Nah dude.

We all make mistakes when we review. The fact that you took time especially 1 am to read this and leave your critique matters. Don't think I'll forget it.

Let me know when you want something read. I'm down.

Gabe

Hey Gabe!

Congratulations on getting this into somebody's hands!  I remember reading this before, (I remember loving the title for it, plus, I had to download it onto my computer to read it and it was right next to my file for my short Art's Tattoo Removal, so I remember seeing it quite a lot), but I don't see the comments I made on it.

I remember enjoying it, though.

Congratulations and I hope all the money comes through for you guys.  I'm broke right now, but I do have a payday coming up before the deadline.

I've always wanted an Ass Producer credit, but I'll probably only be getting a poster and DVD.  :-)

Good luck!

- Mark

What's up Mark? How's everything.

Congrats on your script Ephesian.

I think I remember reading Art's Tattoo Removal and leaving a review on that. I gotta check that out. lol.

I've always liked this one since everyone else liked it. lol. But despite that, I deal with a subject matter that's relevant and deal with angels and demons.

Donate whatever you can. I understand times are tight so any amount matters. Just please spread the word so it can reach others.

Hopefully this gets made.

Gabe

Pg1
Is the car moving or still, on or off ?
First two sentences read clumsy
Are they hi brow or normal people? Attain funds= get money
Alexanders last verbiage is poorly worded

Pg2
The flashback needs light explaination

Pg3
Is Gabriella excited?
Highbrow or normal? Heed my warning is condescension
Inhales exhales = takes a couple deep breaths
How did Alexander and Gabriella get in the store?

Pg4
Who's hand grabs the brown bag?
Who fills the bag with cash?
Repeats again?

Pg5
GUN! = who's gun, where from?
"Several envelopes stamped "Final Notice" are on the table."  = reads "better" / which table?
Alexanders last verbiage reads stuffy "dutifully" is out of place

Pg6
Alexanders first two texts read clumsy. the 4th is too abbreviate

Pg7
A sketch drawing. from who? no witnesses.

Pg8
A FEMALE VOICE ?

Pg9
Gabriella's 2nd text reads too... something. "Best intentions" doesnt fit
Why does Alexander cough?
Gabriellas last is the same as above. "Astray" doesnt fit

Pg10
INT. BEDROOM (LATER) or CUT TO: ?
Direction 4&5 read bad
Gabriellas last text is not cohesive

Pg11
IN THE KITCHEN or CUT TO: ?
at this point the word "funds" is wrong throughout

Pg13
Alexanders actions dont match his previous demeanor. Needs explanation.
Gabriellas reveal needs some visuals
Lucifer (the devil) is omnipotent. He would "appear" to be in his 50's
Lucifers last text. Cant wait for more what?

I think the two "beings" need to act and speak more consistently to make the reveal work. Their verbiage throughout goes back and forth between friendly and condescending. making me stop and think in a way that ruins the reveal. If they were described as what they are, it would ruin the reveal. If described in a way to endear them, it would make the reveal more exciting.

Good blue devil, red devil story line.

M//

Thanks MikeMac

Sorry for getting back to you so lately.

I posted this up as it was previously before. Nothing's change. I'm in the process of changing a couple of things.

The Angel and Demon have a history since they've worked with each other before. They're condescending since they each have their own agenda. Gabriella bit more since she's good. lol.  

Let me know if there is something you would like read.

Gabe

Sorry for bumping this up but...

A NEW VERSION IS UP

CHANGES:
Added, modified, rearranged and deleted some dialogue and descriptions. Comes around 13 and a half pages.

Gave Alexander an ethnicity

Changed the ending

Hope whoever reads the new version enjoys it. And as always, let me know your thoughts and if you like a read.

Gabe

Looks like The Art of Persuasion is getting made.  Check out the facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/theartofpersuasionfilm

Don

Thanks Don.

A huge thank you goes out to the SS members who've read this and offered their insightful feedback. You guys and gals are the best teachers a student could have. lol.

Gabriel

I removed the script from the site for the obvious reason that's it's listed as a perk. lol. This script has gone through so many changes. lol. It's a testament of what perseverance and listening does.

You can still check out the reviews I've received on here from older to newer drafts. The majority I am proud to say are positive. Feel free to donate whatever you can. If not, please spread the word.  

                                                          

Just thought I'd come on and say well done Gabe, fingers crossed it turns out well.

Gabe -

Congrats!!  Best wishes on this!

--Janet

Good luck bro

I'll donate even if it means one beer less this weekend...but not next weekend cuz that's St Paddy's and that wouldn't be right..

Mark

Thanks guys for the support and best wishes. I need them. lol.  

Fingers definitely cross. lol.

Mark, that wouldn't be right for St. Paddys.

Gabe