Ha ha jolly good, sir, Jolly good

You've finally copped the greatest ongoing prank this side of the Atlantic. Now go forth & tell all the semi conscious, half witted jingoistic masses that infest your beautiful land (not that this demographic would actually want to write something) we've been fooling ye all this time, in the name of dry British humour. (cue: stiffled upper class laugh)  

Yeah its logical that they should be indicated but I definitely did read it somewhere otherwise I wouldn't have omitted them. I can't remeber where exactly but I'll try & locate it & post it up for you. I do recall it saying only shooting scripts require numbered...or maybe that was numbering the scenes.

Anyway I do stick by the (CONT'D) arguement.

Mmmm that exchange between me & the agent, you could be on to something. It could open with "Half a Cigar" from Pink Floyd & descend into a treatise on how ill-equipped I would be in trying to reference my script without any friggin' page numbers!!!

"Dancing cats and the electric banana"
"aliens kidnap the mud wrestling amazon"

I'm already workin' on the second installment incorporating these elements as major plot points.

Just need to get Gilliam on board & a sizable budget that can be breached ten fold if required (and it will be if the aforementioned says yes)  

P.S I'm not British.

Col.

This was a nice read, not quite my type of story... but intereseting enough to keep me reading. You've really touched on a complicated relationship with great timing and believable dialogue.
Was well worth the read, excellent work.
Muchlove, Jayden

Jayden

Thanks for the comments. I left some on yours too, you enjoy a dark story, man

Hey, I enjoyed reading this script. I like the explorative dialogue and even the implausibility of the situation, because weird things like this DO happen once in a great while, and that's the story that will make for interesting reading/filming. A noteworthy story stands out because it's not something that happens every single day. Meanwhile, we can relate to it because the people say real things and react like real people.

Anyway, interesting script. A good cast could make for a pretty absorbing flick.

I found this to be a very interesting peice.

No problem with format, characters are deep and stand out on their own. I even felt sympathy and respect for Elaine for her past and what she has done about it.

The read was smoothe and enjoyable. Kind of reminded of those old black and white romance films at points.

Personaly I think the title is very drawing, interesting and unique. These types of title are eye catching. Made me curious.

even though there is no major character change in the ending, I still think it's an interesting situation for people to be in, with pasts like theirs.

Steed & Lightfoot

Thank you for taking the time to read this, much appreciated, I'm glad ye liked it.

Let me know if ye have anything on here, I'd be more then happy to return the favour.

Col.

Hey Col,

I just checked out this screenplay of yours, and when I started out with it I really didn't expect to find myself immersed in it! Thanks a lot, because now I got to eat cold lasagna...

Very dialogue-heavy stuff, but appealing nonetheless. It didn't get boring due to the build-up. At a certain point I really expected Elaine to kick Mark in the balls...hard. That's a part that I had some trouble with, I think. I believe that Mark, John and Helen would rather keep their histories a secret. It's also plausible that Elaine wouldn't want to bring it up as well, but after Mark's final comment, within John's and Helen's eyesight, it seems a bit strange that she swallows it. I mean, the guy is harassing her, and has done so on numerous occasions in the past. I know my sisters wouldn't let him get away with it.

Nevertheless, I like the current ending. You could have Elaine go berserk on Mark, but the quiet ending you have now is more original, and it was satisfying to me. Maybe the anger that Elaine's passiveness awakens in me is what makes the ending good. Film is all about triggering emotions of course

Martinus

Thank you for the comments. Always nice to read opinions like yours, not because its complimentary but it looks like you understood it more then most who read it (or at least percieved what I was trying to say)

I look forward to reading Bulletbound when it hits the boards, peace.

Col.

Hey, Howard. Good job on this one, a fun look at relationships and just where all the baggage comes from. A few comments:

Long title, don’t get it.

Not sure of the proper way to display a message on the screen for John’s text message. Maybe this has been discussed already.

A few grammatical mistakes, not too bad.

Helen and John’s initial meet seems awkward in that John says three lines (with pauses) before Helen says anything. It seems unnatural. The rest of the conversation was properly awkward, nice work.

Did Helen clench her fist to simultaneously show the ring and tell Mark to back off? Loved it.

My thought on p. 6 (no page numbers) was if Helen doesn’t want to think about John, as she says, would she be the one to tap him on the shoulder? Should the initial meeting start differently? Then you dealt with it later, well done.

Starting out each new scene with “The two” became very confusing. Say which two.

This could have ended two ways and I didn’t expect the ending you chose but I liked the way you handled it. We’re all adults, let us praise in public and exact our revenge in private.

Nice writing, good story.

James R

James

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Glad to see that you pretty much got what I was "trying" to go for anyway.

This is an old draft. It has undergone a clean up on a number of occasions since I posted it here, I've been meaning to get the newer draft up.

All the grammar/tech/formatting criticisms you rightly mentioned have been corrected, as I'm still learning the craft, I'm constantly tweaking the silly mistakes. I'll check out K.OD & O.R when I get a chance as I've read your other two.

Once again, thank you for your comments, man, much appreciated.

Col.

Hi Howard.

Thanks again for reviewing my script, so thought it only fair I return the favour.

First off, I liked this script.

Over and over again, I see that the people are commenting on the dialogue, which was at times excellent. Good job.

I think I see where you are going with the story. Personally, I took the sense of unfinished business within each relationship being the focal point, with the two females gaining cathartic release. Every relationship I have been in has some form of something remaining unsaid, and I think you are alluding to that idea within this script, which I liked. Relationship focused scripts/film always appeal to me, because we immerse ourselves in them in our own lives, and looking at on-screen depictions can only further our understanding of our own, I think. Again, the dialogue drove the meaning quite nicely.

Having said that, it does seem you conformed to gender stereotypes - why is it the women who are suffering internal demons? What prompted Mark's rage - jealousy? I did think he would - as an angry man - be a little put out by her talking away to another guy? Her comment about John did make me smile though - "has had a crush on me since we were in school together", very typical of people trying to cover up their feelings towards their ex.

The title did seem a little out of place, I can't find a reponse from you within the thread, so am curious what the meaning is with this one?

All in all, it was a good job.

All the best,
Andrew

Andrew

Thank you for the comments, glad you liked it. Yeah people have been asking me about the title, I thought I answered somewhere on the board, guess not.

Anyway "A Seven Backed Up By A Two" is statisically the worst hand you can be dealt in poker. They are supposed to represent the two guys in the script, both pricks in their own way with Mark in particular being a total wa?ker.

So my idea was that Mark represent the "two" and John signify the "seven" (as you can make a better run from the seven making it mathematically a better card to get) So while overall neither of these men are someone you'd want your sister shacking up with, but relatively speaking John is the better of a bad pair. That was my intention anyway.

I agree with the "Having said that, it does seem you conformed to gender stereotypes" comment...but then again, is it fair to say that women predominantly do get the "raw deal" in relationships? We like to think we're always in control, BUT! of course this isn't always the case (I don't want to start a battle of the sexes here)

Thanks again for taking the time to read this, Andrew. If you have anything else done I'd love to take a look at it.

Cheers

Col.

Hey col! I only just realised I meant to read some of your other stuff agaes ago. sorry, man. 'Clubcard' was good so i tackled this one first.
Drama isn't exactly my cup of tea but the formatting and style of this was very good. It was a little bit soap opera-ish and a tad long but worked well in the end.
I read some of the other reviews after reading it - the title had intrigued me. I thought it was a reference to dice or craps maybe. the poker explanation is still a bit hazy - why are those two cards that bad? if they were the same suit, couldn't a flush be looming?
Anyway, nice read overall. I'll get cracking on the others now. Cheers Stevie.

PS- re the page numbers? I hadn't even noticed they weren't there!

Steve

I see what you mean about the soap opera nature of it and it could be trimmed  down a page or two.

I was going for the high drama clash of the two sets of people so the slide into melodrama/soap opera-esque confrontation was always gonna be a possibility.

In relation to the title I have heard on a number of occasions off a different sources that being dealt a Seven and a Two of a different suit is statistically the worst hand you can get. Obviously the flop can work in your favour no matter what cards you are given but on the blind side these two cards ar apparently the least likely to yield a good hand.

As I said in an earlier post, John represents the seven in the hand and Mark is the two as Mark is the bigger of the two pricks based on the revelations about their past wrong doings. This is based on the assumptions that the average poker player predominately judges a higher card to be of more value than the lower. I realise a run from the Ace could dispute this but you know what I mean.

Thanks for reading, mate.

Col.

Hey Col,

I've read this one three times now. I wanted to be able to give you some good feedback. but I'm not sure what to say still. I think the script is fine, maybe good even, but there's something here that keeps it from being great, but I can't put my finger on it.  The following are just some thoughts I had while reading. Nothing big and maybe useless, but that's all I was able to come up with.

I thought it was perhaps a little too talky. At the same time, I can't really fault you anywhere on it, but it did feel longer than need be.

John comes off in the  beginning as a nice guy. I found it a little unbelievable he wouldn't tell her he wasn't going to the wedding... no?

Helen also seemed like a nice woman. I had issues with her boyfriend being an asshole abusive guy and her acting submissive to Mark. It didn't fit her character IMHO.

it's altar not alter.  

The writing was fine and I wish I could offer you more, but like I said, there isn't anything wrong with this other than perhaps being a little too bland for my taste.  I tend to go too far the other way.

Pia