I didn't actually realise that this was done as a competition or test. If I had I would have taken it for what it is worth and not been so harsh in my judgement.

My reasoning for mentioning the sarcasm is that earlier in the story you let us know that the protag's wife was driving the car at the time of the accident. He talks to his daughter as though she is there... yet his wife is somebody that he has to ask his daughter to say hello to. For me... with the title actually being "Alone" I automatically assumed when you first mentioned the car crash that they both had died. Yet the whole memory centres on the loss of the daughter only. I now see that that was part of your set up as you believe readers will not guess the wife died too. I don't think it works.

Alone has been produced!

Good camera work, impressive acting. I liked the atmosphere and the vibe... but it feels wrong to me that he doesn't talk directly to his wife at the end. He says... say hi to mom for me, or mommy, whatever. Does he blame his wife for the accident?

This could benefit from more. I don't feel that there is enough story here. It feels unfinished to me.

Good job. This is pretty good all round and decent acting which always adds a lot.

I'm curious, what was your reaction, Bill?

Just read this for the first time. I have to be honest I read it completely different to everyone else. I thought the guy was in limbo talking about people still alive and I was totally confused lol!

I then started reading the comments and everyone seemed to get it but me, felt like a fool. Then I read the authors explanation and I'm like 'Oooooh, he's alive and they are dead!' - I'm such a nob!

Then I watched what was produced. Congratulation on getting this made. Even though I read the script wrong it hit me emotionally and the produced version is very good. The actor pulls it off, nice touch showing the daughter briefly as well but no dog though!

Congratulations again, you should be proud of this.

Thought this was one of the better shorts I've seen from here. The actor was pretty good. It's not perfect but not bad at all.

I liked it, Bill, congrats!

Thanks folks.

Interesting one this. I only found out yesterday it had been filmed. Brandon let me know and as I don't have any restrictive contracts on this script I was happy for it to be released.

I thought there was some decent work in this.

Script wise, at its core this is a pilgrimage and to really get this across I feel you need a better sense of journey, but that's harder to do. The dog in the original script, which no one seems to able to arrange, was quite important in the misdirection, otherwise we wonder why he's talking to himself. So, it lacks that.

Thankfully it has the second twist that it's not just the daughter who's gone, hence the title, which helps add an extra dimension at the end.

I liked the quick cut of the daughter alongside, but even then I immediately  thought of the dog registering her and not the father, a form of extra conenction between the real and after world.

But otherwise, nice to see another filming of this. Sicol - Simon - tried this for movie poet as his first film. Despite being simple and short they are quite different.

Have you got a link to it?

I liked it. It was simple, short and just enough emotion in it to not over do it. The acting was good too.

Good job man

Quoted from DustinBowcot Have you got a link to it?

I assume you mean Simons effort

This was posted at Movie Poet

http://www.moviepoet.com/script.aspx?scriptid=3663

Just remember it was his first film, with no budget or support. I was just pleased that someone had tried so we agreed to enter it for fun and feedback. It's more than I could do.

Funny I think that despite the technical elements, like sound and filming, Simons music and lead up are better. You may also notice...there's no beach  

Well, I'd like to say not bad... but it is terrible. I'm sure everyone, even si', will agree with that.

Shouldn't use brand names unless they've paid advertising and never as obvious as that, unless it's a comedy and one is pointing out the obviousness of the advertising. Most actors are told to turn up in non branded clothing for small indie productions where there is no wardrobe. Actor poorly cast, way too young. You're right on the lead up.... but I don't think the music was better over all. It felt prominent rather than incidental. The art with music is to not even realise it is playing.

I couldn't do any better... indeed probably be far worse. Just giving an honest opinion.

Interesting how both lasted a similar amount of time considering the script length. I suppose it's down to the intro. Following pages in longer scripts should catch up I imagine.

You both learned a lot though, which is what it's all about. Don't want anyone to think I'm knocking them.

Good stuff, Bill, looks like this was a little more professional than the previous production but you can't fault filmmakers for trying to learn. Not sure if I like the dog being taken away, had a huge problem with him just talking to himself, doesn't feel right. But besides that, solid work here.

I thought this was a good short.  I disagree with Dustin's comments concerning Jim ignoring his wife; it's his daughter's birthday and he's spending time with her (in a sense).  When it's his wife's birthday, or anniversary, I'm sure he'll be talking to the wife.  It's obvious to me.

My only problem with the film, itself, is that the sound could've been a little better.  And I'd like to have seen the dog, but I know how hard those are to work with.


Phil

Congrats Bill! I think they did a good job on the film Nice to see your work huh?