A Man For All Time by Steve McDonell - Short - An executed outlaw finds himself in a strange afterlife… 6 pages - pdf, format

Strange but an interesting piece I thought.

Don't really have any dislikes with it, the action and grammar were all perfect,

SPOILER

To me that whole waking up in the middle of an invasion seemed random, maybe  you should add something in between where he's executed and when he's waking up on the boat so you can explain a bit more how or why he's there.

Thanks for the read Lightfoot. this was my first short and it was interesting for me to write in a new style. My thanks to Slabby for his advice re voiceovers. His suggestion to look at the Casino script was a great help.
I wasn't sure how many people would know much about Ned Kelly, except for my fellow Aussies, of course. Ned is considered our greatest folk hero, similiar to the standing Jesse James or Butch and Sundance have in the U.S.
Naturally Ned is villified by a lot of people, especially the descendants of the police he killed, but most Aussies agree he is truly a part of the national psyche.
I was always intrigued by the fact that Ned's nephew was killed on the battlefields of WW1 France, and had Ned been born in a different era, he and his mates would've been at Gallipoli. As our sacred Anzac Day approaches, I wanted to use this to imagine Ned reincarnated at Gallipoli. This whole story was written in text a few years back, before I discovered script writing. I was going to write different aspects of Ned's life in various years, including him as a top footballer, bomber piot, even prime minister. Maybe one day I will finish this.
A good website for more info on Ned is http://www.ironoutlaw.com
PS i forgot that Heath Ledger portrayed Ned in 2003, so SS people might be familiar with his story. Cheers

I would cap these priest, altar boy, a doctor and the prison
sheriff, Kelly gang, judge, sad woman, hangman, doctor because they are going to be right up front characters, and will be pretty specific casting.  With all the talk of how Caps should be used, I'd say this is true?

I liked the story.  I've read a little about Ned Kelly and I see where you are coming from.  He was a pretty amazing guy.  Nice story!  Well told.

Hey mate just gave this a read through, I think it's a good story idea. The writing was good as was the formatting, but I agree with the other poster that the character names should have been capped.

It's an interesting idea to have Ned Kelly's final moments and what his thoughts might have been. One thing I'd suggest you could try is during the voiceovers, instead of having him describe the action on screen he could be revealing his thoughts on his life. Like whether he regrets the actions that have led to this position or if he views himself as the hero or villain. I'd imagine that with the actions being shown onscreen  then his voiceover stating what is happening would be made redundant.

Good story though, would be interesting to see if you expanded on this and had him as a footballer etc.

Cheers,
Tim.

Hey Steve, not being an Aussie or familiar with Ned or Gallipoli, I kind of struggled with this.

As Steven recommended, you defintely should use all caps on the characters you intro'd early on...or where ever, actually.  I also think you need a super when you get to the boat scene. You start with a super in Melbourne, 1880, why not have one when we jump in time to Turkey?  I was confused by this ommission.

I'm also confused witn the entire thing, actually.  I read your comments, but if I hadn't, I'd be completely clueless. What is the true meaning here?

The extensive V.O.s were also a distraction for me.  I think you wrote them fine and everything, but for me, it was just too much and I don't really see the resoning or payoff behind them.  Because of them, it's a very long 6 page read.

Steve, I think your writing here is pretty well done.  I think it's cool that you are experiementing with different ideas and writing styles also.  For me, though, this one didn't really do it, but I do applaud the effort.

Steven, Tim and Jeff, thanks for the comments, very much appreciated. I wasn't sure how this would turn out. I guess I wanted to try a different style and also wanted to have it out there for Anzac Day.
Because this was taken from a longer text form, I wasn't sure how the V.O would work. I knew there was too much of Ned's narration, but his words were the most imporatnt part of the script, and I couldn't see another way of doing it.
Tim, you're suggestion of expanding Ned's musing on his life is a good one. In the future I may do more with this piece. The original doesn't end at anzac Cove, rather the next bit is a letter written by Joe to Ned's mother, explaining about his death in action, and his recommnendation for the V.C. But i couldn't fit this in as it would've been all voiceover.
Jeff, I understand how it was hard for you to get into. As usual, you are willing to read people's stuff to help them - thanks again for the encouragement.

With the CAPS issue, I have been following the great thread elsewhere on SS that is discussing this. I think it comes down to a personal taste: i find it rather distracting seeing a whole lot of objects CAPPED in a script, even in a produced one. I know most of these are for shooting but it makes it tough to read. I work on the principle that only characters with actual dialogue should be CAPPED when first introduced.
I take steven's comments onboard about the other characters at Neds execution. But then, do you have stuff like NOOSE and WHITE HOOD capped too? Where does it stop?

Anyway enough from me. Thanks again guys.

PS jeff, re the missing super at the start of the boat scene? I cheated, I suppose. I didn't want to give anyway the final line of where exactly they were. I guees I should omit the Melbourne super and have Ned mention the location. eg: 'I arrive at the Old Melbourne Gaol scaffold'...   cheers

Yeah, I'd agree on just losing the first super as well.

As for the capping of objects...I'd recommend capping an object that you want to draw attention to, that is "out of place" in the scene.  Meaning that in your gallows setting, I don't think you'd want to cap anything.  But let's say you're looking at the scipt for Final Destination (2, I think), in the gym scene.  An important prop here are the large swords hanging on the wall.  You're not going to find swords hanging on many gym walls, first of all, and secondly, they prove to be an instrument of death, thus a very necessary and important prop.

Yeah, I guess everyone does it differently and I can see all sides to this argument.  Whatever works for you, as long as you understand the meaning behind both sides.

Again, I do applaud you as this was an intersting and unique script.

This is a story that I didn't understand untill I read your comments here in the thread. Still, it is so well written, especially the voice overs, that I read it twice. It had a Poe like feel to it. Poe could write something about chopping someone up and I'd think, omg, thats so beautiful. Something about the words, the language.

An example of what I liked "....preparing for the abrupt halt that will break my neck, and usher me through to a higher court".

Enjoyed it!

Thanks for the kind words, Astrid. I tried to write the dialogue in a tone to suit the times. This probably explains your feeling it to be Poe-like; Ned lived and died in the 19th century. Although he was born in Australia, his parents were Irish, so his speaking voice retained that wonderful lilt. Heath Ledger gave a pretty good performance as Ned in the 2003 film. Cheers again.

You have good writing skills, and the visual imagery is good.  Not being an Aussie, I did not know the references.

If one is writing a script for a movie, the emphasis should be on what will appear on the screen.... the visuals.  The rule, as you probably know, is "show, don't tell".  In this case, the emphasis is on telling the story (the VOs), so I think you lose a lot of impact IF this is to be a movie. You have talent.

thanks rich. yeah, i knew the voiceovers would be a little overbearing; i tried to mix it in with the action and real time dialogue. but as i said earlier, Ned's words were the vital part of the script and needed to be in the forefront. Cheers mate.

Hello Steve,

I found this to be an interesting script.

I wasn't so clued up on Ned and had to just read a bit about him.

So now I know that he died and came back to fight in the first WWI.

I thought the V.O.'s were a little too much.  Once you get to the boat scene, you should drop them.

I also think you should break up the large chunks of dialogue to make this a faster read.

Overall, an interesting idea that's a little slow to read.

All the best,


Javier

Thanks for the comments Javier. Yeah, i thought about dropping the VO for the boat scene. It would've been the 'right' way to do it I guess, in film terms. But like I said earlier, Ned's words were the crux of this script. When going from VO to real time I knew it was sort of odd but wanted to see how it went. Cheers and I'll have a look at some of your stuff.

Hi Stevie,
Right from the beginning there's a certain sense of dread that fills the story that gives it more depth than your average six page short. I'm not overly familiar with Ned Kelly's story, but I couldn't help but be invested in how the story played out, knowing all along that the end result wasn't going to be good.

I think the V.O. works really well, but would try to trim any dialogue that isn't absolutely necessary. That being said, I think about 80% of the V.O. works, but trimming that additional 20% would make a world of difference. It's a good quick read, but think it's worthy of being a more fleshed out story.
Nate

Huh? How did we get from here to there?

It 1880 that Ned Kelly was a bushranger.  Gallopili when the Anzacs stormed the beach at Turkey was 1914, 34 years after Ned Kelly was hanged.

And how would Ned and his gang even know if they are at Gallopili? If it wasn't made famous through war, no Aussie would know what it was.

I'm sorry too but I'm going to have to fine you for Narration abuse.

While your narration was well written, it was best suited for a novel. In movie magic everything Ned described will be up on the screen for everyone to see. So your narration is just repeating what the visuals are showing.

Have your narration short and focus on what Ned is feeling, his emotions. That you can not show on film.

Now I've got all the negative out of the way I can say that your idea of Ned and popping up in world war 1 was strange and cool a very vauge which is a bonus as the audience (us) can sit back and fill in the banks and decide the meaning for ourselves.

So what did i get out of it. Well I believe your story is about when bad people die they go to hell which in truth is not fire and brimestone but the deceased popping up in the middle of a brutal war again and again for eternity. Gallopili, D-day. Hamburger Hill, seige on Stalingrad.
      

Wow, that was insane, Ol' Neds just gone from one hell to another.. Thats a great monologue you've given Ned, very well written. Is there a to be continued or are you just gonna leave it hanging?

Don't spose you caught the showdown? Port back on top for another week, North Melbourne this week, we might be on a role now that the star player for the kangaroos got "chicken winged".

Glenn, Alex and Nate, thanks for your comments.
I think there's still some confusion about this story. I explained it on an earlier post - this was originally part of a bigger work(straight text) on Ned being reincarnated in different eras and how his life may have panned out in each. I used a bit of that story in this script, as a short, just to see how it read. And also I wanted to do something for Anzac day and this fit.
Ned isn't in hell, he has just been reincarnated in Gallipoli, in 1915. His 'old' self has suddenly become aware in the body he would've had if he was born in, say, 1890. He and the Gang would've no doubt signed up to fight and this was my interpretation of that.
Um, I may expand on this whole idea at a later stage. Nate, yeah, I agree the dialogue and VO were overdone a bit. If i do more with it, I can probably have it as all action and no narrative later.

alex, I tipped Port in the showdown and they'll beat north this week. My saints are unstoppable at the moment - the pies may get within 6 goals...  cheers to all

You've got some interesting set pieces here. A dead man at the gallows. Boats shredded by gunfire. All very intense and cinematic.

That said, I don't see why you had to ruin it all with voice over. The V.O. explains everything. Maybe you've got some interesting ideas floating around but the way it's executed defines anti-cinematic. Not to mention the montage is a mess. I have no idea where any of it is taking place. Honestly, I'd recommend writing this on a linear time and do away with the montage entirely.

I don't know what else to say. This is completely incoherent at this point. I can see you understand that though, which is good. I'll read this again if you decide to rewrite it and hopefully have more constructive criticism for you.

Thanks for the read, James. I've noted the concern with the VO, and will probably end doing this again without it, or with less of it. It was a fine line when writing it so I may look at it at a later stage. cheers man

Wow! I've got to say, this is one of the best writings I've come accross in a while. I didn't even notice the lack of Caps. Nice.

Quoted from stevie ...I explained it on an earlier post - this was originally part of a bigger work(straight text) on Ned being reincarnated in different eras and how his life may have panned out in each. I used a bit of that story in this script, as a short, just to see how it read. ... Ned isn't in hell, he has just been reincarnated in Gallipoli, in 1915. His 'old' self has suddenly become aware in the body he would've had if he was born in, say, 1890. ...

I understand that he wasn't dead, but it would've made an equally interesting story if he was. I sometimes think 'hell' is that situation/place that a person hates/fears most at the point where his/her life ends.

But your idea is still cool.

Sometimes "V.O." work is important and convey's a more powerful message than just showing the audience.  I'm a big time fan of the Voice over's in movie's, more so when they have sweeping arrangments behind them.

Anyways, this is, as is common place around here now, a 6 page EPIC... "rolls eyes" ... But a pretty decent one. The thing I hate about all these super short scripts are simply -- We don't know how well you people can write past these intro's. 80% of most anyone can write a few page of solid gold material and hold interest, but how many can retain your attention through 60 and 120 pages?

Movies, by and large, are longer than 6 min and 10 min. Would you pay to see a movie that is only 6 min long? I wouldn't, unless it was attached to about 13 other 6 min epics... 70% of them better be good too.

So, all bitching aside, it was well written but NED KELLY isn't a subject I'm super passionate about...

AH FOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!  < Sorry, I had to toss it in.  

Quoted from Baltis. Sometimes "V.O." work is important and convey's a more powerful message than just showing the audience.

Just see "Sunset Boulevard" or "Payback"

Hi Trelan (is that spelled right -cool name!) thanks for the kind words. Um, not sure what you meant about the lack of caps; i don't recall missing any? Cheers.

baltis, this was my first go at a short, more of an experiment than anything. thanks for the comments. I have written three other scripts actually, 113, 80 and 50 pages respectively, and most of the other guys that do shorts also have done features. Oh, and the AH FOOK  ref was nice!!!

Steve

I like the idea, an abbreviated tribute to a hero of your native land is a noble subject to take on. I've never seen the film (The casting of Orlando Bloom doesn't entice me all that much) so my knowledge on Kelly himself is virtually zero.

From a filmic perspective this would be a visual feast. Of course the flip side is that the viability of it is beyond questionable. This would be a costly 7 pages, man.

In some ways I like the V.O, it definitely fits this type of piece. The relaying of past events, in particular true events. It gives it an almost Discovery Channel dramatisation feel, where they build a narrative around a key event in history.

However as a whole I think it could have been cut down in places. I'm not one to criticise someone on the basis of their script being too wordy as its the most common gripe I get about mine but  even I felt at times that too much was being said.

You've got plenty of startling and striking images, locations and sequences to work around here, try and let them do they talking. A lot of the time you explain what should be covered in the prose and action description...Then again if you are going for a spectator feel then the V.O will work more effectively in that respect.

I think a page at least could be shaved off this without losing anything significant, storywise (I know from experience, thats a lot easier said then done)

The writing itself is pretty solid, after reading "Dartboard" and "The fill" I think you definitely have a way with dialogue, your strongest aspect in my opinion. The same trend is featured here, regardless of what I said about the V.O being too wordy, its very eloquently expressed nonetheless.

Overall not a bad job. Since its factual based on a specific individual you're not going to appeal to everybody with it. But as a unique and refreshing angle on a certain period in history, I think it works nicely.

Col.

Hi Col, thanks mate. I replied to your PM before i read this. Yeah, as I said earlier, I was trying to strike a balance with the VO and the action. I hadn't done one like this before. I didn't want to sacrifice Ned's thoughts too much, so the effect wasn't diluted. So I understand it became a bit unorthodox in pure cinematic terms.
I might do some work on this in the future but it was just a shot at a different type of script. cheers.

Ps the Heath Ledger film isn't too bad. I've only seen it once, when it came out in 2003. Orlando is ok as Joe Byrne; his decline as an actor (assuming you think he ahd an incline) came afterwards. I saw Troy for the first time last year - his performance in that is woeful! but he was good in Kingdom of Heaven so go figure. He always looks odd to me with his natural dark hair; the blonde wig in LOTR suits him better, even though his Legolas part is as wooden as a pirate's pegleg.

Stevie,

An interesting little piece here. I have to say, the logline got me hooked straight off the proverbial, however, it went somewhere different to what I envisaged.

Good solid writing, but I think this is geared more towards an Aussie audience, 'cos like many others here, I only know of Ned by name. Naturally that shouldn't impinge on a story, but 'cos it was so short, it was difficult to relate due to the lack of familiarity with the material. I am headed to Oz for a year next February, so I will hopefully be able to engage with it during that period

As I say, though, this is well-written.

Nice one.

Andrew

Hi Andrew, thanks for the read. yeah, I know Ned is purely Aussie but I like the fact a few SS people from overseas have looked at it. I guess the Heath Ledger link makes his story more accessible.
That's cool you're coming over here next year. If you go to Melbourne, be sure to check out the old Melbourne Gaol where Ned was executed, and the Gang's armour is on display in the city manin museum. The country he lived in is about three hours north of Melbourne and they have a lot of tourist stuff. Cheers man.

Steve, you have an intersting choice of topics for your works posted here. Boardom, Sent and A man for all time are all great topics. Fine tribute to Kellly and the soldiers ar Gallipoli. Nice imagery. If this is trimmed down, it'll read much tighter.

Very good on your first short.

Gary

Boy, is there a lot of voice-over in this script.  I suppose you have already heard that.  The majority of the narrative is well-written, but it seems to weigh the piece down at the same time.

But since we are buying into all the voice-over, I will add that when Ned relates his injuries and recovery, I would have had him muse a bit about the irony of having the best physicians treat him so that he was well enough to execute.

If the voice-over were to be trimmed, I would encourage you to stick to Ned's thoughts, as opposed to having Ned narrate exactly what we are watching; things like, "The noose is fitted around my neck" and "A large spout of water erupts".  

You should let Ned's thoughts unfold in a more subtle fashion, as he reacts to the inexplicable situations around him.  All of this narration is robbing the actor of the possibilities he might convey organically, as the scene unfolds.  There are times when even silence can say quite a bit.

That, and the fact that so much of Ned's narration is so eloquent that they just belong in the descriptive passages.  Especially during the raid on the beach.  Just take Ned's narration, turn it into description, then leave it for Ned and his crew react to that mayhem you are describing.

I have to confess ignorance of the historical events you relate here, and suspect this story would have more resonance for those familiar with these people and events.  But then, I suspect this was written for a specific audience, which is fine.

I can feel the heart in this piece -- even if I do not get all of it -- and that speaks to the power of what you have written.  In my opinion, however, this piece would be stronger still if more were written and less were spoken.

Hi Bert, thanks for the read. Yeah, i'll go through this again when i get a chance. See if I can juggle the VO and action a bit better. Ned's thoughts are the most important part of it and have to be retained to a degree.
I thank everyone for their feedback on this, especially for those not familiar with the historical backgorund of it. Cheers

Stevie, time travelling again. As before you picked a likeable character. Another Irish(ish) rebel. As you said Heath Ledger played him and did make a good job of it. I think Mick Jagger played him a long time ago. NK's fairly well known over this side of the pond. Well, he is to me at least.

I think Bert has nailed the VO for you. It did drag the script after the half way spot. I've seen very few scripts on here with any VO. This is a bit weird seeing how many feature films use it. Fight Club being a prime example of how it can make a film.

I think your voice overs were written well and fairly authentic. I could easily imagine Ledger as Ned saying them. So kudos for that.

Baltis mentioned, in his own inimitable way, about this being the start of a script rather than a completed one. I read your post about this being a series of pieces of NK & co ending up in different places and situations. Now that's not a bad idea for a series. Dr. Who without the kids crap and Life On Mars without the dodgy 70s/80s cops. In other words I'd like to see more.

Stevie,

I don't believe I've ever read anything of yours before so it was fun to read someone new's stuff.

I really liked the beginning of this. Liked how he explained how he felt and so on and I wanted more after the trap door was open. I thought it was going to take a darker turn. That's just me though. Having read your comments about Ned Kelly explains why you couldn't go that route. I had no idea who he was though. I don't believe I've ever even heard of him. That shouldn't really matter though as each story should stand on its own.

The V.O didn't bother me at all. They don't bother me to read, nor do they bother me in films either.

The writing itself was fine. I guess the only issue I had with this was the jump in time and location. That didn't make sense to me at all. If you can find a way to smooth that out and be clear at the same time this should work just fine.

Pia  

Hi Pia, thanks for the read. Um, I thought you read my 'Boardom' short, but that could've been Sandra E? For some reason I get you too mixed up. sometimes it gets confusing with the user names and real names in the same post. Or it could be just me!
Yeah, i may do some more work on this at a later stage. The jump in time was Ned being reincarnated at Gallipoli. I feel if he had born at a later date, he and his mates would've fought in WW1. Its a sort of romanticised imagining on my behalf but Ned fits into the Aussie mould that was later established by the Anzacs. You may to check more out on the Net about this part of history if u like.  Cheers.

Quoted from stevie Hi Pia, thanks for the read. Um, I thought you read my 'Boardom' short, but that could've been Sandra E? For some reason I get you too mixed up.

You get me and Sandra mixed up??   I LOVE Sandra, but we are about as different as can be!! You obviously haven't been here long enough!!  

Hey Stevie

I'll start with me only negative comment.  I thought that with Ned telling the story through V.O's was fine but then he spoke near the end. I know you really needed this to point out where he was but it's a shame you couldn't keep him mute throughout.

The story was good and the ending was great too, a real surprise to me.  My knowledge of Ned Kelly isn't great but I do know he was hanged so your new twist on his story made this even more interesting.  The Gallipoli landing was a good choice for an ending, is this meant to be a metaphor for him being in hell?

I found your writing top notch throughout and this is one of my favourite shorts that I've read for some time.  Nice work mate.

Quoted from Grandma Bear You get me and Sandra mixed up??   I LOVE Sandra, but we are about as different as can be!! You obviously haven't been here long enough!!

OOPs! thought that would create contro! Sorry, i meant Jammin' Girl had read my other short. Sometimes the avatars and names blend together. It won't happen again, i promise!!!

alffy, thanks for the read and comments. Yeah, Ned speaking at the end sort of changed it but i really think he needed to. It meant he was really in a new physical place and time and not in his head. And, no, Gallipoli wasn't meant to be Hell. Interesting that a few people asked that. This was part of a bigger piece that i haven't got to yet. Cheers man, and I'll check out your 'Chocolatier".

Hey stevie,

Interesting piece. I'll try to touch some points that i didn't see on the first page or two of comments.

While there was a bunch of narration, I didn't mind it and enjoyed when you made the economical decision to use some of the dialogue to move the action. While the rule is show not tell, it worked for me.

That being said, it might be interesting to scratch the V.O. during the battle. I think it would help the reader identify with the new confusing situation that Ned finds himself in. The ties to the rest of his gang could be further clarified in the flashbacks at the gallows. Just an idea.

Couple of description sat weird with me. "Pre-dawn." Dawn is the beginning of twilight before sunrise so pre dawn is simply night. Not being too familar with Ned Kelly lore, I have no idea if the Glenrowan hotel is city, frontier, or what. One or two words could be key to clearing this up. Same thing with uniform. Even if you're trying to initially hide the fact that it's a military uniform, you could call it "drab green uniform" or something to that effect. You just say "uniform" which could really be any kind. Military, prision (a prision uniform has already been introduced) or some afterwordly uniform since last we saw Ned was hung.

The main problem I had is it confuses without giving any meaning. I know you said you were inspired by the thought that this might have been Kelly's life if he was born a few years later but this is never insinuated. There is nothing to suggest that in the form of narration. While the idea is really cool, it reads more like Ned Kelly is killed and then transported to the battle of Gallipoli. It's not hell, heaven, reincarnation, or any other semi logical jump. It just is and with it, falls flat.

The writing itself is really well done and other than non capping introductions (i also hate over capping but the first time cast members are introduced it's a must) you seem to have a really good handle on what you're doing. Good show.

Hi Tim, thanks for theh read. You make some good points.
As i sadi earlier, I guess i assumed people would know something about Ned, even our overseas friends.
Glenrowan is a small town in the northeast of Victoria where the Gang's career ended spectacularly. You know, I didn't even think about defing it more.

Pre-dawn? Hmm, i see twilight as more of an evening thing, like before sunset. It was 4.28 a.m when the Anzacs landed.
the uniform? I was trying to conceal the details till the last line, to make the realisation of where they were more powerful. The word military would've been a give away. Ned possibly would'nt know exactly what the outfits were either, he was in a bit of shock still.
This was meant to be part of a larger body of work which i haven't gone back to yet. That's why i only allude to what might be going on. Maybe I'll get to it one day...

Cheers again Tim.

After reading this script, I did some research on Ned Kelly - fascinating stuff.

I really enjoyed this script and honestly don't have much to add to whats already been said. I often struggle with VO so this was a good example of a script with VO's that was well written.

I thought the story was quite unique and i was captivated while reading it. And thats saying a lot since many scripts dont hold my attention haha.

Hi AP, thanks for the read.
Yeah, Ned is one of my heroes. a lot of Aussies feel the same about him. Just that underdog spirit I guess. I've even got a Ned tatt on my back.
I may get back to this one day and re-write it. Cheers again.

Hi Steve,

I stumbled across one line where you descibe a body as reduced to a burnt of meat. I wasn't sure if this was a typo or a phrase I'd just never heard before
Otherwise, this was very well wriitten and clear, athough the voice over did show too much that was already on screen, and didn't add much to the emotion.

I would have liked to hear more on his feelings, especially those final moments before the hanging. Could he see the expressions on the faces of those witnesses? Were any sad? Did any remind him of his mother, or someone he loved? Was there anyone who loved him in that room for his final moments? Would the prisoner (as hamgman), make some small jesture, like laying a hand on his shoulder in solace, before placing the hood? If so, how did that make Ned feel? Sorry, got carried awy there, but you know what I mean, I hope.

I've heard of Ned but wondered how he got to be "Ned Kelly" and whether he might have reflected on this - how Ned the child, got to end up at the gallows.

As for Gallipoli, that must have been hell for those there. I hope those who lost their lives there went to a far better place.
A good read. Thanks.

Best,

H

Hi harriet, thanks for the kind words.
you make some interesting poiunts which i could use in a re-write.
The burnt bit should be burnt piece of meat - i didn't realise the word was still missing. There were photos taken during the sige at Glenrowan. one shows Dan and Steve's horribly burnt bodies lying on sheets of bark.

Um, nice thought about Ned as a child. The priest who baptised him was the priest at his execution!
Yeah, we can wonder about Ned's last momenst. I think he was relieved it was all over. There was a last minute petition organised to save him and thousands of peolpe signed it. but to no avail. I imagine though that death would've been preferable to being locked up for years, especially for a bush lad.

and yeah, Gallipoli would've been a nightmare. I went there years ago and the cliffs are straight up from the beach. no cover at all.  very brave men...

cheers stevie

Interesting story, Stevie. Gallipoli is an infamous battle for Australians, a painful but still prideful one, I think. I don't know about the Kelly's gang thing, is that also based on real history, a robbery of some kind?

Anyway, I have no problem with the use of VO here, and I don't know how you could tell the story without it. I am a little curious about what happened. Is this a tale of reincarnation? If so they would not look the same, so I guess not. So I would really like to hear some more.

I like these kinds of stories. First, I like stories based on history. Second, you've combined outlaws with warriors, where the outlaws of one era are the war hero's of another. Very cool. And finally, the gallows tale never gets dull. Never.

I remember in high school seeing a short movie. No idea what it's called. One of those things they show in class. I think it took place in American Civil War times, not sure, was long time ago. But this guy is being executed. They are hanging him from a bridge. Then the rope breaks, he lands in the water, and the whole film is about his harrowing escape up the river, in the woods. And then he is suddenly being hung. It was all a dream fantasy before his death. I don't remember the detailsm but I liked the film.

So I would welcome more work like this. I think the VO could be tweaked a little here, but overall it worked. I will look at other posts and see if you've already answered my questions.

Hi Kev. Glad you found it!

You seemed to have picked up the gist of what I was aiming for here. Yeah it is reincarnation. If Ned and his mates had've been born 30 years or so later, they would've certainly gone off to fight in the Great War.

Ned's exploits were all true and his Last Stand in 1880 is probably the first 'media' event in our short history. He is one of the truly great Australians despite his criminality.

One day I will look at re-writing this though I am loathe to touch my personal favorite of my work.
Will finish reading your script soon!

Ok, just read the posts. So Kelly is a famous bandit and his gang reincarnates. As I figured. I'm still a little stuck on the reincarnation aspect. People don't end up in the same bodies. I suppose the way around that might be that it's all from Ned's perspective, so he recognizes them. Yes! That works.

I am surprised that some people hate VO so much that they don't accept any VO here. Hard to picture this being done without VO, with the hanging and the transition to a new life.

Ok, nice work, I hope to see more like these. BTW, even those who don't know their history and have never heard of Gallipoli, it shouldn't ruin this story. They can just think of any war. Not quite the same, because of the relevance to Australian history, but still have the idea of the gang staying together.

You know Kev, I never realized Ned isn't properly reincarnated! As in inhabiting a new baby's soul or something. Nice point!

So I guess he is maybe being astrally transported to an alternate future. Glad you liked the VO and saw how important it is  

I liked that story from your high school about the soldier being hung- would make an awesome short