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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  For The Love Of God Moderators: bert
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  Author    For The Love Of God  (currently 2649 views)
Don
Posted: May 1st, 2014, 8:55pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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For The Love Of God by Timothy Westland - Short, Drama - A young priest has a crisis of faith. An older priest knows where of he speaks. - pdf, format


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Andy JW
Posted: May 2nd, 2014, 2:17pm Report to Moderator
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Good short and a perfect title for the contents within. The dialogue is very good here. It sounded very natural for the most part. It has a very good balance of action lines to dialogue. Don't have too much to add in terms of constructive criticism, which I guess is a complement in itself.

Good work!
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stevemiles
Posted: May 2nd, 2014, 4:26pm Report to Moderator
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Tim,

can’t say I’ve much to add here.  Kudos for the balanced and thoughtful approach.  Think you handled the subject well, keeping it short and to the point.  The humour’s light though it feels authentic.  Great last line.  Worked for me.

Steve.


My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:


http://stevemiles80.wixsite.com/sjmilesscripts
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coldsnap
Posted: May 5th, 2014, 10:17pm Report to Moderator
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Great script. The dialogue just flowed and kept me engaged the whole time. A thought provoking subject as well. I'd be curious to hear how this idea came about. Keep them coming, I'd love to read more of your stuff.


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INTS
Posted: May 6th, 2014, 2:34pm Report to Moderator
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Someday we all gona DIE !!!

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Very nice short.  You could do a full movie out of it. I don't remember any movie that Explores  young priest's homosexuality.  
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Guest
Posted: May 6th, 2014, 4:14pm Report to Moderator
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That was actually good and something different.
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AnthonyCawood
Posted: May 6th, 2014, 4:43pm Report to Moderator
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Oh how I wish the Church was as tolerant as the script would have it

Good read, well paced and thought provoking... only thing that didn't ring true for me was the Fabulous line at the end... a little too camp for the depth of the subject - imho

Thanks

Anthony


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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Tom Cynova
Posted: May 6th, 2014, 7:48pm Report to Moderator
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Tom Cynova’s Review of:


“For The Love Of God”
By Tim Westland
timwestland@hotmail.com


*What I enjoyed about the script:

- Original and bold attempt to explore subject matter that isn’t touched upon enough

- Correctly formatted and clean

- Admired the positive and charming tone of the characters and the story

- Attention to detail and accuracy

- Respect is given and upheld to the material presented

- Father Flynn is a solid and likable character for his charm, positivity, presence, insight, intelligence, compassion, and sense of humor

- No distracting camera cues and complete focus on the story

- Scenes and characters are easy to imagine

- Consistent pacing

- A good grip on style and most of the elements and details of the story

- One scene and one location fits perfectly with the script length and lets us focus entirely on our two characters

- Paragraphs/sentences are direct and significant

- Simple and conceivable

- Allows us to open our mind, heart, and soul to a different view of life and belief without forcing or preaching. Instead, lets one man who happily embraces his view, share it with us in a way that is inviting, enlightening and uplifting

- Captured each character’s physical reactions and experience well-enough

- Dialogue is mostly significant with little drag



*Personal notes, criticisms, and suggestions:

- This is a script that has a complete story and reveal, and although it does a good job of keeping both strong, it tends to focus more on the reveal and resolution, than on conflict and our main character making enough choices to overcome that conflict. We have a problem and then we are immediately given a solution

- There’s a near perfect balance between dialogue and action, yet ultimately dialogue dominates the script and too much of the story is revealed through it. Even given Father Flynn's position, a script should be told as visually as possible

- While dialogue is clean and achieves the right effect, I didn’t find it to be memorable or striking. It mostly remains straight and clear. Dialogue doesn’t stray far from predictability to reach true emotions and conflicts that this script would need to achieve an effect suitable for this material

- The story ignores any further depth or exploration of Brother Mike, and simply wraps up his dilemma with a nice bow. Perhaps the power of Brother Mike’s faith allows that, but as an audience, even if we share the same faith, as a human we have more parts to us than just faith. We also have a heart and a mind, and we know there are more challenges to face in revealing this secret, that weren’t addressed

- Action and description is baseline and not as definitive or effective as it could be

- There is an attempt to give subtext, yet the dialogue mostly tells us everything

- Lack of images, verbs, and descriptions to tell and explore the story

- Stated to be a drama, yet seemed more like a family drama/comedy

- Mike’s reveal, when he says “I’m gay” fits enough to allow him to get the truth out plainly, but it falls flat. For someone to keep in a secret for so long, just to drop the line outright in what would be one of the hardest places to reveal it, feels both forced and a missed opportunity. This is all about him revealing the truth to someone he knows and facing God. Yet, he reveals his secret as if telling someone a simple secret he had kept from them for about a week. Why not allow him to reveal his secret in a way that is more nerve-racking and clever, to show how uneasy it was for him and in a way that feels uncomfortable, yet relieving to him. There is a great opportunity for a charming or comedic moment, that will show us more of Mike’s character and also let us find something likable about him that we can further connect with. There is a lot of pressure he feels when we first see him, but to suddenly have that pressure gone in a single moment loses the power it had in the first place and lessens the power of the second conflict in which he must now face God

- Brother Mike’s dialogue is very predictable and although Father Flynn’s dialogue is interesting, it simply feels like a classic setup of one man with a problem gets help from another person who has all the answers… with nothing original or surprising that lets us further explore the depth of these characters. I understand that is closely what faith is about, but the material sets up more than just an issue that can be solved with faith, it also shows us a tangible issue that needs to be resolved. Will he be able to handle keeping the secret like Father Flynn has? What could be presented to give us faith in Brother Mike that he will be okay without Father Flynn?

- Brother Mike isn’t explored enough to really connect with him. Father Flynn immediately steals the focus and at that point I no longer feel like this story is about Brother Mike. Was Father Flynn intended to be the main character?

- Brother Mike and Father Flynn share the same line: “Since I was 9 or 10, I think.” I understand this was intended for Father Flynn to reveal his secret to Mike in a way he’d understand without actually telling him, but I think there could be a better and more inherent way for him to reveal his secret, and in a fashion that also says more about his character personally than just to establish a similarity

- Father Flynn gives us some variation and keeps our interest, but outside of that the story doesn’t make any daring, unique, or surprising attempts. It sticks with the revelations of both characters and then resolves their worries without challenging it enough. This structure would work perfect in fewer pages. But at the current length, there are significant elements missing

- The story has two major dilemmas that aren’t explored enough, and ultimately the resolution overtakes the story. There’s no tension from Father Flynn or depth from him to share how difficult it will likely be to keep their secrets. Maybe he has more advice to give Brother Mike other than just his view and assurance of God. Keeping a secret isn’t something easy to do, otherwise we wouldn’t be in this story in the first place, and that conflict was brushed under the carpet too quick

- Overall the script is at a point where it’s strong and clearly there is craft here, but there’s so much more potential that wasn’t reached and I didn’t feel it was explored as well as it could have been, leaving me content, but not surprised or moved

- Father Flynn’s line at the end makes sense, but remains predictable of where the direction of the story was going, instead of leaving us with something effective and significant to speculate, imagine, or take with us



*My Overall Rating: 5/10


"We create our own" - Moment

Revision History (1 edits)
Tom Cynova  -  May 7th, 2014, 2:20pm
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TimWestland
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I want to thank each of you for taking the time to read my script.

Open Invite: Andy, Steve, Coldsnap, INTS, deadite, Tom... send me a link to one of your scripts and I'll be more than happy to read and comment.

I'd like to give special props to Tom, though.

Tom, I greatly appreciate the thought and time you put into my little script.

Backstory: The original version of this script was written in 2 hours at an event up in LA. The prompt: two people, minimal props. Once written, it'll be acted by people who have about 10 minutes to read and get in character.

The original had Mike wanting to be a magician. It had the same basic message, but was a little lighter in tone. I rewrote this later to address something more serious. I wanted to make it about "something" instead of "nothing".

However, I didn't want it to come across as preachy (I am an atheist by the way) and I wanted to end it with a bit of a smile.

I know that decision makes it look like I failed to remain consistent in tone and keep the piece "deep". All I can say is that my goal wasn't to include subtext or go for some of the things mentioned. I wrote it quick. I rewrote it quick. I didn't focus on making it something more than what it ended up being.

Having said all that, I think every person on this site would be very lucky to have Tom review their script. He actually put more time and thought into my little script than I put into it. Reading his review makes me want to go for revision 3... and spend some real time on it this go round.

Thank you, Tom. A fair review and a fair score. I am in your debt.

Revision History (1 edits)
TimWestland  -  May 8th, 2014, 7:03pm
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Posted: May 8th, 2014, 9:55pm Report to Moderator
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Actually I think the line "He's always testing us. Challenging us. Putting obstacles in our way and daring us to overcome them." should be cut.  Father Flynn says it right after Brother Mike admits he is gay and it kinda inadvertently comes off assholish -- so homosexuals have to "overcome" the "obstacle" of being gay?  Being gay is an obstacle in one's life now?  That's kinda messed up.  I'm not trying to stir the pot -- because I really did like this -- but maybe keep "He's always testing us, challenging us" and just cut the rest of it.
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TimWestland
Posted: May 8th, 2014, 10:53pm Report to Moderator
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Ah... what I meant by obstacle is not homosexuality, it's the situation he's in / the stance taken by the church.

I can see now how that might possibly be taken the wrong way.

Thanks for raising it as an issue.
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Forgive
Posted: May 9th, 2014, 6:38pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Tim - nice piece of work here. Good review from Tom too -- who's he & where'd he come from?

Read well, so no suprises there.

Tom picked up a number of points, some I'm with others not, but for my ha'penny:

Lack of conflict stuck out - I'm sure this would have more to it if Flynn where not homosexual - he merely facilitates Mike instead of being challenged by him.

Flynn takes centre stage, and this for me is the only major error here - it should be Mike's story, but it's really all about Flynn. Of course, Flynn doesn't challenge Mike as they are kindred spirits, but should Flynn represent 'The Church', then the answers that Flynn gives could be Mike's -- but as an argument (the conflict), and not the (almost) soliloquy that it currently is.

A stimulus none-the-less, as every good script should be
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DustinBowcot
Posted: May 10th, 2014, 1:36am Report to Moderator
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Ew... I didn't like this one at all. A far cry from Samebito. Two subject matters I generally avoid are homosexuality and religion. To get them both in one story is yucky for me. I don't mind homosexual people, I just don't like the homosexual subject matter. I would write about a homosexual character for example (and have done, even had them have sex), but I wouldn't want to tackle the whole 'what it is to be gay' thing. I really couldn't care less.

Everything was just too easy. I don't understand why he became a priest in the first place if he knew he was a homosexual and that this was an abomination to the church. I'm confused as to what church this is, whether protestant or catholic. Jesus is more protestant as Catholics tend towards Mary. You also call Mike, Brother, which is protestant. Father, is catholic.

Considering he'd kept his homosexuality a secret for over a decade he revealed it far too easily. If that happened in real life I would know that that person didn't really want to leave and was simply looking for sympathy, an attention whore. The ripping of the plaster analogy doesn't cut it for me. If the plaster was attached to a section of skin that had started to scab then you could do more damage just ripping it off. Analogies push people out of your story to consider them. They do with me, anyway... and a lot of the time, I end up simply not agreeing. This one was used as a tool to bring through the fast confession and it really doesn't work.

The reveal that the Father is also homosexual was poor. I expected they were going to run off into a confessional for a quick bum. Not like either of them had seen any action for a while. I think the Father has been eyeing the young brother for a while, eh. Dirty old git.

Easy to produce though. Couple of costumes... a confessional booth, oh, they didn't actually use that... or did they? Easy enough to rent out a church, money-grubbing bastards. The subject matter is a seller because it is current and students like current. Doesn't strike me as being a festival winner at the moment.. but stories like this always have potential to do well because of the PC sympathy vote. So I think it's worth investing more time in. It needs more. Maybe Father Flynn could rape Brother Mike, that'd be pretty brutal, and would probably win at Cannes.
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tailbest
Posted: May 10th, 2014, 11:29am Report to Moderator
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Tim,

I thought this was well paced and structured well. I think I would have rather preferred that Flynn was not gay and was just a solid character that was accepting of Mike wherein you had 2 different personalities coming together to try and help what one feels is a problem in their life. Also, the last line really didn't ring true for me. Flynn being "fabulous" didn't seem to fit with the rest of the story. As a well-written script, though, this was very good, I just felt some of the characterizations probably held back the script some. Good job overall, though.

Rob


"Why don't we just...wait here for a little while...see what happens?"

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TonyDionisio
Posted: May 10th, 2014, 11:56am Report to Moderator
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Damnit, get to the point!

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Hi Tim,

I gotta agree with Dustin here on his points plus I don't see a point to this story other than the usual in your face recent Homosexual  mainstream agenda lately. I don't really see a point to this story.
I could care less about gay or straight. I wouldn't discriminate anyone based on this alone and further more can't understand this recent need to publicly hammer the topic into people until others "change or accept". Homosequality is what... Less than 10% of world population? This is getting tiring and annoying.
On the words Tim put on the page...
Looks good. Well polished. Error free. Dialog is good. Could use a few more shows instead of tells, but well written.

Gl with the script,

Tony
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