All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
I see they added a new scene at the beginning. I’ve seen that “car crash from the side” effect so many times now that it feels a bit cliché, but I totally understand why a filmmaker would want to shoot that type of shot and I think they did a really good job with it. I can tell the exterior is added in post, but it still looks nice. It almost gives it a sort of dreamlike quality.
As for the parts you actually wrote, I think they did a really good job of staying true to the material, except for the vanishing at the end. This suggests the little girl is a ghost rather than someone with psychokinetic abilities. I liked it better with the superhero slant rather than the paranormal.
I see they added a new scene at the beginning. I’ve seen that “car crash from the side” effect so many times now that it feels a bit cliché, but I totally understand why a filmmaker would want to shoot that type of shot and I think they did a really good job with it. I can tell the exterior is added in post, but it still looks nice. It almost gives it a sort of dreamlike quality.
As for the parts you actually wrote, I think they did a really good job of staying true to the material, except for the vanishing at the end. This suggests the little girl is a ghost rather than someone with psychokinetic abilities. I liked it better with the superhero slant rather than the paranormal.
Overall, great job. Congratulations.
Breanne
My only real issue with the whole production was the disappearing girl at the end. I didn't write it, nor did I ever intend her to be dead (or hint that she was). I think the whole pencil floating thing was mysterious enough.
However, the rest of the production was so good it's easy to overlook. It was an artistic choice by the director. I may not agree with it, but it does add a creepy ghostly conclusion to the story.
Ultimately, I couldn't be happier. Thanks for your comments.
Congrats on the production, must feel good to get one under your belt. I never red the script before today... And I enjoyed your clean narrative and effective dialogue. You rocked the talking heads and kept the subtext consistent.
Onto the production... I enjoyed how it turned out. Very well put together and pretty much nailed the script
As to the comparison, the Red Epic wins in this case. Though I did prefer the iPhone for the coloring book shots.
Hold you head high on this one!
Regards, E.D.
LATEST NEWS CineVita Films is producing a short based on my new feature!
Congrats on the production, must feel good to get one under your belt. I never red the script before today... And I enjoyed your clean narrative and effective dialogue. You rocked the talking heads and kept the subtext consistent.
Onto the production... I enjoyed how it turned out. Very well put together and pretty much nailed the script
As to the comparison, the Red Epic wins in this case. Though I did prefer the iPhone for the coloring book shots.
Just the script alone I would've enjoyed, (and I'm not one to dip too much into liking supernatural stories.) But this one was grounded enough in real life that I never lost belief in the story. I think that stems from the strong reactions of the characters to their tragedy. I think you handled that really well.
The film, I enjoyed even more, and I think it is because of that extra scene in the beginning. I really liked about the radio just changing stations all of a sudden. And then you bringing it back at the end with the therapist. It gave a clue to her powers without giving absolutely anything away. Great!
The effects (which is where I usually lose my suspension of belief, escpecially in short films,) were great, in my opinion. Like I said, I never didn't believe in the story.
I agree with Breanne, I am getting a little too used to seeing that 'INT. PASSENGER'S WINDOW CAR CRASH' shot, but I definately think it worked well here. While I think they are getting to be cliche'd in features, I don't think they're a cliche in short films. It was a welcome surprise and effect here.
What's even better, is that I read the logline before I watched the video, so I knew the mom died, but I still didn't see it coming. At first, I thought maybe they were her adoptive parents and her mom was the one changing the station.
Congrats here on a really really strong piece, both written and filmed.
The only bad thing I was going to say is why you had the girl fade at the end. (That lost my suspension of belief), but then I saw it wasn't in the script and then you explained it was an added style choice by the director. The only only fail I think in this piece.
The acting I don't think was the GREATEST, but it was still good enough it didn't take anything away from the story.
Just the script alone I would've enjoyed, (and I'm not one to dip too much into liking supernatural stories.) But this one was grounded enough in real life that I never lost belief in the story. I think that stems from the strong reactions of the characters to their tragedy. I think you handled that really well.
The film, I enjoyed even more, and I think it is because of that extra scene in the beginning. I really liked about the radio just changing stations all of a sudden. And then you bringing it back at the end with the therapist. It gave a clue to her powers without giving absolutely anything away. Great!
The effects (which is where I usually lose my suspension of belief, escpecially in short films,) were great, in my opinion. Like I said, I never didn't believe in the story.
I agree with Breanne, I am getting a little too used to seeing that 'INT. PASSENGER'S WINDOW CAR CRASH' shot, but I definately think it worked well here. While I think they are getting to be cliche'd in features, I don't think they're a cliche in short films. It was a welcome surprise and effect here.
What's even better, is that I read the logline before I watched the video, so I knew the mom died, but I still didn't see it coming. At first, I thought maybe they were her adoptive parents and her mom was the one changing the station.
Congrats here on a really really strong piece, both written and filmed.
The only bad thing I was going to say is why you had the girl fade at the end. (That lost my suspension of belief), but then I saw it wasn't in the script and then you explained it was an added style choice by the director. The only only fail I think in this piece.
The acting I don't think was the GREATEST, but it was still good enough it didn't take anything away from the story.
Great job, Duncan!
- Mark
Thanks, Mark. My friends call me Duncan, but I go by D. Ross Kellett with my writing. Whatever you want, man.
Thanks for your comments. Yeah, the car crash scene was fun and easy to write. I completely agreed with the director when he suggested we start the film with a bang. And the radio tease we were able to include at the end. All in all, I agree they did a great job.
The effects were surprisingly good. Better than I could have hoped. The floating ring could have been directly from Lord of the Rings.
Pages: 
Author
Grief - produced!
Logged
Locked Board