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Just read it last night, really enjoyed it. It would make a really good opening for a feature. I'm just learning at the moment, so I can't get to deep as I don't really know what I'm talking about yet! Story wise, thought it was great.
James, I liked it. Very simple yet engrossing story. Though predictable it had a good old time Twilight Zone feel to it. I will learn a lot from you & Phil and plan on reading more.
James, I liked it. Very simple yet engrossing story. Though predictable it had a good old time Twilight Zone feel to it. I will learn a lot from you & Phil and plan on reading more.
You're reading scripts from my own learning processs, so please do not take the way they were written as ironclad. Many mistakes are found in them. I'm glad you liked it. Good to see you participating on the boards. That will net you reads and feedback. Make sure you spread the love. Pia, Dreamscale, Electric Dreamer, Lietskev, to name a few almost always reciprocate reads.
I'm glad you liked it. Had help from many friends on this board. The draft i sent to Shriekfest isn't the one you read. Although, the changes were minimal.
Always wanted to read the one that beat me, "CARBON DATING". Sounds cool and I know it won several other comps. They were filming it last I checked. Still can't find an ounce of it on the net though...
This is one of the best shorts I’ve read, I won’t go into details because I believe looking at some of the previous comments that you actually changed this for shriekfest and most things have been mentioned already about this draft.
It was predictable but that doesn’t bother me, when I watch the next James Bond film, I know he’s going to beat the bad guy and get the girl. It’s just how it he goes about it what matters to me and I think you did an amazing job with this. There was some great tension at the end, wondering whether Lisa will get off of the train alive.
I’m curious though, did you take out Lisa fainting at the end for Shriekfest? I also thought it would work better to see her reaction at the end.
Anyway, sorry I’m so late to party but it gets you closer to the big 100 mark for reply’s on this script.
I really liked this and especially as I have a passion for Vampire movies. One of my beefs with the new vampire movies is how they've rewritten vampire lore and that really bothers me that kids will grow up believing that in movies vampires CAN walk around in broad daylight. Anyway, I digress.. My only one gripe just like Steve's would be not to have Lisa faint at the end but rather stand alone on the train platform with a shocked look on her face, maybe hyperventilating or something, staring straight ahead where the train was a few moments ago. Visually the camera pans up to night sky to reveal a full moon... no wait, that's werewolves!
I liked this but had a good idea where it was going but that didn't matter to me. The only thing I wasn't sure of was the final scene on the platform, personally I don't think it was needed. Everything else was great. Nice short.
Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.
Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it. Lisa did not faint in the draft I sent to comp. She covers her mouth and backs into a trash can while she stares at the bloddy Sean pressed up against the window. One of about three subtle changes I made based on comments here. Really should get the new draft up as this always seems to get a read from new members...
MRL, Thanks for reading. Glad you liked it. Yes, I wrote this because I can barely even remember a time when vampires were scary anymore. The legend has been raped IMO. Yeah, I took the Lisa faint scene out...
Alffy,
Thanks for the read. Glad you liked. You didn't like the scene on the platform? Thought that was the best part, lol. With exception to Lisa fainting. Which I changed. Would love to see that scene on film. A bloody vampires face up against a window, Lisa's reaction, who just had her whole world rocked. Anyway, glad you liked it and thanks again for the read...
Thanks for the 100th post. Sorry, no free toaster. I've had a few film makers ask me to change the script so it could be shot in a diner or bus. I politely said no. Felt that would suck all the tension out of the ending. Being trapped on a train she can't get off of is much of what I think makes this work. Plus, wasn't impressed with what they've shot before anyway. There's some pretty heavy expense involved with shooting on a train. Not worth it for a short film that really makes no money. That's about the jist of what I got from most. So it sits.... james
I hear ya. That would be quite a budget for a short. If you decide to have it take place on a midnight Greyhound let me know as I'd love to shoot this. My student film was based on classic Vampire lore, none of this Twlight crap. This would be a nice story to see on the screen!
I hear ya. That would be quite a budget for a short. If you decide to have it take place on a midnight Greyhound let me know as I'd love to shoot this. My student film was based on classic Vampire lore, none of this Twlight crap. This would be a nice story to see on the screen!
Check your private messages. Thanks for the interest.
Pretty psyched that this is being shot tonight in Miami. After being a finalist in Shriekfest I thought for sure I would see this get made. My hopes were continually smashed as film makers found how difficult it is to actually shoot on a train. I was asked to rewrite it in a diner, on a bus, but I never saw it working that way. So I always said thanks, but no.
Alan Lougher of Blue House films, he is a board member here and found the script on this site, found the means to make it. The crew will be on the Miami Metro-rail tonight. I think they're shooting with a Red camera in 4K so it should look great.
Here's the facebook page if anyone wants to peek in at the progress...
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