SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is December 15th, 2019, 2:45pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
12/13/19 - A Lot of Scripts for Award Consideration are going up. Follow the action here:
Scripts Studios are Posting for Award Consideration


The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)


Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Jessica Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
Googlebot and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Jessica  (currently 6481 views)
Don
Posted: April 6th, 2008, 1:46pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13495
Posts Per Day
1.96
Jessica by A. B. Steel (absteel)( - Short, Drama - It's Jerry's wedding day, but can he talk himself into going? 7 pages - pdf, format


Shelton edit:  This has been produced and can be viewed below.



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Shelton  -  June 22nd, 2008, 4:19pm
Logged
Site Private Message
ABennettWriter
Posted: April 6th, 2008, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
San Francisco, CA
Posts
917
Posts Per Day
0.20
Thanks for posting, Don.

Some of you MoviePoet folks will recognize this as A Date with Jessica. A director out of Toronto found the script and asked if I could make some changes. This reflects those changes. That's why I didn't mention the ages, since he had two actors in mind.

Both characters are in their early 20s.

I know the formatting doesn't adhere to the usual guidelines. I've done that on purpose. I think I've really found my voice with this script.

Thank you, in advance, for reviewing.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 32
ABennettWriter
Posted: April 6th, 2008, 3:09pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
San Francisco, CA
Posts
917
Posts Per Day
0.20
Thanks for reading, Pia.

Being impatient, I went ahead and submitted a draft before actually writing a final draft.

The script that's being shot is slightly different than this.

I knew I should've waited.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 32
Pants
Posted: April 7th, 2008, 12:39pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Location
Normal, IL
Posts
138
Posts Per Day
0.03
I enjoyed this script very much. I thought it was a bit predictable, but it was still a good read.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 32
ABennettWriter
Posted: April 7th, 2008, 6:58pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
San Francisco, CA
Posts
917
Posts Per Day
0.20
Thanks, Pia! I keep on meaning to upload a new photo, but eh... it can wait. One of the scenes is shortened a tad bit. I can't remember which off the top of my head. I can email you the second draft, if you're interested.

Thanks for reading, Pants. What made you think it was predictable?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 32
GM
Posted: April 8th, 2008, 8:56am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Writing

Location
New York
Posts
2151
Posts Per Day
0.44
Hey Absteel,

Congrats on the turning this into film. I liked the idea especially the ending. And the dialgoue seemed fine. However, this could be shortened as Pia suggests. Also, I didn't see much conflict on Jerry to not go (only a small portion when Jessica asks and that's it). He seemed more enthusiastic to go. I think by cutting down most of the dialgoue, you can add more description to add towards Jerry's refusal to go. In the end, I liked the story. It just needs a bit of tweaking.  

Hope this helps,
Gabe
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 5 - 32
Pants
Posted: April 8th, 2008, 10:10am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Location
Normal, IL
Posts
138
Posts Per Day
0.03

Quoted from ABennettWriter
Thanks, Pia! I keep on meaning to upload a new photo, but eh... it can wait. One of the scenes is shortened a tad bit. I can't remember which off the top of my head. I can email you the second draft, if you're interested.

Thanks for reading, Pants. What made you think it was predictable?



Well as soon as Jessica was in the bed in her wedding dress, I knew she was a figment of his imagination. You did a very good job describing the room and I think that is where I got the idea of her being dead. His living arrangements just sounded depressing.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 32
TheShawnMan
Posted: April 15th, 2008, 5:07pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
Though I know what its like posting first and second drafts, as I did with "The Bench," which I just sent in the third and final draft for reading, should be up next week. I will just say I did rather enjoy reading this. I thought some of the dialgoue wasn't needed but was well written. I would love to see the final film version of this. If you don't mind, is there anyway I could read other drafts of this?
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 32
ABennettWriter
Posted: April 15th, 2008, 7:12pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
San Francisco, CA
Posts
917
Posts Per Day
0.20
You may have to sign into read scripts, but the first draft is here:
http://moviepoet.com/script.aspx?scriptid=240

Thanks for reading, ShawnMan.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 32
ABennettWriter
Posted: June 22nd, 2008, 4:37am Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
San Francisco, CA
Posts
917
Posts Per Day
0.20
Good news! My script was filmed as part of the DVX TimeFest Competition by Robbie Comeau. The winners aren't announced, but I don't care about that. My script was filmed! Can you freakin' believe it?



You can view the video here: http://www.dvxfest.com/timefest/direct_dl.php?id=1000131

(Don: Be a doll and do that thing you do!)
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 32
ABennettWriter
Posted: June 22nd, 2008, 5:24am Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
San Francisco, CA
Posts
917
Posts Per Day
0.20
Thanks Pia!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 32
alffy
Posted: June 22nd, 2008, 10:12am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
The bleak North East, England
Posts
2299
Posts Per Day
0.46
Hey ABSteel, congrats with the filming of this.  I guess I missed this when it was posted.  Anywho thought I'd give it a read.  I have to confess that I saw the ending coming, then lost it when they talked about the wedding, nice distraction lol.  I thought this was a nice little story but liked mention by Pia, it's a little long but I notice the film is a bit different.  Just wondering whether you changed this or was it a joint decision?  I thought the fil was great by the way and good luck with it.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 32
ABennettWriter
Posted: June 22nd, 2008, 10:20am Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
San Francisco, CA
Posts
917
Posts Per Day
0.20
Thanks so much.

A lot of things happened during our conversations. The biggest being, his actor couldn't drive. He liked the original script (the one posted at MoviePoet. I never posted it here.) a lot and the rewrite, so he merged them together.

I'm thrilled with the results.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 32
Shelton
Posted: June 22nd, 2008, 12:02pm Report to Moderator
Moderator



Location
Chicago
Posts
3611
Posts Per Day
0.70
Hey Austin,

That came out quite well.  I read the short a while back and this seems to true to the material.  Nice job all around.

For those of you without high speed connections, this is a pretty big file (35mb) due to the quality.

As for asking Don to "do what he does", do you mean embed the film on the board?  If so, it can't be done since it's a straight Quicktime file without a code.  The link could probably be put up on the main page though, where everyone is free to bitch about the number of videos on there.


Shelton's Website

Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
Logged Offline
Site Private Message AIM Reply: 13 - 32
ABennettWriter
Posted: June 22nd, 2008, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
Regular



Location
San Francisco, CA
Posts
917
Posts Per Day
0.20
Oh... Would this site have a code?

http://www.robbiecomeau.blip.tv/#1011051

I think the buttons in the "Format Message" part aren't working.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 14 - 32
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006