the point that he should.  I would think as soon as Jerry walks over to her on 110...

This one's my favorite.  A great little tale of nastiness with some social commentary, even.  I don't really have gripes at all.  The only thing I noticed, actually, was that the conversation at the end was a little overdone, the word "real" is used a few too many times.  It makes it less morbidly amusing.

This was great, though, good job Pia!

Buckets of Blood

Actually, I think I would like these better as separate stories than as part of an anthology.  The preoccupation with gore became a problem for me, and since there was so much excessive gore in all of them, it frankly got a little tiresome and even lost some of its shock value.  I was expecting that Twitch would take a slower route and be a different sort of story, but really I think that the first three suffer from being too similar in tone.  All four are fairly classic types of stories (maybe not ninjas vs. vampire prostitutes so much...), and that was what made it so unbearable that the hook for each was excessive gruesome violence.

On the other hand, they're all pretty good shorts, and I thought Pia's especially was absolutely fantastic.  All four are well written and there wasn't much clunky dialogue or the like at all.  I'm worried that I'm sounding negative here when my reaction was moderately positive, but oh well, you're all thick skinned.

Finished reading The Dead and the Deader, thought it was time to give it a review. And also bump up the thread.

Jordan,

I know swearing is generally frowned upon on these boards, but I feel no fear in saying that this script was TOTALLY FUCKED UP!!!

This is the grossest, sickest, disgusting, most disturbing script on the site. Spoiled was one thing, and now this.

I cringed dozens of times (especially during that scene with the hooker and the razor blade). I did laugh when Harlan killed the baby though, because I dont' like babies. Or kids. Shudder.

Anyway, to summarise: this script was fucking disgusting. You should be so proud. I'll get around to reading the others sooner or later. Sooner, rather than later I hope.


Matt.

Thanks for the reads Chris and Matt.  I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea, especially my script , but I am happy with how this turned out, it was a lot of fun to do, hope to do something like this in the future sometime.

Anyway, thanks again for the read, it is appreciated

Quoted from chism Anyway, to summarise: this script was fucking disgusting. You should be so proud. Matt.

Haha! Wasn't it John Waters who once said that the greatest compliment an audience could give him was to throw up?

Anyway, I'll be reading this one now.

I just made it through "The Dead and the Deader" and "Twitch".

Let's do The Dead and the Deader first.

Wow, that was yucky. Real nasty stuff inside. Very exploitationist.

I don't know what I actually thought about the story. It wasn't really there, just a few loosely connected scenes of harlan being a twisted psycho. And then Elizabeth and Marcel being all lovey dovey.

This one succeeds in the gross-out violence department that's for sure. I don't know if it was intended by I did get a few laughs at the entire Over-the-top feel to it all. Especially during the voodoo rituals with everybody having sex in animal intestines and blood. I was waiting for some guy to come over and take a dump on one of the couples at one point. Just so we got around the entire spectrum of "Eew".

The Sheriff did come off as a very anti-climatic character. Like the black guy in the Shining.

All in all, I honestly don't know if I liked it or not. I squirmed, I'll say that much.

Oh and there were quite a few typos and stuff in this one. Also every case of "too" was spelled "to". They added up when Marcel and Liz were saying "I love you too" all the time.


Twitch

This one had pretty good characters and was way more dialogue heavy than the two others I read. It did feel very familiar, re-treading "Ring" territory with the creepy dead girl coming back to make people suffer, but it was pretty enjoyable for the most part.

I liked Emily and you gave the family a nice backstory, but one question I was left with was: Why now? How come the ghost waited so long until it came after them? Maybe I missed something?

Not much to say other than it kept me entertained, even if it did feel rather unoriginal. Creepy ending.

Maybe I'll have more comments tomorrow but it's getting late and my brain doesn't work well after midnight...

Well, it's been a week since this was put up, and going by the rules and stuffs of the OWC (the way Jordan sort of intended it to be), I think it's time to show myself on which script I wrote. So far, for those who have guessed Twitch as mine, they are correct.

Greg:

Thanks for reading. As for building a pool in December...Well, it takes a while to build a pool. As soon as one is finished (which takes about three to for months or so) it will soon be ready to be used in no time. For Haley's death, I wanted it to be slow, so people could have the time to cringe or whatever as it slowly sliced through her mouth (if this were shown on screen). Thanks for reading it again, and I sort of focused on character development. The other times, I was just thinking of really great, gory death scenes. Did you know I had about 4 alternate deaths for Ray, including this one that made the final cut? Haha.

TAnthony:

Haha you got me. Eh, nobody's perfect with dialogue, and I can see what you mean at some points where it could be a bit forced. As for my action lines, I try my best to keep them at 3-4 lines minimum, but there are some times where there's a lot of needed descriptions where they would look kind of weird if spaced apart.

Golem "Bot": (Hehe)

Thanks for reading. I'm glad you liked it also, and, hey, drama doesn't hurt, right? You want to feel for the characters, right? But I'm glad I kept up with the other three scripts with the gore and guts.

Heretic:

Sorry about the spelling and term mix ups. About Emily, Riley, and Haley not hearing about their dad doing stuff like that...Well, I don't think their mom would want to tell them that and have them scarred for the rest of their life knowing that their dad was a deranged psycho freak. And the unoriginality...Heh, well, what's left to write these days? We've seen Ninjas VS. Vamipires (Dracula 3000, I think, or maybe Underworld), Voodoo zombies (there are some low-budget ones that have never been seen in theaters, but I've seen them), and, well, I've seen a buncha rapist killers, but cannibalistic ones? Pia's got a new idea for that...Thanks for reading.

Death Monkey:

Hehe there goes another unoriginality comment Sorry! Um, for the reason why Jessica didn't come back until like 10 years later, was...well, I'm not really sure. I think, maybe, she could have been searching for the family, or maybe she was just writing down plans that took years to come up with, and she had to get them picture-perfect Hehe and I'm glad it kept you entertained.

Thanks again for the reads everyone. I'm surprised no one has said anything about the woodchipper death. I thought that was a good one, because in whatever movies involve a death with woodchippers, you don't really see anything, either because it happens off screen or you see the aftermath of the death.

Sean

I'm late to the post today and I apologize! Thanks for reading everyone.

Heretic,

I appreciate you reading and I'm happy you like it better than my western. Mind you, I did rewrite that one and I did take everyone's comments in consideration. Especially yours and Alan's.

Anyways, thanks for reading this one. I will definitely read scripts in return. I just have a huge back log. I haven't been able to read or write as much lately because I'm in the middle of filming my first short.   Won't tell you which one because it's not posted here.   I will definitely read in return though.

Quoted from Zombie Sean We've seen Ninjas VS. Vamipires (Dracula 3000, I think, or maybe Underworld)

Ouch! Where did I go wrong? A little melodramatic, sure, but jeez, I wasn't expecting to be compared to... that.

Okay, that's obviously a dramatization. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. I'm seriously a little shocked by the comparison though. Oh well.

I've been holding back on replying to comments for a while since the names were supposed to be secret but obviously, the cat's out of the bag at this point. Thanks to everyone who read Pleasure Pain. A couple of you guys nailed the tone. This was definitely meant to be cheesy as hell. No matter how painfully so it may have seemed at times, it was definitely intentional. Jordan said he wanted an exploitation script so I wrote a hybrid of three: sexploitation, vampires, and ninjas (the kind where the voices don't match up with the actors' lips). The dialogue was meant to sound semi-scripted but I think I may have lost it a few times and went a little too modern. I also agree that there was a little too much talk in the start and a little too much action in the end. I wasn't aiming for balance but I thought the shortness of the script would make it a little easier to swallow. I also tried to cut down on the descriptions in the rewrite. I wanted this to be an action script as well as horror but I think I definitely went a little overboard.

Anyway, thanks again for the reads. I'll get started on returning the favors once I've got the time. I'll try to make sure I get you all.

Quoted from James McClung Ouch! Where did I go wrong? A little melodramatic, sure, but jeez, I wasn't expecting to be compared to... that. Okay, that's obviously a dramatization. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions. I'm seriously a little shocked by the comparison though. Oh well.

Haha okay maybe I'm overreacting, but I'm just trying to make a point. I enjoyed your script, though, James. You can't have too much action!

Sean

Twitch

Although this one had some familiar elements, it shouldn’t be defined as unoriginal. Each victim met his or her untimely end in a gruesome and original manner. Kudos for that.

Towards the end, it seemed like the story lacked any direction but then the whole dead father/pedophile angle was reveal and brought everything together in a shocking way. Well done.  

My biggest issue with this short was the descriptions. They were clunky, awkward and just didn’t flow.

Other than that, good stuff.

Dark Side of Men

This one was disappointing. First, let me say that the descriptions and dialogue were awesome, but this piece was just way too predictable. Nothing really shocked me. Maybe this one suffers from being the last short in an anthology of extremely disturbing tales.

A German guy having his Frankfurter cut off just didn’t shock me after reading about a fetus being kicked out of a woman’s uterus and a small girl being raped and mutilated.

And you let the couple go! I was really hoping that the German guy was waiting in the back seat.

Oh well.

Thanks for reading Nixon!

I seem to have a hard time pleasing you, but that's fine of course. Everyone has their own taste. I guess I wanted this one to feel like it could actually happen. When it comes to gore, well what can I say other than Jordan is a hard act to follow.  

Thanks for reading though and let me know if I can read anything in return.

Hey nixon, thanks for the read. I always seem to have a problem with my descriptions, but those are the least of my worries (I think and hope ). I'm glad to see that you don't think my story is all unoriginal, but then again, I have to agree with everyone, it's something we've seen before.

Sean

Quoted from Zombie Sean it's something we've seen before.

This might be true, everyone has seen everything. Pure originality is impossible, since everything has already been done.

Quoted from tomson I seem to have a hard time pleasing you

Really? Savage Frontier is one of my favorite shorts on the site. Anyway, great job again guys (and girl). This sort of collaboration between members should be more common.  

Quoted from tomson When it comes to gore, well what can I say other than Jordan is a hard act to follow.

Ya, I seem to go overboard with the gore....HEHE, but that the way I am.  I also wanted to have one of the shorts between ours since we both have shlong eating, they shouldn't be back to back...HAHAHAHAH.

Anyways thanks for the reads everyone

Okay, just finished Twitch, which is Sean's if I'm not mistaken.

Sean,

Ewwww. This script was gross. I cringed at the beginning when that guy's neck snapped, the way you described it made it so..... disgusting. Same thing with Haley's death. Never again shall I stick my head out of the car window. You've given me a new phobia.  

Anyway, I read this last night and I've read another two script in between, so the details of this one are fading fast. That's not a commentary on your writing, I just have a shocking memory so I'll just say this was a really good one, there was great drama and character development, which I didn't see coming and I was almost as disturbed as I was during Jordan's script. It was the rape scene that got me, how awful that was.

You've told a pretty good yarn here. The disturbing scenes and bloody violence wasn't quite on the level of Dead and the Deader, but please don't take that as insult because no one does that kind of shit better than Mr. Wiebe. If there is a Buckets of Blood sequel, make sure you're involved. I'll give it a read and give you a much, much better review, I swear.  

James, Pia: your shorts are next on my list, guys.

Matt.

OMg- this title really says it all, doesn't it?!  I liked the creativity of Pleasure Pain, but it did have some of the cheesier dialog.  I didn't really like The Dead and the Deader at first but I think that one was the most graphic to me.  Especially the dialog and all the fetus stuff.  Twitch was okay, tho not my fave- the pace seemed to slow.  THe Dark Side of Man is probably the best, the dialog being the most realistic and whatnot.  The images are also easy to picture in the mind's eye, and, at least to me, those action paragraphs are inspiring in their to-the-point intensity. Good job you guys, creepy stuff!!

I'll start off saying, I hardly EVER read shorts, or post in this section. Only when asked, cuz I really dont get into shorts or feel how to give good feedback on them.

DARK SIDE OF MAN

pg 14 reminds me of 8mm, nick cage movie. Making snuff films
pg 16, you mean while his eyes are focused on ally
pg 17, I dont think he should bother getting pants on, would seem unrealistic to stop and put pants on, whenhis g/f is inches away from death. And I'm kinda of wondering how jerry doesnt see all of what bobby is doing.

Descriptions were well done. Action flowed like it should.

Over all, I'm really impressed with the short. It was well written for most part and characters were good, along with dialog. Your very  talented at ur shorts, I really wish u work up the nads to do a feature!

I liked the setup with the glass bottle, planted it well. I First thought why did u indicate this, hoping it would lead to something later (which it did). I didnt find it "overly " predictable, but so what? Good guys get away and bad guy dies. Good ending for me.

I agree with one reviewer sayin u over did the real in dialog, could be shorten for more impact there.

Story flowed well, and kept my interested. Very sick/inventive, which was good. I think script would do well on those horror contest/film.

PLEASURE AND PAIN

James I figured u wrote this by the time I was finished, just becuz of ur past yakuza stuff and ur descriptions in 'Black Martket'.

I did have plenty to say about it, but I see you intended this to be non serious, so all I can say is, not bad!

OK, The Dark Side of Man, which is Pia's.

Pia, let me start by saying that your avatar is the greatest on the site. Clarice rocks the house and you're automatically my new bestest buddy for having it. Now moving on.

This was one helluva short. It's dark, twisted, sadistic, brutal, sexually perverted and really, really entertaining. It was a very quick read, just breezed right through it. Descriptions were short, snappy and to the point. In fact the entire script was, there really isn't anything in there that shouldn't be. A few lines here and there could be taken out (I defintely agree with JD about the whole pants thing) but other than that, you got one great little piece here.

An impressive bunch so far. James, your's is the last one I have to read and I will have it read and reviewed ASAP. Thanks.


Matt.

Matt:

I'm glad you liked it. And it's true, I don't think anyone can beat Jordan when it comes to gore and disturbing scenes.

yorkshireladdy:

Haha I'm sorry mine was your least favorite. It moved slow due to character development/drama and family issues with the characters. Thanks for reading.

Sean

yorkshireladdy,

Thanks for reading. I'm glad you liked it. You might be biased though....you know Gators and stuff...
I'll try to read yours in the next few days.

JD, thanks to you too. I appreciate the praise. Makes me feel good...
About the pants. I guess since all the comments regarding the pants have been made by guys, I will take your word for it and change that in the rewrite. I guess my own thinking was that he would feel vulnerable without pants and therefore hesitant  to go into a fight.

Anyway, thanks and I will make some changes.

Matt,

Yeah, Clarice is awesome, but I happen to like Jodie Foster regardless...

I'm glad you like this one and I'll add you to the "pants" list. I will change that.

I'd be glad to read something in return. Just point me in the right direction.

Thanks everyone!

Pia

It was with much, much trepidation that I opened up 'Buckets of Blood'.  I enjoyed 'Mother's Milk' so I thought I'd give 'The Dark Side of Man' a look.

First off, I'd say technically you're a very proficient writer Pia.  If I had to quibble though I think you need to hold back on the adjectives just a bit.  I think there are only so many ways to describe how someone's intestines spill out onto the floor (I just know some gorehound is going to call me on this and say it was their favorite part) really though, screenwriting is first and foremost about telling a story, not titilating the reader.

With that out of the way...

For about 9/10th's of the way through I was all but prepared to write this off as just another torture-scene exploitation tale.  You won me over with the ending however.  It revealed to me that this had a morale and a point to make.  That scene with the college students and their indifferent attitude to what they were watching was quite chilling - that to me was your story.  Everything else was just build-up.

I understand that this is supposed to be an exploitation flick and that you're supposed to push the boundaries.  With that in mind, I think you did well in creating a story that is both gory and engaging on a psychological level.

So, I guess I can say it got to me.  Therefore, you did your job as a writer.  

Hey mgj,

Thanks for reading. This was a surprise.

First off, I had to look up the word trepidation.   I'm glad you still went ahead and read it. If I remember correctly you mentioned long time ago when I read the False Road something about you not liking horror or at least not the violent and gory kind, so I appreciate that you still read it. I guess with a title like Buckets of Blood people can pretty much figure out what these shorts are going to be like. Some of us do like this sort of thing though.

I'm glad you liked the ending. The first draft was different and just ended with them escaping, but I like the ending that is there now. As technology advances the lines between real and fake is becoming harder and harder to distinguish.

Our appetite for gore, violence and deviant behaviour seem to be ever increasing. I read a couple of months ago about a man who was chatting with a group of other people in England, this place had video too. This man apparantly was depressed and wanted to commit suicide. Guess what? The other people he was chatting with egged him on and he hung himself live in front of them. It wasn't until it was over that people realized this wasn't fake. This was real and a man had just taken his own life in front of everyone. I'm just wondering where we are heading is all.

About my descriptions, I know what you are saying and I'm always trying to improve and over the last year and a half I have.

I do read a lot of scripts and as a reader I myself prefer when the writer adds a little extra to the writing. Sure, we all want a script to read fast, but IMHO there is also such thing as too terse. Now if I could only master the understanding and use of words like Bert for example, then I could do a little more trimming and still make sense. If that makes sense...

Anyway, thanks for reading. I appreciate it.

Pia

Now I am a massive gore hound, and I do mean massive...there is nothing I like more in a horror movie then it to be full of nice bloody gore, but even I thought that there were some parts that were just too nasty, such as the forced removal of the fetus via a stomp on the stomach.

Quoted from Gaara Now I am a massive gore hound, and I do mean massive...there is nothing I like more in a horror movie then it to be full of nice bloody gore, but even I thought that there were some parts that were just too nasty, such as the forced removal of the fetus via a stomp on the stomach.

I just want to clarify that that was in Jordan's piece not mine.  

Quoted from tomson Now if I could only master the understanding and use of words like Bert for example...

I did not know that the use and understanding of "Bert" was difficult to master.

But, of course, nothing draws me out like an appeal to my endless vanity.  I do hope to get around to the rest of these stories, but I have to check out Pia’s first.

Yes, folks -- I am that shallow -- and I make no apologies for it.

So, I am not sure what to make of this, Pia.  It’s tense and taut and somehow manages to feel fresh in a slimy little subgenre where the well has pretty much been bled dry.  Pun intended.  And, as advertised, it does, in fact, have buckets of blood.  Literal buckets.  From another, I would praise such as far ahead of the curve around here.

But even you have to admit that you aren’t really breaking any new ground here.  This feels more like an exercise -- this is you putting yourself through familiar paces as opposed to actually stretching yourself.

I like it better when you surprise us, you know?

But enough dwelling on that.  At face value this is a nasty little story, nicely composed and paced, with a title that is perhaps a bit too cliché.  It gets right to the point, and does not overstay its welcome.  Some of the best dialogue I’ve seen from you is found here, Pia.  

And I was right with you until Bobby took the time to pull on some jeans.  Honesty -- my comments do not start until this point.  Things were flowing great.  But this getting dressed thing is a detail you need to lose, for sure.  And then you even have Bobby speak, actually warning the guy that he is free.  Again, lose that detail.

And instead of gently lowering Ally down, Bobby should be frazzled and screw up with the levers -- plopping her down right into the middle of the carnage.  Splat.  She can still get free.  It’s just better.  And it is silly to have Ally say, “Let’s leave.”  Well, duh.

And give Jerry something better to say when Bobby returns for the keys.  Don’t have him beg.  Give him a pitiful weapon and some spiteful words.  Like Kahn’s final goodbye to Kirk.  Something like that.

Where the story really works is how you take it one step further than we expect, into the dorm room.  But what if Craig and Ryan knew this young couple?  In fact, what if Bobby was their roommate, and he were to walk in, bloody and battered right after they had finished watching?  Now there is a nice fade out.

And finally, I have to say that I found the Dieter story the most compelling of all.  Is there room for a few, quick flashbacks in this story?  That might be fun.  Anyway, I have no idea why you constantly belittle your own work.  It’s a bad habit and you really need to stop.  

Quoted from bert But what if Craig and Ryan knew this young couple?  In fact, what if Bobby was their roommate, and he were to walk in, bloody and battered right after they had finished watching?  Now there is a nice fade out.

Viewed out of context, simply on its own I'd agree with you Bert but I think she has it right the way it is.  I like the ambiguity.  These kids could be anyone, possibly your friends or neighbors.  It's sort of a commentary on society, like it's forcing us to look in the mirror.  To have it come full circle like you suggest, for these people to know each other, I think diminishes the inherent creepiness of it.  

-Mike

Quoted from bert I did not know that the use and understanding of "Bert" was difficult to master.

Ha ha, well that's why I'm frequently misunderstood and frequently misunderstand things. Just the simple way to put words.

Quoted from bert So, I am not sure what to make of this, Pia.  It’s tense and taut and somehow manages to feel fresh in a slimy little subgenre where the well has pretty much been bled dry.  Pun intended.  And, as advertised, it does, in fact, have buckets of blood.  Literal buckets.  From another, I would praise such as far ahead of the curve around here.

Okay, I'm not sure what to make of your comment bert. I read your comment several times, but I'm still not sure. It doesn't sound too good, which is fine by me. I soak up any suggestions. If I understand them...

Quoted from bert I like it better when you surprise us, you know?

I do know. and I think I even know the answer to that. I think my problem of being me and just let things go and turn it's own way, no matter how crazy or bizarre, is that I now know a lot of different people. When I first put Be My Valentine up here, I didn't know anyone, so I didn't care what people might think. I just let things happen. Now I know writers of all ages and gender and filmmakers and so on. I am aware that I am censuring myself in order to please/not offend everyone. I'm not sure what to do about it. Maybe I should take up a psydonym and just let things go onto the paper uncencored. I don't know, just a thought...

Quoted from bert with a title that is perhaps a bit too cliché.

I actually like the title a lot.

Quoted from bert Some of the best dialogue I’ve seen from you is found here

Thanks, I guess I just tried to make it seem normal...  

Quoted from bert And I was right with you until Bobby took the time to pull on some jeans.  Honesty -- my comments do not start until this point.  Things were flowing great.  But this getting dressed thing is a detail you need to lose, for sure.

Okay Okay. I've heard enough of that comment now to take everyones word for it. I guess to me, it just seemed that he would feel vulnerable going into a fight without pants, but I'll take you guy's word for it that it would not happen this way. I'm happy you all would rescue the damsel in distress before putting pants on!

Quoted from bert And instead of gently lowering Ally down, Bobby should be frazzled and screw up with the levers -- plopping her down right into the middle of the carnage.  Splat.  She can still get free.  It’s just better.  And it is silly to have Ally say, “Let’s leave.”  Well, duh.

I hear you and excellent suggestion btw.

Quoted from bert And give Jerry something better to say when Bobby returns for the keys.  Don’t have him beg.  Give him a pitiful weapon and some spiteful words.  Like Kahn’s final goodbye to Kirk.  Something like that.

I like that!

Quoted from bert Where the story really works is how you take it one step further than we expect, into the dorm room.  But what if Craig and Ryan knew this young couple?  In fact, what if Bobby was their roommate, and he were to walk in, bloody and battered right after they had finished watching?

I like your thinking, but I'm with mgj here.

Quoted from bert And finally, I have to say that I found the Dieter story the most compelling of all.  Is there room for a few, quick flashbacks in this story?

LOVE IT! Yeas I will add that in the rewrite.

Quoted from bert I have no idea why you constantly belittle your own work.  It’s a bad habit and you really need to stop.

I don't think I can...... I hate most of it...  

Bert,

thanks for reading....

I second a flashback that BERT suggested, on the dieter, )im drunk cant spell...hahahhahaaahahahahahahah, but i cant spell when sober either bahahahahaahahahah

Quoted from chism Pia, let me start by saying that your avatar is the greatest on the site. Clarice rocks the house and you're automatically my new bestest buddy for having it.

Clarice?  And all this time, I thought it was Scully....

I read Dark Side of Man.  It's your basic slasher story a la Grind House or Hostel.  Hunter versus hunted.  More emphasis on gore than characterization and story.  There's nothing really new in it.

The opening sequence was nice and description.  You set up the pacing nicely and described it well, visually, but you didn't include any audio.  Include things like the snow breaking under Bobby's weight.  His forced raspy breath.  The wind.

Ice, btw, makes CRACKING noises when it cracks.  Where did the gurgling idea come from?
Bobby hesitating to grab Jerry's hand was good.  It set things up for who Jerry is, if Bobby's contemplating not taking his hand.

I thought there was too much detail given to the torture scene, starting from page 13.  Instead of showing Jerry doing every single thing, cut to Bobby, doing something.... anything.  Then cut back to Jerry further along in what he's doing.  The same can be said when Bobby starts his plan to break loose.  During this, cut to Jerry.

"An idea hits him?"  Unless you literally show a lightbulb going off over Bobby's head, take this description out.

Why would Bobby warn Jerry (on page 18 ) that he's loose?  Why not just stab him from behind?  If you don't want him to face Jerry, then have Jerry hear him coming and turn around, or something.

As I said earlier, it's your basic slasher story.  And just because gore is the star of the show, it doesn't mean you can't do more with the characters.



Phil

Quoted from dogglebe Clarice?  And all this time, I thought it was Scully....

I have no idea who Scully is, but I doubt it's someone that can take her place.

Quoted from dogglebe It's your basic slasher story a la Grind House or Hostel.  Hunter versus hunted.  More emphasis on gore than characterization and story.  There's nothing really new in it.

In a way I should be happy about that since Jordan told us the mission was to make it Grind House style. I had to ask what that was    , but I tried to do meet that assignment. I agree though that it still has to be strong on characters and story. I can probably work on the characters some, but when it comes to the story, I guess it's going to take a little thinking.

If anyone has any ideas on how to make it more original or unique, I'm all ears.

Quoted from dogglebe The opening sequence was nice and description.  You set up the pacing nicely and described it well, visually, but you didn't include any audio.  Include things like the snow breaking under Bobby's weight.  His forced raspy breath.  The wind.

I agree. It's a tricky thing I'm trying to learn, balancing description to paint a full picture, but at the same time be as brief as possible.

Quoted from dogglebe Ice, btw, makes CRACKING noises when it cracks.  Where did the gurgling idea come from?

Personal experience actually. I fell through the ice at age fifteen. The sounds are VERY creepy. It creaks and moans and there's a gurgling bubbling sound as the water moves underneath the ice. It cracks when it breaks though.

Quoted from dogglebe Bobby hesitating to grab Jerry's hand was good.  It set things up for who Jerry is, if Bobby's contemplating not taking his hand.

I'm glad that worked. That's how I intended it.

Quoted from dogglebe I thought there was too much detail given to the torture scene, starting from page 13.  Instead of showing Jerry doing every single thing, cut to Bobby, doing something.... anything.  Then cut back to Jerry further along in what he's doing.  The same can be said when Bobby starts his plan to break loose.  During this, cut to Jerry.

Good ideas. I was trying to please those who like gore and those less crazy about it at the same time. I think I've discovered that it's better to just the write stories to my on liking than trying to please everyone. That's just makes everything too generic and bland.

Quoted from dogglebe As I said earlier, it's your basic slasher story.  And just because gore is the star of the show, it doesn't mean you can't do more with the characters.

I hear you. I will use your ideas and comments in the rewrite.

Thanks for reading.

Pia  

Quoted from tomson I have no idea who Scully is, but I doubt it's someone that can take her place.

Agent Scully?  The X-Files?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dana_Scully

Phil

First off, James, let me apologise for the late review. I thought I had already posted it, and it turns out I didn't so sorry for the delay. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have a shocking memory But on the plus side, the script gets bumped, which is always good.

Moving on. I liked your script as well. While it wasn't my favourite of the bunch, I thought you did a good job in crafting an authentically scary period piece. Vampires are awesome, and you've created a good ole yarn using them. We don't get vampire movies like we used to and while I'm not saying this is a return to the classic vampire horrors the likes of Interview and Dusk Till Dawn, it's a step in the right direction.

Your formatting and pacing were excellent, making for a very quick, very easy read. It's bloody, gory, fantastic and it fits in well with the other three tales in the script. Also gotta give a shoutout to the ambiguous ending there. I like those kinds of things. You really managed to pull of the whole vampire/ninja concept nicely, so well done. Again, sorry for the late review.


Matt.

Thanks for the review, Matt. Believe it or not, I don't much care for vampire movies, especially today. Nowadays, they're portrayed too much like people and have completely lost whatever made them seem scary in the first place. The older vampire movies are more to my liking but still not really my style. With Pleasure Pain, I wanted to take vampires in a completely new direction rather than do something throwback although I'll admit these vampires probably aren't very scary here either. That's partly due to the guidelines of the project. Still, I like them better as bloodsucking freaks than with overly-humanistic characterstics. Anyway, glad you liked it.

Hey Pia,

It's been awhile since I've checked out something of yours, so I'm glad you jumped in the lottery with this one.  I hope to get through all of them at some point.

The description of Bobby falling through the ice seemed a little odd.  He' sinking, almost as if he's in quicksand.  Generally, when someone falls through ice, they fall.  He could still be up to his chest with water, but it should be an instant thing.

As I'm reading through this, I'm getting the pleasant surprise that the really spooky shit isn't so much in the description, it's in the dialogue.  I found myself to be far more repulsed by that.

The bladder thing...Ever watch Dirty Jobs?

Bobby's rushing to free himself and he stops to put on a pair of jeans?

"You fucking kid!"  Sorry Pia, but that's a bad line.

An interesting little scene at the end, but how does the clip get posted to the internet?

This was pretty screwed up I'd say, but well written.  Like I said above, I found the dialogue to be more disturbing than the description, but the descriptions were good as well.

One other thing...in the opening scene you have Bobby running and wearing nothing but a shirt.  Is he just cruising along with his dong hanging out?  The actors/actress in this would certainly earn their money.

Anyway, nice work, you twisted lady you.  

Quoted from Shelton The description of Bobby falling through the ice seemed a little odd.  He' sinking, almost as if he's in quicksand.  Generally, when someone falls through ice, they fall.  He could still be up to his chest with water, but it should be an instant thing.

I wrote it the way I remember it being like when I went through the ice. Sort of scary actually...

Quoted from Shelton As I'm reading through this, I'm getting the pleasant surprise that the really spooky shit isn't so much in the description, it's in the dialogue.  I found myself to be far more repulsed by that.

Hope that was meant as a good thing. I have a very hard time writing coarse dialogue. It's not how I or anyone I know talk, so it does not come naturally, but I've had some help lately to change that. Not sure yet if that's a good thing.  

Quoted from Shelton The bladder thing...Ever watch Dirty Jobs?

No, but as a farm girl I'm quite familiar with everything from breeding to slaughtering and everything in between. Things tend to be very no nonsene on farms. The bladder thing was something I was told everytime. I assumed it was important.

Quoted from Shelton Bobby's rushing to free himself and he stops to put on a pair of jeans?

Yeah I know. Everyone has mentioned that. I guess I'm the only one that would stop and put pants on before going into a fight. Maybe I am a prude after all.

Quoted from Shelton "You fucking kid!"  Sorry Pia, but that's a bad line.

Any suggestions to an alternative? I'm serious. I want the rewrite to be the best I can.

Quoted from Shelton An interesting little scene at the end, but how does the clip get posted to the internet?

Good question, but I think I wanted people to wonder about that. Maybe whoever found it eventually. Maybe a cop? Maybe someone else coming to meet and eat at that little dungeon.

Quoted from Shelton This was pretty screwed up I'd say, but well written.

Thanks! I've tried in the last year to better my writing and I think it's loads better than it used to be. Now I have to concentrate more on character and plotting and make more original stories.

Quoted from Shelton One other thing...in the opening scene you have Bobby running and wearing nothing but a shirt.  Is he just cruising along with his dong hanging out?

He was supposed to have been sodomized, but I guess I wasn't clear on that. I have to make that more obvious without being graphic somehow.

Quoted from Shelton Anyway, nice work, you twisted lady you.

You have no idea........  

Thanks for reading Mike. I'll read something of yours shortly too. Got a few other things ahead first including Sean's TWITCH. I've just been VERY distracted lately.

I'll look back at the script when I get a chance to see if I can't come up with an alternative for that line.  I noticed Greg liked it, but he cracks up at the word "inferno", so who knows?

I got the sodomized part with the blood on the legs, the no pants at all thing just popped into my head as the scene progressed.

One thing that was in my head for the ending and how the tape got there, was that maybe Bobby had taken it when he went back for the keys, and put it up himself.  He did hear Jerry talk about all the money he had made, and the reason him and Ally where there in the first place was because of money, so maybe he thought it was win-win for them.

My dialogue vs. description comment was a good thing.  You knw how I am when it comes to dialogue, and stuff like that is bound to come out in the script, where the description can be interpreted many different ways and shot differently.

I'm double posting, but I promised you I'd get back to you on that line.

The more I read it, the more bizarre and fitting I find it, but I think rather than just those three words, I would add either "you stabbed me" or "you killed me" to both sides, with the first one being a little more mellow and then into a full on scream.

Just a thought.

Hey Mike,

thanks for that! Got me wheels turning.

How about "You fucking kid! I'm gonna kill you for this!" ?

Obviously a dumb thing to say when your own insides are hanging out for all to see.

Thanks.

Hmmm...I don't know.

Makes me think he should be trying to stuff his insides back in while saying "well, there goes some of me again!"

Maybe the bladder thing can come back into play?  Give a line to Bobby instead?

Yeah! I like that! The bladder thing.

I think that will work. Thanks a lot.

hOw about "piece of shit" or you piece of shit" since intestines have shit in them lol

I thought "You fucking kid!" was absolutely hilarious, personally.

The Dark Side of Man.

Pia, I am one of those who loved Hostel and the original Chainsaw Massacre. I wanted this one to go on for a helluva lot longer than 20 page, loved the build up and the opening scene is my favorite part.

I don't think I can say anything new about it expect that I loved it.

Hey Daniel,

Thanks for reading and I'm glad you liked it. The rewrite will probably make it a couple of pages longer.

I will return the read as soon as I can. I have to write a mockumentary first.  

Sean, if you see this. I will eventually read yours too since it's the only one I never read.

Pia

A mockumentary?

Pia, what is it with you and writing stuff in my favorite genres?

Pleasure Pain
I like the set up of being in ancient Japan. I'm not anywhere near being an expert on the subject but I do have a fondness and appreciation for it. There is a certain mystique that intrigues me about it but anyhow, on with the script.
This was a difficult one for me. I liked the idea of the story, seemed like a traditional old story but with a revamp, no pun intended. Certain dialouge did stick out like a sore thumb in places. It certain scenes the brothers talk very much like you would expect from ancient Japan but then they revert to normal, modern sentences at other moments.
It was also very on the nose in places, I have a problem with dialouge myself so I know how difficult it is to make it right, but in other places the simplicity works as it is how you would imagine they would talk back in them times. I guess there is a very fine balance between the two.
The other problem I had was it was just one big action scene, well many, but without a pause. This is great for those that love that, and I think you write the action scenes exceptionally well. I just found myself unable to keep an interest as it became a little repetitive. Dont get me wrong - the violence was great and the blood and guts were nice but I just found it dragged on.
I think it was very old school Grindhouse, and if thats what you aimed it at being, then I think you definitly achieved it.
I did love the way the vampires heads crumbled up when they were brought out in to the day light. That was a nice touch that decapitation alone wasnt enough and they had to be exposed to sunlight to actually be destroyed.
The ending did hit me as a surprise, I didn't see that coming and I thought it was a good finish.

The Dead And The Deader
Love this because it just pulls no punches. It's great to just read this Harlan guy, he's a complete sicko! Very refreshing and absolutly disgusting.
Bit of a crazy mix, demonic fetus and voodoo mixed with zombies/ghosts all set in the late 1800s!  This was really well written and described very well. I had to laugh to myself at the extreme levels this went both in dialouge and in gore. It was great!
The ending did also remind me of Creepshow 1 - the segment where the two are buried in the beach and the tide comes in and drowns them but they return and carry out revenge.
Very good.

Twitch
I liked the scene in the cinema with the invisible creature - I thought this would be quite a creepy scene. The reveal of it being a girl did immidetly remind me of The Ring but that's an image that I guess is just conjured up when a similar character pops up.
This one does seem to be a break from the previous two in that it is more subtle and character development is more on show. Its a definite change of pace.
I like the dialouge, it's written really well and as much as you want to give Emily a slap - I kind of feel sorry for her aswell.  The shower scene was good, I hate to keep harping on about what it reminds me of, but it was similar to something you might find in an Elm Street scene or the film The Entity - without the rape scene of course.
The following dream sequence was awesome - very nice visuals and images.
P76 : Her face can - missing words here I think.
Once I got into this, it was a good read. The flashback was truly disturbing and well written. The payback Michael recieved was truly deserved. Both scenes were very good.
Got to love Heather's death - kind of knew the woodchipper was going to be used somehow sooner or later!
Nice finish.
What I like about this one is the pacing. You set it off with the cinema scene which was OK, but then the slow build up with Emily and onto the bloody finale which comes in as a surprise. I mean there are gory scenes like the dream but this has a nice unnerving feel about it. It could quite easily play on your mind, what with the rape scene and all.
Very good.

Thanks for the read Scoob, I'm the sick nut that wrote The dead and the deader, glad you liked it, probably the most twisted stuff I have written, but there is still Buckets of blood part II , so we'll see how that goes .

Anyways thanks for your read and comments

No problem, I meant to get round to reading this earlier.
Really enjoyed it, good luck with part 2! You've got a tough job topping The Dead and The Deader though in terms of extreme sickness lol.


The Dark Side Of Man
I like this one also. Very nicely written with a very nicely constructed pace. This reminds me of the true life incident about Armen Miewes, who confessed to killing a man after he had replied to his internet advert looking to be "slaughted and eaten". Crazy world. This story is great because as sick as it is - it actually happens!
Jerry was a truly sick character, but very enjoyable to read.  I also like the ending, its kind of ( forgot the word ) how you really make it  I guess. Did another person enter and retrieve the tape or did Bobby and Ally actually end up making something good out of something bad and cashed in? I wonder about the Russian connections that Jerry had but maybe Im going too much over the top here!
All in all, it was great.

Scoob --

Thanks for the read. Yeah, I know, it was unoriginal in most parts, but yeah, it was fun writing. I'm glad you liked it, and yes, I even want to slap Emily.


Sean

P.S. Pia, I'm waiting. Hehe, just kidding. But seriously, folks...

Thanks for reading Scoob!

And thank you also for naming that guys name. I read about that stuff in the EU papers when it happened, but I forgot the guys name. When I went to write Dark Side of Man I wanted to reread some of those articles, but was unable to find them. I did some googling, but the answers that came up were just too sick to read and had nothing to do with that particular case.

If you want me to read something, just point me in the right direction.

Yes Sean, I will read yours. Patience, patience...

I will try to read as much as I can this coming week, after that I have someone I need to give all my attention to.

I've reviewed Buckets of Blood and here are my thoughts for you to use or ignore at your leisure:

First of all, not sure if this was done as more of a fun 'let's each write a segment exercise' or if this is something you are trying to package and have made - depending on your goals behind writing this I would say that

a.  Some of the action (the really over the top violence, sex, etc.) seems to me to be unfilmable - if your goal is to actually get this made then this might need to be toned down
b.  To go along with that - you could consider having a running theme throughout the four shorts that ties them all together - like they all happen on the same night in different centuries, or characters might appear (even in the background) throughout the pieces, or even something less obvious.  

Okay on to the individual works:

Pleasure Pain:

First of all, the title card has this taking place in the 19th century - to me that brings to mind the issue of modernization of Japanese culture, etc. like in The Last Samurai - to me the feel of this short seems like it should be a few centuries back - kinda nitpicky on my part - sorry.  

To me the teaser opening feels unnecessary - does the audience need to know that we will be seeing vampire prostitutes later?

At points I feel the emperor talks too much - maybe you can cut down on his long diatribes - and I would lose his voiceover - maybe have a palace guard give them the lowdown.  

I liked the Japanese samurai fighting vampires angle - it was cool although at times I felt like you contemporized the language they would use too much.  Maybe its just me but I can't visualize a Japanese warrior saying 'whore' 'bitch' etc.

Perhaps the emperor being a vampire as well is a bit predictable but in line with this story I think it works - but I definitely think you need an actual ending with a conclusion - heck you could even set it up and then have the ending at the end of the run of shorts like in Sin City.  

The Dead and The Deader:

First of all what happens to George?  What don't we see him anymore?  Maybe its just me but I wanted him back in there somewhere.  

William (45) - seems to me he should either be younger (since he calls Harlan 'sir') or presented as more of a stupid follower of Harlan.

Like the first one some of the language seems a bit too contemporary to me - if its supposed to be in New Orleans Reconstruction-era to me they should use more southern/dated slang and less cursing (yeah I know Deadwood had it in there - guess its a matter of opinion if it was successful).

Since its a short some characterization problems arise for me - why is Harlan such a bastard?  Did he lose everything in the Civil War?  What would make Elizabeth fall in love with a black man in that time and place knowing the consequences?  And what exactly is the situation with the sheriff and Harlan?

You kind of lost me with the bloody orgy.  

I noticed some mispellings that you might want to clean up.  

I liked the setting and the underlying story - some more characterization would go a long way.  

Twitch:

This section seemed very similiar to movies like the Grunge and the Ring.

I really liked the opening scene in the movie theater - I was actually bummed out when Riley died and we lost the movie theater location.  Maybe I just like the idea of something in a movie theater creeping out the bored staff that work there.  Allso compared to the other three shorts this is the only one that is significantly more than a day or so which makes it seem a little different in tone than all the rest.  

Anyway, that being said, the overall feel of this short was definitely creepy - good work on that.  

A few things -

Haley appears kind of out of nowhere - where was she at the funeral?  

What state does this take place?  I only ask because the thought of building a pool around Xmas time seemed out of place to me.  

Also the fight Emily has with her mom after Haley's death seemed a bit unrealistic - I can't see a mom that lost a daughter on top of just losing a son say "yeah we both feel pretty shitty" and then starting a fight about the stepdad-stepdaughter drama.  But that's just me...

Putting her mom in a woodchipper seems a little too Fargo to me.  

This section seemed to me to have the most characterization and background of all the shorts - you really do learn a lot about these people throughout the horrible events that occur - good job.

The Dark Side of Man:

This one was, for me, the most disturbing because it has the 'hey that might actually be happening' factor going for it.  

Ally only has two lines of dialogue - was this intentional?  You might want to not have her mouth gagged for the most of the time - there are so few characters in this short that having her throw out a few lines here and there seems like it would be beneficial to me.  

I personally would find this more effective if you have the events leading up to the beginning of this included - how they meet, the way the party starts, when it turns bad, etc. etc.  - it getting more and more creepy would work well - but that may make this way too long for a short, but still I think the opportunity to lengthen it is there.  

Having never seen Hostel I'm not sure how similiar this is to that movie besides what I've heard of it - this strikes me as being in the same vein - if so, obviously just be carfeul to not be too similiar.  

The ending for me is slightly problematic - I think a very small percentage of people would be into watching this type of stuff on their computer (and those that would probably wouldn't share it with anyone else) - maybe having one like it 'looking so real' while the other roommate shakes his head or something might work better.

Well that's about it - let me know if you have any questions.  As I said before - this was all just my humbel opinion.  Thanks for letting me take a look at it.  Now I think I need to go read something light and breezy to wash away all those buckets of blood.

Quoted from tomson Thanks for reading Scoob! And thank you also for naming that guys name. I read about that stuff in the EU papers when it happened, but I forgot the guys name. When I went to write Dark Side of Man I wanted to reread some of those articles, but was unable to find them. I did some googling, but the answers that came up were just too sick to read and had nothing to do with that particular case. If you want me to read something, just point me in the right direction..

Hi Pia,
Yeah that article was sick, I remember when it hit the news. I think you did a great job of writing about such a thing but making it completly enjoyable aswell.
I dont really have any shorts at the moment but if you have a feature I'd be happy to do a swap some time.

Thanks for the read Langdon, I'm the sick bastard that wrote the dead and the deader, and I know it's not for all tastes, I wanted to do what you could call a vomitorium, kinda like The Thing, one gross out moment after another.  I thought an orgy with animal sacrifice mixed in wold be a disgusting image.  My next B.OB entry is totally different, it will be much more character driven and not as violent, but probably just as squeamish, this is a zombie story, my next one will be more grounded in reality.

Anyways, thanks again for the read.

Langdon...,

Yeah a lot of people have compared Twitch to The Ring or The Grudge and I agree. This idea that I used was meant to be a feature and I actually tried writing it as one, but it wasn't working out the way I thought it would have. And while brainstorming, I was actually going to have it stay at a theater (someone falls down the stairs and breaks their neck, another person gets their eye impaled by the oil dispenser in the popcorn machine and the oil goes out and basically bakes their insides, I don't know).

I have to agree, Haley just pops up, but she was at the funeral, I just didn't mention her.

I'm not sure what state this is in, haha, but the reason why they're building a pool around Christmas is because they want it to be ready just as it starts warming up so they have all late spring and summer to go swimming.

Yeah, with the argument that Emily and her mom has, it does seem unrealistic. And in Fargo, it doesn't really show much except for a leg sticking out of the chipper. In my script, you see the body go inside, while the person is alive, and, well, you see everything.

Thanks for reading and if there's anything of yours that you'd like me to read, just PM me or whatever.

Sean

Langdon,

Thanks for reading. I will get to yours as soon as possible. I'll print it out and start reading it this weekend.

I tried to make this as "real" as possible. Disturbing as it is, most of it is stuff I've read about. Even the part about the guys watching it on their pc. You'd be surprised what people watch and what's available on the web. Makes one wonder about us humans.

I understand how you feel about needing to go read something light and breezy. I would even understand if you feel like you need to take a bath.  

Thanks again,

Pia

Quoted from langdon alger Pleasure Pain: First of all, the title card has this taking place in the 19th century - to me that brings to mind the issue of modernization of Japanese culture, etc. like in The Last Samurai - to me the feel of this short seems like it should be a few centuries back - kinda nitpicky on my part - sorry.   To me the teaser opening feels unnecessary - does the audience need to know that we will be seeing vampire prostitutes later? At points I feel the emperor talks too much - maybe you can cut down on his long diatribes - and I would lose his voiceover - maybe have a palace guard give them the lowdown.   I liked the Japanese samurai fighting vampires angle - it was cool although at times I felt like you contemporized the language they would use too much.  Maybe its just me but I can't visualize a Japanese warrior saying 'whore' 'bitch' etc. Perhaps the emperor being a vampire as well is a bit predictable but in line with this story I think it works - but I definitely think you need an actual ending with a conclusion - heck you could even set it up and then have the ending at the end of the run of shorts like in Sin City.

Thanks for the review, Langdon. Nice Simpsons reference BTW.

I can agree with most of your points there are two I feel obligated to address.

First, the 19th century. I didn't do too much research into the time but I'm pretty sure Japan was still Imperial at this time. I don't think the modernization rely applied to this particular story. There were definitely still ninjas running around. The Last Samurai had a few. I set the story when I did because I wasn't positive they had the same kind of brothels before then. Maybe I'm wrong and the story could've been set some other time. In any case, I don't think it matters. I can't think of any outstanding historical inaccuracies off the top of my head and, for the most part, I try to get my facts straight.

I've also gotten a lot of comments about the dialogue. I figured the modernization of it wasn't too much of an issue. I've seen enough Japanese films to know they really don't speak that differently than those of us in the Western hemisphere, even a century or two behind. Also, this wasn't really meant to be a serious period piece, as I'm sure you noticed. I wanted this one to be easy to get into and enjoy. I didn't want the readers to get too caught up with period dialogue. Had the tone been different, I wouldn't planned otherwise.

Also, I've seen plenty of period movies where the words "bitch" and "whore" were used plentifully.

Thanks again for the read.