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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Soulshadows II: Tanis Moderators: bert
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  Author    Soulshadows II: Tanis  (currently 7701 views)
The boy who could fly
Posted: June 17th, 2010, 5:03am Report to Moderator
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Hey Bert, I finally got around to this one, and I am sad to say, but I was kinda disappointed.   I was hoping to find out something that I didn't know, but I had a feeling how this was going to turn out from the beginning, but in a way it was inevitable, we have gotten to know Tanis now close to 15 scripts so I guess I was hoping for something revolutionary, but I kinda knew what was around every corner.  

On the flip side this was very well written, it is such an easy read and the characters themselves you flesh out very well, I think I just wanted something that I wouldn't have guessed, but then again that would be very very hard since we have already gotten to know Tanis.  Another thing is I guess is I wish Tanis got the full feature length, I think then you would have had the opportunity to go further with it and dig a little deeper.  

I loved the snake coming out of Batu’s skull, I love all that demonic kinda stuff, and you did it very well, some of this reminded me of The serpent and the rainbow, even though that was about zombies, but when the snake come outta the chicks mouth in that, its how i imagined it coming out of Batu’s skull, some great images.

All in all very well written, I just wanted more I guess, still a solid effort I think!


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Matt Chisholm
Posted: June 18th, 2010, 2:57am Report to Moderator
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Series finale? Or will there be more?


I can't live the buttoned-down life like you. I want it all. The dizzying highs, the terrifying lows, the creamy middles. Sure, I may offend some of the blue bloods with my cocky stride and musky odors. Oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "city fathers," who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson?
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bert
Posted: June 18th, 2010, 8:25am Report to Moderator
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Buy the ticket, take the ride

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Hey, Jordan.  Thanks for checking in on this one, even though:


...I had a feeling how this was going to turn out from the beginning, but in a way it was inevitable...


Her fate was kind of a forgone conclusion, wasn't it?  We already know where she ended up. I guess you do not want to stray too far with an established character and undermine what has gone before, but I did want to expand on what was already there.

I got the same, general sort of criticism from Jeff -- and I wonder now if it is the horror fans that have an easier time spotting the formulae under the surface in this one?


...some of this reminded me of The serpent and the rainbow...


I know that film.  I was not thinking about it while writing this, but yeah, that tone would certainly be about right.  It is not meant to be a kids story, and parts of this ended up not too far removed from Skinemax, I suppose.

I have no idea if these are even pitch-able, but they were a lot of fun.  I enjoyed your contributions to these as well, Jordan.  I think Tanis for your alien episode is up there as one of my favorites.


Quoted from Matt Chisholm
Series finale? Or will there be more?


My magic 8-ball says, "Reply hazy, ask again later."


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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Shelton
Posted: July 19th, 2010, 10:39am Report to Moderator
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Hey Bert,

Finally got around to being able to read this, and I found it to be pretty enjoyable.  

I think you did a pretty good job of explaining just how Tanis came to be who she is, and I think the way it's laid out makes for a better end episode than a beginning.  I don't think it would have worked as well if it were the actual intro for the series.

There was a good buildup to the betrayal aspect, where you knew something wasn't right between Tanis and Juma right away, and the use of Afya was pretty effective as well.

Sumbra played a nice part in laying the groundwork for the book, and stayed interweaved into things throughout.

I think you enjoyed being able to toss the typical (or not, depending on who you talk to) writing conventions aside and just go for the gusto.  Didn't bother to read other people's comments on the matter, but I think the resulting visuals were well done.

Anyway, nice work.


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"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin
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bert
Posted: July 23rd, 2010, 4:59pm Report to Moderator
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Buy the ticket, take the ride

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Hey, thanks, Mike.  With all the activity on the boards and my being out of town, this slipped by me the last time I checked in.

I am glad you sensed the "not right" between Tanis and Juma right away.  I wanted that.

You are right that I did enjoy tossing some of the conventions aside here, and yeah, there has been alot of conversation about that.  What I most like to hear is that it did not interfere, and seems not to have bothered you much.

I should have a little time on my hands next week -- if somebody wants to swap a read on this (or if I have missed an "owed") -- shoot me a PM.

Would be happy to take a look at something for someone who actually participates on the boards.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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