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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Soulshadows II: Tanis Moderators: bert
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  Author    Soulshadows II: Tanis  (currently 7757 views)
bert
Posted: May 26th, 2010, 8:36pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Tonka.  I know you were not the biggest fan of Tanis, so I appreciate your giving her a chance on her own terms.  And I am glad you found it worthy.


Quoted from tonkatough
In the dialogue you mention "hungry tigers"...No tigers in Africa as they come from India.


Wait a minute...there are no tigers in Africa??  I made it all the way through school and never learned that?

Crap.  Damned American schools.  Those kinds of errors really bother me.  It is not a stupid comment at all.  Thanks for pointing it out.


Quoted from tonkatough
I just want to say that out of all the ones I did read, the most stand out ones for me was the episode by Mike Shelton about the Ferris wheel and Pia's one about a demonic cat.


And I will go ahead and preserve this little shout-out to my fellow authors.  I thought both of the episodes by Shelton were exceptional -- and I always like what Pia does.

And I appreciate the rest of your thoughts, too, Tonka.  Thanks for popping back onto the boards for a look.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: May 26th, 2010, 10:00pm Report to Moderator
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What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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I will let you know now that I have NOT read the other comments, but I will say that this is to me, anyways...

The best short I've ever read on Simply.


You have captured so much here and I'm mostly without words; so I figure I might as well drop into rhyme.

TANIS - IT BE FOR

You know Great Ex-pec-tations
I knew that I had verb
A man of many actions
A part within the herd

And then I managed this and that
I found a Selah note
I also found it here
With Tanis that she wrote

So be ye fair Young Maiden
Tho' Juma's wanderin' eyes
Be takin' after Afya,
A young and naked prize,

For if ye follow af-ter,
You'll find that you are not
Alone and old and bitter
A dead one in the rot

So neither cause nor consequence
Will rise within the Din
That judgment will be covered
And ne're that one have sinned.

Tremendous job here!!! Wow. Wow! Wow!!!

Luvya,

Sandra




A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
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bert
Posted: May 27th, 2010, 6:01pm Report to Moderator
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Goodness, what a nice comment, Sandra.

While I am not sure that everyone will agree with your assessment, I am pleased that -- at least in this instance -- Tanis seems to have found her intended audience.

I must admit that I do not always understand everything you post -- I suspect you know this already -- but creating something so uniquely your own, inspired by Tanis, I will take as quite a compliment.

Thank you, Sandra.  I was very cheered by your prose -- and I am quite certain I will not receive another response quite like that one haha.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: May 28th, 2010, 2:25pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from bert
Goodness, what a nice comment, Sandra.

While I am not sure that everyone will agree with your assessment, I am pleased that -- at least in this instance -- Tanis seems to have found her intended audience.

I must admit that I do not always understand everything you post -- I suspect you know this already -- but creating something so uniquely your own, inspired by Tanis, I will take as quite a compliment.

Thank you, Sandra.  I was very cheered by your prose -- and I am quite certain I will not receive another response quite like that one haha.


Always, it's a goal for me to seek out the intangibles-- the things in life, it's as if, we can't hold or count.

This might be the very crux of a question I had for myself: "What is it that I really admire in a script or a movie?"

Life always has this ironic edge, as if God is writing us notes, even mocking us, begging us to play, to take notice, even in the darkness-- especially in the darkness.

That's what I love to work with and read about and always consider.

It's here in Tanis' story and I recommend it for reading.

Yes, in me, you've found an audience.  

Sandra



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Breanne Mattson
Posted: June 4th, 2010, 8:23pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Bert,

I read this. I’ve been trying to get to it since it was posted. Finally got around to it. I didn’t read any of the previous comments.

There are a lot of great descriptions here. I knew there would be. I can always count on your work to be very well written with some terrific descriptions and this is no exception to that.

I’m not very familiar with the whole Soul Shadows premise. I can only give my impression of the story completely on its own terms. I think it’s really good.

That said, it might have some hurdles as far as ever being produced.

For one, it has nudity. A long time ago, I wrote a horror script where a character murders people while naked. I never intended for the nudity to be too graphic but readers took it that way. Your script seems to indicate to me that you intend for the characters to be seen fully naked. I think this reads much more like a television story. Even on cable, I’m not sure how the nudity would go over.

Aside from that, I’m not sure what else to say. It’s tightly written. Format wise, any advice would be a matter of personal preference. Nothing hung me up at all. It was a smooth read. No one can really ask for more than that in terms of format.

Story wise, I thought you did a really good job of keeping things moving and maintaining a sense of progression, which I feel is one of the biggest flaws with most writers. Especially newer ones.

I didn’t totally get the ending but that could be due to my lack of knowledge regarding the whole series. The ending was a little fuzzy for me. I don’t exactly get what happened to Tanis or what she’s supposed to be or do. It didn’t detract from my overall enjoyment though.

I think it’s a really good script. Good work.


Breanne


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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: June 4th, 2010, 11:17pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Breanne Mattson
Hi Bert,

I didn’t totally get the ending but that could be due to my lack of knowledge regarding the whole series. The ending was a little fuzzy for me. I don’t exactly get what happened to Tanis or what she’s supposed to be or do. It didn’t detract from my overall enjoyment though.

I think it’s a really good script. Good work.

Breanne


I could be wrong, but I feel that the ending is a brilliant melodic of purposeful ambiguity.

Possible spoilers!

Tanis is drawn into a book of life and death. Or death, if you would rather. The very tales that evoke her passion, that she works with charm throughout the series, is the very tale that finishes her-- as she becomes victim to "the passion".

You know? Whatever passion, we fall-- for "it". A lover, a lie, a luxation. Even Tanis. 'specially Tanis, as writers and artists they're weak and strong the same. And Tanis is both, a great story teller and artist. She would  tell you too,  she suffered the great fall. But that's not the end of the story.

If people like me enjoy this kind of thing, I think it's because of the archetypes that
we know and appreciate. They're real and sure as "cat ladies" like myself.

I have no trouble recommending this. Strong writing and a lot of work went into this.

Sandra






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mcornetto
Posted: June 4th, 2010, 11:51pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Sandra Elstree.


I could be wrong, but I feel that the ending is a brilliant melodic of purposeful ambiguity.



Obviously, Sandra sees herself in this script.

The end indicates how Tanis became the narrator for the series.   It's been a little while since I read this but I'm pretty certain that is correct.
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: June 4th, 2010, 11:58pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from mcornetto


Obviously, Sandra sees herself in this script.

The end indicates how Tanis became the narrator for the series.   It's been a little while since I read this but I'm pretty certain that is correct.


You've nailed it Michael!  

And eight more of those smileys too!

Sandra



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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: June 5th, 2010, 12:19am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from bert


But I will say this -- I think that sometimes you take a narrow view, Jeff, and adhere quite stringently to conventions that, in some cases, have long ago expired.  As someone offering a bit of feedback to you now, I would submit that your (sometimes) stalwart refusal to accept the fluidity of the screenwriting medium shackles you to a certain extent.  I suspect you might even agree with this a tiny, little bit in your darkest heart of hearts.



Gosh, Jeff continually refuses the opportunity to write with me. And "I" am the one, like Neo, who could surely remove him of his shackles!   He also doesn't admit his "guilty by association" fathering of Alexander Sudarshan Liberius..." He'll never hear the end of it. He'll need to go out for extra beers every night at the local pub, just to get away from me!!!  

Sandra




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Dreamscale
Posted: June 5th, 2010, 11:15am Report to Moderator
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What the...?

Sandra, are you OK?

I'm worried about you...
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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: June 5th, 2010, 12:17pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
What the...?

Sandra, are you OK?

I'm worried about you...


No fun. No fun at all.

Sandra



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Dreamscale
Posted: June 5th, 2010, 1:05pm Report to Moderator
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Oh yes I am!

Just messing 'round with ya, Sandra, my dear!

As Kojak used to say, "Who loves, ya, baby?"

I do!
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bert
Posted: June 5th, 2010, 4:04pm Report to Moderator
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Haha -- Sandra, stop picking on Jeff!  

However, if you ever do manage to raise Jeff's neanderthal consciousness to your own patented heights of enlightenment, please let me know -- as that would surely be something to see.

And hey, Brea!  Always a pleasure to find your eyes on my goods.


Quoted from Breanne Mattson
For one, it has nudity.


You know, I did not set out to have these characters running around naked so much.  It just kind of happened as the story evolved.  As I think I said elsewhere, it is an example of characters leading you where you did not originally intend to go -- and because it emerged so organically, I figured it belonged there.


Quoted from Breanne Mattson
I didn't totally get the ending but that could be due to my lack of knowledge regarding the whole series.


Cornetto (a few posts above) is correct.  Tanis opens and closes each episode of the SoulShadows series, with a story involving a particular item central to the episode.

The book itself contains all of her stories -- and in this episode it transports her to the alcove, which is sort of her own, personal purgatory -- where she becomes caretaker of the items.

The only real ambiguity that remains is where her items come from, but I left that open, as I felt a definitive answer would only disappoint.  (See "Lost" for a good example of this phenomenon).

Thanks again, Brea.  I particularly appreciate your comments on the experiments (or risks) in the format I used here, as there are people on both sides of the fence regarding this episode.  There are a few whose opinions carry some extra heft in my notebook, and you are surely amongst them.

And it is great to know you are still lingering about -- even if it is only from time to time.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Breanne Mattson
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Quoted from bert
Tanis opens and closes each episode of the SoulShadows series, with a story involving a particular item central to the episode.

The book itself contains all of her stories -- and in this episode it transports her to the alcove, which is sort of her own, personal purgatory -- where she becomes caretaker of the items.


Yeah, I figured it was a curse or something like that.


Quoted from bert
I particularly appreciate your comments on the experiments (or risks) in the format I used here, as there are people on both sides of the fence regarding this episode.  There are a few whose opinions carry some extra heft in my notebook, and you are surely amongst them.


For me, it’s a matter of competence. And I think that’s how it is for most experienced readers. If the writing is competent, then it should be obvious when the writer is experimenting or just being stylistic.

There are certain aspects of format that are conventional, such as 12 point courier font. This isn’t because people are stubbornly locked in their ways but because there’s a certain meter that’s developed over time. The same with story structure. The “formula” for storytelling exists because it works. It’s evolved over time and proven itself again and again.

Then there are things that shouldn’t matter. Like whether or not a scene heading is in bold print. I don’t personally like that but I chose not to let it bother me. Trying to push a writer into doing it my way is just that -- pushing a writer to sacrifice artistic license and personal style for the sake of my personal quirk. It would be more beneficial for me to examine why I have this irrational quirk than to change you.

As the old saying goes: “Change the world where you can, and where you cannot, change yourself.”

A competent writer knows when to push and when to pull. Once a reader feels that she’s in the hands of a competent writer, she can surrender to that and enjoy the story on its own terms. I trust you, Bert. It’s as simple as that. I believe you know what you’re doing.


Quoted from bert
And it is great to know you are still lingering about -- even if it is only from time to time.


I’m a writer. I can’t help but go to the places that writers haunt.


Brea


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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: June 6th, 2010, 12:23am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
Oh yes I am!

Just messing 'round with ya, Sandra, my dear!

As Kojak used to say, "Who loves, ya, baby?"
I do!



Quoted from bert
Haha -- Sandra, stop picking on Jeff!  

However, if you ever do manage to raise Jeff's neanderthal consciousness to your own patented heights of enlightenment, please let me know -- as that would surely be something to see.



If Jeff and I can ever work seriously together, then I can guarantee that it will be a special day in the universe!

I do love working with my opposites. I'm a sucker for love and punishment. Gawdawful person that I am.

Sandra




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