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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Addiction Moderators: bert
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alffy
Posted: February 24th, 2012, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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Hi, James. Cheers for the read.

The restaurant scene was suppose to show that Vincent isn't a homeless guy and is simply away from home. He cleans himself up before returning home. He is suppose to work as a rep, hence being away all week.

As for Emma walking down the alley, you'd be surprised how stupid drunk people are...I've plenty of experience lol.

I wanted to write a vampire story but put a different spin on it. If I'm honest, I don't think it worked too well, judging by the majority of the feedback. I guess something's work and some don't, and it's time to move on to the next project. I'm also having reservations about that now too lol. Basically because I've had it festering for a year or two and I think I really need to finish it.

If you have anything you would like me to read over, you need but ask. Cheers, mate.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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Colkurtz8
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 8:23am Report to Moderator
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Anthony

This was rather good.

I’m sick of vampire and zombie stories and could do without reading or seeing another for a long, long time but here you offered a refreshing twist on the genre.

I first thought Vincent was just a bum, then a mugger, then rapist before realising his true intent. To be honest I was a little dismayed at this revelation but figured there was something different here when he went about extracting the blood with syringes and filling tubes rather than gorging, mouth first.

I thought then that he was collecting the blood for some un-dead higher power or perhaps was in fact working for some shady pharmaceutical company, wrong again on both counts.

Transferring events to a domestic setting is again a path less taken. Here I assumed that Katy was also a vamp but my expectations were incorrect here too so if anything the script certainly kept me guessing up until the very end. Only then do you realise what’s going on, Vincent being attacked himself, his addiction, his lying, all in an attempt to protective his family plus the sinister reality of the desperate situation he finds himself in now. You built things nicely, well paced.

My only criticism, if you can call it one, is that it feels unfinished. This would make a great opener to a longer piece where we follow Vincent as he battles his addiction perhaps goes after the ones infected him while looking out for his family. As it is, you got a fantastic pre credit sequence.

Good work.

Col.


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alffy
Posted: June 27th, 2012, 9:56am Report to Moderator
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Hey, Col.

Cheers for the read and I'm glad it kept you guessing.

I too was sick of the Vampire thing at the present time.  My wife bangs on about 'Twilight' and the nonsense of beautiful Vampires.  I wanted to write something that showed a Vampire in the real world...if it was possible.  A desperate man trying to control his life.

I'm happy you enjoyed it and I never thought of continuing the story but you may have planted a seed....

If you want a read of anything, just let me know, mate.


Check out my scripts...if you want to, no pressure.

You can find my scripts here
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