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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  Stuff That Happened Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: May 7th, 2014, 7:02pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Stuff That Happened by Rodney Ohebsion - Short, Comedy - Half hour history-themed sketch comedy series, most suitable for Comedy Central, HBO, or The History Channel. 16 pages - pdf, format


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RegularJohn
Posted: May 9th, 2014, 7:46pm Report to Moderator
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Every 23 months for 23 days, Johnny writes.

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Hey Rodney.

So to start, your logline isn't telling us anything about what this is about.  Loglines give the reader a brief idea of what the story is about.

Page 1 isn't working for me.  No "FADE IN" at the start.  No setup with your first scene.  I'm not exactly sure about how a series is formatted but there's still an issue with the writing.  Read a few scripts and get a feel for the craft.  Good luck with it.

-Johnny


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immediex
Posted: May 11th, 2014, 7:35pm Report to Moderator
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Johnny

Thanks for the feedback

What do you mean by

"I'm not exactly sure about how a series is formatted but there's still an issue with the writing. "
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