Hi Harriet,

It's good to hear that you liked this a lot, and also that you enjoyed the twist (Yes, you got it!).

Thanks for the read, and thanks for the compliments.

All the best

Craig

Well, I got the twist first time, and I've got to tell you, it gave me shivers up my spine. Very few movie/script twists can get this reaction from me but this did. I thought it was a fabulous ending to a well crafted story. Were all the latecomers 'dead'?

I will back you up about the yes or no answers part. Throughout the last year, I've taken a strong interest in mediums and while some of them do try to draw the information out of you, a few do actually insist on yes or no answers and are well worth the money.

As far as constructive feedback goes, I don't think I can offer any. This works great for what it is and it's even more impressive that you managed it in 10 pages.

I'm eager to read what you came up with for the series of this. Good job.  

Hi Craig,

I just came across this one and wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed it.  I didn't see the ending coming.  Also, I thought the dialouge was great.  I always enjoy the English vibe.

I did wonder about the following:

DANIELLE
Yes, I do. His brother was in the
accident with him.
MARY
Yes or no dear, yes or no!

Some of the crowd stifle laughs.

I only wonder if people would laugh at this.  Even if it is stifled.

Anyway, I enjoyed it and look forward to reading more.

Craig

Quoted from Brian M Well, I got the twist first time, and I've got to tell you, it gave me shivers up my spine. Very few movie/script twists can get this reaction from me but this did. I thought it was a fabulous ending to a well crafted story. Were all the latecomers 'dead'?

Thats a great reaction Brian, glad you got so much from it. Yes, you understood the twist perfectly, they were all 'late' if you'll excuse the pun!

I hope you enjoy the series as much,

Thanks for the feedback,

Craig

Hi Craig,

Again, I'm really happy you enjoyed this short and that you dug the twist.

Thanks for the comment about the dialogue being great- that's good to hear.

As I've said in previous posts, this is loosely based on a spiritualist evening I used to go to quite often. One of the mediums (and also the best) hated it if anyone gave her too much information, demanding only 'yes' or 'no' responses (thus rendering the 'cold reading' tactic void). She used to get a bit stroppy if people replied with too much detail, and I don't know if it is because of the surroundings but it did used to raise a few stifled chuckles. I think it's because you know you shouldn't laugh- you know it's wrong, but you just can't help it...

Anyway Craig, thanks for your feedback- I'm chuffed that you liked it so much.

Cheers,

Craig

In heaven, everythings is fine.

In heaven, everything is fine

You've got your good thing and I got mine.

Sorry, as soon as I saw your avatar I couldn't contain myself.

As for the script itself, I was intrigued by the idea of Kevin seeing a clairvoent backstage and feeding her information about someone in the audience. An enjoyable if some what cynical idea.

The twist or punchline you had at the end totally tossed me head first out of my chair. I just didn't get it. Why would Kevin be talking about himself to Mary- Hey hang on a minute! I just glanced over this again. This isn't some Bruce Willis/Sixth Sense type of twiist you got going here is it? If it isn't then I got no idea what the point of your script is.  
  

Hi Tonkatough,

You're a fan of Eraserhead I see. Nice one. The lady in the radiator gave me nightmares for weeks when I was a teenager...

Quoted from tonkatough The twist or punchline you had at the end totally tossed me head first out of my chair. I just didn't get it. Why would Kevin be talking about himself to Mary- Hey hang on a minute! I just glanced over this again. This isn't some Bruce Willis/Sixth Sense type of twiist you got going here is it? If it isn't then I got no idea what the point of your script is.

Yes, that's pretty much it- I tried to make it so it came across as if Kevin was giving information to the medium for dubious reasons. I wanted the reader to think that his intention was to 'get the girl' who was too wrapped up in her previous (late) partner to even notice him. It ended up being a rather more innocent and sweet intention though- Kevin was her 'late' boyfriend, and the message to her was actually to tell her to move on because he was upset at the fact that she dwelled on the past, missing good opportunities.

Thanks for the read, I'm sorry you didn't get anything from it.

All the best

Craig

Craig,

I was gonna do a more indepth reveiw but the little things that stood out have been touched on already.  And, I do mean little.

Really liked this one.  Fun read.  Very 'Sixth Sense'.  I know I've only read two of your scripts -- but I feel comfortable saying, I dig your style.  Nice and lean.  Good dialogue.  Over-all -- you're a good writer.  Keep perfecting your style, I think it’ll separate you from the pack.

Hello again, Brian.

Quoted from CrazyArtist Really liked this one.  Fun read.  Very 'Sixth Sense'.  I know I've only read two of your scripts -- but I feel comfortable saying, I dig your style.  Nice and lean.  Good dialogue.  Over-all -- you're a good writer.  Keep perfecting your style, I think it’ll separate you from the pack.

Wow, cheers for that Brian. Glad you like my work! I'm very fond of this one, and really appreciate the feedback.

Thanks a load,

Craig

Hey Craig, nice script.

I never caught onto the fact that Kevin was a spirit. Guess i shouldve got that from Danielles reaction.

I did get the Kevin/Taylor connection, and I kinda guessed that early on.

Nice script. It took on a whole new dimension once I figured out that Kevin was a spirit.

Maybe you'd like to make it easier for the reader to "get". When i first finished reading I thought that it was just a nice love story. Like I said id make the ghost aspect more obvious, as it changes everything.

Youre dialogue was well written and believable.

Good stuff

John

Hey John,


Thanks for the read and the comments.

I'm glad you enjoyed it and that you got the twist.

From looking at the feedback, it seems that the majority of people did actually get the ending with a only a few struggling to understand.

As you pointed out, all the clues are there in the script. I wanted to tie up the ending without going into the realms of tackiness- ie Kevin being transparent etc.


Thanks for the kind words,


Craig

Craig,

I really dug this script a lot.  It had an interesting hook and didn't overstay its welcome.  

I'll admit, at first, I had no clue what to make of the ending.  But then I looked at it again and everything became much clearer.  It seems I'm not alone on this either, so maybe there's something more you should write in the final page.  I mean, when it's made, it'll be quite apparent visually, but for now, I think you need more.  Really spell it out.

Aside from that, it's great.  Such a clever idea.  Good work!

Hi Dressel,

Quoted from dressel I really dug this script a lot.  It had an interesting hook and didn't overstay its welcome.

That's great to hear, I'm really happy you thought this way.

Quoted from dressel I'll admit, at first, I had no clue what to make of the ending.  But then I looked at it again and everything became much clearer.  It seems I'm not alone on this either, so maybe there's something more you should write in the final page.  I mean, when it's made, it'll be quite apparent visually, but for now, I think you need more.  Really spell it out.

Hmm. I see what you mean. I've looked back over the feedback and it seems pretty much 50/50 over the ending. As I've said in previous posts, all the info is there in the script, and I wanted to shy away from making it too 'this is exactly what happens'. Thinking about it though, a simple change to Mary's last line to something like 'She knows you love her. You're a good man, Kevin Taylor. May you rest in peace' or along those lines may make it a little clearer to the reader.

Quoted from dressel Aside from that, it's great.  Such a clever idea.  Good work!

Thank you again. I really appreciate the read and feedback. Glad you liked it so much!

All the best,

Craig

Quoted from craig cooper-flintstone Thinking about it though, a simple change to Mary's last line to something like 'She knows you love her. You're a good man, Kevin Taylor. May you rest in peace' or along those lines may make it a little clearer to the reader.

Now, I think that would be a little too on the nose.  Like I said, I think if/when it's made, it'll be very apparent.  However, as it's written, in regards to the description, I don't think it's fully coming across.  But I think if you write it too much into the dialogue like that, you could be going into eye-rolling territory.  See what I mean?

Yeah I do see what you mean.

I can't really imagine how to add more to it without being too obvious. It would be kinda cliched to have Kevin transparent or disappear or something like that.

In the original draft, Kevin wasn't holding the bunch of flowers for the girl. I added it in later as I thought it would point the reader in the right direction.

I'm gonna have to see if I can think of a more subtle way to put it across.

Cheers buddy, you've set my mind ticking into overdrive!

Craig