The Ballad of Jon and Athena by Ryan Parker Cody - Short, Drama - Jon and Athena have a conversation maybe neither of them were prepared for. 16 pages - pdf, format

Overly written and something curious, mugs of espresso from an espresso machine that has a pot? That created an odd image in my mind. Why don't you call it coffee?

Why did Jon put the battery under the fridge?

The title is ballad of Jon and Athena...I don't see that.

Don't know what you're going for and I didn't get anything out of it.

Some thoughts - just my opinon of course

1) I think you're keyboard has an issue with the D key, there's a few instances of them missing in the script. Give it a once over with a spell checker.
2) I think it is a little over written, the action lines need to be punchier and less prose heavy.
3) I did like the interplay between Jon and Athena, but I think some of the dialogue is a little long.
4) I loved the fact that she didn't really like the record, that felt real and honest.
5) Sorry but I din't get the end scene's - not sure if Jon has closed a chapter of his life so he can be truly happy with Charlotte or he's just been shot?

Think there's promise here with a re-write and a polish.

Anthony