Manolis,

Welcome to S.S. Always great to see new members.

Not much to say on the script but man that was pretty damn funny. One pagers can be tough to write but you nailed it. Congrats.

- Dirk

Trouble with a story like this is that a producer could so easily write a version of it themselves. Best to film this yourself... but you never know.

Hi,

just read the latest version.

Decent effort, especially if not your first language.

If you wanted to add some further depth you could make them not want to post something on line - say a photo of themselves - but then film the man.

Tricky in one page but the hypocritical actions would add to the nice reversal.

cheers

- Hi Libby, glad you liked it! Indeed, the last thing these kids wished for was to witness such an appalling spectacle. Thank you for the read!

- Hi, Caleb! I didn't capitalize the title because I'd seen some other titles in lowercase - that's all. Glad you found funny the payoff.

- Hi Simon, thanks for your encouraging comments and your welcome! I knew there had to be a better way to describe the boy taking the video - thank you for the tip!

- Hi, Dirk! I'm glad you enjoyed the humor, thanks so much for your kind words!

- Hi, Dustin! The truth is, I don't have any filmmaking experience. Even if I had, my films wouldn't be in English. So I just hope that some of my scripts will attract interest from well-intentioned producers.

- Hi Bill, thanks for the read! Your suggestion is interesting, but, as you guessed, a little hard to be used in such a short script. Thank you anyway!  

Manolis

Just read this and also some of the comments. I won't re-mention any technical issues since they are not severe and others have already done so.

I think I agree with Dressel on this one. While I was reading I hated the boy and girl for filming a possible suicide instead of trying t help. Really went against my instincts, but maybe that's how callus we have become these days? You're the "cool" person for filming it, not the weasel who didn't do anything.

I was relieved when the old man was just peeing. Maybe if the boy and girl were too, it would go down a little easier, storywise. Being shocked and covering up the eyes seems like the wrong reaction, IMHO.

I had no problem with your English, so kudos on that.  

Hi Pia, thanks for taking the time to read and comment! Actually, Dressel had commented on the first draft (where the man does commit suicide and the teens do manage to take a video), so I'm glad you didn't read that one.

The couple reacts to the man's peeing the way they would be expected to react if they witnessed his suicide (covering their eyes in shock). I do think this is funny and works well here, given the satirical tone of the piece. But thanks for giving me your honest opinion.

Take care,
Manolis