SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is November 22nd, 2019, 4:47pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)


Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Faking It Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Faking It  (currently 1591 views)
Don
Posted: April 26th, 2011, 10:46pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
13435
Posts Per Day
1.95
Faking It by Brian Howell (reuel51) - Short, Drama - A body conscious woman is forced to face her fears when a friend takes her shopping for a new blouse. 5 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Trojan
Posted: April 27th, 2011, 8:59am Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Location
Australia
Posts
427
Posts Per Day
0.11
Brian, I gave this an excellent over at MP. I think you handled a delicate subject in a really authentic way, the characters were very believable. Really good stuff here.

Cheers,
Tim.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 12
Electric Dreamer
Posted: April 27th, 2011, 10:03am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Taking a long vacation from the holidays.

Location
Los Angeles
Posts
2836
Posts Per Day
0.84
Hey Brian,

Always a pleasure to see new material from contributing SS members.
I enjoyed this short and it would be quite the boon for the "right" actress to play.
I'd like a little more banter between the women.
Perhaps reveal towards the end this is for an upcoming anniversary or something.
It's a nice first step towards forgiving yourself for not being what you once were.
It's little human moments like this I enjoy when dealing with the big C. Kudos.

Keep writing and rewriting!

Regards,
E.D.


LATEST NEWS

CineVita Films
is producing a short based on my new feature!

A list of my scripts can be found here.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 12
Dressel
Posted: April 27th, 2011, 11:27am Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Posts
300
Posts Per Day
0.09
Brian,

I liked this one.  It was short and simple.

I would disagree that you need to lengthen it anymore than it already is.  I don't see what that would accomplish.

Also, lose this description:
like everyone does when somebody admires what they’re wearing

Not because it's an unfilmable, but because it's awkward.

Good work all around though.

-Matt


MY SCRIPTS

Based on a True Story (Comedy)

The Other Man (Thriller)

PRODUCED

Penny For Your Thoughts (Found by Director on Simply Scripts)

MY WEBSITE
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 12
screenrider
Posted: April 27th, 2011, 11:39am Report to Moderator
Guest User





This definitely packed a punch.   Great job.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 4 - 12
Dreamscale
Posted: April 27th, 2011, 11:46am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

Location
Cave Creek, AZ
Posts
11170
Posts Per Day
2.55
Hey Brian, for what this is, I like it.  It's effective.  It pulls out emotions and causes me to stop and think about things I don't usually think or care about.

I agree with Dressel that the 1 line needs to go.  A couple other lines don't rad very well either, but all in all, this definitely works.

Good job!


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 12
rc1107
Posted: April 27th, 2011, 1:08pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Youngstown
Posts
1272
Posts Per Day
0.28
Aww.  You suck, Brian.  This was depressing.  I loved it!  I like how you ended it on a positive, inspiring note at the end, too.

I love it when a story can cut straight to a person's emotions about something.

Great job.

- Mark


Logged
Private Message YIM Reply: 6 - 12
Craiger6
Posted: April 30th, 2011, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Staten Island, New York
Posts
244
Posts Per Day
0.07
Hey Brian,

I just gave this one a read and I breezed through it.  As Jeff said, I think you've done a terrific job of getting me to think about somethin like this.  As a guy I've never given much thought to how something like this can affect a woman's self worth.  I suppose that says more about me than anything else, but I digress.  I thought the scene where she takes off her shirt in the dressing room and looks in the mirror was really well done, and it goes to the heart of the story.

I also like the Bree character as she comes off as a good friend.

All in all, I liked this and thought you did a great job with it in only 5 pages.  Congrats and best of luck.

Craig


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 12
reuel51
Posted: April 30th, 2011, 3:59pm Report to Moderator
New-ish



Location
Salt Lake City, Utah
Posts
57
Posts Per Day
0.02

Quoted from Dressel

Also, lose this description:
like everyone does when somebody admires what they’re wearing

Not because it's an unfilmable, but because it's awkward.


Yeah, that line definitely needs to go.

Thank you everyone for reading this and the feedback. I've been reading scripts that all of you have posted, and to get these kinds of comments from writers of your caliber is fantastic. If any of you have anything new, or anything you want looked at, please let me know. I will get to it asap.

Thanks again,

Brian



new Ignoble 5 pgs, Shock Drama (could be disturbing)
Faking It 5 pgs MP 2nd place Feb 2011
Consequences 7 pgs Thriller
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 12
reuel51
Posted: April 30th, 2011, 4:03pm Report to Moderator
New-ish



Location
Salt Lake City, Utah
Posts
57
Posts Per Day
0.02

Quoted from Craiger6
I thought the scene where she takes off her shirt in the dressing room and looks in the mirror was really well done, and it goes to the heart of the story.


This visual was where this story began for me. I've had that shot in my head for years now, but I've never known how to get it on screen in a way that I was pleased with. Thank you for the compliments.

Brian



new Ignoble 5 pgs, Shock Drama (could be disturbing)
Faking It 5 pgs MP 2nd place Feb 2011
Consequences 7 pgs Thriller
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 12
dogglebe
Posted: April 30th, 2011, 4:34pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



I liked this piece.  It was a good read and a very unique story.

Regarding the line?  How about Reveau spins, like a model on a catwalk.


Phil
Logged
e-mail Reply: 10 - 12
reuel51
Posted: April 30th, 2011, 5:00pm Report to Moderator
New-ish



Location
Salt Lake City, Utah
Posts
57
Posts Per Day
0.02
Phil, I like that much better. Thanks!


new Ignoble 5 pgs, Shock Drama (could be disturbing)
Faking It 5 pgs MP 2nd place Feb 2011
Consequences 7 pgs Thriller
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 11 - 12
Craiger6
Posted: April 30th, 2011, 5:52pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while



Location
Staten Island, New York
Posts
244
Posts Per Day
0.07

Quoted from dogglebe
I liked this piece.  It was a good read and a very unique story.

Regarding the line?  How about Reveau spins, like a model on a catwalk.


Phil


I agree that the original line read a bit awkard, but I like the imagery and wouldn't lose it.  

In addition to Phil's comment, I'd throw in - "Reveau spins like she is the belle of the ball".  Either or - point is I think it's a good image, just need to fine tune.  Anyway, best of luck.

Craig


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 12 - 12
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006