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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Serial Killer Moderators: bert
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  Author    Serial Killer  (currently 5880 views)
Alex_212
Posted: June 11th, 2012, 8:07pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Steve and AsteroidJuice,

As mentioned it was the first script i completed and the other few shorts followed it.

I am learning quickly, and feel all the comments are constructive and i dont take anything to heart. You can only improve by listening to those who are the experts and I have learnt so much from all you guys in such a short time.

Asteroidjuice, i looked up Cereal Killer on youtube and there are many references to it though nothing similar where someone kills a box of cereal !! I have also written a much shorter version as a television commercial.

Regards Alex


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tendai_moyo
Posted: June 11th, 2012, 9:55pm Report to Moderator
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Alex,

I'll start off by agreeing with most everyone else in stating that the title (as well as the logline) made predicting the ending a simple chore. I was actually reading this, waiting for CK to stomp on a cereal box or something.

The actual script wasn't badly written. Though it did feel stretched out at places, I wouldn't necessarily say you're a bad written. Maybe just inexperience, as am I.

One thing that struck me as odd was the continual use of quotation marks around CK's name in the action. I don't know if it's official formatting protocol but I've never seen that before and it stood out in a sore thumb sort of way.


Signatures can be annoying, especially when they're pointless.

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Busy Little Bee
Posted: June 19th, 2012, 10:24pm Report to Moderator
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Cereal takes forever to expire.  

BLB



Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
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Alex_212
Posted: June 20th, 2012, 2:33am Report to Moderator
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Thanks BLB but ironically not in my house. it never make it there.

Regards Alex


PLEASE TAKE A PEEK AT SOME OF MY WORK:-

CLICK HERE: Please comment or PM me.
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Alex_212
Posted: June 28th, 2012, 8:27pm Report to Moderator
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Hello All,

Just thought I would bring this to the top to say thanks to all the SS members for their comments.

Just to let you know that I have signed of a non-exclusive with a production company in the states to undertake this one.

I hope to post the link when it is finished for all that contributed to see.

Once again thanks for your help, highly appreciated.

Regards Alex


PLEASE TAKE A PEEK AT SOME OF MY WORK:-

CLICK HERE: Please comment or PM me.
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Gage
Posted: June 28th, 2012, 8:40pm Report to Moderator
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Congrats and good luck, Alex!

Gage


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blackpooler88
Posted: June 30th, 2012, 7:25pm Report to Moderator
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You seem to have done alright with your formatting...something im still working on. good job,but yes,cut back a bit on the detail and youll be looking good.
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danbotha
Posted: July 1st, 2012, 12:22am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Alex_212
Hello All,

Just thought I would bring this to the top to say thanks to all the SS members for their comments.

Just to let you know that I have signed of a non-exclusive with a production company in the states to undertake this one.

I hope to post the link when it is finished for all that contributed to see.

Once again thanks for your help, highly appreciated.

Regards Alex


Awesome job, Alex! Always great to see active users on SS getting their deserved share of success. Great stuff!



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DV44
Posted: July 20th, 2012, 10:51am Report to Moderator
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Very cool Alex- Can see this as a funny commercial. Good work.
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Alex_212
Posted: July 21st, 2012, 12:52am Report to Moderator
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Thanks Dirk,

I do have a TV commercial version and where talking to a major cereal manufacturer though they where hard  work to deal with, so I dropped them.

I received a link to the youtube trailer for "Serial Killer" today and will post the video when I work out how.

I can post the link to YouTube though would rather, post it so the video is visible on this thread.

Hopefully will do it soon

Alex


PLEASE TAKE A PEEK AT SOME OF MY WORK:-

CLICK HERE: Please comment or PM me.

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DV44
Posted: July 21st, 2012, 1:25am Report to Moderator
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Congrats Alex- Hope the youtube video works out for you.
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danbotha
Posted: July 21st, 2012, 4:56am Report to Moderator
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Alex I think yet another congrats is in order.

Looks like you've signed the script over to people who know what they're doing. This trailer is well done.

Great job!


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Alex_212
Posted: July 21st, 2012, 9:16am Report to Moderator
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Thanks Daniel,

There is something about the scream at the end that I don't like.

It sounds a bit ????  No idea !!! High pitched or something ?

Alex


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danbotha
Posted: July 21st, 2012, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
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I thought it sounded a little fake to be honest. Like one of those pre-made sound effects you get with your editing software...


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Alex_212
Posted: July 21st, 2012, 6:12pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks Dan,

The director told me it was deliberate and wanted to make it cheesy as a kind of , shot at the traditional serial killer type movies.

I guess that is understandable when you see the end of the full version.

I believe editing of the full version is complete and they are working on the music.

Regards Alex


PLEASE TAKE A PEEK AT SOME OF MY WORK:-

CLICK HERE: Please comment or PM me.

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Alex_212  -  November 27th, 2012, 1:49am
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