I’m glad you could glean something from my ramblings.

With the risk of sounding glib it’s great that you’re fuelling your writing with the trials and tribulations of your own life, drawing from personal experience.  A sort of cathartic release through creating engaging stories with universal themes. Keep it up.  

I see this was posted 2011, but I read this short yesterday. Well done, save a few grammatical & formatting errors.

*possible spoilers*
I like that the ending is not what most would expect (revenge murder!)
Also, the part where things go from pretty normal to creepy, when we see Teddy has surveillance photos of the guy taped up on the wall. Wasn't expecting that. All sorts of crazy things ran through my mind. lol

Hey there,

This reads well and I like it for the most part. However, the story with Teddy's sister and how the cops get involved all of a sudden seems quite constructed. What a coincidence Teddy's being picked up by the cops at the same day he moves in with Jonathan, after squatting in a vacated house for quite a while. I'd say you'd have to make this a bit more believable.

I'm not sure the cops work well here at all. We know Johnathan is squatting himself, so the cops would probably ask unpleasant questions; or, as they don't, one would wonder what kind of pathetic cops they are if they don't even find out the house they are going to, belongs to the bank.

I don't think you need cops here. It's also obfuscating Teddy's transformation. He turned for the better, so he doesn't deserve to end up in a cell.

Just my thoughts.