Quoted from DustinBowcot I don't agree that the popular phrase 'Only God forgives' has been owned by that film. I don't need to watch the rest of the film to have an opinion on whether or not the popular phrase should be reused as the title of another feature. I haven't missed your point, I've simply argued against it.

I never said OGF was owned, but fair enough.  I think we're splitting hairs.    Zander,  I read the entire script.   It's a bold undertaking, but for the most part the story got lost in translation.   You might wanna focus more on writing 3 to 5 page scripts.   It's less of a commitment to readers, hence you'll receive more feedback.   Just a thought.

I know what your saying, shorter scripts get more feedback because it's faster and easier to read. Less of a commitment. Time investment. whatever. But I don't know how I could shorten the story. The dialogue alone in the park scene is 4 pages.

I'm thinking in splitting it into 3 parts or something. I don't know what that would be? a mini web series?

Part one would end with Rodrick going to sleep and receiving text messages from Jasmine,

Part two would end with (spoilers if anyone cares) Rodrick killing Derek and realizing that Grummet has something to do with what's going on.

Part three would be Grummet explaining everything and obviously the end.

I think that might work. People could leave after the first part if their not interested and give feedback on that alone. And if people want to keep on reading then, you know... that's cool.

I appreciate you reading the whole thing btw. Thank you.

Use this script to practise on. It's going to take you a couple of years to perfect this craft.