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Buckets of Blood Part II by Sean Elwood, James McClung, Mike Shelton, Jordan Wiebe - Short, Action, Horror - Four action packed blood soaked tales of suspense. A brutalized hooker hell bent on revenge. Treasure hunters come face to face with an ancient evil. A cop fed up with a corrupt judicial system takes justice into his own hands. The living dead rise to feed on human flesh. Four times the blood, four times the suspense, if you think you've seen it all you ain't seen nothing yet. Get ready for more buckets of blood. 149 pages - pdf, format
I've read the first one in this collection twice... haha, bet you're gonna catch some opinions on it. Won't spoil the fun by telling who wrote it though.
Going to challenge myself by trying to figure out who wrote what since I'm pretty familiar with all your different styles.
Since I have already read the first one in this collection, I decided to move onto the second one, Tomb Raider Terror. My guess on who wrote it would be James.
I liked it quite a lot and enjoyed the setting and characters. It was fresh to read something that didn’t take place in the more common places in screenplays. Common American places for the most part.
The writing was good too and if James did write this I would also add that your style is getting better and better. If you’re not James… well, just take the compliment anyway. I have to add that I had to look up some of the words.
Having said those things, I still feel this story needs to be fixed in some areas. Structure mainly. Not that I’m an expert. Far from it. I know I can really fuck up a story. I think when it comes to the structure, what I felt didn’t work is how it’s seems to be about Duke, Hoover and Gahiji, but it ends with the final battle being Imenand and Jinni. Those two characters come in too late in the story for us to care too much about either one of them, IMHO of course. To me, once Duke, Hoover and Gahiji are dead and out of the picture the story was over for me. Your beginning and end worked very nicely as bookends to this script both being of the nomads in the desert, I just wished that either Duke or Hoover or maybe both had been in the final fighting scenes.
I think you did a good job on developing the characters. I could pretty much picture all of them and they were all different. Maybe because you did a good job on them, I wanted those three to be there in the end fighting Jinni instead of Imenand.
This script left me with some questions. I’m not nit picking. I’m genuinely asking because I don’t know the answer.
If Imenand can help them find the gold and he wants to get paid in gold himself, why wouldn’t he have tried to find it before? Why would he need Duke, Hoover and Gahiji?
Are there torture chambers inside the pyramids? I thought they were places where the pharaos were buried along with treasures to ensure they would go on to “heaven”. Somehow I just can’t picture torture chambers being there.
Lastly, a pet peeve of mine is using the word baron when it should be barren.
Anyways, I really enjoyed it and thought you did a good job!
The problem with reviewing any intentionally bad exploitation script is the fact that these things are basically review proof. Any criticism I could offer can be countered with "it was meant to be like that". Having said that, I'm gonna try my best here to offer some helpful comments rather than rambling on endlessly as I seem to be doing now, starting off with 70's blaxploitation splatter-fest.
In a nutshell, this fucking rocked. Worthy of early seventies Pam Greer.
What Worked:
The dialogue. Very authentic tough-as-nails black chicks in 70's New York movies. Whether hookers in 70's New York actually spoke like this, I have no idea, but that's not the point. Point is it's well-written, snappy and funny as hell. Especially Lateesha's run-on mentoring speeches. The line "...So the first thing we gotta do is change that fat cottage cheese ass white suburban no dick suckin’ only missionary position fuckin’ under the covers with the lights off house wife bitch name of yours..." comes to mind. Very nice.
Character development. I wasn't expecting to actually sympathise with these people. Roaring revenge rampages aren't about being on anybody's side, it's about seeing blood and guts and shotgun rape. But the writer has managed to turn this beloved band of workin' gals (Lateesha especially) into a family of people we come to care for. I think the character of Mama has a lot to do with this. I thought the first scene with her at the diner was perhaps a little clunky, because there's really no conflict between mother and daughter. Mama is instantly supportive and understanding, I assumed she would've been a little less "I'll always be there for you, baby girl" type person. But that's by the by, her later scenes at the hospital have a nice emotional resonance and certainly tilted my sympathies in Lateesha's favour.
The violence. Fuck me sideways, this is where the rockin' aspect of the script I was talking about earlier comes in. This was gross and offensive and disturbing and totally brilliant. I don't know what kind of person sits there and thinks "Hey, I'll have a guy get anal raped by a shotgun" but I'm sure as shit glad the writer is that person. Well done.
What Didn't Work:
I already mentioned the clunky diner dialogue scene. A little conflict between Lateesha and her mother would have added a little depth to their relationship. Then again, when you're writing a short blaxploitation revenge movie, having depth in the relationships isn't exactly a priority. I understand that, so we'll just leave that be.
A few structural things bugged me a little. Lateesha gets kidnapped, raped, beaten and left for dead on the sidewalk. She's in hospital for a while, she vows revenge and then she literally goes out and get it. The last fifteen pages or so are all pay-off, no build up. I'd like another scene with Mama, where she intuits exactly what Lateesha is planning to do and they can talk about vengeance vs. justice and what's right and wrong, bring a little moral grey-area into the piece. Or maybe just have a "suiting up montage" of Lateesha getting ready for the take down. Have some padding. Having her in hospital beaten and defeated on one page and then having her drilling holes in Hector's kneecaps on the next is a little jarring.
Mo'Nique and Jamiqua are dropped kind of unceremoniously halfway through. I liked those girls and was definitely disappointed they didn't show up in the climax. I can't really see how you would fit them in, but I was just personally hoping to see a little more of them.
The Bottom Line
Fun. This is what this script was, just good, old-fashioned, bloody-as-hell fun. It's well-written, it's funny, it moves like a rocket and it has genuinely interesting characters. I'd love to see Lateesha get her own feature length spin-off. What's up with her daughter? What if Lionel escapes from Bellevue and decides to get a little revenge on Leon the pimp? What if Wayne has a brother? I want answers. And, of course, more shotgun rape.
I've read the next short and am about halfway through the third, so stay tuned....
This one was sort of a mixed bag for me. There were some things that didn't work at all, and other things that I really loved. I think a couple of rewrites would make this one a lot better.
What Worked:
The setting. The Egyptian stuff added a lot of nice texture. I loved all of the stuff with the snake charmer and Imenand. Making it both a period piece and a location story was a good move, it keeps things interesting and adds a nice flavour of the exotic. Kind of reminded me of The Mummy, just a lot more violent, which serves as a good segue into my next point....
The violence. Lots of imagination in here. I loved the descriptions of the Jinni when he comes into the story. His fiendish murderous persona kind of put me in mind of Pinbacker from Sunshine, the Danny Boyle movie. Some of his stuff is scary as hell, brought a lot to the script at a point when things were starting to drag a little for me. The rats, the feces, the torture, all well-written and packed with imagination (I dunno if the shit-smearing stuff was a little nod to Salo or not, but that was another movie that came to mind while I was reading this).
Hoover and Gahiji. I really liked these guys. Funny and surprisingly well-developed for such a brief script. I was sad to see them go. Hoover especially, as he was good for keeping Duke in his place (I particularly liked the "....It takes more than brains to deduce there’s gold in a cave. It takes less than brains to deduce there’s bats...." line.
The story. Having to bring someone back from the dead against their will in order to find the gold, really interesting idea. I wish this had played out a little more clearly. Obviously when something like this needs to be done in the movies, it always goes wrong and with good reason. When things happen exactly as they're supposed to, it's kind of boring, but I just thought this was a nice idea. Very spooky and supernatural, added nicely to the script.
What Didn't Work:
Pia already did a good job of pointing out some of the problems with the structure, so no sense in repeating it.
Duke. Why the hell was he so stupid? It felt like whenever Hoover and Gahiji or Imenand tried to explain what they were going to do, it was "what is he talking about?" or "why are you doing that" or "what the hell is going on here?" His impatience and skepticism combined with his apparent reatardedness was really irritating. If he's going to be that stupid, he needs to die about ten pages earlier. I'm glad that he eventually went slowly and horribly. I liked the alcoholic Indy aspect of his character, but the rest of him was a bit much.
The torture scene between Imenand and the Jinni dragged a little bit. I'm all for superfluous violence, but since both characters were introduced a little later on the story, it's kind of hard to care. That's just a personal problem, but I think trimming some of Imanend's torture methods might make the scene move a little quicker.
The Bottom Line
Like I said earlier, this one was kind of hit-and-miss. When it hits, it really hits, but the misses drag the script down as a whole. It's nicely written with some good characters and genuinely disturbing moments. I think bringing Imenand into the story sooner would be a big improvement, and possibly dialing Duke back a little bit. Other than that, this was good. I wouldn't say it was an enjoyable read, but it's certainly well-worth reading. Nice work.
Thanks for the reads Matt and Pia, I won't say whether you read mine or not yet though This was a pretty neat project to do, 4 different styles of stories in one. Anyways, hope you like the others
Sorry it took me so long to get this one up, but X-mas has been taking up its fair share of my time. But I finally managed to finish this one off, so here we go.
This one didn’t work quite as well as the others, for me. It mostly has to do with the fact that the story picks up a little too late. The opening scene has Big-U getting off and Jud swearing vengeance – but we have nothing to really grab on to. Why does Jud go off like he does? How are we supposed to know he’s sick of this shit if this is the first we’re hearing of it? A vendetta needs to be earned, but this script is just one pay-off after another after another with no set-up.
Having said that, this thing isn’t all bad. In fact, parts of it were quite good.
What Worked:
The chases. Nice work here. Having them be so Chicago-specific could’ve been a problem, especially for people who have no knowledge of Chicago’s geography, but I never had a problem following any of it because it was written very clearly without any clutter or over-indulgence in the descriptions. Having take place on Chicago’s streets lends a nice urban feel to the piece, creates a great energy and vibe that helps carry the script even when the story isn’t quite working.
Kids on cocaine. Always funny.
Gangster names. Big-U, Neutron, Bam-Bam, Mothball, Lips and Fuckhead. Genius. Great cast of villains, they have great energy, their dialogue is funny without being over the top or cartoony. It’s a good blend of comedy and danger.
The violence. Like the two previous stories, there’s a lot of imagination here. Arms being chainsawed off, mob bosses being ripped in half by police cars, thugs being keyed in the jugular, shootings, stabbings, beatings, explosions, all good stuff.
What Didn’t Work:
The story. Like I said, it’s all action, action, action without any context. What this script needs is about twenty more pages before the opening scene explaining who Big-U is and what he is supposed to have done this time, and how he’s managed to get out of jail time in the past, and why Jud cares so fucking much.
Bumblebee. She gets assaulted, shot at, involved in a high-speed chase and still wants to go to her party? If it were me, I think I’d like to go home. And why does she stay with Jud? She’s never met this man, he brings her nothing but danger, there is absolutely no inclination in the script that she even begins to like him, yet she sticks by him? This didn’t make a lick of sense to me. There needs to be a reason for her to stay other than the convenience of the plot.
What was up with Jud going apeshit on that street crazy? That was just weird…
The Bottom Line:
This script wasn’t all bad. It’s got it’s problems, but nothing that a few rewrites couldn’t clean up. The action was good, most of the dialogue was snappy and funny, there’s a nice blend of violence and comedy. It’s just the plot that needs tightening up. Jud’s vendetta needs better justification and Bumblebee needs a stronger reason to stay by his side. Do that, and you’ll have a stronger script.
I'm not sure I'll make it through this entire 149 page script so I'll take it in chunks.
BITCHSLAPPED ------------ Beside a couple of glaring but small typos...I liked this script. It captured black-plotation very nicely with a solid hero you felt something about. I especially thought the first half of the script was done quite well, good character development and dialogue. The part after the hospital stay, however, lost steam quickly.
First off, I think you kind of threw away this whole business about Peaches because you don't really mention her again.
Secondly, I think you needed to carry the "need information" thing further than the garage. Maybe he knows where one of them is and the next knows where the last is. She needs more trouble finding these guys. As it is she really doesn't have much difficulty getting rid of them. It needs to be more of a challenge.
Lastly, while the gunfight was ok, I thought it was one of the weakest parts of the script. Be more creative.
Overall, I really liked it - but like anything it can always be improved.
While I kind of liked it (it had significant grotesqueness), I thought it had a number of issues that need some work.
There were a couple of typos - nothing huge - but they were there.
It looked like there was a continuity error after Duke and the rats. All the guys were in the tunnel with him while they were also in the burial chamber.
And if I'm not mistaken, the fiery eyed jackal just sort of disappears. And unless I missed it, there really is no explanation for this odd creature.
Also, again not certain about this, but sometimes it seemed like we were in India, other times in Baghdad, and other times in Egypt. Culturally this didn't add up well for me.
As far as the Jinni goes, I could have missed it but I think things would have been tenser if you told us some of the Jinni mythology first. Like what to expect from him. as it stands I was confused as to why the Jinni was acting the way he was.
But the major issue I had with this script was the ending. I didn't like that Imenand ran off with the gold at the end. I thought Gahiji should have gotten the gold. Or you should have had Imenand in there from the beginning. I didn't like Duke, I was surprised you choose him as a main character, you should have given him a bit of redemption.
With a little bit of editing this could be quite good. Looking forward to seeing the rewrite.
BREAKNECK VENGEANCE -------------------------- I really enjoyed this one. I thought the character development was great. The storyline was good too but a bit on the cliche side of things. No problems though it was still a lots of fun to read.
I had a couple of issues with it.
One was context. Since this sits inside BOBII, it is kind of similar to Bitchslapped and therefore maybe the inclusion of both of these pieces might be reconsidered.
The second was length. It was a bit long and could probably be cut down a bit without sacrificing the story. I don't have a specific example but I'm sure at least one could be found.
The last issue was the Bumblebee. Though it was a cute idea (and I love that she stung him with a pin), I think ultimately it would be too silly on the screen and I would recommend losing it.
FLESH EATERS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE --------------------------------------------- It's a pretty typical zombie flick and I enjoyed reading it - after the zombies started the reading got much better but there were a number of issues that didn't work for me with the script.
Mostly it's the 60s thing. This breaks into a number of sub issues.
1. The slang seemed kind of clunky and it was used rather unevenly. A couple of times you were spot on, other times you weren't using exactly the right slang like 'book it' is was actually always said as just 'book'. I also noticed an absence of calling people 'man' which was extremely common slang back then. If you are interested in the slang then watch something like 'Woodstock' or 'Monterrey Pops Festival' you get some interviews with the music.
2. Why was this set in the 60s anyway? There really wasn't a point for the time period. Everyone knows that didn't happen and you didn't explain why people wouldn't know why that happened (Like the government make everyone involved disappear). I didn't even find the energy of the characters very 60s like. The seemed to me to be modern transplants. Write what you know works every time. Set it at a later or future date.
There was something else but I can't remember it at the moment because someone is talking to me every 2 minutes. Well they shut up for a minute or two and then they talk again. It's very distracting.
Like I said, I enjoyed the read but I would rethink the 60s thing.
Hey Cornetto thanks for the read, I'm surprised you made it through all of them in such a short period of time , glad you seemed to find something to like in each one I know that both breakneck and bitchslapped are kinda similar, that's why I split those two up, but I think there is enough of a difference in style and tone in them to separate them. Again thanks for the reads.
Thanks for checking it out. I'll go more in-depth with my responses once who wrote what is revealed (like mine is terribly difficult to figure out ), but I just wanted to pop in and let everyone know that I'm watching things.
My god, this is one nasty piece of work. The ending was just twisted and brutal.
Formats good and there were barely any grammar errors.
The characters were all decently developed. Lateesha especially. She seemed like a real person, just not a very pleasant one.
My favorite thing about this script was the dialog. I loved every one of Lateesha's lines. She's such a bitch, and yet you're still rooting for her.
Complaints...
The pacing. The first 20 pages were the set up, and then the rest was nothing but climax. It was just BAM BAM BAM oh fuck they're dead. However I'm sure length limitations held this back in that area, so no biggie.
This has a very grindhouse type feel to it and I think it was the perfect way to start BOB2. I'm looking forward to reading the rest.
As for who wrote this, I'm going to have to say this is Mike's work. It seems like he'd know a thing or two about vengeful black prostitutes.
I thought this one was pretty good, but I did have some issues with it.
I agree with everything Michael said first of all. Everything he said is definitely taking into consideration. I have a few suggestions as well.
Although I did not grow up here or even at that time period, my husband did so I asked him a couple of questions. The first one that struck me was the water bottle. I know that might seem weird, but back then people didn't carry water bottles with them everywhere they went. That's actually a more modern day thing. Extremely uncommon for people to buy bottled water back then. Plus there were no plastic bottles... they were glass.
The story itself was like Michael said fairly standard, but it worked, so... I think for a 30+ page script though, it took way to long before anything happened. Nothing much of big importance happens until page 11 or so. I'm thinking you were probably just working establishing characters, but it still has to move the story forward. If you know what I mean.
Once the action starts it's relentless and goes on till the end. I wish there had been a better build up in the beginning so the transition into the action doesn't come across as too sudden.
I know that my next comment may not seem important, but something that seems common to me in these types of films and that is that the whole world is affected, our heroes are the only ones left, we're all going to die kind of thing. It always amazes me that none of the teenagers ever stop and wonder how there families are doing? Are their parents, siblings and other loved ones dead? They always only seem to be able to think about their friends.
All in all I think you did a good job and the action was good.
Just found this. Interesting stuff. Started at the top and got through "Bitchslapped".
Bitchslapped
It does totally feel like a 70's Grindhouse type flick. The spinning head kicks and over the top violence work well for this sort of genre, but it also comes off as rather funny and cheesy, but then again, that's exactly what this shit was all about.
Big problem for me were all the easily fixed typos that ran wild thoughout. I think I came across at least 40, and that's with a single, quick read. They shouldn't be so obvious, and it really takes away from the read.
Didn't like how you spelled the names of the girls either. Obviously, a parent can spell their children's names anyway they want to, but I doubt they'd choose the letters you used. I could be wrong here, but they just didn't look right, and becuase we saw them so often, it took away again for me.
Dialogue was hit and miss. At times, it was great, but those times were when you obviously went for a big, funny speech. But most of the times, I don't think you got the slangs right and forgot how they should sound. Way too often you used "you" when a girl like Lateesha would say "ya", etc.
I also didn't buy the interactions between Lateesha and Dolores. Lateesha may indeed be that clasic "hooker with a heart of gold", but she's stil a lowlife street hooker and in no way would she offer to take Dolores under her wing for no reason whatsoever.
Like others have said, from the hospital scene to the end, it's just nonstop violence and it needs a bit more than that to make the over the top violence work. It was way too easy to take the 3 rapists out. Too conveinent that no one else was around them to help. Also, Lateesha took a shitload of blows that she wouldn't just be able to jump up and attack from. But, yes, this genre is what it is, and that shit happens in these movies. Problem is though, that in reality, these movies never garnered any kind of real following and never made any money. Although the recent Grindhouse double feature was a critically acclaimed work, it also didn't capyure the hearts of mainstream movie goers, and although I loved them, I loved them for their goofiness and camp factor.
This isn't bad, but I think with a little more time, it could've been...and should've been a whole lot better
Read this one over the weekend when I should have worked on something else, my bad.
Are you trying to convince us that there is corruption in Chicago???
Anyway, I really liked this one. I think your writing is getting better and better. It's sharp and snappy, but fun in a lowkey kind of way which might seem like a weird thing to say since the last ones of yours that I've read have had a lot of action. I don't know how to better describe it though. Maybe it's because even though the action or scenarios are over the top, it still doesn't seem forced or that you tried too hard. It just sort of fits.
I agree with the others that the story itself might not be that original here, but I thought it felt exactly like those car chase movies back in the 70's.
The things I would have liked to be a little different would be Jud. Even though this was 50 pages, I never really felt that I got to know him. I would have liked to see him do something where his character comes off as more of a good guy. Right now, some of the kills seemed just cold which didn't make me like him that much. There must be some more justification for the brutality and killing. If that makes sense. This was also why Bumblebee's affection for him all of a sudden didn't really work. He wasn't likable enough for her to suddenly fall for him.
I had no problem with understanding why Jud does what he does though. It was clear to me that he was frustrated about doing his job only to see the bad guys go unpunished all the time. Again, being ffrustrated with this situation didn't warrant Jud's killings. At least not all of them.
The characters and their names were all great and a lot of fun.
The action, and this is important, was excellent. I usually hate reading action. It's something that is fun to watch, but can be a drag to read. Car chases especially. You did an awesome job on that here. It was easy to follow even though I'm not familiar with Chicago. It was fast paced and visual, never tedious or dull to read.
Make me like Jud better so I can believe Bumblebee falling for him and the killings seem more just and this will be really great and no one will notice that the story itself isn't that original.
The beginning had me grinning all while I was reading. I love that your descriptions for this was so informal. For example when you say the wall of the apartment looked as is someone had wiped their ass with it. The dialogue is very typical of Blaxploitation cinema. Lateesha was quite a layered character. She sort of played the role of Lateesha whenever she was on the street with the dialogue and became herself Margaret whenever she was at home. I also noticed that your descriptions became more standard when if the scene involved Mama. This was appropriately over the top and an authentic throwback to 70s Blaxploitation. That last death scene was particularly disgusting. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Great job. I don't really have anything negative to say. Perhaps Lateesha could have a harder time taking the guys out. More conflict.
I am guessing that this is from the crazy motherfu**ing' mind of Mr Shelton, though have not read the others yet so may change my mind as I get through them.
I have never really got into the whole Blaxploitation thing, I guess QT is my only window into that world, but from what I have read about it this certainly fits the mould. I was only a few pages into it when I realised, like Chism, that this was going to be near enough critic proof (except to hardcore fans of the genre I would assume). Is it intending to a blaxploitation script, or a parody of a blaxploitation script, it is hard to tell. And thus very hard to comment on.
So I guess the only thing to say is whether it was well written and enjoyable?
It was hard going, especially the final showdown, very grisly and uncomfortable to read. It was written well enough but some of the dialogue did not really ring true. Lateesha asking Dolores to move in with her just never felt right to me. I can understand the need to do it, we need a great reason for what lateesha does, but this really should have been set up better. More dialogue, maybe we need to understand more about Dolores' upbringing and how that mirrors that of Lateesha. Lateesha surely needs to see something of her own upbringing in Dolores for her to take her under her wing? If you were to extend this I would probably have had a scene where Dolores is off the game and living with Lateesha already. As it is I really didn't fully buy it.
Another thing that never sat right was why have her shoot (and probably kill) an innocent girl? Even by mistake this makes it much harder to root for Lateesha. I love revenge flicks as much as anyone but surely the whole point is that the whole audience is rooting for the hero despite the violence they are committing because they are killing those that deserve it?
Like I said I am not an expert on these movies by any stretch of the imagination, so difficult to comment and difficult to judge. Overall though it was a decent script, It was a good read and zipped along really well once we reached the final act, it had that crescendo effect that kept churning the action up towards the climax. Nicely done and a great ending.
Thanks for the reads everyone, I know there are some flaws in each one, mine for sure....lol, still I like what each writer did here, i think each would work as a feature. Anyways thanks again for the reads and comments.
The characters. For a short period zombie flick, there was a surprising amount of character development. I liked Heather the best -- hippie chicks are so cool. Eddie was a cool guy too. Having had him seen zombie movies and knowing what zombies were and how to kill them from that was a nice idea, kept things interesting without having any boring exposition scenes. Mike, what an arsehole. His story felt maybe a little tacked on, him going psychotic so suddenly over Eddie/Mary thing came right out of nowhere, but it's good that you tried to have a little interpersonal conflict to liven things up. Zombies themselves aren't particularly interesting villains on their own, and Mike gave a good energy and kept things from getting boring. So, nice work on that front.
The Vietnam thing was an interesting idea. Having Nixon pull out of that shithole to fight the zombies was actually kinda cool. If only Bush could follow his example.... but that's another day and another thread. Not gonna get political, just wanted to mention that it was a cool little story point.
Violence, really well done. Zombies chewing and tearing apart people isn't a new idea, but there was some pretty disgusting stuff in here. Gauging eyeballs, crushing with car tires and mass immolation were funky ideas. Would love to see some of that stuff on the big screen. It was also nice to see the return of people being anally raped. I really missed it in Breakneck Vengeance and, since it seems to be a recurring theme in these stories, it was nice to have it back.
What Didn't Work:
There were a few problems with the structure. As people have already pointed out, the outbreak of the infection starts kind of suddenly. There's no real build-up or suspense in the first ten pages or so and it's pretty jarring to go from average day at school to the end of the world so quickly.
The Bottom Line
As others have said, FEFBTG is fairly typical zombie fair, but some colourful characters and imaginative gore keep it afloat nicely. The first ten pages or so kind of dragged, but once the violence starts its relentless pretty much up to the last page, and you go out strong so the beginning can be forgiven. All in all, a pretty fun read. Well done.
While I don't want to just repeat the same thoughts as previous posters I must mention my biggest problem with this script is the fact that you kill all three of our main characters off before the climax. I am not totally sure who was meant to be the protagonist, the most likable character was probably Hoover. It is possible that you intended Duke to be the protag, maybe an arrogant and rude but likable hero a bit like Michael Douglas from Romancing the Stone, but if that was the case I think you would have had him change towards the end. I think much of the humour surrounding his character was over the top in the context of the script.
As has already been said we have a climax between two characters who we have only just met and do not care about at all, it does make it very difficult to keep interest and care anything about what happens at the end. You need to introduce your antagonist ideally before the end of the 3rd act, or at least make reference to him, make sure we know what evil is to come. And then you should really decide on who your protag is and have it be him that kills the Jinni at the end. I am not saying your protag should have to be alive at the end but he certainly needs to be involved. And most certainly he needs to change, he needs an arc. Hence why I think your best protag would be Duke, a bit dislikable to begin (but with that roguish charm) with but somewhere along the road he does redeem himself and does something unselfish.
However that being said there was much to like about this script, the actual premise was top notch, a great adventure story with some fantastic and visual horror thrown in. Although you need to be careful of mixing genres too much, I think the comedy was too much, a Comedy/Adventure/Slasher movie might be a little hard to sell, though I guess I am minded of the excellent 'From Dusk to Dawn' so what do I know?
The writing is well done, whoever wrote this certainly knows how to write. I liked the descriptions and had no problem at all in picturing the scenes and seeing strong visual images on the page. The snake charmer sequence was a nice set piece and really helped establish the character of Imenand.
All in all a good script but certainly some things that need to be looked at to make it a great script.
The more I think about it the more that this reminds me of 'From Dusk till Dawn' and that makes me realize that that movie was structured in a similar way to yours and therefore everything that I have said might be wrong! haha.
I think the one thing that FDTD had going for it is that we had a clearly defined protagonist and antagonist right from the beginning of the film. So during the first half of what was then a typical QT movie about two bad boys kidnapping a family, we had real conflict from the word go. A classic protag (the whole family really) with a clear goal (to enjoy a vacation) and an Antagonist (both brothers) who were stopping them reaching their goal. We even had some early signs of redemption from one of the Antagonists, but to be fair much of that might be due to the excellent casting of Clooney, but he always seemed to be the character most likely to change. Of course the brothers were not the real antagonist as we were to later found out but they were a good stand in when a stand in was required to create the conflict needed.
I wonder if that is what you were attempting to do with the Duke character? Not a bad idea really, and certainly would explain why the Jinni just seemed to appear at the tale end of the script. It never really worked however, you would need to have Duke be much more of a antagonist, his role should be to stop the others finding the gold. As it was you had him protest a couple of times but his heart was never really in it. I think if you can find away to make Duke cause some real conflict with the others, really get close to stopping them reaching their goals only to change in some way as we meet what is the real villain then this script would be a whole lot better and make much more sense.
I know I just went off on a tangent there and probably make no sense, but it was only after writing my previous post did I think more about FDTD.
Thanks for the reads matt and gm......I didn't see the FDTD thing till now, kinda has the same vibe in a way, but TRT i think has more horror through out, but still a good comparison.
Seems you boys tried to out-grindhouse Grindhouse. This script is a pretty mixed bag. There were awesome moments of violence, great scumbag characters and bits of killer dialogue. There were also pages that dragged on and stories that didn't seem to reach their potential. All four subjects of these stories have been done many times before, so it is definitely a challenge to make them seem fresh.
Bitchslapped was probably my favorite of the bunch. It was just a straight up exploitation script with no apologies. The violence was off the charts. Love that shotgun enema. I thought the strongest part of the script was the dialogue and the street characters. Man, you feel like taking a shower after reading this thing. My only complaint, besides the typos, was that it did seem to drag a bit in that second half. If it was tightened and cleaned up, with a twist or two during the vengeance scenes, this script would be great.
The Tomb Raiders script was a cool idea that didn't quite reach the heights I was hoping for. Hoover and Ganji are believable characters, but Duke almost sngle-handedly ruined it for me. The guy is so over the top obnoxious and annoying, it seems doubtful that a British professor would ever want to work with him. And he never did anything to justify that obnoxiousness. He just seemed to be there to b!tch at the other two men.
As has been noted before, at least one of those three should have made it to the end. It's hard to get into the Egyptian necromancer because he appears so late in the story. That jinni is one bad-azz creation, though. Remind me never to open a portal to the spirit world, because that bastard just might pop through. Overall, I liked the setting, but I wish the story had a bigger payoff.
Breakneck Vengeance is the most professionally written of the four stories. Since it is based in Chicago, I'll go ahead and guess that this sick little tale is the work of Mike Shelton. You really know your town. The dialogue was great and the character names were awesome. I think Fvckface alone deserves his own script.
You get into the story fast, but maybe too fast. I would have liked to have known more about Big U and the case against him. I would also like to know why Jud is so personally drawn to this particular case. Reading the script, I couldn't help but think of Shaft(the remake.) The crooked judge, the criminal who thinks he's above the law, and the pizzed-off cop who turns in his badge to seek bloody vengeance. All of those elements make for a great tale, but while Shaft explained why the criminal was on trial and why Shaft had such a personal vendetta against him, I never got that same feeling from Breakneck.
The story felt kind of repetitive to me as Jud dispatched one goon after another. I really felt this story could have been shortened. The crooked captain was a nice touch and sort of a nod to those sleazy cop captains of the 70s. But I was hoping you were going to bring a fresh twist to the story. Something we never saw coming and had never seen before in a story like this. The last fifteen pages just seemed a bit by-the-numbers for me. We knew Jud was going to get his revenge and Big-U, the Captain and all the goons were gonna die. Prophecy fulfilled. Jud deserved his revenge, I just wish he obtained it in a fresher way.
Flesh Eaters has the problem of being a zombie story when the genre seems to have been mined for all its worth. If you're going to write another Zombie tale, the bar has been raised in recent years, so you really need to bring something new to the table. Unfortunately, this script didn't do it for me.
It seemed to have that unique setting at the beginning, and I eagerly thought you were going to incorporate Charles Manson and his gang into the tale. But, it becomes another story of some unexplained virus that causes the dead to rise and feast on humans. I really think you needed to come up with something to explain the plague. Way too many of these scenes were way too reminiscent of Dawn of the Dead(the remake of which I regard as the gold standard of Zombie flicks). I didn't find any of the characters interesting and by the time they all gathered at the school, we all knew how the story was going to play out. And it just seemed too easy to have that Radio announcer explain a huge part of the story with a simple paragraph of dialogue.
There were some nice comic touches, such as the lesbian kiss at the end. But, as I said, you picked a very difficult genre to write for.
All in all, an entertaining bunch of stories. And you more than lived up to the title.
Thanks for the read cam17, glad you liked some of it I know the one I wrote would be stronger if it was longer but I needed to keep the page count down so some of it does feel rushed. thanks again for the read and comments, surprised you got through all of them at once
Thanks to all who have read Breakneck Vengeance so far, and to those who read Bitchslapped and thought it was mine.
Good feedback from everyone, and I hope to have a feature version of "Breakneck" up at some point, extending the beginning and adding more to Jud's reasoning, while hopefully adding in one or two more kickass car chases.
Interesting actually when you read the same people's script several times over a long period of time, not only can I usually tell who wrote it, but also how they've changed their style.
Okay, cool. I was wondering when we'd announce the names. I've been getting a little anxious to respond.
First off, Mike...
I thought Breakneck Vengeance was pretty sweet. I was a little disappointed to how similar it was to Bitchslapped but that's not your fault and honestly, the two scripts stand on their own. If I had read Jordan's script second, I'd be telling him the same thing.
I did find it a little repetitive at times (it reminded me a little of the third act of Disposable Heroes) but the pace was relatively decent and the action varied, despite the circumstances being somewhat the same. I also liked the character of Bumblebee. She was obviously way out of place and kept things interesting as a result. Standout character for sure. I also dug the names of these guys and the dialogue was pretty authentic as well.
All that said, it fit well with BOB. Good job, dude.
Too many comments to respond to all at once so I'll just cover the common complaints...
People didn't seem to care much for the structure of the plot, that is everybody getting killed off and being left with Immenand and the jinni. I figured with BOB, I could do a lot of things I wouldn't normally do with other scripts, since it's not really meant to be produced (or even producable), just sort of a fun thing for writers. One of these things was to mess with plot structure. The three "protagonists" are either scum, stupid, or both and really don't deserve to make it to the end. With the exception of Gahiji, who genuinely believes in the supernatural, these guys are trying to exploit Imenand, thinking they can fool him in the end. Even then, they're all gold diggers and just plain greedy bastards.
A couple of people have suggested Duke as the leader or hero of the story but have had mixed thoughts as to whether or not he's likeable. Duke is a scumbag, a racist, and a moron. Definitely the worst of all the characters, with the exception of maybe the jinni. That's why I had him nail the prostitute with the brandy bottle and have him die in such a painful and humiliating way. Imenand (which means 'hidden one'), you never know what his motives really are. I figured he either could have taken advantage of a situation he didn't forsee or actually have manipulated the gold diggers from the start. Either way, he was able to turn things around on everyone in the end who were technically all out to get him in the first place. Hence, the switcharoo. I guess it is a bit jarring but this fact, in my mind, makes Imenand the most likeable character as well as the best candidate to make it out in the end. Also, given the way he's introduced, I wouldn't say he's completely underdeveloped.
Also, the character of the jinni is referenced from the start, albiet in a subtle manner. Duke and Gahiji both make references to shape-shifters and evil spirits during the first act (with one character actually saying the word 'jinni'). The jinni also appears in several incarnations before the actual ritual (vulture, jackel, snake, rat) so he's always around in one way or another.
I also felt like the final confrontation had to be between him and Imenand. Imenand's the only one who has experience with its kind. Also, the jinni isn't actually part of the ritual but rather meant to sabotage it for, literally, shits and giggles (the real 'jinni' mythos suggests them to be mischief-makers so I tried to push that as far as possible). That said, Imenand has to be the one to take control of things in the end with the jinni being so in 'his line of work,' so to speak.
I dunno if the shit-smearing stuff was a little nod to Salo or not, but that was another movie that came to mind while I was reading this.
I'm going to take this as the compliment of all compliments so major thanks, dude! If this were a nod to Salo, I wasn't conscious of it. It wasn't intentional but I won't deny the possibility that it was in the back of my mind. Salo has had a major influence on my work since the first time I saw it. If anything I've done can be compared to it, I've done something right, even if it's as trivial as 'shit-smearing.'
My real motive was just pushing things as far as they could go in this story. First off, the jinni character thrives on chaos and depravity so I had a lot of leeway in that department. It wouldn't be forced, that is. Also, after reading Jordan's entry for the last BOB, I felt I really had to step things up for the sequel. That script was just a monster. And finally, this is called Buckets of Blood. I feel like restraint doesn't really apply here. I've tried not to make decisions based on how I would writing a script I wanted to sell or have be taken seriously. This is fun.
I bet that almost everyone who has read this entire screenplay pinned "Flesh Eaters From Beyond the Grave" on I, Zombie Sean, once they read "The living dead rise to feed on living flesh" but didn't want to admit it except for one brave soul: me. Not me, but me.
Now that that's been said, I want to thank everyone for reading my lame, over-done-plot of a script, and I'm glad for those who enjoyed it, and I'm sorry for those who didn't. I was going to respond and say thanks, but I figured I could give thanks to everyone at the same time rather than what Jordan politely did and thanked those who read it every time someone commented on the thread with a review.
Any way, I'll start with Cam's comment, since he was the only one that did not enjoy my script as much as others. Mainly because the zombie genre has been way over done, but, hey, what can I say? I love zombies. I was going to have a different idea for the zombie outbreak, but since it wasn't favored by my fellow BOB'ers, I changed it to the typical unexplained virus (just to give you an idea, the main reason was an evil scientist. I have no idea if that's better or worse. Buahahaha). But your thoughts are a good idea also, with the Manson gang, but I don't know too much about them (except for the Tate murders and a Hispanic couple murder soon after) and I don't know how they acted so following them wouldn't be such a good idea. But thanks for reading any way.
To the other readers :
Michael, this was set in the 60s because Jordan told me to make it there. He wanted the theme to Blast from the Past, and since his was the 70s, James' was, what, the 30s(?) and Mike's could very well be in the 70s or possibly early 80s, I decided to stick with the 60s (though, I would have LOVED to do the 50s, since that's my favourite era, but it probably would have been too similar to the movie Fido. I also had to look up the slang, and I acutally had forgotten all about "am" buahaha. Damn.
Pia, you know me too well Actually, I gave myself away. I just wanted to write a zombie script Yeah, I didn't research too much into the 60s except for the slang and whatnot, so I didn't even know that water bottles were glass. Mike said the same thing about the beginning, so I tried trimming down the best I could while keeping most of the conversations in so I wouldn't have to delete a lot of stuff and then have 5-second long scenes. And yes, teenagers back then hated their parents so they didn't even care that they were dead Just kidding. How would I know? I was born 30 years after And the suddenness...You should read "CSU: Forensics of the Living Dead" It goes into great detail of everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about zombies. It talks about outbreaks, and there was one part where it said that if zombies ran, then the whole world would be done for in a day, maybe less, just because the infection spreads so fast. So, sudden would be awkward, but I should have probably put some reports in, like with people missing from their homes, only to leave puddles of blood, reports of public disturbances, etc.
Chism, I'm very glad you liked it. I'm glad you liked the characters and the Vietnam subplot (which I was going to add in some scenes such as soldiers getting killed then reanimating, or having them enter villages that have already been overrun by the living dead), and the gory scenes. And the problem you pointed out...Read what I wrote to Pia about the suddenness of the zombie apocalypse.
Thanks again to everyone who reads it and I hope my reply to you was satisfactory to all of your questions or complaints. Thank you and goodnight.
Decided to bump up one from the regulars. I only had time to read one of the shorts now, but will get to the others a bit later.
BITCHSLAPPED
Hey Jordan,
I recall reading the first few pages of this ages ago. As I was reading through this, I found that I didn't particularly like any of the characters, but for this script I'm not sure that's necessarily bad. The reason being is that no one in here is really that likable, but I think that may go with the theme of the story. It's kind of like a Cameron Crowe flick where there's no real distinct bad guy, but rather people doing not great things. Even Lateesha, who we're rooting for to get her vengeance, is just a total bitch. But again, I think it fits into the whole theme and mood of the story and it's consistent throughout. I didn't particularly like them as people, but I liked them as characters and liked their interaction in this dark world.
I thought this was a very entertaining story, but there were 2 things that didn't quite work for me:
One thing that didn't fit was Mama. She acknowledges that they've been distant and she knows about Lateesha's job...so why the hell doesn't she take her under her wing? It was more like them just meeting up but the only thing I could ask myself was where the hell has Mama been all this time? She's obviously been around because she knows all this stuff and knows about Lateesha's daughter, so why wasn't she more motherly?
The other was the scene where Dolores gets killed. It just seemed kind of odd to tell you the truth. Wayne calls out to these two chicks, kidnaps them, then immediately kills Dolores. If anything, I think Dolores was the one who should have been raped then followed by Lateesha. It would have created an even more brutal atmosphere and feeling of anger because Dolores is this sweet girl who's now on the wrong road. By having even more bad news happen to her I think ups the stakes for Lateesha on her vengeance goal.
Nevertheless, those two things didn't deter this from being a pretty badass revenge story. As is the case with all of your shorts, you pay explicitly close attention to violent and/or gross detail. Stomachs ripping open, dirty underwear, shotgun rapeage, etc. It's pretty much anything goes and nothing's off limits. As I said in the opening, it's such a dark world you've created here where all of the characters interact pretty relentlessly with one another and it's great that you didn't hold back.
So overall it was a fast and entertaining read and holy ape shit was this violent haha. Nice job, dude!
Ok, finished the rest. I guess I'll go through each script one by one and then sum up my thoughts as a whole.
TOMB RAIDER TERROR
I did peek in the thread to see who wrote what, but I knew pretty quickly this was James'. It just had that James tone to it. Anyway, if I recall correctly, your part in the first 'Buckets' was about a couple ninjas and they slice and dice their way through a bunch of bodies. Really bloody stuff. I like how you went totally out there again and made this kind of an adventure-historical piece a-la The Mummy. One thing I'm gonna compare shorts 2-4 on is that I think they'd all benefit from being a feature. 'Bitchslapped' is really the only one that felt satisfyingly complete in its relatively short page count.
While I really liked your creativity, the story itself felt a little incomplete. As I said, with more pages to write I think this one would greatly benefit. It's not that it didn't work, but it just felt like there were things missing. With a story like this about treasure and gold hunting and mysterious paranormal forces, I would have liked more backstory and development. Again, pretty hard to do in such a limited space. I liked the characters sans Duke. At first he just seemed like a goofy American. After a while he just seemed dumb to the point where I wondered what he was even doing out there in the first place.
However, the one thing that I felt pretty disappointed in and you may disagree with me here and it's hard to believe I'm saying this to you dude, but I felt there was a real lack of blood. Toward the end, yeah, people died and the jinni fellow went through some havoc, but it didn't feel like the in-your-face-off-the-walls blood I'm accustomed to from you. Overall I thought this story was really creative and you've got a good atmosphere here, but for a series called 'Buckets of Blood' I can't say it fully delivered in that aspect and I can't believe I'm saying that to you =\
BREAKNECK VENGEANCE
Shelton, my thoughts on this are pretty much the same as above; this is a nice spin put on a typical cop story and was quite entertaining, but for a segment in 'Buckets of Blood' I can't say it fully delivered. Again, I feel odd saying this because I know how extreme you can get, such as with 'Disposable Heroes,' but the blood here really seemed very tame.
Story wise I thought this was really entertaining. Jud going out on his vengeance streak maybe seemed a bit quick and sudden and his decision to go all out crazy was vexing to me, but once he was out there it was a fun ride. The characters I think were a great strength, especially the minor ones, i.e. various street thugs of Big U, Bumblebee, etc. From their names to their demeanors, I thought they were all great additions, even if their roles were very minor. I lol'd at Fuckface's introduction. Maybe a character like that should have a greater role in a series like this haha.
Overall the story is fun. The characters are fun. The style is fun. But the gore-sickness level is tame. Bummer.
FLESH EATERS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE
Hey Sean, I think every script I've ever read from you has involved zombies of some sort haha. This script has some good strengths to it, but I think its weakness is that it resorts to falling into the typical zombie slasher flick at certain times.
My first question is what's the deal with Mike? I didn't quite get him. At one point he said his girlfriend was dead and I was just kind of confused. I didn't know he had a girlfriend or if he did he speaks really nonchalantly about it or he's just totally loopy. I dunno, his character just seemed really weird throughout, up to where he went crazy on Eddie.
There's some good humor throughout, including the gag with the cologne, Heather's lesbianism, and that final shot of her and Mary kissing just as Eddie is about to make his move. Good stuff. The news reports that were used to establish a time and mood were well chosen but felt very on the nose. It seemed more like a narrator reading about the day's events rather than an anchor reporting them.
Overall it did have its strengths, but when the zombies came out and people were running from A to B, it fell back into the typical zombie-slasher flick. And again, I can't believe I'm saying this, but the blood for a segment in 'Buckets of Blood' fell short. And I know you love blood. You've always got gore all over your profile, but here it felt just average to me! There were some "oh sweet!" moments, but they weren't enough.
OVERALL
This was a pretty enjoyable collection of shorts and I liked the wide range of creativity with genres and themes, but with the exception of 'Bitchslapped' I can't say this BoB delivered on the blood or the shock factor. The first BoB, if my memory serves me correctly, included cannibalism, guys ripping fetuses out of their wives, ninjas slicing people's heads off, and undead bodies all over the place. Honestly, this one felt very tame to me on that level. As individual scripts they're fine. As shocking bloody ones they didn't do it for me other than Bitch.
But they're fine stories. And I give kudos on the collaboration. Nice job to all. Will there be a third installment any time soon?
Hey Greg. Thanks for resurrecting this crusty old thing.
I haven't looked at this in a while. I just skimmed over and indeed it's a little on the dry side. There's a few instances where I could up the gore but I think for the most part, it'd either be lame, pointless or both. I think I added the baboon scene to up the gore but it's still pretty light, at least for BOB. I don't think it's tame though. It's not really gory but it's still sick and gross. I think the rape and torture stand out even amongst other rape and torture scenes. You're right though. It's not nearly as gory as my other scripts and nothing compared to the first BOB.
As for the other stuff, I really tried to keep the script tight as the first BOB was so long so if it feels like anything's missing, I guess that'd be why.
You'll have to ask Jordan if there's gonna be a Part III. I wouldn't be opposed to doing another one. It's been really fun so far.
Whoa, it's been a while since i seen this one. Thanks for the read Greg, how did you even remember this...lol. I know that This one wasn't as brutal as the first, but I liked it just as much, I like that everyone does something different than before.
I'd probably do another BOB at some point, I think that they are pretty fun to do. Thanks again for the read.
Shelton, my thoughts on this are pretty much the same as above; this is a nice spin put on a typical cop story and was quite entertaining, but for a segment in 'Buckets of Blood' I can't say it fully delivered. Again, I feel odd saying this because I know how extreme you can get, such as with 'Disposable Heroes,' but the blood here really seemed very tame.
Story wise I thought this was really entertaining. Jud going out on his vengeance streak maybe seemed a bit quick and sudden and his decision to go all out crazy was vexing to me, but once he was out there it was a fun ride. The characters I think were a great strength, especially the minor ones, i.e. various street thugs of Big U, Bumblebee, etc. From their names to their demeanors, I thought they were all great additions, even if their roles were very minor. I lol'd at Fuckface's introduction. Maybe a character like that should have a greater role in a series like this haha.
Overall the story is fun. The characters are fun. The style is fun. But the gore-sickness level is tame. Bummer.
Greg,
Thanks for the read. I agree that this one is a bit of a stretch in the Buckets of Blood category, but I think in terms of a 70's type car chase movie, it succeeds. My initial plans for this were to write it as a feature, but when Jordan approached me to write for this, I figured it could slot in in that regard. I plan on extending it at some point, but the sheer cost to produce this makes it a little off putting. I need to get into "fun mode" before I can really tackle it, and then I'll probably have some nice exploitation bits in there.
I think you're referring to Desecration as the extreme script. DH was more of a cartoony, action/horror hybrid.
Regarding the previous post about "Run! Bitch Run!" I watched it last week and ended up being pretty disappointed. A long, slow buildup for a minimal payoff. Truly a case of the best bits being in the trailer.
Hey Sean, I think every script I've ever read from you has involved zombies of some sort haha. This script has some good strengths to it, but I think its weakness is that it resorts to falling into the typical zombie slasher flick at certain times.
That shouldn't be surprising, ha ha. Whaddya expect from me? But yeah, I agree, it does become a "let's get through this" type of zombie script, with no real change to make it any different from any other zombie film.
Quoted Text
My first question is what's the deal with Mike? I didn't quite get him. At one point he said his girlfriend was dead and I was just kind of confused. I didn't know he had a girlfriend or if he did he speaks really nonchalantly about it or he's just totally loopy. I dunno, his character just seemed really weird throughout, up to where he went crazy on Eddie.
He's supposed to be weird, a bit on the crazy side, that one strange person out of the group who just doesn't quite fit. Which is why it gets progressively worse towards the point where he suddenly goes ape-shit on Eddie. He's just screwed up in the mind, that's all.
Quoted Text
There's some good humor throughout, including the gag with the cologne, Heather's lesbianism, and that final shot of her and Mary kissing just as Eddie is about to make his move. Good stuff. The news reports that were used to establish a time and mood were well chosen but felt very on the nose. It seemed more like a narrator reading about the day's events rather than an anchor reporting them.
I see what you mean about the narration. Just trying to establish the scene, but I guess I kind of took it too far to the point where there was a lot of telling more instead of showing. Glad you liked my attempted comedy, though!
Quoted Text
Overall it did have its strengths, but when the zombies came out and people were running from A to B, it fell back into the typical zombie-slasher flick. And again, I can't believe I'm saying this, but the blood for a segment in 'Buckets of Blood' fell short. And I know you love blood. You've always got gore all over your profile, but here it felt just average to me! There were some "oh sweet!" moments, but they weren't enough.
Ha ha yeah, I wanted to make this one gory, which is why I have that big fight scene with all the kids and the zombies when they find the car. I tried making it as gory as I could, but alas, I could not compare with my script in the first BOB. Still, it's gory enough for a zombie movie, and that's all that really matters...I think.
Thanks for reading this, and I was surprised to see this one get the dust blown off the top of it. I've actually been thinking about a third BOB and wondering if Jordan has done anything thinking about it (but I forget to ask every time we talk). If he allows me to, I would love to try and do a third one as well...
I'd fully encourage a third Buckets of Blood. While this one didn't get the same readership as the first go around, the concept is still unique to the boards...and everyone likes really bloody stories
Once again, big kudos all around.
-Greg
PS - Mike, it was Desecration, yes. The title slipped my mind, but the blood, shit, and sex I remember vividly. Funny how that works.
I thought I read these shorts. Prob it was the previous BOB. Anyway, I liked this and and it feels complete as a short. One thing I had problem was the verberage. Not the cursing, but I think its on pg. 4 where Lateesha says nigger bitch. I think it should be nigga bitch (nigger is more negative than nigga, if that makes any sense) or even bitch (the fact it's two females talking to one another).
Other than, I found this to be great. lol.
Gabe.
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
Hey Gabe, thanks for the read, glad you liked most of it, sorry if some of the language offended you but i wanted it to be like something that was made in the 70's, where there was no political correctness. thanks again for the read.
I wasn't offended just had an issue on what word was being used. I hear people talk like that so...
I'll see if I can read more of these shorts.
Gabe
Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages. https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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Buckets of Blood Part II
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This was a pretty neat project to do, 4 different styles of stories in one. Anyways, hope you like the others 
I know that both breakneck and bitchslapped are kinda similar, that's why I split those two up, but I think there is enough of a difference in style and tone in them to separate them. Again thanks for the reads.
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