Decent script, lame as all get out acting in the vid they made of it. I think it almost missed the mark completley with what you were going for here.  I know it missed the mark with what I had invisioned, that's for sure.

Anyways, at 6 pages, and that seems to be the norm around here anymore, you could do worse reading. I liked the pop culture reference myself.  I also understand that with all these 6 and 12 page scripts it's easier for people to toss them together into video, but feel the writing and overall quality of original content has dropped around here.  Sure it's nice to have something visual, but it's also nice to have a script worth reading too.

With that said, your script was fine. Characters were exactly the bizarre freaks you wanted them to be and your dialogue worked too. I don't think you needed to show the end freak lady. That would of killed the whole thing.

Thanks for reading and/or viewing everyone.  Much appreciated.

Quoted from Baltis. Anyways, at 6 pages, and that seems to be the norm around here anymore, you could do worse reading. I liked the pop culture reference myself.  I also understand that with all these 6 and 12 page scripts it's easier for people to toss them together into video, but feel the writing and overall quality of original content has dropped around here.  Sure it's nice to have something visual, but it's also nice to have a script worth reading too.

This seems to be a generalized statement, but since it's in this thread I'll respond.

For me personally, I don't think my writing quality has gone down out all.  Sure, I have a decent amount of shorter scripts posted on the site, but I also have quite a few features here.  There used to be more, but some of them had to come down.  The thing with the shorts, is that I can throw something like Blind Date Bedlam together in a few hours, yet still keep myself busy while I get the motivation to do some feature work.  I've gotten away from doing this as of late.  I have a few filmmakers that I work with, and will write shorts for them knowing they'll get produced.  The spec stuff, not as much.

Quoted from Shelton Sweet I have a robe and access to a top hat!

You've got a top hat guy?  DO NOT lose that connection!

Quoted from seamus19382 You've got a top hat guy?  DO NOT lose that connection!

Damn right I won't.  It's the same guy that keeps me in monocles.

Quoted from Baltis. Anyways, at 6 pages, and that seems to be the norm around here anymore, you could do worse reading. I liked the pop culture reference myself.  I also understand that with all these 6 and 12 page scripts it's easier for people to toss them together into video, but feel the writing and overall quality of original content has dropped around here.  Sure it's nice to have something visual, but it's also nice to have a script worth reading too.

Sorry if this isn't related to your script Mike, but I felt I wanted to chime in here. It seems things have changed a bit since last time Balt was around at SS so I thought I'd fill in.

I agree with what you are saying Baltis about there being many many short shorts here now. There is a reason for it though. In fact there are whole websites and competitions dedicated solely to the 5 pages or less scripts. I believe there are two reasons for this. One is how a lot of people watch short films. On the web, iPods and so on during work, while commuting or just standing in line. Those types of shorts need to be very short and most of them are just skits or jokes. Horror is very popular too, but comedy seem to rule. Check these guys out btw, they do a great job with super short horrors.  http://www.youtube.com/user/Fewdiodotcom

Then there is the second reason. It's so inexpensive nowadays to get really high quality filmgear that there's been an explosion in "filmmakers". They are anything from your average film buff who wants to give it a try  to serious filmmakers with decent funding. They are also looking for shorts. Most of them don't need long shorts. They just need a few minutes to show off their skills as directors/ DP and everything else that goes into making a film. They want to either show the films at festivals or they are putting together their show reels to eventually go seek funding for bigger projects.

I believe SS is a perfect place to connect with these guys. I don't even know how many people here have connected with quality filmmakers that have lead to bigger projects, but that's what it's all about if you want to go further. Connecting with people that make films. It's even happened to me. I started writing these super shorts and met several people who liked my scripts and wanted me to write on assignment. It didn't work for me though because I discovered I hate writing for others. Also one member here kept complaining that I was dull and unoriginal so I have decided to go back to writing whatever comes to my head, but for many people these 5 pagers do serve a purpose if you want to see your stuff filmed. At least that's my take on it.  

Another group decided to do this, and I must say I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.

Because of the earlier shit storm (and my vanity) I'm giving this a bump.

First version changed your script around too much and got hokey with it. Definitely like the second version better.

Congrats on getting this made.

James

I really enjoyed reading this script, despite not being able to watch the video. The internet in my dormitory makes it nigh impossible to stream videos. I'll watch this as soon as I get to a good wi-fi spot.

The script is different, in a good way though. It's good weird. As for your chracters, I really liked Elton, Dr. Boobela and Freaky Girl. However, I did not like Carol. For me, she didn't seem to realistic. Was she just jaded? Has she seen her share of weirdos already to prevent her from running within the first few seconds? Just a personal gripe. She's not all that bad, I'm just saying she pales in comparison to the other ones you've created, all of whom are quite memorable.

The ending is predictable, but only after Elton reveals it's a dare/bet/whatever. (Not bad, since it's revealed on page 7, and it's an 8 page script.) It's cliche but cliche good. Used very well with impeccable timing.

Great work.

Thanks for reading/watching, guys.

Robb,

I agree that Carol is a little bit flat when compared to the others.  I guess it's just the "straight man" corner she's painted into.  There's a sense of something not quite being right about the whole thing in the beginning that snowballs until the end.  Plus, there's the case of her leaving in the first seconds and there not being a script.  

Thanks again.

Much, much better production on this one.  The one I seen had 3 people sitting around on a stage or something.  It was horribly acted.  This one, the black and white, made it pop.  I enjoyed this one and would have actually liked it to be a bit longer.  

Good on you, Mike.  I mean... Mr. Moniker since we can't use real names around here.

Good stuff, Mike. The script is great. The film's pretty sweet at well. Has that old school Jarmusch feel but with modern sensibilities. Well acted and refreshingly absent of student film cliches. Congrats!

Quoted from Baltis. Much, much better production on this one.  The one I seen had 3 people sitting around on a stage or something.  It was horribly acted.  This one, the black and white, made it pop.  I enjoyed this one and would have actually liked it to be a bit longer.   Good on you, Mike.  I mean... Mr. Moniker since we can't use real names around here.

I know which one you're talking about, and that's a big reason why I didn't post it.  Seeing it was only 3 minutes made me nervous without even watching it.  The one I posted on page 2 is the in-between one.

I have no problem being called by my name.  It's plastered all over the site as it is.

James,

Glad you enjoyed it.  I agree that this went beyond the typical student film.

Hi Mike,

I thought I had read this before, and after watching it, I remembered that I did, and liked it.

The poet under the strobe light was cool, and the music they added was the icing on the cake.

Pretty neat.

Cindy

Hello Mike,

Today was my first exposure to this property, I dig it.
I forewent the first version after reading the comments.
I followed along with the script while watching the second production.
I was pretty impressed with it, Doctor Boobela rawked!
Carol's a bit flat, but she doesn't have much to do, exclusively reacting through the story.
I don't think the trims overall affected the punch of your well written story.
The director kept your spirit while putting his own stamp on it.
The music was outstanding and gave the production flavor.
Congrats, you should be proud.

Regards,
E.D.