SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 4:29am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Merry Bloody Christmas Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 19 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Merry Bloody Christmas  (currently 3271 views)
tonkatough
Posted: December 24th, 2008, 2:12am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Australia
Posts
581
Posts Per Day
0.09


It was so worth reading this just to see Santa having the big dummy spit and stomp on the boys present. Classic and made me laugh.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 15 - 23
jayrex
Posted: December 27th, 2008, 12:00pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22

Quoted from James R
...I liked the story, very cute. It seems like we're always looking for new twists on Christmas and you definitely achieved that here.

...

I liked the Santa character. Very sarcastic and pissed off.

Nice holiday short.

James


Thanks James for giving my short a read.  Glad you liked it.  And Santa's British as I'm British.


Quoted from Sniper
I thought Karen was a weak character. When she said: "Who are you? Get out of my house, thief", she should have followed that up by running to fetch the shutgun. Instead she just stands there and stutters. I couldn't tell if she was the protagonist or the antagonist, and that hurt the story.


Thanks for the read Rob.

Sorry you didn't like the story.  I think the ending could do with upping the stakes but I don't think this will work for you if I fixed it.

As for fetching a shotgun.  I don't think like that as in Britain & Ireland we don't have guns or weapons at hand.  It's not apart of our culture.


Quoted from tonkatough
It was so worth reading this just to see Santa having the big dummy spit and stomp on the boys present. Classic and made me laugh.


Thanks for the read tonka, happy you enjoyed it.  Now that I'm back from seeing the old folks.  I'll try to get around to fixing the ending.

Kind regards,


Javier


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 16 - 23
JonnyBoy
Posted: December 28th, 2008, 8:17pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
London, England
Posts
994
Posts Per Day
0.18
Hey Javier, read this, liked it, made me smile.

Just very quickly, a few things.

About the family...being a Brit too, I instantly knew what you meant by 'Merry Bloody Christmas', but I was confused as to why Karen and Nathan seem to be American (which I'm assuming from Nathan's use of 'mom' and 'mommy')? Not neccessarily a criticism, just curious as to the reasoning behind it. If they are American, would Nathan be getting an Action Man? I'm not even sure if they make those anymore! I learned Danny was the husband from reading a comment you made on the thread, but in the script it wasn't particularly clear and the sudden introduction of that name threw me for a second. Why isn't Danny home on Christmas Eve, anyway?

The idea about a hurt, offended Santa is a nice one, but a couple of things about him seemed confused. It was quite hard to nail down whether Santa was supposed to be British or not...phrases like "little rascal" and of course "merry bloody Christmas" suggest he is, but "get real lady" and "you gotta be kidding me" seem American. Also, is this Santa old, or young? I suppose he must be quite old if he got Karen a present when she was 5, but his language suggests someone younger. Would an older Santa, more reserved in his language but equally upset, be funnier? I didn't feel sorry for this Santa, but I like the idea of him maybe being an older man who nobody seems to take seriously anymore, rather than the young, brash, aggresive guy here. So Karen could feel really bad about upsetting an old man, but then he does something really unexpectedly mean when she's not expecting it. Just a thought.

Maybe Nathan could see Santa? This is all about who gets to give the little guy a present, after all. Perhaps him being witness to the argument could work.

A few typos:

PAGE 1:

- KAREN: "That'd boy."  - What did you mean by that? Either I'm missing something obvious or it doesn't make sense. Probably the former.
- 'She lets goes of Nathans hand' - apostrophe missing

PAGE 3:

- SANTA CLAUS: "You damn right a present." - 'You' instead of 'You're'

PAGE 6

- SANTA CLAUS: "Lets see how Nathan will take this." - 'Lets' instead of 'Let's'

I liked this overall, thought it worked nicely. But hope my feedback's useful.


Guess who's back? Back again?
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 17 - 23
jayrex
Posted: December 30th, 2008, 5:38am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22

Quoted from JonnyBoy
Hey Javier, read this, liked it, made me smile.


Thanks for the read JonnyBoy.  Happy it made you smile.


Quoted from JonnyBoy
...I was confused as to why Karen and Nathan seem to be American (which I'm assuming from Nathan's use of 'mom' and 'mommy')? Not neccessarily a criticism, just curious as to the reasoning behind it.


My software is American and so I kinda get lazy.  I don't like seeing those red lines under my words and I can't be bothered adding mum into the dictionary.


Quoted from JonnyBoy
...would Nathan be getting an Action Man? I'm not even sure if they make those anymore!


I tried to think of a toy that only a boy would want as opposed to a PS3.  When even the dad wants it.


Quoted from JonnyBoy
I learned Danny was the husband from reading a comment you made on the thread, but in the script it wasn't particularly clear and the sudden introduction of that name threw me for a second. Why isn't Danny home on Christmas Eve, anyway?


Sometimes people aren't home on Christmas eve.  There are so many jobs that prevent people from being at home like a night shift worker, police officer, lorry driver, security etc...  I didn't want the confrontation between Santa & Karen to be a three way.  I might introduce the father at the end, after Karen gives Santa a dose of her fists of female fury.


Quoted from JonnyBoy
It was quite hard to nail down whether Santa was supposed to be British or not...phrases like "little rascal" and of course "merry bloody Christmas" suggest he is, but "get real lady" and "you gotta be kidding me" seem American.


That's my fault.  Those lines are common from where I grew up in N.Ireland.  I know they don't say this in England but back home is different.


Quoted from JonnyBoy
Maybe Nathan could see Santa? This is all about who gets to give the little guy a present, after all. Perhaps him being witness to the argument could work.


Maybe next year.


Quoted from JonnyBoy
A few typos:...


The first two I've fixed, thanks.  The second two were already fixed.  I may have spotted those earlier and uploaded the corrections.  Did you save my script at an earlier date?


Quoted from JonnyBoy
I liked this overall, thought it worked nicely. But hope my feedback's useful.


Thanks for the feedback Jonny.  All feedback is good.  Keep it up.

All the best,


Javier


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 18 - 23
jayrex
Posted: January 1st, 2009, 2:10pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22

Quoted from TravisAF
... I didn't really feel a real closing/ending to the story, either....


Thanks for the read Travis, I appreciate the positive comments.

I think this is the mean point people made.  I think that with a satisfying ending people will forgive the rest of the script.

I will get around to this once I find the time.  So busy these days.

Kind regards,


Javier


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 19 - 23
BryMo
Posted: March 3rd, 2009, 3:23pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Orlando
Posts
212
Posts Per Day
0.03

From the title I wasn’t sure if there would be a ton of blood or Santa Xmas time made British.

Either way I liked it.

HA! i loved every line that came out of Santa's mouth. The character seemed cynical and irritated. Someone I can relate too 

Anyway, I really don't know how to properly comment on it because the read was so fast. That has to be a success on your part. Reading your work is painless and fun.

So, good story, fun Santa, jolly news all around!     

Bryan


Shorts:
Good Golly Miss Molly
No Place Like Home
New Moon Rising
Yuno - BRAND-*SPANKIN*-NEW!
The Ballad of Uncle Sam: An Anarchists Melody
Toy Soldier
This Modern Love
A Virgin State of Mind

A GUIDE TO MY LITERARY BABIES
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 20 - 23
jayrex
Posted: March 4th, 2009, 4:25pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22

Quoted from BryMo

...
Either way I liked it.

...
Anyway, I really don't know how to properly comment on it because the read was so fast. That has to be a success on your part. Reading your work is painless and fun.

So, good story, fun Santa, jolly news all around!     

Bryan


Thanks for the read Bryan, happy you liked it and that it was painless & fun.

Kind regards,


Javier



Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 21 - 23
steven8
Posted: March 4th, 2009, 9:08pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


The Ed Wood of Simply Scripts

Location
Barberton, OH
Posts
1156
Posts Per Day
0.22
I felt so sorry for that little boy i wanted to cry.   I think Santa made an ass of himself.  I thin kshe'd be too shocked to run and do anything.

It was a good script.  I just felt sorry for the little boy.


...in no particular order
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 22 - 23
jayrex
Posted: March 8th, 2009, 2:40pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Cut to three weeks earlier

Location
London, UK
Posts
1420
Posts Per Day
0.22
Thanks Steven for giving this Christmas script a read.  

Happy you felt it was a good script.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 23 - 23
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006