Thanks for the read Z, and for the kind words. Good suggestions too. I never thought of the fact that she might not be able to treat him.

And now that I can expand this I can take care of the exposition in the dialogue. I kinda had to force feed it to the audience that way because the director had a one-day shoot planned for a hospital and I assumed he didn't have a second location secured.

Thanks again,

Anthony

Hey AJ,

Given the constraints you were working with, job well done.
Survivor's guilt is a tough cookie to chew on without getting morose.
I didn't care for the disease that was chosen, but you had constraints.
I was looking for something stronger, not just serviceable.
I can see why you chose what you did given the parameters you had.
The pacing was solid and your scene transition was pretty clear.
I wasn't invested in the story much, but your narrative is strong.
Perhaps I should give Grand Avenue a whirl!

Thanks for the read ED and I totally get your comments. As everyone knows by now there were a lot of factors that went into this.

And though I appreciate it, please don't feel obligated to read my other stuff as I haven't have that much time lately to do return reads.

Thanks again - Anthony

"Formed in the most terrifying of places" I don't get the description

I think the names would read much smoother if you would just put Harrison and Winters, rather than Dr. in front of them. You've already established they are doctors, so we know.

I think you meant (O.S.) When the Young nurse said Angel of Mercy.

That was sad. A very nice story. I didn't see the whole daughter connection coming. And then to say she had AIDS... that was really sad.

I enjoyed the read.

Jeanpierre,

Thanks for taking the time and I'm glad you enjoyed this. Yes, you're correct, the nurse's line should be (O.S.) instead of (V.O.) and a couple of others caught that as well.

As for the description, I tried to imagine seeing the most horrifying thing you could witness, and then imagining the scream that would result - that line was then the result of that.

Thanks again - Anthony

Hi Anthony,

I liked this short. It's very emotional and powerful. The few twists and surprises were unexpected. The cutting back and forth flow nicely as well.

The twists about Emily was Collin's daughter and that she is already dead were handled well.

Our protagonist Dr. Harrison is likable and I can empathize with him. Losing a daughter is really a torment and he couldn't do much about it. It's also great to see how he overcame this problem.

The ending left me a little bit confused. So is Collin a doctor anymore? Or he left his job because of the torment? Cuz he didn't refer himself as Dr. Harrison when the Young Nurse sees him. If he's not a doctor anymore, it's a bit of a stretch that the Nurse will let him sit by the patient alone.

But the Angel of Mercy thing was a nice touch.

I enjoyed it. Good job.


Herman

Thanks for the read Herman and I'm really glad you enjoyed it. And to answer your question, yes, Colin is still a patient and not a doctor when he sits at the young woman's bedside (he's still seeking redemption). I didn't think it much of a stretch because the nurse was there with him, and after all, if relatives and strangers can visit patients, why can't other patients?

Thanks again - Anthony