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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›   Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: January 4th, 2011, 6:48pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Step On A Crack by Darren J Seeley - Short, Horror -  The mystery behind six mirrors which reflect murder and despair when they face each other in an old decaying house is revealed. 16 pages - pdf, format


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grademan
Posted: January 5th, 2011, 10:10am Report to Moderator
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DJS,

Liked your story but felt it could have been stronger. Here are a few things to consider.

Major things

Inventive situation. I did get confused on reflections vs. reality about half way through.

I had no idea of Barbra’s importance based on her intro. The ending would have been more tragic if we had a clear vision.

The horror was done without much feeling. Twisting knives, blood gushing is more terrifying when we feel it, see it on the characters faces.

Brother was cool but wanted more.

Good work on having two characters do the heavy lifting of the story for the first half.

Formatting was very good.

Medium things

The story telling was a bit too light handed for a horror story “Face like a pizza without anchovies” comes to mind first.

At first I was put off by the phrase “departed this life” thinking only mortician’s use that phrase but I see now you were doing a bit of foreshadowing.

I got a little tired of the “you don’t want to know” back and forth.

Minor things

The use of periods in your slugs is not the way it’s done. I haven’t seen it in any of the pro scripts I’ve read,. Use a hyphen, it gives the reader a bit more space and doesn’t slow us down.

I.D. of characters for dialog was odd. One character you used the first name for i.d. and another character you used the last name for i.d.

Gary
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: January 5th, 2011, 6:36pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for your time.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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jwent6688
Posted: January 13th, 2011, 8:34pm Report to Moderator
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Wherever I go, there Jwent.

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Quoted from DarrenJamesSeeley
Thanks for your time.



This is why I don't read your scripts. People bring up issues and you say THAT. Without any response to their issues. The best script I've ever written was a rewrite based on comments from people here.

You crank scripts out like a machine. Leads me to believe you just keep moving onto the next. without giving any thought of how much better one could be with suggestions.

James


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Ledbetter
Posted: January 13th, 2011, 10:15pm Report to Moderator
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James has a great point here my friend. If you are posting simply to get one more behind you, then you are missing out on the purpose and benefit of this site.

I recieved GREAT feedback on my last script and as a result, I was given outstanding insight from others I would not otherwise even thought of.

Besides, this site is a two way street. People want to hear their advice was worth the time they gave in order to help you out.

Just my 2-cent.

Shawn.....><
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Dreamscale
Posted: January 14th, 2011, 9:54pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Have to agree with James and Led.  I've read some of your scripts and left comments and received the same BS back, so I too stopped. Not sure if you actually do read others' scripts and leave feedback but I know you've never read anything of mine.

What comes around goes around...

PS - I can't believe I'm agreeing with Cleveland James!  HaHa...just kidding, James.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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Electric Dreamer
Posted: January 15th, 2011, 1:52am Report to Moderator
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Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

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I'll chime in and make it a foursome off the first tee.
The last script I read of yours was "19 Percent".
You specifically requested reads, I gave you one last shot.
I left a moderate amount of feedback. Zero reply.
So, you're off my list of authors to read.
Also read the mummy one, the plants, vampires, the lighthouse gangsters, etc.
Whatever your reason for not replying is yours and yours alone.
But when you request reads, get them and say nothing...
That's a big honking bottle of weak sauce.

You must have noticed you've been getting less and less reads, right?
So, why continue the trend of being uncommunicative with your readers?
To each his own, I guess.

E.D.

P.S. Gin and tonic and my avatar at 150x150, bad combo. O_O


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: January 17th, 2011, 12:31am Report to Moderator
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I understand...but let me address the points.


I do, in fact, review other people here. While I have not done so in the past few weeks, it is also true that I may not have read everyone that may have read some of my recent postings. My apologies on that. I can't get to everyone. Or I have (but not those who chimed in here) but they are doing, or have done, the same thing you charge me with. So, in other words, I'm not reviewing "the right" people.  


"I crank 'em out"


I wish.
Yes, I write stuff a lot. Yes, it's all subjective.No not everything was all at once. I made it a point not to upload everything to avoid that criticism. I got it anyway, (and that was at four uploads at the time- three of them shorts) so it didn't make a difference. In fact over half of what I written had been written before I signed on to these boards. I have more stuff not even on the site...and I made a choice not to post everything. Still,  I'm flattered and amazed that folks think I'm a super typist. but that doesn't hold true.

SS is also not the only peer site I frequent. I have recip'd people on those other sites in the past, present and possible future.


Quoted Text
"Thanks is all I get"


Sometimes that's all I get, if that. I don't make a fuss about it, not even in a short section. I don't have to shine your boots; you don't have to shine mine. Most don't, and that's fine. But you shouldn't feel offended if I keep a simple thank you and 'I'll keep some of your points in mind' as not good enough. Apparently, it isn't.
Not to a few.

Again, I'm not reviewing "the right people" fast enough.
And how do you expect me to read "the right people" with a fair and open mind now?













"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: January 17th, 2011, 12:38am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale
  I've read some of your scripts and left comments and received the same BS back, so I too stopped. Not sure if you actually do read others' scripts and leave feedback but I know you've never read anything of mine.


Many times I respond to readers as a whole, not individually. And you're wrong. I don't BS.
And I have read something of yours. I know, OWC challenge doesn't quite count, but still...


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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Dreamscale
Posted: January 17th, 2011, 2:19am Report to Moderator
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Darren, my meaning of "BS" was  based on the lack of response you give to those who go out of there way to provide feedback to you, not that you are full of BS or give it.  Hope that's clear.

I'm not sure what OWC script you're referring to when you say you've read a script of mine...maybe you did, but I sure don't see any posts from you on any of my threads, which goes back to the whole deal people are bringing up...you ask for feedback, you get it, you hardly even acknowledge the poster, and you never return the favor by reading AND GIVING FEEDBACK.

Your attitude ain't gonna fly, bud.  Just sayin'...



To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: January 17th, 2011, 5:17pm Report to Moderator
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I do read and review other people's scripts, long and short. I just haven't done it in the past few weeks. I admit to that. You hit me with "what comes around goes around" and it does tick me off. I also don't just make alterations based on what one or two say. Some things may be different. I also factor in what peers say on other sites. I read and recip them too. I take everyone's feedback into account. I agree or disagree.

If that's attitude, so be it.

I thought I read one of yours, but I have been mistaken. On that I apologize. But how am I supposed to read you (or you me) now? If one of us were to find something that is subjective, can the other person actually consider it without a doubt to the other person's intention?

The issue at hand was already brought up by another last week. I took her advice, explained, and moved on. I will be reviewing again shortly. I won't be submitting anything new or used for awhile.



I thanked another person for his time in reading this short. I'm sorry if that crawls under your skin, and a few other people. I can only hope that when I read one of yours or Electric Dreamers that neither of you think I'm out for blood. That won't be the case. You can even respond with "Thank You for reading" and nothing more if you wish. I won't be offended.



"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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Dreamscale
Posted: January 17th, 2011, 5:55pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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Darren, everyone's different.  Everyone does things their way, and that's cool.  No problem whatsoever.

Funny, cause I just got into a situation like you brought up with someone else - I said something to them that they didn't like (it wasn't a review). They, in turn, decided to look me up, find a script of mine, read it, and go out for blood in every way possible.  It's not the first time it's happened to me either, and it's no big deal to me.  I'm a pretty good judge of character and human nature in general.

My point was exactly what I said initially.  You have a tendency and history of asking for reads and feedback.  When you get them, you don't address anything that was brought up...you merely say "Thanks for the read", and move on.  You also don't seem to return the favor in the quid pro quo way that this site works on.

I agree with you 100% that one doesn't have to agree with the feedback they receive.  Chances are good that it's coming from someone with less experience and knowledge than the writer himself.  BUT, you still have to acknowledge the feedback, appreciate the time that the reader spent, and at least "act" like you're grateful.

That's all I'm trying to say, and if I'm off base here with you specifically, I apologize.

I know for a fact that I've read and commented on several of your scripts, including your OWC, which I think was the first script you posted here on SS.  It was all my choice to read and comment so it's not like you owe me anything, but again, what comes around usually does go around.

Cool?  Take care, man.


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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bert
Posted: January 17th, 2011, 7:10pm Report to Moderator
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If Darren feels that a simple "thanks" is an adequate response to a reader, that is his choice, and chastising him for that needs to stop.  I am sure he "gets it".

He obviously has some chops as a writer, and chasing him off the site with torches and pitchforks is of no benefit to anybody.

I will point out, Darren, that you are missing an opportunity to engage your readers in a dialogue, which is one of the principle strengths of this site.

Most people who have taken the time to leave detailed feedback do so because they are interested in what you think of their criticisms or ideas.  You can ask them questions about what they have written, and more often than not, they will be happy to elaborate further.

I will not fault you for missing that opportunity, only point out that it has, in fact, been missed.

And that give and take with the author is part of the fun.  If a reviewer is disappointed by your response to one script, they are unlikely to read another.

But the converse of that is also true.

Just something to think about.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: January 17th, 2011, 7:18pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks. Bert.

Oops I mean...
Well, you know.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
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