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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Mister D. Moderators: bert
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  Author    Mister D.  (currently 4747 views)
Souter Fell
Posted: September 14th, 2007, 5:44pm Report to Moderator
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I enjoyed it.  It was light. It was fun. Just a few things, hopefully not rehashes of things that have already been addresses.

I got the impression that Mr. D was afraid Mr Shelton was going to be late. When he said that he couldn't just go to them, i wondered how it would work out then.  The line about him being out for 5 hours in this traffic seemed overly false and what not once he actually made it in time. Maybe if the interviewer stresses about it while Mr. D stays cool, and Mr. Shelton, say, forgets his wallet and comes back in just in time.

This leads me to my next point. While death is enteraining (i particularly like the part about getting an animal's soul) he really isn't saying anything. I kept waiting for him to shed his view on the whole life/death drama, whether it be in a scoping sense or from a blue collar point of view. Mr. Shelton's death could be a perfect beat to accentuate his point.

Lastly I didn't see a need for Mr. Shelton to be a serial killer. You created death into being a working man nicely. No need to apologize by having him kill a bad guy. I think it would work better if it was a joe schmoe like the rest of us.

Anyway, very enjoyable short. Look forward to more.


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Gaara
Posted: September 14th, 2007, 7:53pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for the read and I will certainly consider some of those points, if not for my next rewrite, certainly for future installments.

Mr D was a bit worried that Shelton would be late because of how he rules work. Mr D has to be at a certain place at a certain time to take someones soul. However, if they do not arrive (due to an intervention by fate) their death can be pushed back from anywhere from a few seconds to a few decades.  Death, being a perfectionist, hates it when his timetable is threatened like this.


check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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ABennettWriter
Posted: September 14th, 2007, 7:55pm Report to Moderator
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I love how you make Death a perfectionist. It's hilarious.
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Souter Fell
Posted: September 15th, 2007, 2:04am Report to Moderator
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that's what im saying. either death is late and we follow the chase or the interviewer gets flustered as death keeps cool knowing all things will sort themselves out


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Gaara
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 6:43am Report to Moderator
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Cool Mr. D. part 2 is up. Thanks Don


check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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alffy
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 7:06am Report to Moderator
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Hey Darren thought I'd give part 2 a read.

Typo on page 1 - Mister D 'Madame Lambert should be late on time'?  Think it should be 'right on time'?

Typo page 8, you have a / instead of a ?

Right my thoughts...I found this one more serious than the first.  Mister D explaining his actions and the rules was quite clever.  I liked the ending, having to make a decision about life and death.

Overall I liked this but the first was more of a black comedy and Mister D's dialogue wasn't as sharp here.  Still good though.

Are you planning more of these?  I'll keep an eye for them if you are.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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Gaara
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 7:15am Report to Moderator
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Actually the first typo you mention isn't actually a typo.

When people die they are said to be "LATE" hence "Late on time"  it's a kind of joke


check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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sniper
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 7:38am Report to Moderator
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Hey Darren,

So Mister D is a series now? Well, just finished 'Conundrum' and I really liked it. I actually thought this was better than the first one (but I guess it wouldn't have been if it was a stand alone piece).

He's a real character that Mister D. I liked how you expanded upon him in this one, made him reveal certian aspects of his work that was a little vague in the first instalment. And you almost gave him a conscience...but I guess work comes first in the life of Mister D. What a career-freak  

I relly dug this little banter:

MISTER D.
Do you really think it is
appropriate to know? A bit morbid
under the circumstances donít you
think?

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Does that mean you donít know?
Mister D. sighs

MISTER D.
Well no. I, erm. Why would I want
to know about people. Itís not my
job to...

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Are you worried that if you got to
know them you wouldnít be able to
do your job.

MISTER D.
Well actually. Yes. I mean no. I
mean. Weather is nice for this time
of year.

That's frigging funny.

All in all a very good read so keep 'em coming.

Cheers
Rob


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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alffy
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 9:04am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Gaara
Actually the first typo you mention isn't actually a typo.

When people die they are said to be "LATE" hence "Late on time"  it's a kind of joke


Ah my mistake, I was a bit slow there. lol


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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michel
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 9:16am Report to Moderator
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Should have been a problem with "Mister D's Conundrum". I can't open it. Evrytime my computer bugs and freezes.

Michel


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Souter Fell
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 11:42am Report to Moderator
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Mister D returns!  Another hit with this one. Nice choice you made at the end. You could have easily went the sugar coated way by saving Madame or taking the thug instead. Ballsy move having Mister D do his job and feel remorse and shame for it.

Now is Mister D the only Reaper? Seems he takes his time a lot. When does he find the time to kill every person, and as it seems every living being on Earth?

Not for nothing else but have you ever considered doing a Mister D feature length? Might work well. Good show.


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Gaara
Posted: September 24th, 2007, 2:29pm Report to Moderator
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Now I'm not sure if this info is in my last rewrite for the first episode, or if it is in part 3 but to answer your question

"Now is Mister D the only Reaper?"

Yes and No.

Confused? Well it is quite simple. Like God he can be everywhere at once. Well everywhere there is somebody due to die. There are more rules to this that I will let you all discover yourself.


check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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Zack
Posted: April 2nd, 2010, 12:53am Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Saw that this has been produced so I've decided to give you a friendly bump. Congrats man.

~Zack~


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spencerforhire
Posted: April 2nd, 2010, 6:58pm Report to Moderator
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Write NOW! Perfect LATER!

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I quite liked this one. It was light and fun. Was a tad confused about Mr. Shelton and the six foot tall Skeleton. Maybe you could give Mr. Shelton a different last name to alleviate any confusion from small minds like mine. Thanks and I give this short five stars.


I got nothing.  
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Gaara
Posted: April 6th, 2010, 11:32am Report to Moderator
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I had an itch on my face...so I scratched it

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well the six foot tall skeleton is Mister D. and Mister Shelton was the person that Mister D. was waiting for while he chatted to the cameraman.

Well at least that is how it is in the script, not really sure what they will do in the actual film seeing as they decided to make Mister D. a flesh and blood person instead of a Skeleton


check out episodes 1 - 3 of Mister D.
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