C'mon Alex, What's he doing at work on his birthday? That's what sickies are for.

Thanks for taking the time to do a read JimElder and i hope you enjoyed it.

This was written a long time back and was buried deep in the SS archives.

Alex

[quote=DarrylLuster]

Alex,

First of all. Let's take care of the formatting and then we'll get to the goody gift giving overheard telephone conversation secret to Steve Wilson's planned birthday party.

As a rule of thumb, The parenthetical wryly is used only underneath the  (subtext)character cue.
And only for year date in scene headings. For example. As in below:

EXT.  TOKYO  BAY  -  (1945)

On page 2. 20 minutes should be written as the following: twenty minutes.

Amd on page 3. Monday 12 noon should be written as the following : Monday, Twelve noon.

We cannot use numbers in dialogue. They should be written out as words in speaches.

Alex,

The telephone conversation in this story should have an Intercut with each conversation between STEVE, WILLIAM and WENDY such as the example below:

INTERCUT  -  TELEPHONE  CONVERSATION

                         STEVE

                         WILLIAM

                         WENDY

INT.  OFFICE

Darryl    

Alex,

On page 4. INT.  STEVE'S  OFFICE  -  DAY

Steve  picks  up  the  phone  and  dials.

The sentence should have a period at the end as above.

And when Wendy picks up the phone and answer.  There should
be a (V.O.) besides her character cue,  Because we are still sitting in Steve's office.

Darryl

Alex,

Now for the good part.  First of all,  Most obviously. From what I can see at the very beginning of the story. This has got to be a big Christmas Holiday at the office. Because,  Anytime,  If a male is Director of a well established business office in which employees 40 professional workers,  That male Director has to make a very professional shirt and tie presentation he is in view of his employees. Unless he leaves his coat hanging up in the office.

As I said in the beginning,  If he is sitting behind his desk with his shirt collar open and a gold necklace hanging around his neck,  He's probably aware of the surprise birthday party that his workers are planning for him. He could of had the telephone lines recorded and or he may have been tipped off by an employee.

To make this story more simple.  The necklace may have been  a gift from the entire staff of last year's Christmas Time Birthday party.  My final suggestion is that his birthday must be during the same week that the office celebrate their Christmas party.

I think Steve is well aware of the surprise party,  Because he was so overwhelmed about the entire situation, Until he didn't even care if he lead William into a business trap of gala and excitement. I sure would like to hear what Steve would say when William actually meets up with him in private among all these unexpected guests.
Would Steve acquire a friendly business smile.  

And as for the Comb hair of William Harrigan,   I must say that his hair style is from the middle seventies. There was a commercial for that type of hair, It was called the wet look.

I enjoyed your entire story.  

Darryl

This was a cute read.  It went on a bit too long for my taste but the payoff made it worthwhile.

Phil

Quoted from DarrylLuster Alex, Now for the good part.  First of all,  Most obviously. From what I can see at the very beginning of the story. This has got to be a big Christmas Holiday at the office. Because,  Anytime,  If a male is Director of a well established business office in which employees 40 professional workers,  That male Director has to make a very professional shirt and tie presentation he is in view of his employees. Unless he leaves his coat hanging up in the office. As I said in the beginning,  If he is sitting behind his desk with his shirt collar open and a gold necklace hanging around his neck,  He's probably aware of the surprise birthday party that his workers are planning for him. He could of had the telephone lines recorded and or he may have been tipped off by an employee. To make this story more simple.  The necklace may have been  a gift from the entire staff of last year's Christmas Time Birthday party.  My final suggestion is that his birthday must be during the same week that the office celebrate their Christmas party. I think Steve is well aware of the surprise party,  Because he was so overwhelmed about the entire situation, Until he didn't even care if he lead William into a business trap of gala and excitement. I sure would like to hear what Steve would say when William actually meets up with him in private among all these unexpected guests. Would Steve acquire a friendly business smile.   And as for the Comb hair of William Harrigan,   I must say that his hair style is from the middle seventies. There was a commercial for that type of hair, It was called the wet look. I enjoyed your entire story.   Darryl

To make the telephone conversation more clearer.

The