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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Bizarre Bazaar - Filmed Moderators: bert
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  Author    Bizarre Bazaar - Filmed  (currently 3388 views)
Don
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 7:29am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Bizarre Bazaar by Mike Shelton (shelton) - Short, Nonsensical in a 'forgot to take your meds' kinda way - See what happens when a writer becomes unhinged and simply puts words on paper.  Everything is what it seems, and none of it makes a damn bit of sense. 17 pages - pdf, format



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-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  April 21st, 2022, 3:59pm
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mcornetto
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 8:27am Report to Moderator
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Mike,

Are you ok? Been hitting that keyboard a bit to much lately.  I recommend a nice cup of relaxing herbal tea followed by a good night sleep and you'll be back to your old self in no time.

Just kidding.

I dug the script.  I like these stream-of-consciousness, no rules, f*** the format-nazis sort of scripts and I could only imagine how good it feels to write one.  

I have seen others like this and they're all great reads that give you a good chuckle.  Yours is no different - well it is different than the others but not different...oh forget it -- it was different.

The main issue with this type of script is filmability.  And since you don't write a script like this expecting it to be filmed then that doesn't really matter -- does it?

However, most of the humour here is tied up in your asides.  Wouldn't it be nice if at least some of that humour had the potential to be on-screen (even though that is likely never to be an issue).  You could always make those asides VOs.  I think that would work for most of them.

Otherwise loved it.  Good work.      
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dogglebe
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 10:55am Report to Moderator
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I think this script could easily be filmable.  Rewrite it in film noir style with the writer walking in and out with a laptop.  

I understand that the script is the spontaneous flow from you disease-widden, mother-hating mind, my only critoicism is that it rang a little too long.  The jokes made it an enjoyable read and what you reveal about yourself says a lot.


Phil
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Shelton
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 11:29am Report to Moderator
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Thanks for reading guys.

I do think that it could be turned into something filmable, if I wanted to change the asides to VO and all that, but this was really about being unrestrained.  I don't know, I guess it was just a spur of the moment, odd idea that I ran with.

Phil,

It might be a little long, but I forced myself to stop after  a little over two hours.  I did go back to edit, but that was about it.  I left a lot of stuff hanging out there, and had I chosen to continue, I'd probably still be writing it.  When something goes down on the page as soon as it goes into your head, those pages fill up quick.

It's an odd way to write, but it was fun.  I just hope those who read it get a few chuckles from it.


Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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dogglebe
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 11:36am Report to Moderator
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I thought it was a good piece, from a good excercise.  Not an original excercise, but it made an enjoyable read.

I do not recommend that everyone try this!


Phil
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BryMo
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 11:58am Report to Moderator
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"This script is going to make a million dollars
because of its forward thinking."

I AGREE!

Don't pass up the credit, This was beyond odd..and i got many chuckles from it. So there, good job by you!

Me personally i enjoyed your story ending with Mr Stuffy English Ponce covered with bees.

But i also enjoyed that gunfight part. I think i would switch the two... The gunfight appearing just before the bees, saying something to the effect of "oops, wrong one". then cut to Mr English covered in bees. You saying "There. That's better."

Also, for some reason i want to hear the line..."Mr English, you've got that stick  to o far up your englsh channel."

Just some small thoughts.

Great job!...Who am i kidding, that was fucking boss.

Bryan.


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
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bert
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 12:34pm Report to Moderator
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Buy the ticket, take the ride

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Flashes of brilliance -- flashes of things familiar -- and even the itty-bittiest of shout-outs that nobody will notice but me but I did notice.

Feedback is useless here.  Revision is not the point.  Is it the perfect script?

That question is rhetorical, of course -- I point this out only to stop you from responding even though you know damn well it is rhetorical.

I read it and thoroughly enjoyed it and that is what counts.  What else is there to say, really?


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Grandma Bear
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 2:03pm Report to Moderator
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I too think this could be filmed with the VO.

Regarding the script itself... it left me feeling really dense because I have a feeling most of the jokes were lost on me. I liked the idea of what you did and I'm sure you had a lot of fun writing it. Don't take me wrong, it wasn't bad or anything. Just not for me I guess, but you already know I'm a little off so what I think doesn't really matter.


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jayrex
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 2:12pm Report to Moderator
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Cut to three weeks earlier

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Hi Mike,

This kinda reminded me of Naked Lunch but that would be copyright infringement.  Seriously, this was awesome.  I know I haven't read many of your works and can't compare, but can compared to everyone else, this was awesome.  "Can I say that twice?  Scew it, it stays."

Such a refreshing way to write and read.  I felt I was taken on a journey through your mind and that I didn't have a clue as to how this was going to end.  And that too was excellent.

Make this into a feature and this time next year, you'll be a millionaire.

What a cool script.

All the best,


Javier


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tonkatough
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 2:24pm Report to Moderator
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Um, don't you have a little notebook where you just jot down any ideas that pop into your head. You got enough material here for half a dozen short scripts.

This was funny funny funny but kind of pointless. But I do so love the scene with the puppet. That was gold.

So now that you got that out of your system are you all right? Did you resolve your issues cause I detected a bit of angst in your story.



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Shelton
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 4:01pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for checking it out guys.  I'm glad the reads seem to be pointing to what I had intended to do, which was to simply entertain.

Bert,

Thanks for taking it what it is.  I can't complain over seeing the word brilliance in any review, even in flashes.  I read back through this again last night, and I was actually surprised at how a lot of the things actually managed to fall together in callbacks and what not.  I guess that's one advantage of writing such a large amount over such a short period of time.  You don't forget things as easily.

A feature would definitely not be a problem, since this is something that could literally go on and on and on when you think about it.  You just write and write and write.  Nothing is out of bounds, and you're free to do whatever the hell you want without any type of repercussions.  And even if there are, who cares?  I don't think I would attempt something like that though, based on the fact that it would get a little tiresome.  A feature would definitely have to use VO, and seem more filmable, all the while holding a structure similar to Kentucky Fried Movie or Amazon Women on the Moon.

Angst, Tonka?  Not really.  At least none that's serious.  Just all in good fun, and a tiny bit based on experience. But it wasn't talky, right?  


Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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ReaperCreeper
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 4:29pm Report to Moderator
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Ha ha! I loved this. I had thought about writing something like this before, I just didn't have the guts to do it, even as an excercise.

The "Penis shaped? My word" line literally made me shoot my orange juice through my (non penis-shaped) nose. It was only then, that I noticed I felt like I had already read five pages at least, and I was shocked when I saw that I was only on pg.3! Every single word before that was pure entertainment. Filmmable? I don't know. Maybe through a re-write as others have suggested--but it is definitely entertaining.

The copyright infringement jokes also made me laugh a lot. Jerry's death wand all the "Screw it. It stays" moments were also pretty damn hilarious.  

So what if it's nonesense? So what if it's just an excercise? It's still one of the most entertaining shorts I've ever read.

--Julio
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alffy
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 4:55pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Mike, I can't help but notice that most of the funny comments are written as description, this surely would make sense as being a V.O. or something wouldn't it? I think a kinda narrator through the script would be hillarious, not that this isn't anyway.

The copyright infringment and the missing 'o's are really funny.

pip pip and hoity toity, genius!

Always finish with a gunfight!

Well I thought that was the funniest thing I've read for years, didn't make much sense but who cares but I'm currently working my way through my 5th lager so I could be wrong lol. I know one thing for sure though Mike...you gotta stop smoking that shit!

Brilliantly funny.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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tonkatough
Posted: November 22nd, 2008, 5:45pm Report to Moderator
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nope,  no talky. But the narrative, action was a bit of a chatter box. It must be exhausting listening to the little voice inside your head.


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Shelton
Posted: November 23rd, 2008, 1:14pm Report to Moderator
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Julio and Alffy,

Thanks for checking it out.  Additions of VO would make this more filmable, sure, but it would have also required some thought into what I was writing, and this just wasn't about that.

Anyway, glad you guys enjoyed it.


Shelton's IMDb Profile

"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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