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I wanted to read it because of the cat. My SoulShadows script deals with a man and a cat too.
Numerous problems with the English throughout, but I ignored that.
The story itself was pretty good and I sort of enjoyed the joke in the end. My only gripe about the end is that it seemed it was a very long build up to that joke. I would almost have preferred a more "story like" conclusion instead of a punchline.
Amy didn't really work for me at all. She was just way too meek IMO. If someone tried to do that to my cat they'd find themself staring down the barrel of my pink revolver, but that might just be me. I think she needs to put up some sort of conflict with Gary.
All in all it was pretty good. Just decide if it's a story or a joke.
I agree that Amy didn't react enough to her belovd cat being dragged away by Gary but I guess this was a comedy after all. I also agree it was a bit long winded but I found the ending really funny.
Overall I liked this short, it was a easy and quick read and the ending was worth waiting for. Good stuff.
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
Robert Frost - “Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can’t, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.”
Well, Michel I'll give you my opinion on the script. With the French/English - translation sometimes a bit gets lost in the translation and sometimes like Stevie pointed out the other day in ref. to your "Lust" script, a "richness" is conveyed.
"Giggling River" - "bubbling brook" - French - English. I liked that "giggling river", I got what it meant. I could see and hear it.
You said your aim was to entertain and imo you succeeded. It was an easy read (I didn't find the set up tedious at all) in fact I enjoyed wondering what the main character was going to do next.
With the French/English - translation sometimes a bit gets lost in the translation and sometimes like Stevie pointed out the other day in ref. to your "Lust" script, a "richness" is conveyed. "Giggling River" - "bubbling brook" - French - English. I liked that "giggling river", I got what it meant. I could see and hear it.
Just want to clarify: In reviewing "Lust" Stevie said :
"How can I explain better...that French aspect you put in your English gives a more authentic touch. Does that make sense?"
And the "richness" I was talking about was when I read a line in "Lust" (I think) from the main character in which he said he was leading a "rich" life "- my interpretation was that he was not-wanting/ he was fullfilled - but your French usage of "rich" conveyed more "flavour" and imagery than our bland English word "fulfilled" woud have. So, see even though some things may not appear as grammatically correct in English (to us) a certain flavour is expressed in your writing that otherwise we would not be able to appreciate.
I thought I'd reviewed Lust - must have got lost in note-pad - my bad! Anyway I hope you get what I mean. Libby
- but your French usage of "rich" conveyed more "flavour" and imagery than our bland English word "fulfilled" woud have. So, see even though some things may not appear as grammatically correct in English (to us) a certain flavour is expressed in your writing that otherwise we would not be able to appreciate.
You wrote the word that says it all "imagery". That's what I meant when I said "pictured" words. Imagery is so important when you write scripts, isn't it?
That was a pretty funny one, Michel. Nice set-up for a joke. Not sure if anyone else has asked, but how did the cat get home so quickly? I was half expecting that Amy had numerous cats hidden from Gary or something, which made the punch awesome as I was not expecting it. I laughed aloud.
The descriptions and action were very precise, though the scenes driving got a little repetitive. Not sure they can be avoided though, so no worries.
Gary was a great character, very entertaining. Doesn't he know a cat lady, though? It seems like every neighborhood has a cat lady who will take in as many strays as come wandering into her house. I guess that wouldn't have been very funny, huh?
The descriptions and action were very precise, though the scenes driving got a little repetitive. Not sure they can be avoided though, so no worries.
Like I said above, I tried comic repetition. You can't avoid it.
Quoted Text
There are two types of humour: repetitive humour and repetitive humour. Basically you can either repeat humour or make a repetition humourous. Now if you repeat a repetition you add a comical relief, such as: repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief Just reading this is humourous. It's repetitive humour. Now you can also start with a comical relief and repeat it, and you obtain just a repetition. Example: "LOLOLOL! LOLOLOL!" so in the end we obtain: comical relief + comical relief = repetition when factored into the previous equation, which I'll repeat here: repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief
Like I always say, and this most of the time to the newbies, I reached my style of writing after learning here from everybody. You must know that English is not my first language. So, I will take it as a warm compliment.
There are two types of humour: repetitive humour and repetitive humour. Basically you can either repeat humour or make a repetition humourous. Now if you repeat a repetition you add a comical relief, such as: repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief Just reading this is humourous. It's repetitive humour. Now you can also start with a comical relief and repeat it, and you obtain just a repetition. Example: "LOLOLOL! LOLOLOL!" so in the end we obtain: comical relief + comical relief = repetition when factored into the previous equation, which I'll repeat here: repetition + repetition = repetition + comical relief
That's awesome, where did that come from? I've only heard of the comedy rule of three. And your English was just fine, no complaints there. I actually liked the "giggling river".
The guy who shot this is a documentary director. It was his first fictional short. I agree it's not completely pro, but it's a nice calling card for me.
I loved it! They did a terrific job with your great little script. I really liked the guy in the film. He was really good! The shots and music over the ending credits were fun. Congrats on getting it filmed, even if you didn't know it was happening!
Who says it's not professional! They could get a trainer who could teach that cat how to get home from all those places. That costs bucks!!
I'm not exactly a cat lover, but I am a dog person and I think if you are a pet owner and you've come home from a long day's work, you can def relate to Gary on some level.
I did enjoy the ending. That said, I would love to know how he kept getting home.
Michel, Hello my old friend. I haven't talked to you in a while. I see you are still putting out the enjoyable writing. 2009 bagged you two produced scripts. GREAT JOB. I Also got your email as well. I will be doing that and getting back to you this week. Merry Christmas and the best of new years.
In fact, it's 3 shorts produced. Another one is already shot and on its way. It's "Have a Nice Day"... And a fourth is planned for next Spring... I cross my fingers...
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