All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
haha CLASSIC there my friend. I didn't know what was going on until the end though... Half way through I felt like stopping 'cause it sounded silly, but I'm glad I went on.
but I have to agree with Pia about the script being just okay cos' I knew on the first page where it was going, and all it did was get there.
I also agree with Pia about making the winner of the race different, but why stop there?
What if each sperm dressed different as well as acted different? Book worm sperm, Goth sperm, gay sperm, maybe even a Doctor sperm... a beer-drinking sperm...
I think it could be really funny to see who would win the race, and what they would do to win or not to win.
Let me know if you do a rewrite.
Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
This is my first post so take it for what it's worth. I like some of the ideas already posted, such as each sperm having a different personality. I have always wondered if we'd be the same people if a different swimmer had won the race. Also, take a look at some of your description. Example:
"He steps over a stricken swimmer, his arm outstretched pointing toward a small hole in the end of the wall."
On first read, I thought the lone man had his arm outstretched. Not a big deal I guess, jut trying to offer up something.
What if each sperm dressed different as well as acted different? Book worm sperm, Goth sperm, gay sperm, maybe even a Doctor sperm... a beer-drinking sperm...
I love this idea, I really love this idea. I might just go back to this later and incorporate this into it.
Quoted from cakfucius
On first read, I thought the lone man had his arm outstretched.
Sorry it wasn't clear, I'll work on this too, later.
Cheers for the ideas guys...and girls.
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
I remember reading this last year but for some reason I never commented, excellent little 3 pager I must say. Sure Woody Allen parodied it over 40 years ago but ist still an inventive and funny piece of writing. I loved the brevity of the lines, just describing whats going on and nothing, sort of like a running commentary. It totally fitted the energy and style of the piece.
Pia made a great suggestion about having the sperm reluctant or gay but your ending lends itself to a more cineamtic conclusion with the almost celestial bright, white light closing shot.
Could be handled pretty well with animation or might even pass for a pro-life advert. Become one of those underground advertisements that never got aired but can be seen on youtube and are usually way better (and funnier) than the broadcasted selection.